To end my relationship because my partner went on a boys trip and ended up with a prostiture in a hotel...

[Blackbirdsinginginthedeadofnight]

Long story short. I didn't want him to go on the trip as he was away not that long ago, he ignored me and went anyway.

On the first night there he got so drunk he went to a nightclub that he and his friends knew was a place where prostitutes go to meet men. He left the club with a girl and she took him to a hotel. Apparently, he was so drunk he couldn't get it up, and after an hour of her trying he fell asleep and she left. I found out because he tried to pay for the hotel with my bank card that he has in his wallet and I put two and two together.

After an hour or two of me trying to get hold of him to ask what was going on, at which time he blocked my calls, he then called me back and 'confessed' everything.

I confess that I have never had to witness him blind drunk so I can't get a sense of how he may have been but they had been drinking for around 8-9 hours by this point and had been awake for almost 24 hours. Not that it is an excuse but I just want to give a sense of what he may have been like. He claims it was the alcohol and he really didn't know what he was doing and feels utterly ashamed of his actions. He has promised to ditch his 'mates' who are all in their 50's but act like they're 'lads' when on these trips. And he swears he didn't have sex, which I don't believe as I think he is trying to be somewhat honest but is minimising so he's not out and out lying.

I love him very much and am heartbroken at what he has done and don't think I can get past it. It feels like a deal breaker to me but I just wanted other perspectives on it.

Will my life just be filled with distrust if I take him back or can it be gotten over? I've asked him to go to the sexual health clinic for his own safety as much as anyone's, which he has agreed to do. Things were really good in our relationship so there is no real reason he would have done this which makes it even worse in a way.

Please be kind - I'm really hurting right now and would just like some opinions from anyone who may have been through similar. Thanks

You didn't mention how long you've been together but this is 100% a deal breaker.

As for his friends, he's with that type because he is that type.

I bet you've never been blind drunk and went and got a prostitute. Neither have I.

Normal decent men don't do that.

I agree with the PP, at the age of 58 its highly doubtful that this would have been his first time. They (he and his friends) knew exactly where to go and what to do afterwards.

Open your eyes OP, this man is lying to you.

All this!!

If you are not married. Financially independent. No children together. I’d run. Why bother with him?

Can you imagine his reaction if you ended up drunk in a hotel room (using his money) with a man?

I couldn't get past it
He's 58 not 18

So sorry, no, I don't think there can be any coming back from that, even if that is "all" that happened. But for what it's worth, I agree with you that he's probably minimising. I believe his story will be the absolute best case scenario, which is still bad. The truth is very probably worse.

Theres no need to even ask if its OK to dump a man who only didn't sleep with a prostitute because after an hour of her working on his flaccid member he couldn't do the deed

Grim beyond words dump the prat

I can’t believe you are 43 and considering putting up with this shit.

You deserve better. You are better. End it and find some inner peace. You’ll never have any whilst you stay with him

Yes, this is what I was trying to say.

He couldn't get it up, but there will have been other sex acts, whether he admits to them or not.

As a op said, cheating (or trying to) can not be excused or explained by drink, his personality and morals do that.

A drunken kiss that he pushed away from? I could excuse the drink but leaving a place, booking a room, trying or having sex? There was plenty of time for a drunk brain to stop and say no!

I'm not sure I could ever forgive that. I might hang on long enough to extract myself and the children from the marriage carefully but the marriage would be over for me.

Ditch the vile scrote

This! I believe another one of his friends definitely had sex or certainly has done this type of thing before so it is very probable he also took someone back to a hotel. Apparently, there were a few of them who went to the club and all disappeared one by one. Would you tell their wife? I think I'd want to know because of the risk of STI's etc but I don't know them personally so it feels wrong. I also feel sick at the thought of them all going away and doing this and thinking it is okay when most of them have young daughters and families. It's repulsive isn't it!

He happily spent an hour and a half trying very hard to cheat on you though. But don't worry, he was so out of it he's not responsible...

Shocking that you’re even thinking of keeping this vile specimen hanging about. I’d rather pull my own teeth out than date a boyfriend who coerces sex out of women and views them as objects for him to use as a sex aid. Indefensible. Dump the scum and tell everyone what he did.

Me and my husband have been very very drunk separately and together. Not once have we taken a prostitute back to a hotel. Make of that what you will, but you would be an absolute fool to trust this man again.

'he ignored me and went anyway'
'he went to a nightclub that he and his friends knew was a place where prostitutes go to meet men. He left the club with a girl and she took him to a hotel'
'he blocked my calls'

He supports prostitution (by where he drinks and by buying services)
He ignores you.
He hides things from you

You love him... but not what he does or what he believes about other women.

So because he was drunk he picked up a prostitute, but because he was TOO drunk he didn't have sex with her?
Conversely if he'd been slightly less drunk he WOULD have had sex with her and if he'd been slightly less drunk than that he wouldn't have picked her up at all?
Is that an accurate summary?

Imagine if his hunger affected his desire to be unfaithful to you and shag sex workers also? 'I was ravenous so I picked up a prostitute but when it came down to it I was actually faint with hunger so I couldn't shag her; if I'd had a mars bar in my pocket I'd have had sex with her, or if I'd only been peckish initially I'd have just leered at her a bit......'

Get rid.

You know you’re not being unreasonable.

The only reason he didn't cheat with a prostitute is that he had a limp dick.
Then he paid for the hotel off your card- with your funds.
Oh and for good measure seems to have let his mates take a bit of the blame.

Think more of yourself, tell old floppy dick to get the fuck out of your life because men don't go from respecting women to wanting to purchase their bodies after a few drinks.

I mean if you definitely want to contract hpv then stick with him otherwise I'd say move on

why are you even asking? How could you continue?

What are your circumstances OP? can you easily leave him?

If he was 20 I might be inclined to believe this was the first time but I simply do not believe that a 58 yo man had a complete reversal of character and made a first visit to a prostitute. I'm sure he has done this many times before.

Nor do,I believe he couldn't get it up - although it really doesn't make any difference.

The only unreasonable thing you could do here would be to stay with him.

If no kids involved then I wouldn't think twice. I know it's hard. Do you have your own finances and a place to stay if not for a few nights?