To buy DD a present between birthday and Christmas.

[Rainallnight]

DD is desperate for a Rainbow High doll. She’s 6. I think it’s a bit tied up with friendship issues because it’s become a thing on her friendship group and she feels left out when they play with them.

Her birthday isn’t until June.

We usually don’t buy ‘big’ presents outside of birthdays or Christmas.

We can afford it, I just worry about spoiling. What do other people do about toys outside of birthdays or Christmases.

YABU - Buy her the bloody doll.
YANBU - hold out till Christmas

Buy her the doll

Thought I’d mention OP
If you’re worried about the future
Heres an example
We have 3 kids, now 24, 20 and 20
All very different when younger re money
24dc very careful
20dc (a) never wanted anything anyway, careful
20dc (b) spendthrift

Even playing monopoly when young they played true to character -

24dc would be too scared to buy anything and only bought the really cheap stuff
20dc(a) would buy the stuff that looked like it had a good return.

20dc(b) would buy whatever he landed on especially if he liked how it looked, sounded, the colours etc
Needless to say the 20dc(a) savvy businessman always won.

I thought theyd be like this all their lives and particularly worried about the spendthrift. we always gave pocked money and chores. Extra chores if they were saving for something expensive.

Now, amazingly, our spendthrift saves a % of money he earns ( even now he’s at uni) The other 2 also are careful with their money and only buy if they need something. They don5 deprive themselves the6 just don’t buy into the idea of needing Louis. They even shop in second hand stores as we ve always been in to wandering around those.

So chores, playing shop games etc as previous PPs have mentioned can have a positive outcome. Irrespective of what they are like when they are younger

Buy your six year old all the presents she needs. Let her feel the world is a wonderful place where her needs are listened to and met. Be her hero-mammy. Oh, you've bought the doll? Fantastic. Well done that mother. Well done.

My eldest gets pocket money for doing chores so she can save up and buy things she wants. I wouldn't just buy her toys for no reason

Why not? The “no reason” things are the best because they’re unexpected.

You could buy it for Easter?

@Rainallnight
How about an Easter gift?

This is turning into cancel the cheque. I have bought the doll.

@Rainallnight. I am so.pleased and hope your dd is thrilled.

😁

Yay, I’m glad you have bought your dd the doll.
Toys are not “for no reason” anyway. Play is what children do and how they learn. I’m sure she will be so happy when she gets this and will really appreciate it.

That's lovely and you sound like a great Mum. My kids are adults now and I would've felt the same as you.... I was always very conscious of not spoiling them at all. I hate it when people say they are puzzled why their children turn out like they do, because they gave them everything they ever wanted and spent lots of money on them...... errrrm....

However... the bottom line for me is...

I like spoiling unspoilt children.

And I bet your little daughter was delighted with her doll.

Could she get it for Easter? Instead of chocolate

We know. And we’re delighted but this has evolved into an interesting discussion about different attitudes to gift giving so you’re going to have to put up with the thread continuing. 😉

I would worry that you’re then setting a precedent for presents at Easter.

I know you’ve bought the doll, and I would have too as it’s really important for them to “fit in”, however going forward I’d do some pocket money linked to chores, even if it’s just a tidy bedroom once a week. 6 isn’t too young. That’s what we did and they’ve grown up to be financially responsible - although one is much better than the other!

Most winter born children will get things birthday, Christmas and just randomly in summer. Otherwise they would have no beach toys, garden toys etc. They are not all spoilt.
You can teach budgeting and the value of money by giving her a clothing allowance as a teenager

OP I know exactly what you mean about not wanting to spoil them, for me it’s not wanting DD to grow up thinking material things are the be all and end all and have all her happiness from them (I sound like a twat I know!). However her birthday is near Xmas so we do buy toys through the year. I normally buy them for a reason eg if she gets a good parents evening, or in summer if she need something to go on holiday. Also if people (as they often do) give her birthday money she can choose what she spends it on through the year (she’s 5). For me ‘because all her friends have one’ wouldn’t be a reason to buy her it so I’d ‘manufacture’ a reason. I want to get away from her, every time we go shopping, thinking she can have a toy for the sake of it’s not sustainable! Doesn’t teach them value of money. Etc

A bit of spoiling sometimes is not only ok its actually a pretty lovely thing.

My kids remember things they wanted we agreed to out of "usual" because they knew it was a special moment.

Spoiling to the extent that they start expecting it is something all together different. Those special moments of " yes Im getting spoilt right now" they leave memories of being loved and cared for" That's a good thing..

Don't make the assumption you can only buy at set times. Just don't create an expectation.

I am pleased you ordered the doll.

Well done OP.

I buy things for ‘no reason’ all the time. For my kids, my husband, friends, my parents and for me. Thoughtful stuff that will make them happy and which we can afford.

Nobody is spoilt or unaware of the value of money.

In fact, I might do some ‘no reason’ shopping tomorrow. Inspired by this thread. There are many ways to show love. Buying affordable thoughtful gifts is just one of them.

I think you're so fixated on not spoiling her that you have gone the opposite way and are verging on austere for the sake of it. Did you never have a spontaneous treat (not a national trust sensible educational thing)? Do you not go for a treat brunch or lunch sometimes? Occasional toys are similar to that.
OP do you never treat yourself? We all deserve a treat at times and if you're fortunate enough to afford them (not that they have to be expensive) then go for it. You could always give some small toys to charity shop or foodbank but really need to lose the guilt about a treat just because.

20 quid.

I'd introduce the concept of financial choices. She could make a contribution to the purchase (even if you pay the rest) Lots of valuable lessons.

Has she got a moneybox with birthday money, pocket money, maybe from the tooth fairy. If she has a little money saved this would be a good time for her to understand the concept of "money saved up means you can afford a little spend."
Or if she's penniless, now you could introduce pocket money and say "If you save up till you've got ten pounds, I'll match it. Or you could suggest/help her sell some out grown toys or clothes, or does a little job for you, to earn some money towards the doll. Then she can experience the satisfaction of taking her money she saved or earned to the shop and spend it on something she really wants.

Alternatively, she might decide she doesnt want to waste her assets on trash after all.... another very valuable lesson.

I think at age 6 there’s plenty of time and there will be many opportunities to teach her the value of money. You could even use getting the doll as an example. Because we didn’t do ABC last week I now have enough money to have a treat and buy the doll.

Easter present instead of chocolate?

Sometimes my DCs would use their own savings/saved Xmas or birthday money, to buy things in between Christmas and birthdays.

Your DD 6. To her June is a long way off. Buy it. Think of the fun she’ll get