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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Not to correct her anymore?

188 replies

Beachloveramy · 23/02/2023 18:40

My long term best friend repeatedly pronounces my baby's name wrong.
I used to correct her but now I let it go even though it drives me up the wall.

It's not a mainstream British name but it's equally not difficult to pronounce.

I know she's not doing it maliciously but I find it a bit ignorant and lazy not to try to pronounce it correctly. I say his name often but she clearly doesn't pay attention.

AIBU not to say anything even though it irks me?

OP posts:
Emptycrackedcup · 23/02/2023 19:59

YABU not to say anything directly. Just tell her!

JenniferBarkley · 23/02/2023 19:59

Thanks shock.

Quite enjoying the thought of Orange being sure to call every English Heather she meets Heathuh though Grin

Valuesarekey · 23/02/2023 20:03

Oh god. This is me. I find some things so hard to pronounce. I’m not lazy or ignorant. My brain and mouth just won’t do it!! One friends child I practice their name before I see them and carefully listen to how their mum pronounces it but still I can’t quite do it!!

Mind you there are certain words I can’t say either. Anaesthetists being one!

katseyes7 · 23/02/2023 20:03

My mam used to do this with one of my friends.
The friend was called Karen. Usual pronunciation. My mam insisted on calling her 'Kairen'.
I'd keep telling her. Perhaps she doesn't have a precise 'ear' for sounds, but she'll keep mispronouncing it if you don't.
Depends if it's something you're willing to put up with or not.

watchfulwishes · 23/02/2023 20:06

I'd actually say 'please could you pronouce it properly, it is Tee-jan' because that would piss me off.

And you can pronounce any name wrongly, even 'Ann' can be pronounced 'Arn' for example. So do that if she won't learn.

HotWaterBottleAndABook · 23/02/2023 20:06

Orangepolentacake · 23/02/2023 18:48

Disagree - friend in your scenario should say Orrrrla

I don’t understand this attitude. I think JenniferBarkely has it right.

My children have two languages. They and their father pronounce the name one way in Language A and they and I pronounce their names differently in Language B.

Friends and family pronounce their names either as they should in Language A or B usually (but not always) according to the language they are speaking.

Some people pronounce the names just wrongly and we correct them.

HotWaterBottleAndABook · 23/02/2023 20:10

JudgeRudy · 23/02/2023 18:57

I agree too. I worked with Eva. She's Polish and her name is pronounced Ay va. It's rude to call her Ee va

I can guarantee that there's a difference between the way you/ a non native Polish speaker would say 'Ayva' and the way she would pronounce 'Ayva'.

Obviously 'Eeva' is totally wrong.

Valuesarekey · 23/02/2023 20:12

Handy tip. Tell her it’s Like t-shirt. The link might help her remember. I have a friends child whose first part of their name is TWY. It’s pronounced like twine but I always think it’s like twin. I now picture her with a ball of twine on her head so I don’t get it wrong.

Valuesarekey · 23/02/2023 20:12

*TWI

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 23/02/2023 20:14

I don't know - some people just don't have a good ear for sounds. My mum continually does this to me and my kids. She really struggles to pronounce certain sounds.

Yes, I know people who either/or just can't mentally process/pronounce certain words or names. I don't know if there's something physiological about it or not, but to me, it seems to present as a verbal equivalent of dyslexia - which we don't generally try to shame people for having these days.

Of course, that might not be the friend's reason, but it is common - and not something that a lot of people can help.

If it is just a case of being lazy or stubbornly keeping it in her head that the name is A when it's actually B, then I agree you need to persist with her.

As for expecting people to use your own accent instead of their own when saying a name, though, how would people feel if they said every word in your accent when talking to you, instead of in their own? Wouldn't that just sound a tiny bit 'wrong' and possibly racist, depending on the circumstances?

Many English people just cannot pronounce a rhotic R - I believe it's something you frequently lose the ability for as a child, if the language you grow up speaking doesn't include it - any more than most of us could accurately make the 'clicking' sounds that feature in some African languages, or even some of the sounds in Dutch: when was the last time you ever heard a native English speaker pronounce Vincent Van Gogh's name correctly? Yes, he's long dead, so he isn't here to be personally offended; but it's the same principle.

StClare101 · 23/02/2023 20:18

Forget the corrections. Tell her straight out that she is pronouncing the name incorrectly and it’s not ok.

User505351 · 23/02/2023 20:21

My work colleague has a new daughter called Pearl. No matter how hard I try it comes out in my accent sounding like Perul. It sounds so different to how everyone else around me says it. I really can't help it. If I try to say it like he does I just sound like I'm making fun of him. I can never say her name ever again.

But if its not an accent thing them a direct correction is the only way.

GlassBunion · 23/02/2023 20:24

My mum is Polish .
Her name is Teresa.
It's pronounced Te-re-sa. It's phonetic. It follows the English phonetic system of pronunciation.

A thousand times my mum has said that her name is Te-re-sa.
And a thousand times back she's been answered
' Oh , you mean Tuh-ree-zuh.'

It pisses me off no end. My mum has somehow inured herself to her name being pronounced incorrectly.

