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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To buy DD a present between birthday and Christmas.

513 replies

Rainallnight · 25/02/2023 08:09

DD is desperate for a Rainbow High doll. She’s 6. I think it’s a bit tied up with friendship issues because it’s become a thing on her friendship group and she feels left out when they play with them.

Her birthday isn’t until June.

We usually don’t buy ‘big’ presents outside of birthdays or Christmas.

We can afford it, I just worry about spoiling. What do other people do about toys outside of birthdays or Christmases.

YABU - Buy her the bloody doll.
YANBU - hold out till Christmas

OP posts:
evemillbank · 25/02/2023 10:22

Ah buy her the doll. If you really want to attach it to an occasion you could get it as an early Easter present.

Pumpkin20222 · 25/02/2023 10:22

Get the doll. Can she complete a challenge to 'earn' the doll - reading, maths, some hose chores, etc. Or pay for part of it with pocket money.

BooksAndHooks · 25/02/2023 10:22

I would get it for Easter.

OnaBegonia · 25/02/2023 10:22

Comfortably off but a £20 doll
is a big ticket item? are you as mean buying yourself things?
I honestly cannot believe that some PPs only buy for their child if there's a reason or they've earned it, what a miserable way to live.

HikingforScenery · 25/02/2023 10:23

2catsandhappy · 25/02/2023 10:14

Had a catch up with dd(34) this week. She reminded me about the time I bought her a beautiful velvet coat out of the rent money. Also a pair of boots another time. She was in primary school. She had been telling her friends recently about the nice things I did for her.
I had pretty much forgotten about it. She hadn't and remembers with much affection. Made me feel pretty good I can tell you!
Don't be afraid to make lovely memories for your dd. Take her to the local swings and take a photo of her and her new dolly sharing a biscuit.

My initial reaction was i don’t think it’s a good story tbh, using the rent money for something else but they sound like necessities ( coat and shoe) and it’s nice that your DD has such s positive spin on it. She’s not looking at it from you not being able to afford it but from you treating her. She sounds lovely

OnaBegonia · 25/02/2023 10:24

@minipie
That way she doesn’t start to think she gets things “just because” but she gets to have it now.
Why not just have a wee treat??

kindercup · 25/02/2023 10:24

Pumpkin20222 · 25/02/2023 10:22

Get the doll. Can she complete a challenge to 'earn' the doll - reading, maths, some hose chores, etc. Or pay for part of it with pocket money.

And next time she does reading/maths/etc?

This is the way to raise a spoiled child. One who has expectations and thinks rewards should be given at every stage.

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 25/02/2023 10:25

A reward for eg good behaviour or doing well at school could be one reason or maybe as part of her Easter present (still get her eggs!).

I’m sure my brother and I got the occasional toy outside birthday and Christmas for doing well at school/home etc and we weren’t well off!

Mandate · 25/02/2023 10:26

I would start pocket money, as others have said, gives kids the chance to buy what they want, save up for things. Mine also get birthday money from done relatives, when they were little we would split it partly savings, partly to spend. Now they are older they can choose how to split it up themselves.

It helped at days out too, they would choose to buy something or not with their pocket money rather than us always getting them something at the shop

DaisyBD · 25/02/2023 10:26

FfeminyddCymraeg · 25/02/2023 08:26

I just bought DS (12) Hogwarts Legacy for the princely sum of £75 and it’s not his birthday until May. He’s a great kid and asks for very little, gets good results in school and is generally deserving.

Plus I’m a TERF so it helped ease my pain 😉

Buy her the doll!

Plus I’m a TERF so it helped ease my pain 😉

what does this mean?

Sisisimone · 25/02/2023 10:29

Is this serious? You don't buy your child anything except for birthdays and Christmas? That is really far outside the norm and for a reason. How could it possibly 'spoil' your child by bringing her a bit of joy by giving her a cheap doll? Just buy her the doll, poor kid.

3peassuit · 25/02/2023 10:30

Do an incentive chart. So many points for tidying her room, clearing dishes, reading practice or whatever and when so gets to 100, buy her the doll.

minipie · 25/02/2023 10:30

@OnaBegonia with my child the issue would be that one “wee treat” could well lead to her asking every time she wants something. She’s very rule based and it would seem unfair to her that we’d say yes sometimes and no other times.

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 25/02/2023 10:34

Re saving you can do this any time. I think my brother and I were about 6 and 4 when we got pocket money and saved (and had accounts you could pay money into).

I mean you could in theory use any pocket money and savings she has to get the toy now.

I’m sure as I said before, we were given the odd treat/toy (especially if DM approved of it and could afford it) outside of eg National Trust pencils etc.

