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AIBU?

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Original poster

The stupid takeaway.

464 replies

Gworlie · 24/02/2023 20:30

My OH has been away for a week and came back today. He turned up this evening with a Chinese takeaway for himself. Didn't even say he was getting one or asked if I wanted one. I've worked all week and done all childcare, which is fine, but when I said "well that's a bit shitty, I'm knackered and hungry too" his response was "well cook something then". I'm raging but he's acting like I'm being crazy.

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 25/02/2023 05:24

What are his mates like? I’d be wondering if they’d said something to him about being hen pecked. Or could it be his parents saying similar?

Seeing as this has happened, it seems like an ideal opportunity to redress what you’re both doing around the house. It seems as if it’s in his favour right now.

As he comes home at 6.30, can you and the kids eat at 6 and freeze any leftovers?

londonrach · 25/02/2023 05:27

Who orders for just themselves in this situation...vvv strange behaviour

KatherineJaneway · 25/02/2023 05:37

Gworlie · 24/02/2023 22:38

@ArcaneWireless it does feel like he wants a fight for some reason. He won't actually ask for me to cook or do his washing, he'll wait for me to concede.

Then don't concede or he'll have won and know his selfish behaviour is acceptable so he'll do it again.

kateandme · 25/02/2023 07:14

Gworlie · 24/02/2023 21:56

You guys are awesome!! And saved me an evening of thinking maybe it's perfectly reasonable to get yourself dinner without even asking your partner. It really didn't need to be a massive argument but him acting like I'm being completely irrational has pissed me right off.

@Namechangetobeanon I'm going to do just that tomorrow night. The catering for ourselves is perfect. Passive aggressive and petty but I need to prove my point without losing the plot completely.

but you wont. you will carry on as you are.
he was a cruel dick tonight.
no excuse for it

Blanca87 · 25/02/2023 07:50

I think you are so upset as he has shown you that you are not important to him and he takes you for granted. It’s devastating when you realise you give more and not only is it not appreciated it’s taken for granted and you are shown such disrespect. Equally it can be liberating too as now you know and can make changes accordingly to be happier and live your life for you. You don’t need to be the household help, chef, project manager, cleaner.

use this teachable moment to live the life you want.

Thehop · 25/02/2023 08:04

Stay strong today OP we're all behind you x

Katsucurrysauce · 25/02/2023 08:07

I still don’t get why you think it’s your role to do his weeks worth of washing.

Don’t give in.

ItsCalledAConversation · 25/02/2023 08:10

What a twat.

ButtonSister · 25/02/2023 08:32

Had he been drinking? Sounds like he got quietly sozzled on the train, which would explain both his selfish and defensive behaviour. Prick

SchoolTripDrama · 25/02/2023 08:32

Selfishness is probably one of the most unattractive traits. Gives me the immediate ICK

ButtonSister · 25/02/2023 08:34

ButtonSister · 25/02/2023 08:32

Had he been drinking? Sounds like he got quietly sozzled on the train, which would explain both his selfish and defensive behaviour. Prick

And when I say explains I don't mean his behaviour is justified, far from it

Emotionalsupportviper · 25/02/2023 08:35

ArcaneWireless · 24/02/2023 22:40

he'll unpack it Sunday I think and shove all his washing into the washing machine but not turn it on.

It would then find its way back into the suitcase. Or would be washed with a red sock.

Yellow dusters serve a similar purpose, and there's usually one to hand.

SchoolTripDrama · 25/02/2023 08:39

This reply has been deleted

This post has been withdrawn at the poster's request due to privacy concerns.

Have you not read the updates?!?! You've just created the narrative yourself, that OP is running round after him.... She's put his suitcase in the bloody garden ffs!

GoChasingWaterfalls · 25/02/2023 08:41

Don't give in OP. He WILL do his own washing!

Emotionalsupportviper · 25/02/2023 08:42

Gworlie · 24/02/2023 23:15

@macbooks @fdgdfgdfgdfg would you just let it go then? I'm so annoyed though. More by his reaction than the actual buying himself food. He's stomped up to bed which is annoying as wanted him to sleep on the sofa. I'm seething. And just really upset.

