What would you do if you were us?

[BigOldOak]

Sell or stay? Both turned 40 this month. DC 10 & 2.

YANBU Option 1- stay where we are. Been here 20+ years, nothing left to do to house, low maintenance, small garden, kids bedrooms aren’t massive, modern comforts and warm. Lovely safe community village, beach on doorstep, good neighbours, but are surrounded by them on all sides as an estate.
Small mortgage meaning no £ worries, DC could have private education, I don’t have to go back to work.

Option 2- move to large period house, lots of potential, barn (that could be converted and rented out), 2 acres, very secluded but can walk to the town. Needs a lot of maintenance cosmetic work as basic original eg old windows/kitchen/bathroom but nothing structural. Would have no/minimal money for renovations until I go back to work (which I’d planned to do when nursery free hours start), starting again with a big mortgage, tighter financial belt, no holidays/private school. DC could just about walk to the only school (huge with not a great reputation)

I love gardening and DIY, DH not so much. Big house and garden would be a dream forever home for us all but does it trump education and £ security? We have always been cautious but for some reason both feel like taking a leap!

Or are we having midlife crises?

Option 2!

Stretch yourselves now if it’s safe for you to do so. You’ll reap the rewards of your bravery!

We did 2 and was absolutely terrifying but best decision we ever made (and we did it at the ‘wrong’ mortgage time too!).

Personally, I do love big old houses and gardens (and have a fairly big old house and garden myself, which takes quite a lot of money and attention) so would do it IF

1. I was happy with the state schools locally
2. If I enjoyed work enough that I wouldn't be working JUST to pay for a big old house and if it paid enough to them be comfortable and pay for work to be done on the house
3. The big old house was easy walking distance to basic needs, primary school, transport to secondary, friends. That's very important to me.
4. I had full buy in from DH!

All of those are/were true for us. Suspect they may not be true for you and therefore I don't think it would be worth it if I was in your shoes.

I'd pick option 2, but I wouldn't even hesitate, it's exactly what I want. The fact that you're hesitating means that it's not the right option for you.

Does it have to be only those options? Sounds to me as if you should be looking for something that keeps the advantages and reduces or eliminates the disadvantages of where you are now.

What a First World problem

What a pointless reply

Not really. People can’t afford to put their heating on or eat

Option 1, all day every day. It sounds lovely!

Sadly true though that is that's a social issue not op's issue. It's not really relevant to op's decision. There are people discussing face lifts on style and beauty too. Shocker.

Do not move to a drafty old massive house that you can't afford to renovate. Stay where you are an enjoy life. You're not missing anything, I promise you.

Option 1, all day long! No money worries, nice community, good neighbours and a beach on your doorstep? I think you’d be mad to throw that away, especially in the current economic circumstances.

A couple of things I would bear in mind - in a few years you’ll have a young teen who’ll likely want to be forging a bit of independence and going out with friends. This will be so much easier where you are, by the sound of it. No teen I know would want to be somewhere remote with a long walk to school - a closer school with friends nearby is much preferable. Otherwise you’ll feel like you spend half of your life driving them, dropping off, waiting, picking them up.

You say you’ll need to go back to work to pay for the improvements to the potential new house. How much time and energy do you realistically expect to have when you’re working, have two DC at different stages and at different schools while running the house and trying to tackle the DIY? It sounds like a lot to me, especially if DH isn’t as keen or hands on. Also - and I don’t want to be a doom-monger - but perimenopause hit me when I was a couple of years older than you are now and it drained SO much energy from me, I struggled just to do the basics.

To be honest it sounds like you’re in a enviable position house/finance wise, but you’re bored and need a challenge. Not needing to work is a huge luxury which you could use to your advantage - you sound like you might be good at creative/practical things, so perhaps try some different things to see what you like and what you’re good at? You don’t have to buy and renovate a whole house - you could do a course in stained glass,
upholstery, up cycling furniture, literally anything you fancy. And if you find something you enjoy then perhaps it could become an income stream. I’m starting a silversmithing course next month, am very excited!

Finally, period properties can be serious money pits, even once the renovations are complete the upkeep and energy costs can be steep (speaking from experience here!).

It’s just braggy and tone deaf tho isn’t it

No. It's not.

Option 3. Move, but to less of a money pit?

Option 1. Stay where you are. I live in an option 2 house. It's massive, constantly needs loads of work doing, the DC have all now left home so we don't use much of the space and our bills are still £1000 a month. As much as I love our home and garden, we will be downsizing in the next few years.

Stop being daft.

Option 1. We have just moved cities for better schools and whilst I'm missing having all our friends on the doorstep, I know once the kids start school that it will all be worth it.

Option 2 sounds great but if you're not 100% sure, I wouldn't do it personally.

We moved to a bigger house and it needs far more work than we expected, costs a lot more than expected to run and the cost of living crisis has pushed us to the edge. Nursery also isn't working out as planned so make sure you can afford a back up to that if it goes wrong.

Option 1, personally

Option 2, so you can say to friends "you must come and stay with us in the country some time".

Seriously option 1, you will forever be in the car ferrying kids back to civilization, which given you will have less spare time due to working/renovations is just going to add further to your stress.

I’m afraid it is

I would stay put. You can't overrate financial security. Plus I've done the living in the sticks with kids thing and it gets old fast and is generally inconvenient.

Option 2

Hmm… option one is most popular! Which is what id say to myself normally but I can’t get option 2 out of my mind!

To reply to PP’s, I do already have an allotment but it’s 20min drive away with no water, power, toilet or staircase for tools etc so it’s a pain. Our garden is 3metres squared and whilst I’ve done my best and it’s pretty it’s very limiting. There’s no better allotments nearer, hence why I dream of having a big garden on the doorstep.
We’ve extended side, back, and loft over the past 20 years which has helped us get in the financial position we are in (before DC2 we holiday let occasionally, hosted foreign students). So there’s no space to do anything else! All decor is fine as that’s a big hobby of mine.

@PumpkinSoup21 hit the nail on the head saying I’m craving space! That’s exactly it.

I know nothing of private education but am aware of the issues with schooling at the moment and can’t see it getting better in DS’s time, so perhaps we should consider private? The big secondary is massive and the only one in the area, whereas there’s two smaller private schools.

Have looked lots for an in between over the years but in the village the rare odd detached house there is with a garden are mega £££ or they are little fisherman cottages. Hence we’d need to move nearer to the town to get more space, and also what we can afford to purchase.

It does feel a bit all or nothing! And we are very aware of our fortunate situation, it’s not always been easy.

Sometimes people need change to stay sane.