What would you do if you were us?

[BigOldOak]

Sell or stay? Both turned 40 this month. DC 10 & 2.

YANBU Option 1- stay where we are. Been here 20+ years, nothing left to do to house, low maintenance, small garden, kids bedrooms aren’t massive, modern comforts and warm. Lovely safe community village, beach on doorstep, good neighbours, but are surrounded by them on all sides as an estate.
Small mortgage meaning no £ worries, DC could have private education, I don’t have to go back to work.

Option 2- move to large period house, lots of potential, barn (that could be converted and rented out), 2 acres, very secluded but can walk to the town. Needs a lot of maintenance cosmetic work as basic original eg old windows/kitchen/bathroom but nothing structural. Would have no/minimal money for renovations until I go back to work (which I’d planned to do when nursery free hours start), starting again with a big mortgage, tighter financial belt, no holidays/private school. DC could just about walk to the only school (huge with not a great reputation)

I love gardening and DIY, DH not so much. Big house and garden would be a dream forever home for us all but does it trump education and £ security? We have always been cautious but for some reason both feel like taking a leap!

Or are we having midlife crises?

Blimey! You have to ask? You might kit have the big rambling house you sometimes dreamed of, but your current situation sounds ideal. Why would you swap if for a load of financial insecurity, going back to work and poorer schools for the kids?

We did a similar move….we are late 50s

One DS at uni, two older teenagers
Masses of work listed bldg expensive to do etc etc

We love it.
New Lease of life outside work
Fresher air, lovely country walks ( when we re not up scaffolding lime rendering 🤣)

Negatives…it’s not as warm a house, it’s more expensive to heat as older, larger. Even after we ve renovated there will be more maintenance as larger.
Our boys not bothered by location or moving…..we moved about 40min drive away from where we were but nearer a nicer and larger town . There friends weren’t local anyway.

It really is a personal decision……. About what you want from life.

TBH we ve already said we re not finished moving yet, there’s a few other building styles we haven’t lived in yet.

I went for the historic fixer upper on acreage because we wanted to start a farm. We thought we could tackle the DYI projects but they really add up fast. We don’t have the money to fix everything at once so we have to prioritize repairs which means we are always living in a bit of chaos. Little things become big annoyances.

I don’t regret it, but it’s not as easy as YouTube makes it look, and my husband is fed up. Honestly, your life sounds much less stressful. Part of me is ready to move to the beach! The other part feels like I’m living my dream.

@myfaceismyown i certainly would not put the property into your childrens names. All fine now but what happens if there is a mega fault out years down the line? If your children are the owners, they could possibly apply to evict you! Sounds far fetched? Where we live this is exactly what happened and the poor woman who put the house in her daughters name lost her home!

... not to mention that your home will be subject to the vicissitudes of your children's lives, and you could lose it if one of them leveraged the equity and defaulted, or was declared bankrupt or got divorced. It's a really bad idea.

Just downsize and give the surplus to the kids. Or pay inheritance tax.

We bought a huge 7500 sqft country house with a cottage and barn when we were 36 /38. It cost a fortune to run and trades always overcharged (we called it big house syndrome). Lots of teeth sucking. We sold it and downsized to a too small cottage but we did it for school fees. That I have never regretted.
We then moved in the recession for family reasons. Four years ago we bought a huge house again for parties. Big mistake. It was a total money pit. My builder brother became seriously ill and without mates rates the cost of work was brutal. We left with a small loss. Like you I wanted the charm, garden and I love a project. However I lost my consultancy contracts in covid and we barely managed.
I would look for option three. A pretty period house near where you live now. It is tough on teenagers to live in the middle of nowhere. My son lives in London and my daughter wishes to live in a more urban setting too. They were off like a shot. We are exchanging on a modern house next week (first one ever!). We want little work and more holidays but we are 15+ years older than you. Good luck OP.

Option 1 every time

Oh and if it is a midlife crisis, so what? There's nothing lovelier than having a midlife crisis together (and better than the alternative).

I’d stay if your house is big enough. Think of the upkeep costs of a big house. Heating will be enormous, but even things like decorating upkeep, cleaning, all takes so much more expense and time. Interest rate rises could have a huge impact too. Stay where you are. Reassess if you want every few years

I was literally in the same position as you last year. We opted for option 1. The thought of having to work until our early-mid 60’s or be mortgage free in 3 years at the age of 46 made our decision.

I would much rather have financial stability and be able to save for our retirement and the childrens future, whilst the house would have been amazing, it’s not everything and our house is perfectly fine.

You don’t know what is round the corner and my husband had a stroke mid 30’s and the thought of what if he had another one and then having the financial burden of a large mortgage worried us.

