What would you do if you were us?

[BigOldOak]

Sell or stay? Both turned 40 this month. DC 10 & 2.

YANBU Option 1- stay where we are. Been here 20+ years, nothing left to do to house, low maintenance, small garden, kids bedrooms aren’t massive, modern comforts and warm. Lovely safe community village, beach on doorstep, good neighbours, but are surrounded by them on all sides as an estate.
Small mortgage meaning no £ worries, DC could have private education, I don’t have to go back to work.

Option 2- move to large period house, lots of potential, barn (that could be converted and rented out), 2 acres, very secluded but can walk to the town. Needs a lot of maintenance cosmetic work as basic original eg old windows/kitchen/bathroom but nothing structural. Would have no/minimal money for renovations until I go back to work (which I’d planned to do when nursery free hours start), starting again with a big mortgage, tighter financial belt, no holidays/private school. DC could just about walk to the only school (huge with not a great reputation)

I love gardening and DIY, DH not so much. Big house and garden would be a dream forever home for us all but does it trump education and £ security? We have always been cautious but for some reason both feel like taking a leap!

Or are we having midlife crises?

You clearly want a bigger house. Look at nearby villages…we used to live in a very expensive village…moved 7 miles houses cheaper and dont even notice the 12 minutes in the car to go back.

Personally I’d stay put but ultimately follow your heart.

I would be weighing up option 2. The children are at the age they will love the space, you can use your time to add value to the property & worse case sell on after a few years with your diy providing payback on the investment. We did this, very flexible around childcare arrangements, just have all bases covered so in worst case you have a get out plan. If you have itchy feet now, why not move when you can all enjoy it as a family. In later years you won’t need the space and can downsize.

In 16 years time, both children will be off the nest and out in the world ; you and DH will be rattling around in a big house struggling with the fuel bills, higher CT, repairs and maintenance.

Or, in 16 years time, both children will be gone and your small convenient home in a great community will be ideal for a middle aged couple contemplating being able to afford early retirement, world travel, house swaps etc.

Oh wow! Have just read responses but ffs the voting is 50/50! Fabulous stories too! But very split still aren’t you all?! 😂

Seriously though, there’s been some fantastic advice thank you so much but no decision made yet!

Have more second viewers at our house tomorrow and I think I may ask for a second look at big ole house… just to torture myself a bit more cast a more critical eye over it.

I did this in 2019 and chose option 2. I now have a half finished house, covid lead our business into a near crash (and we still haven't recovered), and I spend a lot of time in the car.

I would pick option 1

It'll help your decision of you price it up properly.

The dream can't become reality unless it can be financed, so it's all a pipe dream pie in the sky until you can get some actual figures on it.

5 years ago, I made the mistake of choosing Option 2. I felt, like you, that I needed more space. Moved away from my nice community to somewhere with less amenities/worse schools etc (as you plan to). Ploughed all my time, money and energy into it. Got a lot done in the pandemic (curiously good timing!) and finally finished it late '21. However, during that time, I pretty much stopped all my hobbies/going out/travelling, barely saw my friends/family etc.
I genuinely enjoyed doing all the work, but I am still just so shattered. I'm tired of the house, the experience, the stress, the constant maintenance and it's just so expensive to run. Yes, I'm (financially) wealthier than I would've been if I hadn't moved, but I was so much happier in my Option 1 home.

I'm now looking for the elusive Option 3 (financial stability AND happy). I mean, it's gotta be possible, right?

Ah option three. I think I have found 1 1/2. We are buying a house that is modern but 30% cheaper than its period equivalent. The remaining £250k plus has been used to buy a company I admire. It may provide me with a more gentle working day. I loved my renovation projects. Op if you are on the market you are moving! Ffs don't spend too much on silly kitchens etc.

Option 1 1/2 you say? now that's a thought...
*wanders off to find a calculator & a large pad of paper

Feels like too big a leap for me. If you want a new challenge, find something where you’ll still have some financial cushion, rather than sinking it all into one potentially risky pot.

