What would you do if you were us?

[BigOldOak]

Sell or stay? Both turned 40 this month. DC 10 & 2.

YANBU Option 1- stay where we are. Been here 20+ years, nothing left to do to house, low maintenance, small garden, kids bedrooms aren’t massive, modern comforts and warm. Lovely safe community village, beach on doorstep, good neighbours, but are surrounded by them on all sides as an estate.
Small mortgage meaning no £ worries, DC could have private education, I don’t have to go back to work.

Option 2- move to large period house, lots of potential, barn (that could be converted and rented out), 2 acres, very secluded but can walk to the town. Needs a lot of maintenance cosmetic work as basic original eg old windows/kitchen/bathroom but nothing structural. Would have no/minimal money for renovations until I go back to work (which I’d planned to do when nursery free hours start), starting again with a big mortgage, tighter financial belt, no holidays/private school. DC could just about walk to the only school (huge with not a great reputation)

I love gardening and DIY, DH not so much. Big house and garden would be a dream forever home for us all but does it trump education and £ security? We have always been cautious but for some reason both feel like taking a leap!

Or are we having midlife crises?

One word sold it to me to stay. Beach.
I would choose this all day long

Why is there even an option 2 If option 1 house has a beach on the doorstep 😂

You’d like option 2
your kids would probably hate it
be somewhere where they can have independence as teens and get to friends easily

Well based on your update you need to seriously crunch the numbers.

You need to understand if it's really feasible. I'm sure you could get an idea of running costs for similar properties from these boards.

Some people's pinched is still relatively comfortable so it is down to figures.

Or run a basic but affordable campsite. They've all gone nuts!

How good are the local small private schools really? Is the marginal improvement you may see in your child's exam results worth all the money you are considering investing (and remember privately educated children then underperform at university)? Property is a tangible investment that you can sell if need be, private education is like booze and holidays, once it's spent there's no way to get that money back. I think stretching yourself financially to send your DC to a posh school is the crazy choice. The barn might not be the perfect property for you and your family but choosing to invest in property seems the more sensible choice.

Stay put but save so you have options.
Only move if education ducks are lined up. DC education and hobbies will have the most impact on you as a family.
Option 3 might be in a better location and not quite so big or in need of repairs..

I’d stay

I might go.

It sounds like private school would be a huge financial drain so you'll end up skint either way but at least option two has financial security to show for the outlay.

Only you can assess if private school is going to be worth it. Imo it usually isn't.

The quality of life that would come to a gardener with a big garden shouldn't be underestimated.

It sounds like you're stagnating in your very cosy current life which could lead to unstable relationships later as you're only 40 but sound older.

If you're going back to work and you want to do that, a bigger house is a possibility. If you really want to be at home with the children, I would not sacrifice that for a bigger house.

The only thing that would make me hesitate is the beach. Otherwise I’m Option 2 all the way. Possibly influenced by growing up in such a house, and bringing my children in up in a similar situation.

There’s so much going on at home - dens to build, campfires to cook on, food to grow, ponies/bikes to ride, chickens to look after, pizza ovens to build - that we don’t need to leave to find entertainment so much at weekends. It’s a complete lifestyle thing for us, rather than just being where we live.

We’re lucky that we’ve brought up our DC in this environment so they love it too. It also helps that most of their friends live in similar set ups, so they don’t see them all being able to walk to each other’s homes and feel like they’re missing out.

Play safe with an option 3. A more affordable change with less major work to do.

I'd wait until the children are older...you can always move another time

OP, seeing as you got some feedback from us now, what do you think/feel?

Option 1 , financial security is priceless. I have lived in a period property and it was an absolute money pit .

Option 1 for me. Less worry and more money to enjoy life!

I would want to move as don't like the thought of neighbours, especially so close. But option 2 doesn't sound ideal if you can't carry out the improvements needed. Maybe wait for another house to come on the market that meets your requirements and leaves you more financially secure?

Option 1.

And I say that from an Option 2! But I didn't have option one before I moved here.

Stay put.

Option 1. Period houses can be an absolute money pit and it sounds as if you have a nice lefe where you are now.

Option 1. Don't throw away all that you have, good neighbours etc. While I understand the attraction, option 2 doesn't really sound financially manageable, and if you are working and parenting a small child I suspect you'll struggle to find time to manage renovations and a 2 acre garden, which could quickly become a burden.

We were in the same situation minus the schools fees as its not something we would do we live in area with great comps. We went for option 2, mortgage tripled overnight, lots of hard work and money, but I cannot describe the happiness this forever home gives us. We are just genuinely all so much more fulfilled being in a home that gives us what we want, it wont be anywhere near finished for about 10 years but we recognise that. Me and DH do WFH so spent a lot of time at home so it was really important to us. We will holiday in the UK for the foreseeable future but we have been to America/Asia/Europe and feel satisfied with the lack of abroad holidays for awhile, TBH we wasted so much money pre the move as it was never an issue, takeaways etc, now I have to budget and I actually enjoy it, I'm growing my own veg now and meal planning.

Is a large, high-maintenance house and garden really your long-term dream? And if you've got a few years left to live, you need to plan for a world without affordable cars. Stay put.

Unless it's REALLY your dream, of course...

(Oh, and LTB. 'No reason, but this IS Mumsnet!)

if we were not in such uncertain times I would be leaping for option 2 but until we know what China and Russia are going to do I would hold tight for at least this year.

Stay put an keep an eye out for something intermediate. It ain't broke, so don't fix it, and you can get a bit saved ready for when the right house does turn up.

Stay. Buy yourself a caravan, tent or motorhome and go touring in the holidays. When you get home it will seem huge anyway. I’d rather think 10 yrs ahead and look at downsizing (if necessary when the kids start flying the nest. Nothing worse than just the two of you rattling around a big house.

I'm with you. Even then I'd look for something with fewer downsides if I decided to move.

Option 1 is better bet

DC will not want to be cut off from friends in the countryside, you will have to drive them everywhere

Also what happens if one of you can't work for some reason you will have lots of stress

Stay where you are and save up so that you can have more of a financial buffer in the future