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Original poster

What would you do if you were us?

358 replies

BigOldOak · 23/02/2023 05:47

Sell or stay? Both turned 40 this month. DC 10 & 2.

YANBU Option 1- stay where we are. Been here 20+ years, nothing left to do to house, low maintenance, small garden, kids bedrooms aren’t massive, modern comforts and warm. Lovely safe community village, beach on doorstep, good neighbours, but are surrounded by them on all sides as an estate.
Small mortgage meaning no £ worries, DC could have private education, I don’t have to go back to work.

Option 2- move to large period house, lots of potential, barn (that could be converted and rented out), 2 acres, very secluded but can walk to the town. Needs a lot of maintenance cosmetic work as basic original eg old windows/kitchen/bathroom but nothing structural. Would have no/minimal money for renovations until I go back to work (which I’d planned to do when nursery free hours start), starting again with a big mortgage, tighter financial belt, no holidays/private school. DC could just about walk to the only school (huge with not a great reputation)

I love gardening and DIY, DH not so much. Big house and garden would be a dream forever home for us all but does it trump education and £ security? We have always been cautious but for some reason both feel like taking a leap!

Or are we having midlife crises?

OP posts:
Solonge · 23/02/2023 21:18

Does it have to be one or the other? why not keep an eye out for a bigger house, not with acreage but a decent garden, bigger kids rooms...but not one that will stretch your finances, your security etc. Do it in increments and you wont feel the big pinch.

Gymnopedie · 23/02/2023 21:26

Needs a lot of maintenance cosmetic work as basic original eg old windows/kitchen/bathroom

How would you fund the work? Pay others, or do it yourselves to save money? Because if it's the latter I can see it actually not being you plural but you singular. Would you be up for that? :-

I love gardening and DIY, DH not so much.

Crabbity · 23/02/2023 21:32

If you’d asked this 4 years ago, the answer could well have been option 2. I highly doubt anyone suggesting it now has tried a huge renovation of a period property with small children and no money to do so, as well as ongoing maintenance and caring for land.

Well, I have, except we actually did have what was more than enough money to do it, if we had started pre-COVID. During COVID and ongoing now? We’ve gone 100% over budget, there is ALWAYS another thing to costing another 4 figure sum, and it feels like it will never be finished. Running costs are >3x what they were when we moved in thanks to energy prices, and that’s post-energy saving improvements.

For the love of god, stay where you are unless you have the capital to justify an alternative.

Liveinmypjs · 23/02/2023 21:34

I would stay. Trust me sometimes moving to the bigger house isn't always worth it. Plus you've reached a point you can do things you want where if you move and are stretched financially you could regret it. At least leave it for a couple years and see how you feel. If it's meant for you it'll happen without any doubts.

Sainte · 23/02/2023 21:39

I privately educated my children because I was privately educated. It was a total waste of £. (and it’s tens of thousands)
I’d stay with option 1, when you get more savings, perhaps consider a holiday home or buying a piece of land nearby.
There’s an inner peace when the mortgage is paid off.

Good wishes are sent with this.

vipersputpaidtomylastusername · 23/02/2023 21:46

You only regret what you don't do.

Go for it. Think about when the kids are older.

Or look for a happy medium, a bigger house that doesn't completely drain you x

Figgygal · 23/02/2023 21:47

Stay where you are for sure
I'm just turned 42 often thinking I want a change - extra child if not too late, new job, new house very itchy feet but I know the sensible thing is to pay down the mortgage as quickly as possible, consider the kids changing needs as they getting older and have a good standard of living. Option 2 sounds like a millstone round your neck

UnicornsDoExist · 23/02/2023 21:54

Option 1 here also. I’d be thinking who’s going to maintain that big garden when I’m no longer fit, we’re going to have this problem ourselves in the future

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 23/02/2023 21:55

UnicornsDoExist · 23/02/2023 21:54

Option 1 here also. I’d be thinking who’s going to maintain that big garden when I’m no longer fit, we’re going to have this problem ourselves in the future

But the OP is only 40! I'm nearly 60 and still caring for a large garden.

Inastatus · 23/02/2023 21:58

Stay

blueshoes · 23/02/2023 21:59

OP, you cannot afford option 2 so you have to forget the dream.

I would not like a secluded house, however big, but that is just me. Agree that the children (and you) will want the independence to get around with their friends by themselves soon. We took on a building project (option 2) for our dream house but we got builders lined up to gut the house and renovate before we moved in. Builders and materials were cheaper then. Not so sure it would be a great project in today's climate.

martinisforeveryone · 23/02/2023 22:03

vipersputpaidtomylastusername · 23/02/2023 21:46

You only regret what you don't do.

Go for it. Think about when the kids are older.

Or look for a happy medium, a bigger house that doesn't completely drain you x

That really isn't true. If it's something you don't do you can view it through rose tinted spectacles presuming everything would go to plan.

You can regret turning down opportunities, but you can never know how those opportunities would've turned out if you'd taken them.

