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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To report a parent

171 replies

Fandabydosey · 24/02/2023 22:12

So this sounds judgy, but my anger comes from a place of concern. So a mum I know had a c section 6 days ago and she is back behind the wheel of a car driving her 3 year old about. I have offered to take her but she said the HV said she is fine to drive. She looks so pale and is clearly in pain. Should I report her. Would she be able to do an emergency stop without risking stitches bursting open. Not only is she risking herself but other riad users and her own children. Would you report or leave it. Surely its a safeguarding issue. She has a husband

OP posts:
Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 25/02/2023 07:32

No I wouldn't report her. You have no idea the conversations she has had with the HV, her insurers etc. Keep you nose out.

Hiddenvoice · 25/02/2023 07:35

I had a c section, yes the pain was bad when trying to sit myself up but 4 days after it I was up and about, walking around.
I was informed by my midwife, health visitor and my insurance that I could drive when I felt ready. They say up to 6 weeks for recovery but everyone is different. I was pretty much feeling back to normal after 2 weeks. This woman has a toddler, she would have found herself up and about much faster which had probable enabled her to move around easier. Yes she might be sore walking but that’s a different movement.
Personally I would not report her and would Instead chat to her again and see if she needs support with her baby and toddler.

Fearnecuptea · 25/02/2023 07:38

Wind your neck in

Sceptre86 · 25/02/2023 07:40

I don't understand why you can't speak to her. So something along the lines of, 'isn't it a bit early for you to be driving and can I help?' She might well say no and tell you to bugger off or she might take the help. It's clear on mumsnet that many women feel the need to get out of the house when they have a newborn as they feel stifled and if she feels that way and it's good for her mental health then who are you to say she shouldn't? She may have to take the 3 year old ro preschool or nursery etc.

6 days after I wouldn't have been driving. Getting in and out of the car was painful after each of my 3 sections. I didn't need to though as my dh was on hand for at least 2 weeks if not longer. Not everyone has the help though and some mothers recover quicker or just have to get on with the normal chores especially if you already have children.

ShimmeringShirts · 25/02/2023 07:40

Wow, you really have nothing better to do in life OP? Where’s your own children while you’re curtain twitching?

Iamacatslave · 25/02/2023 07:45

Keep your nose out.

breakfastbagel · 25/02/2023 07:51

Fandabydosey · 24/02/2023 22:35

She cam barely walk. The husband is a wet lettuce and a pathetic excuse for a man. He is the sort of man who believes that women's work is in the kitchen

Well maybe don't make her life harder for her then?

FurElise · 25/02/2023 07:51

If she looks like she's in pain, she's obviously ditched the opiod pain relief so she can drive without being impaired by drugs. Or at least she's working her doses around school runs.

I've had two sections (emergency and elective) and whilst I couldn't have driven for weeks after the first (post operative infection and septicaemia), I could (and did) about a week after the second. As others have said, I checked with my midwife and insurance and both said it was fine. I did the same in terms of managing any pain relief so I wasn't driving under the influence of opiods.

HelloRose · 25/02/2023 07:52

Your 'anger' at the situation haha. You are pathetic OP, probably festering indoors with nothing better to do but spy on your neighbours. Get a life.

SelkieDreaming · 25/02/2023 07:53

I think other posters are being really harsh and unfair. I can understand your concern for her and othe road users. After a C-section you're generally on a hell of a lot of powerful pain killers (tramadol etc), which would in itself make you unfit to drive.

bluecerilian · 25/02/2023 07:53

Mind your own business and stop being nasty

Chias · 25/02/2023 08:00

How likely do you actually think it is that she will have an accident due to the c section? You have to look at the probability of her having to do an emergency stop in first place then you have to factor in whether she is physically capable of doing one. The stitches splitting is only relevant to her own recovery and nothing to do with her ability to drive.

tenbob · 25/02/2023 08:03

SelkieDreaming · 25/02/2023 07:53

I think other posters are being really harsh and unfair. I can understand your concern for her and othe road users. After a C-section you're generally on a hell of a lot of powerful pain killers (tramadol etc), which would in itself make you unfit to drive.

