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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To dine alone on a London day trip with DH and baby?

556 replies

AngelaMeerkat · 22/02/2023 22:38

I love eating out, particularly fine dining. Haven't done it for years because of DCs. I'm very happy dining alone and used to do it on work trips a lot in nice places.

I'd really like a really fancy lunch out for my 30th (eg 3 Michelin star type thing). I live about an hour from London on the train, but no really decent local restaurants.

DS is 4 and in nursery. DD (breastfed exclusively) will be 8.5 months for my 30th.

Would it be ridiculous and indulgent on my 30th to ask DH to come up to London with me and DD for the day, and take DD somewhere while I go and have a really fancy lunch on my own? I don't know whether it's rude to make him travel and then not let him come to lunch, but the distance means it would be stressful having DD go without breastfeeding for a whole trip if I did the whole thing alone, plus we could do some nice stuff before and after.

Also is it too risky to have both parents an hour away while DS is in nursery incase of emergency? We have no local family.

Is this a stupid idea or the only way I can have a lovely meal for the next few months?

OP posts:
ChildcareIsBroken · 23/02/2023 07:54

An alternative is to find place that allow babies and go there during nap time. That's if your baby is happy to nap in a pushchair in a loud environment.

WaddleAway · 23/02/2023 07:54

I’d just do something different on the actual day and wait until my baby wasn’t breastfeeding anymore to go for the nice meal.
We used to eat in places similar to those you favour OP (pre having a disabled child who cannot be left in any form of childcare) and the joy of it for me was sharing the experience with my DH, so I wouldn’t enjoy going alone. I’d rather have an ‘IOU’ for the nice meal and go when we could go together.

FrenchandSaunders · 23/02/2023 07:54

I’d do something with DH on the actual day, inc baby and then do a fancy lunch with a friend.

ShirleyPhallus · 23/02/2023 07:58

StarsSand · 22/02/2023 23:15

Can't believe the negativity. The baby is 8.5 months old- not a newborn.

Why shouldn't she have a few hours to herself on her birthday to do something she is passionate about?

If the baby is hungry DH can give her some yogurt or something, there is no need to be tethered to an 8 month old baby.

But this is mumsnet, where the first rule is that you may not do anything for yourself and as soon as you have a baby you become Someone’s Mother which trumps all else

crumpet · 23/02/2023 07:59

I agree BTW that taking a baby to this kind of restaurant is not on - I for one, if spending upwards of £150 pp on a Michelin starred meal, would be extremely unhappy with a potentially noisy baby on the next table. So much of the experience is the surroundings, ambience, faultless service etc that a baby could disrupt. Not fair on the other diners at all.

ricketybeauty · 23/02/2023 08:01

@AngelaMeerkat I agree with you, I can't see the difference in spirit between this and you going to a Spa or for a massage etc. And presumably your husband is a grown man who can find something to entertain him in London for two hours or however long. I'd bet there is some exhibition or museum he fancies but you aren't that bothered about! You can do something else nice as a family.

Go for it!

CaramelMach · 23/02/2023 08:01

Pinkypurplecloud · 22/02/2023 22:57

Honestly I think 3* lunches in other cities falls under “things you temporarily sacrifice as a mother of an exclusively breastfed baby”. Presumably you could just wait another couple of months beyond your birthday and then she’ll be in nursery too? Or wait and see, maybe by that age she’ll go 4/5 hours without a breastfeed or take a bottle.

I’d find it a really weird request from my husband tbh, I’d expect him to prioritise my company at a birthday lunch over the Michelin stars. I certainly wouldn’t be dragging a baby along to eat somewhere else solo and then push a pram around waiting for him to eat his fancy lunch.

I don’t think being an hour away from your DS is necessarily an issue, but what happens if there’s a train problem and you both can’t get back for pickup?

This

Aprilx · 23/02/2023 08:02

Mafelicent · 23/02/2023 06:33

She's not asking him to walk the streets! She's asking him to take his own child into a cafe/baby friendly restaurant for a couple of hours. Everyone would be on board with this if she were going to get her hair done in some fancy salon as a birthday treat, people are just totally hung up on the idea of someone enjoying eating alone.

