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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To buy DD a present between birthday and Christmas.

513 replies

Rainallnight · 25/02/2023 08:09

DD is desperate for a Rainbow High doll. She’s 6. I think it’s a bit tied up with friendship issues because it’s become a thing on her friendship group and she feels left out when they play with them.

Her birthday isn’t until June.

We usually don’t buy ‘big’ presents outside of birthdays or Christmas.

We can afford it, I just worry about spoiling. What do other people do about toys outside of birthdays or Christmases.

YABU - Buy her the bloody doll.
YANBU - hold out till Christmas

OP posts:
allthegoodusernameshavegone · 25/02/2023 10:55

Buy it

RosesAndHellebores · 25/02/2023 10:55

I say buy the doll.

Two things:

I think often those who tut at 100s and 100s being spent at Christmas are the people who can buy a bike, laptop, trainers, etc, as required.

Years ago when dd was about 6 and we were in John Lewis buying birthday presents for other children, she ran up to me.at the counter and asked for a Barbie. I said no. She went back to the Barbie shelf. As I was paying it struck me that of course she could have a Barbie for a tenner and I was being ridiculously principled. I ran over and said yes, of course. I'll never forget the joy on her face or her acceptance of not having something. Neither will I forget the pleasure I got from giving for giving sake.

There is nothing wrong with a treat for a treats sake if you have the money. She's 24 now and it still gives me.pleasure to pick up a top or jumper I think she'll like. It's one of the privileges of having a daughter.

Rowen32 · 25/02/2023 10:57

Rainallnight · 25/02/2023 08:16

For people who buy tous all year round, do you worry about spoiling? Ours will get something small from eg a National Trust shop on a day out, but not on a ‘can I have this thing I want’ basis.

We’re quite comfortably off and I want her to understand things cost money.

Mine get toys and books all year round as they're small still and need new things developmentally.. When they're older I imagine I'll do the same although maybe not as frequently as now but wouldn't only give presents at birthday and Christmas..
I think it depends too on how educational the toys are, how much okay value can be got from them..

endoftheworldniteclub · 25/02/2023 10:57

You say you have the money, then £20 certainly isn’t considered a ’big present’. It’s a cheap one.

Bimblybomeyelash · 25/02/2023 11:00

My two usually have some money in their piggy banks from grandparents. If there is something they want that is more than a fiver, then I’ll get them to contribute and then make up the rest ‘because they’ve been good’.

Rosebel · 25/02/2023 11:01

I didn't buy toys for my eldest two apart from Christmas and birthday and plan to do the same with youngest. Oldest two are 14 and 16 and they know they need to save up to buy things they want (I buy what they need). Doesn't seem to have affected them.
I think it makes children grow up with an entitled attitude to buy them presents for no reason but obviously I'm in the minority.

skyeisthelimit · 25/02/2023 11:02

If you can afford it then buy it for her, but make it clear it is a one off. As PP have said, can you make it a reward for something, or can she earn it? When DD wanted something she would do some housework and charge me for it. I would be presented with a list of fees like this Grin

Feed cat - 20p
Empty bins - 50p
Do dishwasher - 50p
Tidy bedroom - £1

She would do enough to earn the doll or whatever she wanted to buy. DD was mad about the My Little Pony Dolls when she was younger, and Monster High as well.

category12 · 25/02/2023 11:02

Spoiling happens when you never say no to anything even if it's something bad for them, when you let bad behaviour go unchecked or disrespect unchallenged.

It doesn't happen from buying a doll for no reason other than she'd like it occasionally.

WandaWonder · 25/02/2023 11:02

My child is now a teenager and rarely asked for something even now, is a decent hardly any trouble ,knows what money is and is pretty good therefore gets things as and when

I don't need to save for Christmas and birthday only to buy things to stop 'spoiling'

As an adult i buy things for my self sometimes same as my husband

gold22 · 25/02/2023 11:02

Buying your kid a £20 doll because it would make her happy isn't spoiling her, and so what if it was- it's not going to make her grow up to be a demanding demon

Bubblesandsqueak1 · 25/02/2023 11:02

You have easter coming up too then I buy rewards when he get rewards at school due to dec b day

clpsmum · 25/02/2023 11:05

Buy her the bloody doll

clpsmum · 25/02/2023 11:07

Rainallnight · 25/02/2023 08:16

For people who buy tous all year round, do you worry about spoiling? Ours will get something small from eg a National Trust shop on a day out, but not on a ‘can I have this thing I want’ basis.

