Not to correct her anymore?

[Beachloveramy]

My long term best friend repeatedly pronounces my baby's name wrong.
I used to correct her but now I let it go even though it drives me up the wall.

It's not a mainstream British name but it's equally not difficult to pronounce.

I know she's not doing it maliciously but I find it a bit ignorant and lazy not to try to pronounce it correctly. I say his name often but she clearly doesn't pay attention.

AIBU not to say anything even though it irks me?

Is it possible she actually can't say it? My friend's DD is called Anaïs and it's astonishing how many people just cannot seem to pronounce it, even when it's broken down for them.

People struggle to pronounce my name correctly. It wound me up badly until I met someone called Tanya who liked her name pronounced with an "ah" rather than and "ar" (I.e. Tanya rather than "Tarnyar") and I literally could not hear the difference and it took me ages to get it!
Does your little one"s name rhyme with anything? That might help your friend to hear the difference? E.g. I knew someone called Ame who always introduced herself as "Ame, rhymes with yummy"

Should people anglicise names that are pronounced in a not anglicised way/ are not usual English names? Even if the parent or the person themselves asks that they stick to the original pronunciation?

Also, a thing doesn’t exist just because you’ve never heard anyone do it.

I'm not good with sounds, so I honestly often don't notice when I am mispronouncing someone's name.

I'm very sorry, but just repeating it correctly won't give me any clue because the two pronunciations will sound the same to me. I'm not musical either so don't notice people singing out of tune. I think it's more common than anyone who does notice imagines. DH could hardly believe his ears when he finally (sic) noticed that I genuinely don't hear differences.

What does help me is if you say something like 'yes, it's difficult to say that name, isn't it'. Let me try showing you, it's xxxxxx not yyyyyyyy

Say that every time it happens. Only add tinkly laugh if this doesn't elicit at least an attempt to get it right.

Good luck.

That’s your choice, as the parent. Your daughter may choose differently when she’s older. Or not. If you, or your daughter in the future, don’t mind, that’s ok. That’s not the OP’s case.

No one is saying anyone should anglicise anything, but you also can't expect people to completely change how they speak because of one letter in your name.

This isn't Caoimhe being told to spell is Keeva, this is an English person saying Orla, it just sounds a bit different (just like they would say draw for drawer, for example). Nothing ignorant about it.

This

What you are saying = anglicising

What is the name?

Very very simple solution to this. Pronounce HER name incorrectly EVERY TIME. Like, EVERY FUCKING TIME. If her name is Lynne call her Lisa, if her name is Kate call her Kath, if her name is Louise call her Lucy.

I did this with an old so-called friend who kept CONTINUALLY calling me by my maiden name even 20+ years after I got married, writing to me in my maiden name, and spelling my Christian name/first name wrong. I pointed it out a few times and she STILL did it.

Frankly, she was pissed off that I was married and she wasn't. She'd never admit it, but she was FURIOUS when I said I was getting married as she thought she would get married first, and her DP dumped her after 7 years together, just a few days after my DP (now DH) proposed... When I had my first child, she kept deliberately getting HER name wrong too. 100% deliberate. It often is when people do this. They will deny it, but it is.

In the end, I sent her a Christmas card with her name spelt stupidly. (About 9 years ago...) So if her name is Julie Harris.. I put is Jubiloo Parris. To take the piss - like she does. Never heard from her again. Result!

My 'friend' was jealous. Could yours be @Beachloveramy ???

I agree with you that is probably what is happening but also, it’s possible she thinks she’s pronouncing it correctly even in your first scenario. I did this (not exact but very similar) myself and didn’t realize until YEARS later after I’d gotten a degree in languages and understood the subtleties of pronunciation, accents, vowel sounds, self awareness etc in recognizing that the way my friends pronounced their child’s name was indeed different than the way I did. Now they never said anything to me so the op’s friend has been told but just in case, give the benefit of the doubt and talk to them about it.

