Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To dine alone on a London day trip with DH and baby?

556 replies

AngelaMeerkat · 22/02/2023 22:38

I love eating out, particularly fine dining. Haven't done it for years because of DCs. I'm very happy dining alone and used to do it on work trips a lot in nice places.

I'd really like a really fancy lunch out for my 30th (eg 3 Michelin star type thing). I live about an hour from London on the train, but no really decent local restaurants.

DS is 4 and in nursery. DD (breastfed exclusively) will be 8.5 months for my 30th.

Would it be ridiculous and indulgent on my 30th to ask DH to come up to London with me and DD for the day, and take DD somewhere while I go and have a really fancy lunch on my own? I don't know whether it's rude to make him travel and then not let him come to lunch, but the distance means it would be stressful having DD go without breastfeeding for a whole trip if I did the whole thing alone, plus we could do some nice stuff before and after.

Also is it too risky to have both parents an hour away while DS is in nursery incase of emergency? We have no local family.

Is this a stupid idea or the only way I can have a lovely meal for the next few months?

OP posts:
gogohmm · 23/02/2023 07:18

Oh and remember that at these high profile restaurants the named chef isn't actually cooking whereas if you go to a chef patron restaurant the chef is right there preparing your meal. If you are ever in Stratford upon Avon for instance I recommend Salt, my niece and nephew (little ones) were with us too

suzyscat · 23/02/2023 07:19

I think it's fine but I'd leave DH at home with baby, some expressed milk and plenty of ginger foods and then he'd be close at hand should the older one need collecting.

I am a strong advocate for breastfeeding as long as you want to, but at that age you should be able to go out for half a day. If you can't I'd have it the bank, and book for when youngest is a bit older and go with DH.

olympicsrock · 23/02/2023 07:20

i also think you have list the plot here. At 8.5 months your baby would be fine to be left with a friend/ grandparent / nanny while you and DH do something nice. I can’t believe you would prefer a meal by yourself to doing something with your husband.

89ghud · 23/02/2023 07:21

Do what you want no judge eat from me, but I'd much prefer to get a babysitter and go with DH. By 8 months I was always happy to use a bit of formula for freedom as they were already eating food anyway and one skipped feed was never a bother for any of us.

Havehope21 · 23/02/2023 07:24

Does it have to be London? Le Manoir is very child friendly and serves amazing food.

Swiftswatch · 23/02/2023 07:26

Some of the comments on this are insane. Basically you’re asking your husband, the father, to babysit for 2 hours in your birthday. It’s not rude.
I know plenty of husbands who hung out with the baby near the hairdressers so a new mum could get her roots done so they could bring baby to her if it needed feed then take it away.
Its not that weird.

WiIson · 23/02/2023 07:28

Seems rude and weird to me.

BarrelOfOtters · 23/02/2023 07:29

I’d get the Eurostar to Paris and take baby out there as it’s more accepting…

but I’m sure you’d find somewhere lovely you could take a baby…

Swiftswatch · 23/02/2023 07:30

@olympicsrock I can’t believe you would prefer a meal by yourself to doing something with your husband.

Comments like this just make it sound like you need to be surgically attached to a spouse.
Its okay to want to do things without your husband. It’s okay to want to do things with friends. It’s okay to want to do things alone.
From OP’s post it’s clear she will be with her husband for the rest of the day and the evening.

rainbowstardrops · 23/02/2023 07:31

I think you definitely deserve the break and it sounds lovely!
The big question though, is will your DH be happy with the set-up as well?
Having both parents away from the nursery with no back-up in case of an emergency would worry me to be honest. Could DH stay at home with your DD and some expressed milk etc. They could have a lovely time at the park or soft-play or whatever and you get some quality 'me' time without the worry?!

TimeToFlyNow · 23/02/2023 07:32

If dh is fine with it (and he should be!) Then I'd go for it

I wouldn't be asking on here about it with all the bonkers thoughts some posters have

TinySaltLick · 23/02/2023 07:35

I'm quite taken aback by the number of 'no' responses on here - I haven't read all 8 pages but it is quite surprising.

I think it sounds like an absolutely terrific idea! What a brilliant and memorable thing to do on your 30th. It isn't at the expense of some other experience, just do both! Amazing idea if it was me I would be extremely supportive of my partner. Go for it for sure!

DZbornak · 23/02/2023 07:35

Just wanted to say I think you should absolutely go for it and enjoy your meal by yourself. I think it sounds absolutely lovely and definitely something I would like to do!

Wishihadanalgorithm · 23/02/2023 07:36

I think have the day in London by yourself so, in case of emergency, DH can go to nursery to collect older DC. This means ensuring the baby can take a bottle but surely you’ve got time to get them to this stage?

Expecting DH to travel with you but not come for the meal seems like you are treating him as the hired help, which I know isn’t your intention.

Is there not a friend you could go with as well? I think one of the best parts of eating in fancy restaurants is sharing the fun - whilst you could probably really enjoy the meal by yourself, sharing with a friend would be lovely.

Bookloverlover · 23/02/2023 07:36

I don't think the issue is wanting a meal alone. I think it's the expecting DH to mill about in London for a few hours with a baby that will likely be peak separation anxiety etc. leaving her with him for a meal for your 30th is totally acceptable. But I personally would find a way to do this so he can stay at home with her instead. If she's weaning by then you may get a few more hours between feeds with him giving her a meal to stretch it out maybe? Giving you more time to do what you'd like.