DegserellaScot · 23/02/2023 22:03

You could maybe consider trying a bit of coaching to work out why you’re so drawn to option 2 and what you feel it will deliver for you? Then explore if it’s that option precisely you want, or aspects of it. What are you craving? Can that outcome be delivered another way?

I’ve just made an option 1 type decision, to be pragmatic because me and my partner both work in big jobs and have kids to put through university. We didn’t want hassle and we wanted financial security—and freedom to have fun and travel without being scared of energy bills or worrying about if we can pay the mortgage. But it’s temporary to serve this specific period of our lives.

My friend who has kids and a job has made an option 2 decision - huge renovation job. I’ve never seen her happier. She and her partner are both brilliant at DIY, gardening, craft and project management and it’s a big crazy labour of love. They don’t like going out or foreign holidays. This is all they do. And they’re happy as can be.

At the end of the day, you have to go with your gut. I can understand being risk averse in the current economic climate (and I’ve made a very risk averse decision myself) but I kinda wish I’d gone for the riskier option. I’d be inclined to shoot for the life you’ll love.

silverbubbles · 23/02/2023 22:06

"I love gardening and DIY, DH not so much"
If it's not both of your dream place then def stay put.

BlueSeaWave · 23/02/2023 22:22

Seriously do 2. 3m square garden?
If you can do the outbuilding first as a smaller project to bring in money to then do the house and private education then it could work.

Cbeep · 23/02/2023 22:24

Option 2. Life’s short enjoy, if it doesn’t work out change😃

Solittletimeforwine · 23/02/2023 22:25

Wow, so surprised at the answers. Option 2 for me all day long.

marmitesarnies · 23/02/2023 22:26

Yikes a lot of negativity for Option 2 - I haven't read all the replies BUT I think you have been there for 20 years, you love house / garden stuff, you are prepared to work hard I would personally go for it....it's not all about having an easy life. You know you really want to! 😁

Solittletimeforwine · 23/02/2023 22:34

I think people have become so so risk averse.

we did option 2. Taken us a decade on top of working full time, but the value has increased way more than the average house price and then some. we adore it here, and feel so lucky to live in this house. I never get tired of coming home to it, or waking up to it.

the only caution I’d have op is it’s a labour of love. Our garden is a bit larger and it takes some work. I fell in love and wanted to do it. You need the same drive.

if you don’t have that, it’s going to become a mill stone round your neck.

Ofcourseshecan · 23/02/2023 22:35

Option 2 makes my blood run cold! Lovely as a daydream, and it would be nice to have a bigger garden. But period houses are money pits. In reality you'd be crushed by the endless, endless grind of building work and the costs would spiral.

I hate to stamp on your dreams, OP! I just dread to think how trapped you would be in debt and rubble.

Solittletimeforwine · 23/02/2023 22:38

Ofcourseshecan · 23/02/2023 22:35

Option 2 makes my blood run cold! Lovely as a daydream, and it would be nice to have a bigger garden. But period houses are money pits. In reality you'd be crushed by the endless, endless grind of building work and the costs would spiral.

I hate to stamp on your dreams, OP! I just dread to think how trapped you would be in debt and rubble.

God we weren’t, we loved it. And why do you think she’d be in debt?

Johntoewba · 23/02/2023 22:38

BigOldOak · 23/02/2023 05:47

Sell or stay? Both turned 40 this month. DC 10 & 2.

YANBU Option 1- stay where we are. Been here 20+ years, nothing left to do to house, low maintenance, small garden, kids bedrooms aren’t massive, modern comforts and warm. Lovely safe community village, beach on doorstep, good neighbours, but are surrounded by them on all sides as an estate.
Small mortgage meaning no £ worries, DC could have private education, I don’t have to go back to work.

Option 2- move to large period house, lots of potential, barn (that could be converted and rented out), 2 acres, very secluded but can walk to the town. Needs a lot of maintenance cosmetic work as basic original eg old windows/kitchen/bathroom but nothing structural. Would have no/minimal money for renovations until I go back to work (which I’d planned to do when nursery free hours start), starting again with a big mortgage, tighter financial belt, no holidays/private school. DC could just about walk to the only school (huge with not a great reputation)

I love gardening and DIY, DH not so much. Big house and garden would be a dream forever home for us all but does it trump education and £ security? We have always been cautious but for some reason both feel like taking a leap!

Or are we having midlife crises?

3rd world problems eh???

Teriyakieverything · 23/02/2023 22:40

Option 1.

YourWinter · 23/02/2023 22:43

Stay put. Older kids hate having to be driven to see friends, they want to walk/bike/bus. Two acres will be a nightmare unless you pay for a lot of help. Doing up a period house will massively strain your patience, your finances and your relationship.

Dimondsareforever · 23/02/2023 22:46

I would stick with option 1. But … why don’t you look at buying an investment property? A run down flat or something. It will cater for your DIY / creative craving … and then you could rent out or just flip it. That could be your job!