We’re quite comfortably off and I want her to understand things cost money.

One surprise won't make her spoilt or not value money. Even as an adult a surprise is nice. Imagine the affect it will have on her being surprised with somethings he really wants. It will be a stand out memory for her

ilovesushi · 25/02/2023 11:08

It is not spoiling to get the occasional spontaneous present. Why wait if she will get a lot of joy from it now and can also enjoying playing with it and talking about it with her friends.

AlisonDonut · 25/02/2023 11:08

Rainallnight · 25/02/2023 08:16

For people who buy tous all year round, do you worry about spoiling? Ours will get something small from eg a National Trust shop on a day out, but not on a ‘can I have this thing I want’ basis.

We’re quite comfortably off and I want her to understand things cost money.

If it helps put it into perspective, I appear to buy the feral cats and kittens that live in our yard more presents than you appear to buy your child.

Get the fricking doll for fricks sake.

Blossomtoes · 25/02/2023 11:08

How miserable never to have “just because” presents. My mum used to do it all the time and I frequently buy my bloke’s kids things they want.

Original poster
Rainallnight · 25/02/2023 11:09

Update: I’ve ordered the bloody doll!

Will come back to respond to points raised in more detail when I’ve got more time later.

OP posts:
ivykaty44 · 25/02/2023 11:11

We can afford it, I just worry about spoiling

how do you spoil a child?

SleepingStandingUp · 25/02/2023 11:13

I don't understand.

Her birthday isn’t until June
YANBU hold out till Christmas

Even if you don't buy it now, why wouldn't you just buy it in June? What will she get for her birthday that she can't have the doll? Is it one of those strict "something you need, something to read" things?

I'd just tell her she can have it now as part of her birthday present as she's been such a good girl, and then on her actual birthday I'd spend the same as normal. Or invent a reason if you don't want to tell her you've just brought it because you can see how much it means to her and you wanted to treat her fro being such a lovely person.

category12 · 25/02/2023 11:15

Rainallnight · 25/02/2023 11:09

Update: I’ve ordered the bloody doll!

Will come back to respond to points raised in more detail when I’ve got more time later.

Yay! 😂

legalseagull · 25/02/2023 11:15

@WinterMusings how patronising. Of course it occurred to me, but there was also something else that she wanted, and I haven't got the money to be spending on two big presents. Her current scooter is just about big enough, but give it a few months and it won't be. She will definatelty need one by the summer
Don't you see that a five year old might outgrow things over the course of an entire year?

Blossomtoes · 25/02/2023 11:16

By the way, I admired a pretty sparkly ring in a jewellers yesterday. My bloke bought it for me because I liked it. My birthday is in August. Unexpected spontaneous presents are joy inducing.

clpsmum · 25/02/2023 11:16

Rainallnight · 25/02/2023 11:09

Update: I’ve ordered the bloody doll!

Will come back to respond to points raised in more detail when I’ve got more time later.

Well done OP you e done the right thing

limitedperiodonly · 25/02/2023 11:17

RosesAndHellebores · 25/02/2023 10:55

I say buy the doll.

Two things:

I think often those who tut at 100s and 100s being spent at Christmas are the people who can buy a bike, laptop, trainers, etc, as required.

Years ago when dd was about 6 and we were in John Lewis buying birthday presents for other children, she ran up to me.at the counter and asked for a Barbie. I said no. She went back to the Barbie shelf. As I was paying it struck me that of course she could have a Barbie for a tenner and I was being ridiculously principled. I ran over and said yes, of course. I'll never forget the joy on her face or her acceptance of not having something. Neither will I forget the pleasure I got from giving for giving sake.

There is nothing wrong with a treat for a treats sake if you have the money. She's 24 now and it still gives me.pleasure to pick up a top or jumper I think she'll like. It's one of the privileges of having a daughter.

This so lovely ,and true

Buy the doll OP

limitedperiodonly · 25/02/2023 11:21

I see you have OP. Serve me right for not reading the whole thread!

But I still wanted to highlight @RosesAndHellebores post. It's the little things that you remember the most