Show quote history

No I am not hung up on the idea of eating alone. I mentioned my recent solo holiday to demonstrate that I have no issue with eating alone, I ate alone for two weeks, in both cafes and fine dining restaurants.

What I cannot get over, is that she doesn’t want to enjoy her Michelin star birthday lunch with her husband! Just that.

UserEleventyBillionandOne · 23/02/2023 08:08

@Aprilx What makes you think she doesn’t want to go for the lunch with her husband? It’s just that in their current situation it’s not feasible they go together because of breastfed DD.

I think there’s been some really odd replies here, it’s OP’s birthday and everyone’s clutching their pearls about her DH’s feelings for TWO HOURS. I went away for a week’s holiday for a significant birthday once and left DH alone with the DC, because it was what I wanted and what was feasible for us as parents at that time. We celebrated together when I got back. Go for it OP, enjoy your lunch.

Swiftswatch · 23/02/2023 08:14

@Aprilx What I cannot get over, is that she doesn’t want to enjoy her Michelin star birthday lunch with her husband! Just that.

Firstly, who cares what you can’t get over! It’s nothing to do with you.
Secondly, where has OP said that? In fact she specifically said she would like to do the lunch with her husband but it doesn’t work for them at this time. So what’s so wrong with her wanting to do one thing for herself on her birthday?
Why should she miss out because one of them needs to be with the baby?
I can’t believe the people who wouldn’t give their spouse a free 2 hours to do something the enjoy on their own birthday.

Hobbitfeet32 · 23/02/2023 08:15

Ignore the martyrs on this thread @AngelaMeerkat and go and have whatever day out you want on your birthday.
I also don’t think that just because you are a mum you are only entitled to time off from the kids every now and again. Life continues even when you are a parent so going out alone without the children is a perfectly normally thing to do and does not require you having to ‘deserve’ it.
I wouldn’t be concerned about being away from nursery for an hour. Many working parents would not be able to get to nursery within an hour and don’t have emergency contacts nearby. I would start making some friends that might be able to help out though if ever needed.

Hankunamatata · 23/02/2023 08:15

Talk to dh and see what he says

ZeroFuchsGiven · 23/02/2023 08:20

Aprilx · 23/02/2023 08:02

No I am not hung up on the idea of eating alone. I mentioned my recent solo holiday to demonstrate that I have no issue with eating alone, I ate alone for two weeks, in both cafes and fine dining restaurants.

What I cannot get over, is that she doesn’t want to enjoy her Michelin star birthday lunch with her husband! Just that.

Show quote history

Me neither, its really bizarre to me, Neither of us would do something like that without the other, for us there would be absolutely no enjoyment to that at all.

Swiftswatch · 23/02/2023 08:21

@JudgeRudy Personally I think it's an odd idea to ask someone to take the day off to 'babysit' but it's up to you and your husband. I kinda thought the deal with breastfeeding is you're putting your child's needs above yours for the duration as you believe that's what's best for them. I wouldnt do this for my partner. Why can't you wait till say Xmas or whenever you're able to leave your child longer?

What?? Put it off to Christmas? So a mother shouldn’t be able to have 2 hours to herself? You’re aware it’s February right? Christmas is literally almost a full year away.

FYI it’s not baby sitting when you are the father. It’s just your child.

ijustneedanamefgs · 23/02/2023 08:23

Yabu expecting your husband to travel an hour each way to and from London, to amuse himself and baby while you have lunch. Are you then heading back in time to collect your ds from nursery? That doesn’t seem a lot of time to actually spend in London as a family.
Yanbu to go off and have a lunch on your own, but yabu to expect your husband and baby to go (but not go) too

milkyaqua · 23/02/2023 08:23

Hankunamatata · 23/02/2023 08:15

Talk to dh and see what he says

Too sensible!Grin

toomuchlaundry · 23/02/2023 08:24

Would the answers be different if this was a man? Ask his wife to come to London with him to celebrate his 30th, but whilst he went to 3 star Michelin restaurant to dine she could go to Wagamamas with the kids