I would say stick with option 1. Or find another more reasonable option 2.
I picked option 2 with very similar options to yourself, my husband is a tradie who can do all the work saving us so much money but we have lost all time together and have added nothing but stress to our lives at such an important time for our young children. I regret not being able to spend as much time with kids because I now have to work a lot to help cover the costs when we could have waited, and we bought the house with the advice of surveyors that it was sound structurally but you never know what’s hiding and could cost you a lot more down the line. Enjoy your family time at least for now! X

I don't think it's a sensible financial decision to make considering the current situation with mortgages, energy bills and general increase in cost of living particularly if things would become very tight for you. I'm a similar age and me and my partner are currently saving to buy our first home but we have both decided to keep saving and hold off until interest rates fall again as no way we want to buy somewhere that falls in value and costs us a fortune on a mortgage and lose money.

Another vote for option 1. Has anyone said 2?

This!!!! ⬆️

Option 2. Go for it. If you let it slip by now, you will regret it 10 or 20 years down the road, when you see it up for sale for 10 times as much because someone else lived ur dream. Be ready to graft and go without, and if a nice easy lifestyle is more important then stay put. But something tells me your both on board and both have the hunger. It’s not for the faint hearted. I’m sure you’ll reap what you sow.
Good luck OP.

Isn't everyone dull. They're not wrong but my goodness, you can see how people get bored out of their skins with just living when any adventure is dismissed without a second thought.

Ok not everyone but so so many think you'd be a fool to move out of your neat house that needs nothing more doing to it (but you love doing things) and your tiny garden that you can't do another thing to and just count your blessings for the second half of your life. You're clearly going to implode with frustration but no, you mustn't rock the boat.

So many reasons why women aren't allowed to take risks and have a dream. It's unreasonable.

Applaud your bravado @Everyonesinvited but I'd bet you don't have dependent children. The OP would be taking a huge risk that isn't necessary. It's a choice, for her family that could go well or pear shape.

Option 1

Sounds like it'll take you about 15 years to do what you want to that house, by which time your kids will be grown and you will be in a different place in life. If you want to spend the next 15 years working on this house, because you enjoy the process, then go for it. If you want the image of what it will be in the future for your kids then don't, your kids won't be kids by the time you realise the image you have in your head.

I'd be option 2 full throttle. Private education is not all that, you only have to look at the government for an example of the types of personalities and influences there...so I certainly wouldn't be sacrificing a dream home for a very potential and hypothetical foot up a ladder for a child who for all you know may actually adore public school and thrive there. It sounds like the barn has future earning potential and imagine all the opportunities your period property will bring to you all, teenagers will love lots of space a short walk from amenities, it sounds amazing. And if you were returning to a job you enjoy then that's no hardship either. If you need more financial security can either of you change up your job? If you have been on maternity perhaps its an ideal time to get a better paying position? Whatever you choose good luck :)

I have lots of dependent children. I know they need stability but I also don't think they require a life of No Surprises. Builds no resilience.

My kids have had an awful lot of surprises just via life happening, so I'm glad I've never felt the need to undermine their home life and financial security just to add to the excitement 🤨

@Everyonesinvited , it's interesting that you see the 'adventurous' choice where I see the 'tie yourself down to the mortgage misery' choice. Option 1 gives you money and time, which are the two most valuable commodities next to health if you are looking for adventure. I wouldn't spend the money on private education, personally, but it gives OP choices to take the children travelling, do cool activities and sports and live an adventurous lifestyle. There's nothing adventurous for kids about a massive reno project - I spent my childhood living in one up to the age of 11- except if you include the massive pile of rubble out the front which my dad fixed a tarp over and we used to slide down it and climb back up it again.

I’d much rather choose option 1 and be able to spend more time with children, have holidays etc. Travelling is my idea of excitement not spending every spare minute/pound on doing up an old house but each to their own.

Not sure this thread has helped you the voting is completely split. Good luck with whatever you decide.