To have said no to babysitting DS’ girlfriends children?

[mdfriend]

Looking for an unbiased opinion to see if I'm BU. DS is 17, he's been in a relationship with a woman for about 2 months. She's 23 and has 2 DCs, 4 and 2.

I'm not happy about the relationship due to her age, and I think it's moving too quickly with DS meeting her children already.

A couple of weeks ago, I came back home and the 2 year old was here with DS, apparently, his gf had asked him to look after her whilst she took the eldest to an appointment. I wasn't happy as I wasn't asked and again, their relationship is new.

DS has asked me to look after her children next weekend so they can go out on a date, apparently her family aren't involved neither are the children’s fathers and usually her friend looks after them but she's also busy.

I've said no, which DS has said I'm being unfair and selfish as I won't be doing anything anyway. I've also never met the eldest, and only met the youngest briefly.

WIBU by saying no?

JFC.

So your advice would be to enable your teenager to continue this inappropriate relationship by ... meekly babysitting, so he can shag a woman who is such a poor parent that she'd allow her DC to be imposed on a stranger, & never mind what the DC feel about that?

I would be doing everything in my power to get in the way of dates between my child and this woman, especially if they involve sleepovers. I certainly wouldn’t be facilitating with free childcare.

The whole this is a recipe for disaster.

@ 14:28 post - apologies, typo:

to NOT take on 2 DC

This is bullshit.

The OP should not be encouraging her 17 year old child to play stepdad, or become baby day no. 3.

The whole situation is trouble, and you want the OP on the girlfriend’s couch, playing granny?

If the son is old enough to “make his own decisions”, then the OP certainly is.

This way you’re not giving him any reason to think you’re unhappy with the relationship

But she is unhappy with the relationship, and rightly so. Why should she pretend otherwise? I would be gutted if my teenage boy was seeing a 23 year old mother of two. It’s concerning that you see nothing wrong with this.

where did they meet-it seems an odd thing for a 23 year old to do with kids unless shes after sometghing

although with no job he cant support her

shes not his partner shes someone hes seeing its way too soon to even have met her kids

@Cocobutt
Why can't she tell her own 17 year old son who is should and shouldn't be getting into a relationship with? She's his mother and she's dead right to give her views on his decisions.
If he want's to ignore her, than that's his decision but she doesn't have to facilitate his poor choice of relationship. Or act as his girlfriends unpaid childminder.

Weird for a 23yo mother of two to be dating a 17yo, I’d be very worried too.

YA definitely NBU, and she’s a crap mother to be willing to leave her small children with a stranger - alarm bells would be ringing for me!

@Cocobutt what happened with your relationship with the 24 year old (presumably man, I’m presuming you’re female).

Did your folks try and pull you away and did you react to that?

Interested because no one else has mentioned this age gap as a teenager.

@ girlfriend44
Your got all that from my question? You couldn't be more wrong. I was thinking that that scenario might be more complicated than an inexperienced 17 year old could handle.

I wouldn't babysit in those circumstance. It sound like your son girlfriend needs social services involvement.

Obviously 23 and 17 is inappropriate, but similarly, what does a 35yo see in a 23yo?

I had the same thought there.

YANBU at all! Definitely right not to babysit. As others have said, tread carefully though, if you come across as too standoffish/unhelpful towards the gf, your DS may be the more encouraged to stick w her. Just offer no help or support around this set-up but be polite and non-judgmental in general, then hopefully your DS will work out for himself that dating someone 5 years older w kids isn’t the best move (isn’t for the gf either imo, so you’re doing everyone a favor by not supporting this).

So she's to busy to meet you yet thinks its appropriate for you to babysit? 🚩🚩🚩🚩

You’re perfectly convenient for her aren’t you? Most 17 year olds are still living at home + therefore there’s usually a mother = you can be available to babysit.
Personally I would be pretty worried that there will be another baby in the equation soon.

Brace yourself, OP. She's likely to be pregnant again soon, and this one will be related to you. :/

YANBU in the slightest.

I’d be reading the riot act to gf frankly - in a nice way🤷🏼‍♀️
what sort of mum leaves their 4 and 2 year old with someone they’ve never met, or even a 17 year old boy who has no experience of child care
point out that you are warning her that her children could be in danger if she continues this casual approach to child safe guarding. Also point out that 2 children who are extremely young are not going o be happy being Left with someone don’t know, and it is naive of her to believe they’ll be unaffected- especially the 2 year old who, I expect, can only just talk a bit but will have very limited ability to express their needs.

also I’d be digging into why her own family aren’t able to help?

id also point out from next Monday 7th feb (unless delayed), an under 18 year old will not be able to marry under any circumstances. This is to protect young people against sexual and emotional exploitation. If ŷour son is considered too young for marriage by the state, why the hell does she think he is emotionally mature enough to look after 2 ready made very young kids that he’s only just met?

I don’t understand all the hand-wringing and “oh don’t tell him you think it’s wrong or you’ll push him away” 🙄.

Decent parenting involves correcting your children when they do something wrong; from trying to run in the road to hitting their brother to swearing in grandma’s earshot. This doesn’t suddenly stop when they are 17 - if they are doing something you don’t think is right, you tell them. God knows they’re quick enough to tell us everything we get wrong!

A 17 year old is not an adult unless they are earning and paying the rent on their own place and buying their own food. Therefore they need guidance and rules, just like any other kid. There’s no way on earth I would be entertaining the idea of my 17 year old having a “partner” after a two week relationship, and there’s certainly no way I’d be tacitly encouraging him to date an adult with children. Teenagers should be out having fun with their friends, and girl/boyfriends should be be a similar age and at a similar life stage.

This.

He needs a rude awakening on the realities of life and his mother should be first in line to deliver the message.

Although Op I would tread a bit lightly. As if he falls out with you he may simply move into her house... which is terrifying but possible

@FrostyFifi I'm 35 and my partner is 24. We work together in the same profession and he is a home owner so there is a lot to see in him. Age gaps can work with no issue but is dependent on the individuals and their circumstances.

Exactly! Whatever it takes to get him out of this situation. Idleness plus an unsuitable girlfriend is not a promising set of circumstances.

she doesn't have a partner, she has a teenage boyfriend she's been with for 2 months.

A 23 year old woman with two children dating a 17 year old boy, who has no issue with dumping her kids off with a woman she barely knows? You've got fucking rocks in your head if you don't judge her.

I would suggest that the adult girl friend do what any other adult would do. She should hire a sitter.
Tell you son that you have reservations about the relationship , and you will not be doing any thing to facilitate the relationship. You cannot stop him from seeing this woman, but you do not have to be helpful in facilitating the relationship.

There is nothing positive that a 23 year old woman with 2 children could hope to find in a relationship with a 17 year old boy. You should suggest to your son that he practice safe sex and be very responsible about contraception. Under no circumstances should he rely solely on whatever form of contraception that she uses.

No way on earth would I be doing anything to encourage that relationship. Why is this woman dating a boy? Weird.