I have had 2 c sections and other than one shot of oramorph in hospital, I wasn’t on anything stronger than over the counter paracetamol, and I think had stopped taking everything by day 5

I have never heard of anyone getting Tramadol in the UK

the biggest risk factor for new parents driving is obviously the tiredness, which will affect everyone pretty equally

GoodChat · 25/02/2023 08:05

Anaemiafog · 25/02/2023 06:51

If you’re so concerned you could always offer to help.

OP offered to take her where she needed to go. If you're doing to be an arse at least read the thread properly

Paturday · 25/02/2023 08:07

Fandabydosey · 24/02/2023 22:29

Dvla its major surgery and you wont be cover by insurance

How do you know? Have you driven after a c section? My insurance says ‘when your GP says it’s fine’, GP says ‘when you feel ready’.

multivac · 25/02/2023 08:11

SelkieDreaming · 25/02/2023 07:53

I think other posters are being really harsh and unfair. I can understand your concern for her and othe road users. After a C-section you're generally on a hell of a lot of powerful pain killers (tramadol etc), which would in itself make you unfit to drive.

Nah. I wasn't on any painkillers at all past day 2; they offered me morphine in the hospital, but I didn't need it. Emergency C-section, twins. I didn't need to drive, as it happens, but I could have within a week, easily. I definitely looked 'pale and tired' though (that's the thing about newborns...)

FancyFran · 25/02/2023 08:13

No tramadol outside of a hospital setting or end of life care.
First baby c section it was 6 weeks no driving. Second one two weeks but that was 20+ years ago.
I was recently threatened with being reported to the DVLA as I had fainted a couple of times last year. It caused a whole heap of crap and proving I was fit to drive.

Geekydeaky · 25/02/2023 08:15

I was back driving a week after my 2nd c section, I have an automatic car and could have done an emergency stop comfortably. I would be fuming if you got involved since it's none of your business, I'm sure she's checked she's allowed.

I found with my first C section that sitting around and doing nothing made it worse, moving around and getting things done helped, I didn't drive for the 6 weeks since I thought I had to and when it came to needing drive again I was so nervous. 2nd section I had things to do, a toddler to take care off.

ichundich · 25/02/2023 08:21

Fandabydosey · 24/02/2023 22:12

So this sounds judgy, but my anger comes from a place of concern. So a mum I know had a c section 6 days ago and she is back behind the wheel of a car driving her 3 year old about. I have offered to take her but she said the HV said she is fine to drive. She looks so pale and is clearly in pain. Should I report her. Would she be able to do an emergency stop without risking stitches bursting open. Not only is she risking herself but other riad users and her own children. Would you report or leave it. Surely its a safeguarding issue. She has a husband

How about instead of being a total bitch you offer her some help with her 3 year old?

Ragwort · 25/02/2023 08:26

There are clearly two separate issues, yes, it's very sad if she is married to an unhelpful, useless DH but the belief that you can't drive after a CS is an urban myth.

schnubbins · 25/02/2023 08:28

I drove a week after my C-section 23 years ago.I was fine only slight pain when turning the wheel .I had to drive as my Dh was travelling for work and i had a two year old and needed to go to the supermarket.

Redbone · 25/02/2023 08:32

No way would the health visitor say that she could drive that soon , she is not telling you the truth. You are not insured to drive so soon after a section anyway. ( I felt fine to drive just a week after mine but never would have.)
Can’t believe that some idiots on this thread are saying that they did this too. That said I don’t think that I would report her to anyone but I would certainly drop her from my circle of friends.

GoodChat · 25/02/2023 08:33

Redbone · 25/02/2023 08:32

No way would the health visitor say that she could drive that soon , she is not telling you the truth. You are not insured to drive so soon after a section anyway. ( I felt fine to drive just a week after mine but never would have.)
Can’t believe that some idiots on this thread are saying that they did this too. That said I don’t think that I would report her to anyone but I would certainly drop her from my circle of friends.

Your experience is different to others so everyone else is an idiot and/or liar? Ok...

35965a · 25/02/2023 08:33

Why are people on about painkillers? Most hospitals give you oramorph in hospital only if you ask and discharge you with nothing, they tell you to buy paracetamol.
Anyway, if she feels she can drive then she can drive.

Hiddenvoice · 25/02/2023 08:34

I was discharged with very strong painkillers and encouraged to take them when I felt was necessary.

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