@NaomiS1 It's a good suggestion about comparing the name to a word it rhymes with, but I can't see how Ame rhymes with yummy? Unless Ame is pronounced Ay-ummy?

Correct every single time

Most people whose native accent is non-rhotic will find it extremely difficult to pronounce Orla correctly.

It's not deliberately anglicising (speaking for myself), it's just abject failure to make a particular sound with my mouth. When I speak French with my non-native French accent, I'm not anglicising, I'm just not quite getting the accent right.

Back to the OP though, it really does depend on the nature of the mispronunciation.

Every time she does it you should pronounce her name wrong, see how she likes them apples.

So you’re saying people with a non-rhotic accent should put on a rhotic accent?

DD has a friend called Orla. Dad is Irish and pronounced it Orla. Mum is a Kiwi and pronounced it Awla.

I have a Greek friend called Anna. She pronounces it Ah-na (not with a long first ‘a’ as in ‘cat’). So I pronounce it Ah-na.

DS has a Thai friend called Pak, pronounced Puk. Everyone pronounces it Puk.

This is different from literally changing your accent and, quite frankly, sounding like you’re taking the piss out of someone else’s accent.

-Mum ‘pronounces it (present tense).

For an example, my friends pronounced the ‘a’ as ah in their child’s name and the ena as ayna while I pronounced the a as the a in bag and the ena as eena. And I truly did not realize what I was doing. Even though they said the name many times. I simply didn’t notice the difference as a ‘big’ difference if that makes sense. Of course now I realize what I did, after learning things about linguistics later on.

Oh god I was your friend once. O genuinely could not tell the difference between the way I was saying it and the way my friend said the name. I had to use her accent before she was happy with how I said it. I ended up just avoiding saying the name.

@Luredbyapomegranate that is literally the only way I have ever heard of pronouncing Nye Oh Me. What’s the alternative please?
I think you need to be a person with an eye for detail to understand that names are important and to make that effort to get them right. So very many people have no eye for details at all! They’re usually not trying to be obtuse, they’re just clueless that it matters.

Nay-oh-mee

I don't understand why this drives you up the wall? You say she's your best friend? My best friend is someone I love dearly, and am SO happy she's in my life, if she pronounced my child's name wrong, I can't see why I'd care? She supports me in so many ways, and I treasure her, she pronounces something wrong, so what? Unless you're not that close?

I say keep correcting her and when you child is old enough get then to continue to correct her, I have had a teacher and a boss who constantly mispronounced my name and many other randoms, my name is Caroline not Carolyn, I am a line a fecking line, it boils my piss when people keep on getting it wrong.

My dd is Eloisa.NOT Eloise. We spent her childhood correcting people as frankly that's being lazy. As an adult she ignores Eloise and if people push she asks "You do realise that's not my name?" Suddenly they can say it right....

If its something like that 100 % correct. My other dd is Aoife I accept some mis pronunciation but not all. Ava /eve. Gets met with "It's said E-fa." If they can't say it with an Irish pronunciation but uses Efa I'm ok. My mother who insisted on Fifi got a blunt. "That's not her name"

I spend ages learning my Indian friends dds name Ikshula. Took me a while to learn how to do thst sound. I never decided to just.call her hula or similar. Just apologised and got her to say it again. I learned and now think it's a gorgeous name.

To me its all about intent. If the intent is to try to get it right I will accept this with good grace. If its a lazy "I.cant be bothered w that" I don't accept it .

@LovedmyRaleighChopper , Na-O-mi or NAY-Uh-mi, not Nigh-O-mi

@Beachloveramy , the pronunciation Awla for Orla is mainstream in parts of the UK that has a non-rhotic accent.

I don't understand the 'putting on an accent' argument.
I'd say Ewa as Ayva, Wiola as Vee-o-la etc.. There's no accent involved in those.
Even if the name was something like Piotr, I'd try to say it how Piotr, or Piotr's parents said it, not a Pee-otter.