What would you do if you were us?

[BigOldOak]

Sell or stay? Both turned 40 this month. DC 10 & 2.

YANBU Option 1- stay where we are. Been here 20+ years, nothing left to do to house, low maintenance, small garden, kids bedrooms aren’t massive, modern comforts and warm. Lovely safe community village, beach on doorstep, good neighbours, but are surrounded by them on all sides as an estate.
Small mortgage meaning no £ worries, DC could have private education, I don’t have to go back to work.

Option 2- move to large period house, lots of potential, barn (that could be converted and rented out), 2 acres, very secluded but can walk to the town. Needs a lot of maintenance cosmetic work as basic original eg old windows/kitchen/bathroom but nothing structural. Would have no/minimal money for renovations until I go back to work (which I’d planned to do when nursery free hours start), starting again with a big mortgage, tighter financial belt, no holidays/private school. DC could just about walk to the only school (huge with not a great reputation)

I love gardening and DIY, DH not so much. Big house and garden would be a dream forever home for us all but does it trump education and £ security? We have always been cautious but for some reason both feel like taking a leap!

Or are we having midlife crises?

We just spent the last 15 years renovating kids are now gone & we were left in a empty house then both got seriously I’ll which made us realize how many holidays, outings etc we had missed out on because it was always about the house it completely took over our life. We’ve sold up somewhere much smaller cheaper to run,heat etc. If I was you I would stay spend the money on enjoying life you never know what’s around the corner.

I wouldn't give up the beach for a big house in the sticks even if I could afford it, which it doesn't really sound like you can.

I would go for a different option. Your location sounds lovely near beach/village etc. The bigger house sounds like it could be a stress. Personally I would try for private schools if you think it won’t be a stretch and is needed. I would also look to work to have something for me as children get older.

Personally I would stay where I was.

Option 1.
We've done the 'big project' and tbh it's a pain. Doing it with small DC would be soul destroying. Plus a liking of DIY and gardens isn't really a good enough reason to potentially adversely affect your DCs' education and leave them stranded in the middle of nowhere. (I live rurally. I know of what I speak).
Consider your project later in life.

I'd stay, and get DCs into the best educational establishment I could find from year 8. Private sixth form, too - then you know you've done your absolute best for them. Plus... BEACH!

Stay where you are!!

Its some thing I would love too, but...

1/ Your kids will miss friends and the beach
2/ What if you cannot get a job to pay for this mortgage
3/ Your husband is not as keen as you do you want to buy it for him to walk
away from it later

Option 1 for me.

Option 1.

I have constant fantasies about a doer-upper in the countryside but we've decided that we'll keep our lovely, sensible house for day to day. Once the youngest is at school we'll have a decent amount of spare money to spend on really good holidays at the kind of houses that we would like to live in in our dreams, but without the headache of maintenance/gardening/lack of transport!

Stay. You won me over when you said close to the beach.

I don't understand why you would want to take on something like that when your financial situation is precarious until you return to work.

This is what I call “playing fantasy rightmove”. We do it too. Especially DH 🙄 House itself looks beautiful on screen but when you consider the actual day to day reality of life it isn’t nearly so nice.

You will rapidly miss the days when you had a warm house and low maintenance garden and could spend your weekends doing nice things, instead of doing maintenance and ferrying DC. And that’s leaving aside schools, local amenities etc.

It’s a bit like browsing vintage sports cars when what you have (and what suits your life) is a perfectly comfortable and reliable family car. Yes they are gorgeous, and it’s easy to lust after one, but the reality is a PITA.

Are these the only options? Sorry haven't read every post.
Might you find something else that suits better?
Out of your two options I would stay put. Do not underestimate the financial drain some old houses can be. And the effort involved. You will have people doing things round your house regularly for a longish time. It will be like a part time job in itself.
With the private education ; be sure it is a good private school. There are many mediocre ones that just take the money really.

Prioritise education.

Option 1. You will spend most of your life managing a project unless you plan to spend a fortune on tradesmen. I would love to live near a beach!

• most of your time.

We did option 2. Big old period houses are a money pit and will test your relationship. Prices and lead times for materials are rocketing. We now have a bungalow and are SO thankful we don’t have that beautiful big house any more. Believe me it’s not worth the hassle. Option 1 all the way - start with a small doer-upper when the kids are at uni if you must!

Stay where you are. Honestly, your dream home may become an absolute nightmare. What if you find a huge problem with it?
Bigger houses, more to heat, higher expenses. I would wait it out.
You could stretch yourself to the point of extreme stress. Its not the worth it just now.

How long ago was that?

Was it before the cost of renovations and utility bills sky rocketed?

Things are very different now from even 3 years ago.

Exactly this.

PS I k ow someone who did this. He is a builder so did most of the work himself to save money but it took years and by that time the DC had grown up and they are left in a large, expensive to heat house. They are selling and obviously will make money back but at what cost? They lived in a building site for 10 years!

It sounds to me like you can afford to just about buy the place with a large mortgage but you literally have no money to do it up or actually be able to afford to run it either, and by the way I can pretty much guarantee you it won’t just be ‘cosmetic’, period properties never are, as soon as you rip something out a whole host of problems will be revealed, it will snowball financially for sure. Unless you have an extremely well paying job how will you fund renovating a period house plus converting a barn to rent out and managing and maintaining land in top of that? Not being able to afford holidays will ne the least of your worries, I don’t think from what you have said you are anywhere near able to afford what appears to be a huge project.

Going against the grain here, we did option 2. Only regret is we didn’t do it earlier!
(I must stress this was 2 years ago so got a good 10 year fixed rate mortgage)

As someone who has, up until very recently been wanting to swap 1 for 2, I say Option 1 all the way.

I now realise the downsides of 2 far far outweigh the upsides.

And if you have a nearby beach I wouldn't be swapping that for anything.

Is there a smaller project?