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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To report a parent

171 replies

Fandabydosey · 24/02/2023 22:12

So this sounds judgy, but my anger comes from a place of concern. So a mum I know had a c section 6 days ago and she is back behind the wheel of a car driving her 3 year old about. I have offered to take her but she said the HV said she is fine to drive. She looks so pale and is clearly in pain. Should I report her. Would she be able to do an emergency stop without risking stitches bursting open. Not only is she risking herself but other riad users and her own children. Would you report or leave it. Surely its a safeguarding issue. She has a husband

OP posts:
tenbob · 25/02/2023 08:34

Redbone · 25/02/2023 08:32

No way would the health visitor say that she could drive that soon , she is not telling you the truth. You are not insured to drive so soon after a section anyway. ( I felt fine to drive just a week after mine but never would have.)
Can’t believe that some idiots on this thread are saying that they did this too. That said I don’t think that I would report her to anyone but I would certainly drop her from my circle of friends.

Can you explain what you mean by “you’re not insured to drive so soon” please..?

gettingolderandgrumpier · 25/02/2023 08:35

Fandabydosey · 24/02/2023 22:35

She cam barely walk. The husband is a wet lettuce and a pathetic excuse for a man. He is the sort of man who believes that women's work is in the kitchen

There’s the issue and you think reporting her will help her ?
in a ideal world her dh would do the school run and she’d put her feet up . My dh did for a week afterwards and I had a vagina birth .
reality she can’t or won’t rest , I get you offered but for whatever her reasons she’s refused .
I feel sorry for her but no I wouldn’t report her poor woman .

Hope551 · 25/02/2023 08:36

I think she is going through enough at the moment without added stress of people reporting her to companies. Don't destroy the poor woman 😢 if your concerned raise it to her.

GoingOnce · 25/02/2023 08:37

I was going to suggest you talk to her and ask if there’s anything you can do to help. Drop child home for her etc

But you don’t strike me as someone who would do that. You’d get more glee from shopping someone.

GoChasingWaterfalls · 25/02/2023 08:37

You're pretty naive if you think the DVLA will investigate in any sort of time frame that would be relevant anyway. By the time they get around to looking at the complaint, the baby will probably be walking.

Mind your own business. Or offer to help?

DoNotGetADog · 25/02/2023 08:40

Does she even drive a manual car? In an automatic an “emergency stop” is no different to normal braking only harder. The difficult element in a manual is to use both of your legs at the same time, but in an auto you only ever use your right leg, so there would not be the same strain on your abdominal muscles.

Justmeandthedog1 · 25/02/2023 08:41

Offer to drive her child to nursery so she doesn’t have to ? Ask her if you can help with shopping ? Maybe she’s driving because no one offered to help her.

GoodChat · 25/02/2023 08:42

Justmeandthedog1 · 25/02/2023 08:41

Offer to drive her child to nursery so she doesn’t have to ? Ask her if you can help with shopping ? Maybe she’s driving because no one offered to help her.

OP offered.

Onedayatatime22 · 25/02/2023 08:43

What does it have to do with you?

Onedayatatime22 · 25/02/2023 08:45

You could, of course, offer to help out rather than witching on the internet...

Withnailandeye · 25/02/2023 08:50

You would like a horrible person OP.

butterpuffed · 25/02/2023 08:55

Fandabydosey · 24/02/2023 22:35

She cam barely walk. The husband is a wet lettuce and a pathetic excuse for a man. He is the sort of man who believes that women's work is in the kitchen

Hard to believe you not only want to report her but you're also bringing her DH into it, having a go at him too . How do you know what his beliefs are ? Leave them alone .

blebbleb · 25/02/2023 08:56

Mind your own business!

StoppinBy · 25/02/2023 08:56

There are people out there every day far less capable of driving than a Mum a week after a c/s.

Leave her be, chances are she'll have no need to avoid a collision or use an emergency breaking procedure, how often do you really encounter these things in your day to day driving.

RelentlessForwardProgress · 25/02/2023 09:01

"I have offered to take her but she said the HV said she is fine to drive."

Post section and a three year old too. Usually a lift would be a great help at this point. I wonder why she doesn't want to sit in a car with you 🤔

tenbob · 25/02/2023 09:01

DoNotGetADog · 25/02/2023 08:40

Does she even drive a manual car? In an automatic an “emergency stop” is no different to normal braking only harder. The difficult element in a manual is to use both of your legs at the same time, but in an auto you only ever use your right leg, so there would not be the same strain on your abdominal muscles.

And so many cars now have automatic emergency braking systems, so it’s not even the driver doing the braking.

The urban myth 6 week-no-driving thing seems to stem from an era when woman were kept in hospital for at least a week, and told to stay in bed, and cars had no power steering or ABS so were hard work to drive

That is a world away from modern medicine and modern cars

MajorCarolDanvers · 25/02/2023 09:04

Whilst I personally couldn't have driven and had an awful recovery from a section you read people on here all the time that only needed 2 paracetamol and were doing yoga classes a few days later.

You've really no idea how's she's feeling. But her HV does.

She's not breaking any laws so who are you reporting to.

Renoir56 · 25/02/2023 09:08

Mind your own business. I hope she doesn't consider you a friend.

Lookstrangeronthisisland · 25/02/2023 09:09

Fandabydosey · 24/02/2023 22:35

She cam barely walk. The husband is a wet lettuce and a pathetic excuse for a man. He is the sort of man who believes that women's work is in the kitchen

Goodness, you're a charmer.

WonderingWanda · 25/02/2023 09:10

Paleness doesn't mean pain, she's just given birth so it might be low iron and just general tiredness. She's discussed it with her health visitor and feels she is able to drive. Most insurance says when you feel ready. Youe
Should more worried about all the uninsured, often unlicensed drug drivers on our roads op.

Cheeseandlobster · 25/02/2023 09:11

TokyoSushi · 24/02/2023 22:31

The DVLA? You'd really do that?

I think it's best I leave it there.

This. She looks pale, is probably struggling and you want to add to this when there isn't any definitive guidance by looks of it. Words fail me

dogdaydown · 25/02/2023 09:12

MYOB

IamnotSethRogan · 25/02/2023 09:14

She cam barely walk. The husband is a wet lettuce and a pathetic excuse for a man. He is the sort of man who believes that women's work is in the kitchen

So stuff for her mquot be quite tough already and you're going to make it worse, based on your opinion?

Please, mind your own business

gogohmm · 25/02/2023 09:16

I've got friends in the USA that were driving 72 hours after c sections, they were shocked that at the time it was 6 weeks here. Now it is when you can drive competently including doing an emergency stop, my insurance policy mentions when medically fit with a minimum 7 days after major surgery but nothing more.

monitor1 · 25/02/2023 09:17

Fandabydosey · 24/02/2023 22:29

Dvla its major surgery and you wont be cover by insurance

with respect you're talking nonsense. It's up to the individual insurer - as a GP I tell women to ask their insurer but generally they are ready to drive when they feel they can do an emergency stop. I was ready to drive at a week post LSCS.

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