I sympathise with needing a break and not getting sleep. I'm saying this as a mum who turned 30 in December and spent an entire meal worrying about how much my daughter would be crying because she's basically surgically attached to me ( not even breastfed and 1 at the time!). Turned out she didn't even realise I was gone

QuiltedHippo · 23/02/2023 07:41

Responses are not what I expected! Just speak to DH, maybe it doesn't need to be on your exact birthday itself if he's very keen to celebrate - but him taking the baby to a museum or for lunch is not some major hardship when you've done all the hard work of EBF.

I also adore fine dining and had a bottle refuser so I massively understand the want to do something like this. Mine was no where near established on solids at 8/9 months though so I'd have been pretty nervous but you can play it by ear as youre weaning.
I would absolutely have the grandparents primed for nursery emergency though as you know an illness will try and ruin things!

I saw adorable and perfectly behaved baby around that age in a 1 star the other week though appreciate that's not the vibe you're after.

Ultimately, talk to DH

drpet49 · 23/02/2023 07:42

UsingChangeofName · 22/02/2023 23:18

This.
100%

Part of choosing to breastfeed a baby at 8.5 months, is acknowledging that for those very few months (in the scheme of things) you will be restricted in what you can do.

I think it is a really bizarre suggestion and would never ask my dh to travel up to London, with a baby, then wander around whilst I went for a fancy meal.
That's just odd.

Show quote history

I agree. So very odd.

KickHimInTheCrotch · 23/02/2023 07:44

Mumsnet is always telling frazzled mums to book themselves a spa day and leave DH with the baby. This is not much different. If this was the one, special, treat thing my partner really wanted to do I would absolutely facilitate it for them. Even if that meant pushing a pram about in the rain for 2 hours or hanging about a manky soft play. Presumably you would do similar for him if he wanted? You don't need permission from mumsnet, just speak to your DH and make a plan that works.

DuckBored · 23/02/2023 07:45

Some of these responses are really eye opening and OTT. The OP wants to have a nice meal out for a special occasion and is going to ask her DH to accommodate this. Big deal. You’d think she was asking for the world with the replies here - turning it into a whole extended family nights away, having a home chef, having her DH cook at home (because that’ll be just like a 3star restaurant 🙄), hiring strangers to babysit, etc etc. Then her poor DH - however will be cope with entertaining his own baby for a few hours in the big city?? What if it rains? He’ll just be wandering around aimlessly lost and alone with his baby for hours while the OP stuffs her face in a 3 star. The poor soul. I mean it’s not like he works in London and freaking goes every week and you know might actually be fine showing his baby around for a few hours alone 🙄🙄

OP - book it!!!

I BF 2 until 3yrs old. Obviously mainly morning and nights when toddler but at 8.5 months I was still feeding a lot even though they both liked solids straight away. Neither took to a bottle. The idea of a few hours enjoying something I liked was bliss. If you love fine dining then your plan sounds wonderful. Why should you feel rushed eating and entertain the baby or going somewhere less because of baby when baby has a perfectly decent dad who can watch them for a few hours.

i honestly think a lot of the replies are because it’s solo dining and people can’t wrap their heads around that. I’d do it or go to cinema alone etc but others fine it too odd. So long as you are happy to do it get it booked. Then nearer time decide with DH what the best plan for the day is once you know how DC is coping with solids etc. Baby could well be ready to go for 5/6 hours with solids water cups of milk at home with DH by that time. Or they might still be very dependent on BF so DH will have to come to a London too. This shouldn’t be a big ask or a big deal for him.

If you’d posted that you wanted to go for a massage or get a haircut or meet a friend for a couple of hours on your 30th but baby was replying on BFs and your DH was going to entertain baby for few hours whilst you did the above no one would be batting an eyelid. It’s down to the eating alone thing and that being viewed as “rude” to your DH. It’s not. Go enjoy a peaceful meal!!

StarsSand · 23/02/2023 07:45

'private chef of the same michelin to your home?'

I love some of these suggestions.

Just get a private chef to your home. Just book a weekend in Paris for your whole family instead. Just invite your parents or the nanny and book two hotel rooms.

It's so Mumsnet. Right up there with 'just put it in the spare bedroom/upstairs' and 'take yourself for a spa day'.

Bunnycat101 · 23/02/2023 07:48

i wouldn’t worry about being an hour away from nursery. Loads of parents will work in London and commute back. They will be well used to dealing with any problems and caring for the children while parents get back.

I also think you’re right to want to enjoy it without small children. Mine are relatively good in restaurants but it takes a lot of effort to entertain them and their tolerance wouldn’t extend to a 9 course tasting menu.

I don’t see anything wrong with what you’re suggesting. My husband would have done something similar when mine were tiny so I could get a proper haircut etc…. But you might enjoy it more once both are in nursery if you could delay and do it together.

neverendinglauaundry · 23/02/2023 07:50

I think this is fine. Every now and again mother's are allowed to prioritise their own wants and needs! Maybe add on an activity afterwards with DH & DD.so it's a bit more fun for them.

ChildcareIsBroken · 23/02/2023 07:52

I think a lot of people judge the activity rather than the concept. I think it's a reasonable request to ask for a few hours to yourself and it's your choice what you want to do during that time. You're right that meal out with an 8.5 month old is just not the same. Baby won't be happy to just sit in highchair for 2 hours.

LuckySantangelo35 · 23/02/2023 07:53

I think it’s fine op- you go for it!

a woman doesn’t need to be stuck to her husband and kids all the time

it’s your big birthday - not his, or your kids’ so it should be about you and what YOU want!

You want a special meal not a run of the mill meal in a family friendly restaurant. It’s a few hours where your partner parents the baby. It’s not like London is hours away for you.

really can’t see how anyone could have a problem with it?!

ZeroFuchsGiven · 23/02/2023 07:53

For me personally, this is just weird af.

Swipe left for the next trending thread