Pronouns annoyance

[crochetmonkey74]

I support every human being having the right to be who they are. This is not a bashing thread but I do want views on this.
Today , my friend messaged something about a non binary celeb. I replied with "I like him I think he's great" she then sent a text lecture about misgendering.
I actually didn't do it deliberately. My thoughts are these though: how can you insist on how others (who you will never hear or even know about) talk about you?
I agree with referring to people however they want you to in real life of course, am I just being a grumpy old bag? I genuinely want to get better at understanding the pronoun thing. What are your thoughts?

I dont think it’s about insisting, I think it’s about basic respect.

My thoughts are it's tedious crybully bullshit

Just say "pronouns are in the eye of the beholder" .
They're a "he" to you. What about your "lived reality" and right to exist?

I think a simple mistake should be responded with just "Oh they use these pronouns" not a full lecture so you aren't being unreasonable there. Though about everything else, it's just respect - you wouldn't use she/her pronouns on a male solely because he'd never hear you. Don't think it really matters though tbh.

I definitely want to be respectful. But a stranger referring to you by a gendered pronoun in a text message that you will never see ? How can you ever think you have agency over that?

@SpanishGirly it’s really not

I do think about this often , and also old racial attitudes.
Everything evolves doesn't it. I just have this issue as a blind spot I guess.
I need to think about it more. I would never misgender someone to the opposite of how they present. I think it's the non binary 'they' I find the most tricky. Especially if the person still presents in traditional gender role

What's respectful about trying to force people to pretend they don't know full well what sex you are?

@SpanishGirly another ridiculous argument. People can change names. They can’t change sex.

I would think they were being deliberately obtuse almost as obtuse as trying to pretend they aren’t 2 biological sexes with well established and correct words ( both scientifically and grammatically ) to refer to these sexes

Came to say this!

Perfect response. 👏

I support every human being having the right to be who they are
what does that mean?

The world has gone mad.

YANBU

I must have missed this trend. In real life I've never heard anyone talk about " their pronouns" and I've only heard vaguely about what non binary means. I suspect that most non- UK people might be the same.

Meaning I am not anti this issue, or bashing anyone. Just genuinely wanting to discuss it

I'm not comfortable about people feeling empowered to insist on how others describe them in private I guess . But am I thinking of it all the wrong way?

At my work, it has to be on our emails

Your friend is a psycho. Why she getting so butt hurt. I will refer to someone if they want to be referred to as he or she, in real life whilst talking to them. If I was talking about them to my dh for example I will use which ever one I feel like.
But if they want to be referred to as they, I won't even bother communicating with them. Bc that's just stupid. Where does it stop? I identify as beautiful therefore you must Call me beautiful??

@crochetmonkey74 if my work asked me that I’d refuse on the basis that women already suffer discrimination in the workplace and making my sex even more obvious is unhelpful for me. But anyway, I have a very obviously female name. So “Jane she/her” is just so ridiculous.

if anyone signs “Jane them/they” I immediately think “massive drama llama, best to avoid.

I actually have joked about identifying as a 6 foot leggy blonde. Funnily enough, no one takes me seriously because I’m not. Obviously if I identify as a man everyone is meant to pretend I am one. It. Is. Bonkers.