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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To report a parent

171 replies

Fandabydosey · 24/02/2023 22:12

So this sounds judgy, but my anger comes from a place of concern. So a mum I know had a c section 6 days ago and she is back behind the wheel of a car driving her 3 year old about. I have offered to take her but she said the HV said she is fine to drive. She looks so pale and is clearly in pain. Should I report her. Would she be able to do an emergency stop without risking stitches bursting open. Not only is she risking herself but other riad users and her own children. Would you report or leave it. Surely its a safeguarding issue. She has a husband

OP posts:
TokyoSushi · 24/02/2023 22:25

I drove after 10 days, DH went back to work and I needed to get on with my life, I was absolutely fine.

Who would you report her to exactly?

TheInterceptor · 24/02/2023 22:28

My car insurance small print said I could resume driving 'when I felt ready'. Perhaps hers does too? Don't be such a busybody.

GneissGuysFinishLast · 24/02/2023 22:29

I don’t drive but I have had two c sections.

With my first; I had the odd bit of pain if I did too much but I was mostly okay after the first few days. Car was uncomfy for maybe the first 10 days.

With my second, I had minimal pain - I went supermarket shopping and to soft play on day 3, and then hosted a lot of people at night. I’d have been fine driving.

Ponoka7 · 24/02/2023 22:29

"Who would you report her to exactly?"

The DVLA, under medically not able to drive. For me it depends on if she is insured. She's being incredibly stupid. I wish women applied more self care.

Original poster
Fandabydosey · 24/02/2023 22:29

Dvla its major surgery and you wont be cover by insurance

OP posts:
GrumpySausage · 24/02/2023 22:30

Who would you report her to? Her insurance company? She may have already spoken to them. I rang mine after 10 days post c section and they confirmed I could drive when I felt able to.

She may feel ok to drive and checked.

Namechangetobeanon · 24/02/2023 22:31

When I worked in insurance we told our policy holders that after a C-section they could drive when they were able to comfortably perform and emergency stop.

TokyoSushi · 24/02/2023 22:31

The DVLA? You'd really do that?

I think it's best I leave it there.

PleasantZen · 24/02/2023 22:31

Write an angry note to the DH instead telling him to step up and do the school runs

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 24/02/2023 22:32

I had abdominal surgery recently. Not a c-section, though I have had a c-section before as well. I rang my insurers to check and I was told that I could drive as soon as I felt able to do an emergency stop. Realistically, that was probably only a few days, though I actually waited 2 weeks to be on the safe side.

My recovery post c-section was actually incredibly quick. I was told at the time not to drive for 6 weeks but I have no doubt that it would have been perfectly safe much sooner. If her insurance allows it, the HV says it's OK and she feels that she could comfortably do an emergency stop, then what's the issue?

GneissGuysFinishLast · 24/02/2023 22:33

Fandabydosey · 24/02/2023 22:29

Dvla its major surgery and you wont be cover by insurance

The wording is vague on most policies - it will say things like “when allowed by a medical professional” or “when able to do an emergency stop” - which she may be able to do, particularly if it is a subsequent c section/things went smoothly/it was an elective section.

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 24/02/2023 22:33

Why on earth would you?!

You need to get a life tbh.

Emmamoo89 · 24/02/2023 22:34

Yabu

HerbErtlinger · 24/02/2023 22:34

I drove after a week with my second, I had no choice because I was discharged from hospital and he was in the NICU and I needed to get to him every day. I actually recovered really fast and practiced an emergency stop before I drove which I was able to do without issue

Icecreamandapplepie · 24/02/2023 22:35

Are you insane? Or just spiteful?

You can be in pain and drive.

You know nothing about what is actually going on here.

Who are you going to report it to?
What do you think will happen?

Maryandherlamb · 24/02/2023 22:35

I drove after 10 days with mine. Locally, kept to 30 mph and felt safe to do an emergency stop. You've got no idea whether she's safe to drive or not so I'd stay out of it.

Babyboomtastic · 24/02/2023 22:35

I didn't drive then, but I'd have been able to comfortably within a week. It didn't hurt being in the car, I'd been out every day since coming home from hospital. I was doing chores, cooking, happily carrying baby and moses basket up the stairs, changing nappies on the floor, went out for dinner, hosted a meal for friends. It would have been absolutely fine.

Everyone recovers differently. Mind your own business.

GoodChat · 24/02/2023 22:35

It's absolutely none of your business. She won't put her child at risk.

Original poster
Fandabydosey · 24/02/2023 22:35

She cam barely walk. The husband is a wet lettuce and a pathetic excuse for a man. He is the sort of man who believes that women's work is in the kitchen

OP posts:
GustingInTheWindow · 24/02/2023 22:35

"Safeguarding" is one of the most abused concepts on mumsnet. A catch all for every nosy neighbour or curtain twitcher.

Hendric · 24/02/2023 22:36

GustingInTheWindow · 24/02/2023 22:35

"Safeguarding" is one of the most abused concepts on mumsnet. A catch all for every nosy neighbour or curtain twitcher.

I was going to say the same thing. Nobody knows what it means. Drives me mad.

TokyoSushi · 24/02/2023 22:37

Can you imagine being a Mum with a newborn and a 3 year old and somebody reporting you to the DVLA because in their opinion they didn't think that you should be driving?!

Namechangetobeanon · 24/02/2023 22:37

It’s also worth noting that she may look pale because she’s literally dealing with a newborn and a toddler and by sounds of it, judgement.

I’m so pale that when I have no make up on I look unwell. She may have low iron resulting in her being pale?

GneissGuysFinishLast · 24/02/2023 22:37

Fandabydosey · 24/02/2023 22:35

She cam barely walk. The husband is a wet lettuce and a pathetic excuse for a man. He is the sort of man who believes that women's work is in the kitchen

… so you want to make things harder for her?

She can hardly walk, so you want to take away her ability to drive … so as she has to walk?

MaoamAddict · 24/02/2023 22:37

I was driving after 12 days and felt 100% safe to do an emergency stop. Insurance company Ok'd it too. You sound nosy and judgemental