Not to correct her anymore?

[Beachloveramy]

My long term best friend repeatedly pronounces my baby's name wrong.
I used to correct her but now I let it go even though it drives me up the wall.

It's not a mainstream British name but it's equally not difficult to pronounce.

I know she's not doing it maliciously but I find it a bit ignorant and lazy not to try to pronounce it correctly. I say his name often but she clearly doesn't pay attention.

AIBU not to say anything even though it irks me?

My best friend is like a sister, I’m nearly 50, I don’t even remember meeting her both aged 5, we’ve grown up together and talk every day.

If she couldn’t be arsed to pronounce my child’s name right, I’d think something was seriously off. And yes, I’d be miffed.

To be fair, she wouldn’t - in a million years - do it. And I have a DC with a name that can be pronounced multiple ways (and has been used as an example on this thread).

Is she saying it phonetically?

I'm sure it is annoying. I have a normal name that can be spelled 4 different ways. My way is the original, typical way of spelling it. Always has been. My grandmother has never spelled it right once in 40-odd years. Despite me sending her cards every birthday and Christmas signed with my name. There is just something in her brain that tells her this is how it is.

I agree here- It takes as much effort to say a name incorrectly as correctly, so your friend is being a little passive aggressive here-

Not the same thing, but I have a dog with a name that people get wrong- I don’t bother correcting them, but would if she was a human, because it’s a respect thing.

I have this with my DD's name - without outing myself, it's the difference between bath and baaaaath - which in this country is a location/accent-based issue for most people. I go between correcting people, correcting people who should know better, and leaving it. But the wrong form sounds very ugly.

It informed my subsequent kids' names, that's for sure.

I would keep correcting her

I've been unable to hear differences in pronunciations before. I wish OP would tell us the name. Helena has at least 4 different pronunciations & I get totally confused about them (for instance).

I would make a proper deal about it without being rude.

So, correct her and then say something like “I’m not correcting you to be difficult- it’s just that dd is starting to learn the sound of her name when I say it (or something else age appropriate) and it really matters to me that she hears it correctly. It’s x not y.

Like others, I think there’s a difference between mispronouncing because you genuinely can’t make the right sound and mispronouncing because you can’t be bothered.

I can’t pronounce a close friend’s name correctly (has an “r” in it, and I have a non-rhotic accent and can’t roll my “r”s). She can’t pronounce my name correctly (have a sound in my name that doesn’t exist in her first language). We just get as close as we can, and call it good.

@lljkk , HEL-uh-nuh, Hel-ENN-a, Hel-EE-na, Hel-AY-na. I'd assume the first and be prepared to be corrected.

Can't believe you're so precious about it.

As long as you know who she is referring to, and it sounds as though you do, why does it matter...

People have often mis pronounced my name and /or spelt it wrong (v similar to other names) , but I don't need to make a 'thing' out of it and be offended. I know they mean me.

This is very outing but the name is Tijan.

It's pronounced Tee-Jan and she calls him Tie-jan.

I have corrected her in the past but she still does it so recently I haven't been correcting her.

I will do it from now on though. I honestly don't think she does it intentionally but I think its ignorant to not make the effort.

Her name is impossible to pronounce incorrectly but thanks for that advice 😅

It does sound like she's saying it how it looks.

Might be a bit late in the day now but have you actually said.. ‘you know you’re pronouncing his name wrong don’t you? It’s …..’, rather than just saying the name properly after she’s incorrectly said it? I don’t know how she could ignore that going forward

Mine is a mainstream British name, but people constantly call me the male version
It's only happened the past few years
I send an email from "Samantha" and get a reply "thanks Samuel"
Wait at the doctors "samuel?"
I'm standing right in front of you with K cup boobs, my name is written on your notes and I'm not male

It's at the point at which I'm about to change my name

If I was that precious I'd have obviously made a big deal out of it sooner... that's why I'm asking advice on it.

I live in Wales and would always attempt to pronounce a name correctly, but my dh cannot roll his ‘r’s to save his life. It depends, the English language doesn’t produce an active tongue whereas the Welsh language does, so if he can’t roll his ‘r’s some names won’t be pronounced exactly right as the sound just isn’t possible for him, I think that’s the point being made.

I'd definitely correct that OP, it's an accent thing. I'd do it lightheartedly and hope she takes it well. "It's tea like the drink, not tie like a bow!"

Not "Tee-yan" then ? 😉

I have an unusual name and have grown up with everyone and their dog pronouncing it wrong, making fun of it, making a big deal of it, asking me the origin of the name, etc. It used to upset me until one day I realised I didn't give a shit. I get a ton of work emails with my name spelled wrong and all I take from that is that those people don't have attention to detail, autocorrect has struck, too stressed to notice, etc.

I also have had the boss who never learned my name and always called me a different name. All I thought was "you wanker" 🤣

One of my close friends struggles with DD's name, because her cousin's DD has what I would describe as the exact same name, but spelled with extra letters and pronounced in an insane non standard way. So my friend has had to consciously learn that pronunciation and I can see it's really hard for her to get her brain lined up to use the standard pronunciation for my DD. So I don't give a crap and have told her not to worry about it, I am not offended! Unlike her cousin who apparently is constantly offended as no one can decode the name 🫠

Definitely correct her each time OP, if it's a genuine difficulty it will help her and if not at least you're calling her out each time.

BIL (who has form for being a bit of a pillock) constantly pronounces my middle DC's name wrong. Her name is Annabel, he says 'Arnabel' (think how Anna in Frozen says her name). It's nothing to do with his accent, and in fact his partner's name is Lianna, which he pronounces with the 'anna' as it should be in my daughter's name. I used to correct him, then DC1 took over ("No Uncle X, the baby's name is Annabel"), now my DD corrects him herself. It hasn't changed him, but at least it draws attention to it and he looks a bit of a fool when a four year old keeps telling him he's got her name wrong.

I have a friend called Peadar. We're in Ireland. It's unbelievable how many ways Irish people find to pronounce that wrong. He doesn't bother to correct them more than once any more. He's Pedder, Padder, Peedir, even Peter to different people.

@ouch321 , just because it doesn't bother you, doesn't mean it doesn't bother other people.

I mean, if it's a name like Tanya, that can be pronounced tarn-yuh or tan-yuh..your kid will have this all through their life.

Ride if the friend though.

Well you wouldn't be in the majority with that stance, @Orangepolentacake .

I think that @JenniferBarkley has it spot on.

If I was your best friend I would make sure I pronounced the name correctly. It's rude, unkind and downright shabby to keep getting it wrong. You need to tell her that it quite rightly upsets you

As a person with a name from a language that's rarely familiar to English-speaking people (Scottish Gaelic - I am Scottish and Gaelic is my first language!), I don't take offence if it is initially mispronounced, but I do correct people (gently and politely, but firmly).

I work in a global organisation with many international colleagues and if I come across a name I'm not familiar with, I make a note of it with the phonetic pronunciation. I'll also ask people what they prefer to be called and the pronunciation isn't obvious to me, I'll ask politely. Similarly, I don't mind doing the same when other people ask me.

I do get a bit cross, though, if people repeatedly mispronounce or misspell my name after an initial gentle correction.