I was a teen in an isolated house in the middle of nowhere and it was MISERABLE. Definitely, for the sake of your 10 year old, option 1.

I moved into my big dream house 2 years ago and I regret it. House is lovely but our smaller house was mortgage free. Big houses come with big problems and whatever needs fixing costs way more to do it.

Oh yes “big house syndrome”. We know that well.

We currently live in very unpredictable, volatile times.
Going to use an analogy.
Times like the current one is
like living by the sea.
The weather is stormy and foggy.
You can't see the horizon..
You bring your boat into the harbour, batten down the hatches and wait for calmer weather and visibility before setting off sailing across the seas.
It's not that you can't sail again but I'd wait for a slighty improvement in conditions and visibility.
Option 1 !

@Blossomtoes and everyone else who jumped on my response. We have a very specific requirement. Our DD will be the named carer for DS. We are looking for a property with a "granny flat" so he has some independence. We have separate finances in place if we need to go into a care home, or prior to that, shoud DD want the home just for them, we can get a small property nearby. We are not worried about the new family property being sold out under us as, at our stage in life, money is not really that important, the quality of the DCs lives is. We are already leaving DD with an enormous burden which she is very happy and willing to undertake. We just want to make life as easy as possible for them both. Besides we are a very loving family! As for rent, no we will not pay rent. We will just live with our DCs just as any other older parent lives with their kids. It has happened im my own family for generations. I didn't charge my DM or DF rent!

My husband wants to move to a big Victorian house - I’d love the idea of one but our house is warm easy to clean and just right near shops buses etc for the kids.

I long for a two bed cottage near the sea. That will be our next move and the kids can have the inheritance early.

Option 2. You (and other posters) are talking as if you are 60

You're only 40. Branch out!

I would have said option 1 a few months ago...We had a lovely mid terrace that we had done everything to, great area, very low mortgage. But covid hit and we had to move to get a bigger place as we now both WFH.

We have been dicking about, planning and saving in this new house for a year for a large extension- I have regretted it every day- until last month, when it actually started getting built. Now I can't wait for it to be finished and I know my old house would not have met our needs for much longer, so I am glad we took the leap.

Go for it!!!!

Option one. You don't need a bigger house, and being mortgage-free just makes life so much easier.

The house that is warm. Always. We've been in both and I can say a big NO thanks to the cols period house.

I'm leaning toward Option 2. I'm ensconced at nearly age 60 in what I bought "for the short term" at age 35 because I never had the gumption to let go of a small, affordable, practical dwelling. And now regret it as it's nearly too late.

You're still pretty young. Is that house you have your eye on currently on the market? Any chance it'll take a price drop due to current market conditions?

When you say rent the barn - you mean as a dwelling / Airbnb or as a venue for parties, weddings, etc. -- can you get this house and make it pay for itself by running it as a business? Can you furnish it with period items? I've been in a few historic houses where the reception rooms are kept formal and used for tours, teas, rentals, etc. while the family quarters are above.

How far from the village/school? Is it in a touristy area? Is it near a beach?

Any photos handy?

I would say that we lived the option 2 life. But we have built it up over time so that we can now afford the private education, ponies etc. I would never swap it for an option 1 life. But that’s because it’s what suits us rather than it necessarily being ‘better’. I just wouldn’t be happy with option 1. My attitude was ‘you only live once’ and that you should do what your heart wants and not always what your head thinks is best.

Definitely option 1. There is a lot to be said for being comfortable, happy, no financial worries. Use the spare ££ to plan some exciting travels!

Option 1, get a job and works towards a downsizing do up for when the kids leave home. Perhaps get an allotment for your gardening fix for now - or use income for a local buy a small buy to let and do that garden. You don’t want huge bills in a huge house that you have to maintain and keep warm in

IMHO, 110% stay, and invest in your children's education and childhood, as well as having money for healthcare if/when needed, work if you want to, doing what you want, around however much time you want to spend with them as they grow and be able to really be there for them in times of need. Make sure you put money away for your own retirement independently of your husband, which might include paying for missing years of NI before April 5th 2023 (see other threads on this).

For me, the concept of "dream home" is overhyped, and it could cause untold damage to your relationships, affect their childhood with the disruption, and/or totally drain your finances. Even if it goes well, money for education etc. gives so much more advantage. Children don't appreciate large homes and the outcome of 'projects' as much as their parents expect they ought to, because childhood isn't about that (so long as they are not actually overcrowded), even with hindsight as adults, and might even resent it all if it is very disruptive or means there isn't money for much else, especially when they find out what they could have had instead.

Plus you live by the beach 😃