Just say someone's name as they say it. By all means ask how to spell it , but it's not hard to copy someone's way of saying it. Just copy the sounds that their mouth makes... don't anglicise it.

JimnJoyce · 23/02/2023 20:25

but Orrrla is different. I cannot roll my R's so its impossible for me to pronounce it the irish way.

BadNomad · 23/02/2023 20:30

A lot of English people can't say "Ireland" properly either because of the R thing. It's usually Ahlind or Eyelind. No nagging at them is going to make that R happen. Some things you just have to let go.

TangledWebOfDeception · 23/02/2023 20:35

Valuesarekey · 23/02/2023 20:12

Handy tip. Tell her it’s Like t-shirt. The link might help her remember. I have a friends child whose first part of their name is TWY. It’s pronounced like twine but I always think it’s like twin. I now picture her with a ball of twine on her head so I don’t get it wrong.

I was going to say this too. I have an unusual name which people often mishear/mispronounce at first. I quite often have to help people with a cue like this - in my case I use a part of the body to illustrate. After I’ve told people that it always sticks with them. Yes, certain nasty people do mispronounce names on purpose but for many others it’s just a blind spot in their brain.

If she persists you’ll know she’s being shitty on purpose and I’d just cool the friendship tbh.

user1501270679 · 23/02/2023 20:36

I have a name that sounds very different in a strong Glaswegian accent to how it sounds in my southern English accent. The stress is completely different. It is a relatively popular names among some communities in France, and they don't pronounce some of the letters at all, let alone 'correctly'. But that isn't 'mispronouncing' my name, it is just an accent.

I do think that demanding people pronounce a phoneme not used in their mother tongue, is actually at best naive, and at worst a little bit nasty.

ilovesushi · 23/02/2023 20:38

Some people are weirdly deaf to pronunciation. My DM has a very very close and old friend whose name she constantly mispronounces. She says the vowel sound as 'ay' while everyone else pronounces it 'ee'. Drives me nuts but the friend seems at peace with it. I put it down to almost a colour blindness but with sounds.

Shayisgreat · 23/02/2023 20:39

Ah OP I'm on your side. That would really annoy me and I would correct her every single time.

I'm Irish and LOVE the name Orla but I would never expect someone with an English accent to pronounce it the same way as me. I think it's hilarious that some posters here are suggesting that people completely change the way they talk to accommodate Irish names. Particularly as I expect if someone named Thea lived in Dublin her name would likely be pronounced Tia and nobody would be expected to change their accent to accommodate the th.

Delphinium20 · 23/02/2023 20:41

There are people who don't have the same ability to hear sounds - they often aren't musical nor good w/ enunciation. I doubt highly she's doing it to be difficult, more likely it's stuck in her head and she's not hearing the nuanced pronunciation difference. Also, once an adult learns a language, its phoneme and sounds, it can be difficult to learn new sounds especially if they only know one language fluently.

RockCrushesLizard · 23/02/2023 20:44

I have a daughter with an -ia ending name, that my MIL constantly mispronounces.
Think Claudia becoming Claud-yuh, rafter than Claud-ee-ah

It's infuriating. I'm hoping my other kids start correcting her soon!

If it was my friend I'd definitely say "we prefer Claud-ee-ah please"

SongforWhoever · 23/02/2023 20:45

I have a name that most people can't pronounce. I think it's straightforward when I explain the vowel sound but people still don't get it. It happens so much that not everyone can be deliberately being awkward, it must be a problem that many people have with pronunciation.
This is why my children have common, easy to pronounce names.

IsaacNewtonPoppleford · 23/02/2023 20:48

English people just won't say it that way

It is actually very difficult to learn vowel and consonant sounds that one didn't learn as a child and it goes both ways, as there are lots of people from other linguistic backgrounds who can't pronounce some English names correctly either, however hard they try.

Some people struggle with this even more than others. I can't roll my Rs for example, even though I studied French from quite a young age and did try for a long time and my accent isn't bad otherwise. Plus hearing and memory issues can come into it and make getting unfamiliar names right even more of a problem.

The OP's friend might be a CF as there are many name-based CFs around who can't be bothered in many different ways. Or she might not.

BubziOwl · 23/02/2023 20:50

BadNomad · 23/02/2023 20:30

A lot of English people can't say "Ireland" properly either because of the R thing. It's usually Ahlind or Eyelind. No nagging at them is going to make that R happen. Some things you just have to let go.

Yeah this is true.

But also, I very much can say Ireland in the same way Irish people do, or at least close enough. But it would be extremely weird for me to pronounce it that way - I'd feel like I was taking the piss! Why would I suddenly pronounce my Rs like that when I don't for any other word?

Also, my best friend is from a European country and has a name that's got a common English equivalent which she always goes by in the U.K. - it's the exact same name really, but just some subtle pronunciation differences. I once thought I'd try and teach myself how to pronounce it in her language, and she told me I sounded like a twat and should stick to the English way 🤣

LouLouLabby · 23/02/2023 20:53

I would probably just ask her outright, how come you always pronounce it Tie-Jan? and stare her direct in the eye while I do, wait for her reaction.

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