I'd do as a PP suggested and get Chinese for yourself and the kids tonight and let him make his own dinner.

Other than that I'd probably pretend everything was fine and just get on with things, the way he does, and see what happens next.

I think the fact that you'd spoken on the phone and he didn't say "I really fancy Chinese - shall I get us all something", and just got food for himself is awful.

randomuser2019 · 25/02/2023 08:46

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn at the poster's request due to privacy concerns.

SchoolTripDrama · 25/02/2023 08:50

namechangeagaintoday · 24/02/2023 22:15

He wouldn't be my husband much longer!

I don't understand why anyone would do this!

You would DIVORCE your husband over a takeaway????? If you're being 100% genuine there then I really don't think you should be married to begin with, if you see marriage as such a disposable thing.

Absolutely NOT defending him but this is shocking behaviour. Divorce?!?!

LookItsMeAgain · 25/02/2023 08:58

Gworlie · 24/02/2023 22:26

@HungryandIknowit I know it sounds ridiculous from my post that I was doubting myself but it was so weird and I was so angry and he was looking at me like I'd lost the plot I needed this to tell me that nope I'm right.

@Codlingmoths he'll unpack it Sunday I think and shove all his washing into the washing machine but not turn it on.

I replied earlier about not doing his washing or lifting a finger for him.
I got as far as this post and if he hogs the washing machine but doesn't know how to turn it on, be sure to remove all of his clothes from the machine please and put a wash on for you and your child(ren). Leave his clothes on the floor or in the washbasket. Keep taking his clothes out of the machine if you need it for your washes. Don't put the wash through at all.

He's shown you the man he really is. Thoughtless, inconsiderate, mean.

LookItsMeAgain · 25/02/2023 08:59

Gworlie · 24/02/2023 22:28

@AlmostaMamma I work 31 hours a week and he works 42 hours a week.

How many hours outside of paid employment do you do (i.e. around the house, looking after the kids that kind of thing) versus how many hours does he do?

Genuine question.

JammiDodgers · 25/02/2023 08:59

youshouldnthaveasked · 24/02/2023 20:34

Hope it gives him the sh1ts

😁

SchoolTripDrama · 25/02/2023 09:03

@Gworlie I'd be fuming too. But I'd actually be more concerned with why he's done this. It sounds very much like he's become (as a PP said) emotionally 'detached' from the relationship. One of my exes began to behave in a similar way before he ended it; as though he was suddenly only responsible for himself and was suddenly on his own.

Perhaps I'm looking too deep into it but has there been any other differences in his behaviour before or during his trip, OP?

JammiDodgers · 25/02/2023 09:04

I don’t think I would divorce him ( as someone unthread said- that’s extreme) but it is fucking stingy and mean: those horrible parts of him, must have reared their heads in other ways?

What I am trying to say is- was this a complete one off?
I haven’t read through the entire thread if anyone is wondering!

GodisaBC · 25/02/2023 09:05

He’d decided on the train he was getting a takeaway for himself which is why he wanted to get a taxi and not accept your kind offer of a lift.

HaveANiceFuckingDay · 25/02/2023 09:07

To be fair I did this last night
I was sent home from work and stopped at the Chinese on the way home and only had enough cash ( of course it was cash only 🙃) for chow mein and curry sauce which I shared with my daughter and offered some to my husband .. he then went on a rant about how I should have let him know so he could order something. And how a chow mein is a side dish and not eaten by itself
I was telling him about their card machine " not working " conveniently this happens every Friday and Saturday and he got the right hump saying I really don't care I really don't care to be honest I thought he'd have eaten as I was supposed to be at work , my children managed to feed themselves
Should I have gone hungry ? Should I have had toast ?
I did order a large with him in mind to share if he fancied some but he couldn't possibly eat it as a main

Theoldwoman · 25/02/2023 09:08

Oh wow OP! I’ve never experienced anything like that.
He is being very mean to you.

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