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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

The stupid takeaway.

464 replies

Gworlie · 24/02/2023 20:30

My OH has been away for a week and came back today. He turned up this evening with a Chinese takeaway for himself. Didn't even say he was getting one or asked if I wanted one. I've worked all week and done all childcare, which is fine, but when I said "well that's a bit shitty, I'm knackered and hungry too" his response was "well cook something then". I'm raging but he's acting like I'm being crazy.

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 24/02/2023 21:09

DramaLlama20 · 24/02/2023 20:55

You actually sound a bit doormatty. I genuinely would get my husband to leave tonight based on this interaction, but he'd never do this, he'd message me 'Chinese tonight? What do you fancy' and I'd reply. Did you not speak on his journey home? I find it all so weird. Tell him to fuck off. Put his suitcase outside.

She's a doormat because she isn't ending a relationship and potentially giving up half her time with her kids over a single incident? I agree he's a dick and he deserves a dose of takeout tummy and she absolutely must NOT touch his washing and she really SHOULD take herself off for a lovely meal tomorrow without him or the kids whilst he has them.
But most people rip up entire families over one bad night unless there's abuse

Cinnamo · 24/02/2023 21:09

What?! No way does he get off being innocent here

travelling all day, yes tiring, but on a train? Nah, he could have easily text you saying my treat I’ll get us a Chinese love, what do you fancy?

if you’d have picked him up like you’d offered instead of him fannying about with the taxi, the cost would have even been about the same all in

what a douche

chinese is serious business in my house, can you tell 😂

Original poster
Gworlie · 24/02/2023 21:11

Definitely not doing the washing either. He's going to act like everything is fine tomorrow though and when I'm still pissed off he's going to act like I'm being irrational. Can't tell you how much better I feel now though that you'd all be pissed off too.

Oh and no he's not normally like this. We've been together 15 years and yeah he can be a dick sometimes (as can I) but normally he's less of a dick.

OP posts:
dogdaydown · 24/02/2023 21:11

That's mad! He didn't even discuss what meal you would eat tonight? Just sorted himself out?

Wanker!

TeaMeBasil · 24/02/2023 21:11

Tomorrow night get yourself a takeaway delivered and when he asks where his is...tell him to get himself in the kitchen. Bellend.

OhCobblers · 24/02/2023 21:11

Don't touch his washing EVER again.
What an utter wanker.

Using the word "thoughtless" is really minimising it all too.

It would be a cold day in hell before my DH went for a takeaway and didn't at the very least call me to see if I and the kids had eaten or like any anything extra in case we already had?!
Particularly as he's been away on a jolly all week!

Original poster
Gworlie · 24/02/2023 21:12

@Cinnamo Chinese is my favourite takeaway 😩

OP posts:
Poppins2016 · 24/02/2023 21:12

Next time you cook dinner I'd make just enough for you. 'Well, cook something then' is the only response necessary when he complains...

TeaMeBasil · 24/02/2023 21:12

And the washing can just sit there.

TrishM80 · 24/02/2023 21:13

Nothing gets mn users more agitated than threads about the husband only getting a takeaway for himself!

Leeds2 · 24/02/2023 21:13

He sounds really horrible. And I am not usually judgemental.

whatadaythatwas · 24/02/2023 21:13

Can you walk out for the weekend for a break? Family or friends, travel lodge if you can stretch to it or something

Xol · 24/02/2023 21:13

Gworlie · 24/02/2023 20:38

Thank fuck. I'm not going mental then. I'm absolutely livid. He was like "I've been on a train for 6 hours I can't deal this". I truly hope it does @youshouldnthaveasked

Poor love, all that sitting must have been absolutely exhausting.

randomuser2019 · 24/02/2023 21:14

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn at the poster's request due to privacy concerns.

pictoosh · 24/02/2023 21:14

I wouldn’t leave the suitcase in the garden if only because it’s outwardly antagonistic and frankly, I wouldn’t want to play into his hands. Never wrestle with a pig in the mud, you both get dirty and the pig likes it.

I’d simply leave it beside the washing machine and ignore. He should be emptying his own suitcase and washing his stuff anyway. You’re not his housekeeper or mum. No one can pin anything on you but your point has still been made.

Emotionalsupportviper · 24/02/2023 21:15

TrishM80 · 24/02/2023 21:13

Nothing gets mn users more agitated than threads about the husband only getting a takeaway for himself!

Because it's symptomatic of a "wife doesn't count" attitude.

LisaD1 · 24/02/2023 21:16

I just cannot imagine a scenario where either one of us thought that was ok. We would always offer the other, even if one of us gets up for a drink we ask if the other wants anything whilst we are up.

id be absolutely raging!

StClare101 · 24/02/2023 21:16

I would go on strike. I wouldn’t acknowledge it at all, but the washing wouldn’t be touched, I wouldn’t cook for him. Nothing. Take the kids and go do something nice (if you have them) with hour him and just do nothing hing for him.

If he asks about his washing. A “you must be joking” is enough. I’d do no other washing of his either. Fuck him.

Original poster
Gworlie · 24/02/2023 21:17

I'm glad it's not just me that would be so annoyed about this hahaha. The takeaway itself isn't really what's upset me so much, it's more the reaction to me being annoyed about it. That's the bit that's upset me.

The looking for a fight has struck a cord though. We've been fine the whole times he's been away and before that. We've been together a long time and I'm close with his friends & family. He's sent me lots of photos etc whilst he's been away. I can't think why he'd want a fight.

OP posts:
fantasmasgoria1 · 24/02/2023 21:17

He's very thoughtless and rude. I know you said you are not going to do his washing but definitely don't backtrack on that. Definitely don't cook any food for him either.

DemelzaandRoss · 24/02/2023 21:17

Have you ordered the takeaway yet?
Get a really nice desert & eat it all yourself too.
Tomorrow night sit & enjoy chocolate & wine & don’t share.

Poppins2016 · 24/02/2023 21:18

pictoosh · 24/02/2023 21:14

I wouldn’t leave the suitcase in the garden if only because it’s outwardly antagonistic and frankly, I wouldn’t want to play into his hands. Never wrestle with a pig in the mud, you both get dirty and the pig likes it.

I’d simply leave it beside the washing machine and ignore. He should be emptying his own suitcase and washing his stuff anyway. You’re not his housekeeper or mum. No one can pin anything on you but your point has still been made.

Never wrestle with a pig in the mud, you both get dirty and the pig likes it.

Very sensible advice and I particularly like the pig in the mud analogy.

Original poster
Gworlie · 24/02/2023 21:18

@pictoosh thank you! I'll bring it back inside hahaha. He's stubborn though and he apparently thinks he's done nothing wrong.

OP posts:
Ohjustboreoff · 24/02/2023 21:25

@Gworlie if he even dares to ask you if you're cooking or washing for him this weekend please say "Sorry I'm too busy cooking for myself" what an arse!!!

LadyOfTheFliessssss · 24/02/2023 21:27

I can't believe anyone voted YABU.

This should be banned under the Geneva convention as a cruel and unusual punishment. And in no way do I feel like I'm exaggerating.