To buy DD a present between birthday and Christmas.

[Rainallnight]

DD is desperate for a Rainbow High doll. She’s 6. I think it’s a bit tied up with friendship issues because it’s become a thing on her friendship group and she feels left out when they play with them.

Her birthday isn’t until June.

We usually don’t buy ‘big’ presents outside of birthdays or Christmas.

We can afford it, I just worry about spoiling. What do other people do about toys outside of birthdays or Christmases.

YABU - Buy her the bloody doll.
YANBU - hold out till Christmas

Why deny your child happiness? I don't see the point.

Please buy her the doll.
Spoiling children isn't always about providing material things.

But emotional spoiling. Not telling them how to behave. Not encouraging them to share, or how to look after things. Allowing them to understand and expect to be number one wherever they go. Not teaching them consideration for other people.

Spending £10 on a dolly once in a blue moon won't spoil her.

I'd buy it.

I wouldn't turn it into a reward. We don't do rewards/ punishments as then the behaviour is linked to external expectations rather than internalised values.

The way not to spoil her is more about modelling being grateful and educating about the world in general (poverty, war, etc), which I'm sure you do already in small ways in your everyday life.

Make it a special beautiful memory day with your DD. Take her out for the day, let her chose the doll and have lunch/treats/cinema. It will likely end up being a special day you both remember. It isn’t spoiling her it is just enjoying life together. Parenting is hard work, grab the joyful moments when you can.
Spoiling is saying yes to everything all the time and never saying no or buying things the kids don’t need or truly want.

All these people saying Easter presents. Easter is still ages away - especially if you are 6. OP - I hope you and your DD are already on your way to a toy shop and then on for a piece of cake together to just celebrate her being awesome, which I am sure she is!!

Totally agree with PP saying this is a lovely bit of parenting - parenting isn't just about being as strict and joyless as possible to 'teach' you children constants (weird) lessons.

Buy the doll. My children have bday in Feb and I can’t imagine the only toys they got to be what was received in December and February! We’ve always picked up bits, whether that’s a toy, a magazine, craft stuff when they have asked/needed.
They are teens now, one is a splurger and one is a saver but they both understand how money works.

I only ever got gifts for Christmas and birthdays (generally). Even then it was within a budget so I definitely wasn't spoiled. My parents couldn't afford it and that was just that. I can afford it and I do get my kids toys and clothes through the year. All I really learned was that my parents were broke and that I wasn't really worth getting anything the rest of the year. I know they didn't mean to make me feel like that, but I did. I didn't go without, don't get me wrong, but things sometimes felt meagre. My kids get stuff throught he year, as and when, and are very well behaved, kind, thoughtful and caring so it hasn't done them any harm.

As an aside, I think spoiling children really comes when parents put kids at the centre of the universe in all apsects. This is a scary and unhealthy place for children to be and which leads to entitled adults. More damage is done when the child never learns that there are systems which they have to fall in line with, that other people have feelings and needs, and that certain things have to be done that we don't like.

For example, there is a philosophy that we shouldn't insist that our children say 'please' or 'thank you' because it should feel authentic to the child. In my opinion, using these terns is for the benefit of the recipient, and not to make the person saying it feel good about thanking someone. Parenting which places the child as the sun in their solar system in every aspect of their lives is how children get spolied imo. A few toys mid way through the year, within a context of balanced parenting, is totally fine. Sorry for the digression!

There is a big difference in spoiling a child and the child being in a privileged position to receive toys outside of birthdays/Christmas.

Spoiling involves expectation.
Does your child think they should be able to,get what they want when they want? And will express that view to you and others, for example?

Some children are privileged in that their parents can buy/give them things outside of special events. But so long as it is not done in demand, it's not an expectation and it isn't grabby then it's fine imo.

Start the practice of saving towards. She could even earn some extra😉

Having control of your own money is a really important life skill, taking seriously the choices you make.

We gained massively from this once they became teens. Funny how sometimes the need for the latest £100 trainers, dissipated when they were given the maximum amount I was prepared to spend (£50.00) but could add the extra themselves if the £100 ones were ‘essential’

And, if they decided to go ahead with their £100 choice and added the extra money from savings, at least they had made a considered decision about their own money. ( and also gained a sense, sometimes of regret too, informing the next decision).

It has resulted in young adults who manage their money really well, work hard to earn and only ask for support when it is absolutely essential.

Only on Mumsnet. Get the doll, you've said you can afford it.

How is never buying her anything going to teach her that though?! That's not teaching her about making choices with money, or that things cost money.

Buy her the doll and then perhaps:

1. Start giving her pocket money so that she can learn how to save up for things.
2. Start explaining about choices with money. If you want to go to the trampoline park, that costs three times as much as X cheap day out, so we could do X 3 times or the trampoline park once, that sort of thing.

If you’re good and I don’t have to tell you off in the Easter holidays you can have the doll, if you get every word right in your next spelling test, you can have the doll, if you make your bed every morning for the next month, you can have the doll. Use it to your advantage. Works for us. My DD birthday is in Nov, so she’d go without all year if we just relied on birthday and Christmas.

The fact you’re even asking this, are we to then presume that you never buy yourself anything unless it’s at Christmas or birthday?

The reason is because she loves her daughter, the doll will mean so much and the OP will enjoy the happiness on her daughter’s face. What other reason does she need to dig up and find? 🤷‍♀️

Had a catch up with dd(34) this week. She reminded me about the time I bought her a beautiful velvet coat out of the rent money. Also a pair of boots another time. She was in primary school. She had been telling her friends recently about the nice things I did for her.
I had pretty much forgotten about it. She hadn't and remembers with much affection. Made me feel pretty good I can tell you!
Don't be afraid to make lovely memories for your dd. Take her to the local swings and take a photo of her and her new dolly sharing a biscuit.

🤣

You don't need a reason, just get the doll.

"if you get every word right in your next spelling test, you can have the doll,"

fgs Let's hope the DD isn't dyslexic.

My kids get toys all the time! We go to Smyths most weekends. Spoilt is an attitude problem.

I would buy it and call it an early birthday present.

That way she doesn’t start to think she gets things “just because” but she gets to have it now.

(Sorry haven’t read all replies so may well have been suggested already)

Why on earth would you agonise over ’this kind of purchase’, whatever that means? Dearie me.

It’s originally £30 and now £20????
Am i missing something? How would that spoil s child?

I don’t buy my children anything simply because their friends have it but if they want something they’ll get joy out of and it’ll be worthwhile, I get it for them.

They’re miles apart from spoilt. They don’t ask for much at all tbh

My parents were the same with me.

I thought that pp was doing a sarcastic post then realised it was real 😯

Get her the doll

To me, being "spoilt" is having your every whim indulged and having a strop if you are ever told "no". It isn't being bought the occasional treat by parents who can easily afford to do so. You are way over thinking it!