If it were me, I’d think about something else she wants in the future and save for that. Partly because I know at 6 etc it can be easy to feel left out if you don’t have something!

Case in point when I was 9, all my friends had Adam Ant frilly shirt/knickerbocker outfits which I coveted and asked for. Worn to school/youth club discos etc. I asked DM and nana for this but by the time I got it it was “out”. I don’t think I could’ve saved for it. Nana was wealthy but I think didn’t buy clothes etc or spoil us due to my DM telling her not to do this.

Rachie1973 · 25/02/2023 10:34

MirabelMax · 25/02/2023 08:13

I'm sure you can invent a reason if you want - good parents evening, well behaved, nice to your sibling etc etc

Does there have to be a reason every time? So long as it’s not ALL the time can’t you just buy her a gift because you love and appreciate her?

Always nice to hear, whatever your age.

motherofqilins · 25/02/2023 10:43

I would just buy it for her and surprise her with one. It is nice to get a just because gift once in a while and I am sure it will brighten her day. A random gift here or there between events is not going to spoil her.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 25/02/2023 10:45

They're like £25.

I like to treat my kids every so often, so I would just take them out and buy them a toy or game or maybe just come home with one they've expressed interest in - Harry Potter Cluedo was the most recent.

Yes they're 'spoilt' in that they don't want for anything. But they're not spoilt as in if they ask and the answer is no, you need to save your pocket money for that, they are fine with it. They use their pocket money to buy treats and small gifts as well, off their own back, not prompted.

So yes, treat her sometimes.

MimiSunshine · 25/02/2023 10:47

we don’t just buy toys for no special reason either and definitely not just because we’re a shop
abd they ask for something but I would treat them to something of that value occasionally and say it’s because I’m really proud of them for [insert reason here] or I would say that they could earn it through chores.

ancientgran · 25/02/2023 10:48

My gran was a wise and wonderful woman, I wish she had known my children. One thing I remember her telling me when she was terminally ill and I was pregnant and she knew she would probably never meet my baby was, "You can't spoil a child with love." So if you are buying the doll to shut her up, to keep up with Joneses or because you want the other kids families to know you can it isn't good, if you buy the doll because you love her and can see it matters so much to her it won't spoil her.

Buy her the doll.

Breadcrumbsforall · 25/02/2023 10:49

Buy it.

NellietheElephantpackedhertrunks · 25/02/2023 10:50

Rainallnight · 25/02/2023 08:16

For people who buy tous all year round, do you worry about spoiling? Ours will get something small from eg a National Trust shop on a day out, but not on a ‘can I have this thing I want’ basis.

We’re quite comfortably off and I want her to understand things cost money.

Do you and DH also only allow yourself things you want (rather than need) on your birthdays and at Christmas? If not, why is it different for your poor 6 year old?

Weallhaveavoice · 25/02/2023 10:51

I had to Google what the rainbow high doll was.
Friendship groups are so important …I’d buy the doll.
As you’re conflicted Id manufacture a reason
Maybe ask her to help you with a chore, something like that. Junes a long time to wait for a 6 year old,

Obsidianrocks · 25/02/2023 10:52

KEVINNNN · 25/02/2023 08:15

My 6 year old gets pocket money. £1.50 a week if she wants to buy a toy then she has to save up for it. Could you do this? (I don't know how much a rainbow high doll is)

Yes, exactly this. Helps with learning the different coins and notes we use, and helps develop budgeting skills. We started it about that age and my 9 year old is starting to realise the value of money. He knows to and think carefully before he spends his pocket money on little bits and pieces when he’s saving for something bigger.

emptythelitterbox · 25/02/2023 10:52

Rainallnight · 25/02/2023 08:16

For people who buy tous all year round, do you worry about spoiling? Ours will get something small from eg a National Trust shop on a day out, but not on a ‘can I have this thing I want’ basis.

We’re quite comfortably off and I want her to understand things cost money.

Truly bizarre thinking. No 6 year old understands that things cost money.

You're teaching her the opposite, that life is a drudge and she doesn't deserve anything except birthday and chrissy.

If you want to teach her about money, give an allowance and a piggy bank or a savings account then she can save for something big. A doll isn't big.

Play store with her. Take turns being the shop owner. set up a little kids table with things and take turns coming by and buying and selling things. These hair barrettes are 3 coins, this doll's comb is 1 coin, crayons 5 coins, etc.

Or we'd start a pretend business, or play airport, where we'd pack our bag, buy a ticket and then we'd pretend to take a trip.

My kids and grandkids loved it so much! Interesting both my kids run their own businesses now.

pinkfondu · 25/02/2023 10:54

You know she'll grow up to spoil her kids right lol

If money isnt an issue but the doll. A surprise every now and then is not going to spoil her!