MaryBoggintonTrotterSmyke · 23/02/2023 08:25

Ignore everyone calling you selfish - a few hours to yourself is not a big deal! I also love five dining and would totally have done this when dd was younger (if we hadn't been on lockdown!) I have such a long list of amazing places I want to eat at in London. Eating somewhere more basic to include your dh and baby wouldn't be the same at all. If your dh is happy to do it (and I don't see why he wouldn't be) then you can have a nice day out in London and he can take the baby to the Aquarium or something while you have a lovely relaxed lunch.

Lazydazey · 23/02/2023 08:26

What about something like the Hand & Flowers in Marlow, - Tom Kerridge 2 Michelin Stars . You could get a room, have a lovely family day out ..and they welcome children ? There’s a long waiting list so book now !

ARE CHILDREN WELCOME IN THE HAND & FLOWERS?
Of course, children are more than welcome.

We have a children's A La Carte menu for kids under 12 to choose from.

Please make a note in your booking of how many children will be in your party.

Due to the spacing in our pub, we kindly ask that buggys or prams are left at home. However, please feel free to bring a carry cot or moses basket. We can also provide a high chair on request.

Please always remember to book a table large enough so there is space for you all.

Danneigh · 23/02/2023 08:27

I think as long as your DH is happy to come with you but then do his own thing for a couple of hours with the baby then there's nothing wrong with it. If he was a bit put out or thought you'd be having dinner all 3 of you then I'd feel a bit for him. Having dinner is different to going for a massage in Bath. Because you having dinner alone means he's also now having dinner alone too. Having a massage alone means the other person is doing whatever they want for that couple of hours if you get what I mean.

Would going alone be an option, and pumping so baby can have a couple of bottles while you're out for the day?

freyamay74 · 23/02/2023 08:29

Just to be clear, I don't want to eat alone.

I think a lot of posters missed what the OP said shortly after her initial post!
She would prefer her dh to join her for lunch. So why she doesn't organise a babysitter (taking a local one into London if she can't cope with being too far away) is beyond me!

ShirleyPhallus · 23/02/2023 08:29

ZeroFuchsGiven · 23/02/2023 08:20

Me neither, its really bizarre to me, Neither of us would do something like that without the other, for us there would be absolutely no enjoyment to that at all.

Show quote history

Honestly what is bizarre is people who are so joined to the hip of their partner that they say they wouldn’t experience any enjoyment in something unless their partner was there with them

Danneigh · 23/02/2023 08:30

toomuchlaundry · 23/02/2023 08:24

Would the answers be different if this was a man? Ask his wife to come to London with him to celebrate his 30th, but whilst he went to 3 star Michelin restaurant to dine she could go to Wagamamas with the kids

I get what you're saying, but considering the only reason she needs them there is because of the milk in her boobs I don't think it's possible for this exact situation to have been said by a man 🤣

ShirleyPhallus · 23/02/2023 08:31

UserEleventyBillionandOne · 23/02/2023 08:08

@Aprilx What makes you think she doesn’t want to go for the lunch with her husband? It’s just that in their current situation it’s not feasible they go together because of breastfed DD.

I think there’s been some really odd replies here, it’s OP’s birthday and everyone’s clutching their pearls about her DH’s feelings for TWO HOURS. I went away for a week’s holiday for a significant birthday once and left DH alone with the DC, because it was what I wanted and what was feasible for us as parents at that time. We celebrated together when I got back. Go for it OP, enjoy your lunch.

I think my favourite post was the one who said she shouldn’t go in case the husband died 😆

LaPassegiata · 23/02/2023 08:34

Just go for it.

If you and your husband are fine with it, go ahead! The first few years of parenting are an exercise in survival. Do whatever it takes to grab some enjoyment and relaxation.

My husband and I have a caring and secure relationship and if one of us needed this, we would be supportive. Enjoy. It does not need overthinking!

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