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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To dine alone on a London day trip with DH and baby?

556 replies

AngelaMeerkat · 22/02/2023 22:38

I love eating out, particularly fine dining. Haven't done it for years because of DCs. I'm very happy dining alone and used to do it on work trips a lot in nice places.

I'd really like a really fancy lunch out for my 30th (eg 3 Michelin star type thing). I live about an hour from London on the train, but no really decent local restaurants.

DS is 4 and in nursery. DD (breastfed exclusively) will be 8.5 months for my 30th.

Would it be ridiculous and indulgent on my 30th to ask DH to come up to London with me and DD for the day, and take DD somewhere while I go and have a really fancy lunch on my own? I don't know whether it's rude to make him travel and then not let him come to lunch, but the distance means it would be stressful having DD go without breastfeeding for a whole trip if I did the whole thing alone, plus we could do some nice stuff before and after.

Also is it too risky to have both parents an hour away while DS is in nursery incase of emergency? We have no local family.

Is this a stupid idea or the only way I can have a lovely meal for the next few months?

OP posts:
kateandme · 23/02/2023 06:43

maybe instead of going to him i want a meal in london so can you take the dc whilst i do it alone as obviously they cant come.word it instead i want a posh meal in london how can we make this happen,any ideas?

freyamay74 · 23/02/2023 06:45

She's not asking him to walk the streets! She's asking him to take his own child into a cafe/baby friendly restaurant for a couple of hours. Everyone would be on board with this if she were going to get her hair done in some fancy salon as a birthday treat, people are just totally hung up on the idea of someone enjoying eating alone.

But the point is, the OP clarified further into the thread that she would prefer to celebrate by having lunch with her dh! She said the issue was with the restaurants she wants not accepting children. So why not go with the perfectly reasonable suggestion of paying a babysitter for the few hours it will take to have lunch? As I said, they could use a local babysitter and take them into London to take care of the child if she doesn't want to be too far apart. The child will be 8.5 months, not weeks! It's absolutely doable to use a babysitter and enjoy her 30th lunch with her dh, which is what she said she would prefer!

It's beginning to look like a case of the OP not wanting a solution when it's offered!

SirWalterElliot · 23/02/2023 06:45

Merrow · 23/02/2023 06:39

Also, there's so much that your DH could do in London with the baby - he's not going to be traipsing around in the rain.

He could wander around one of the many free museums (that also have baby changing and cafes). I think he'd survive.

Sleepless1096 · 23/02/2023 06:47

Merrow · 23/02/2023 06:39

Also, there's so much that your DH could do in London with the baby - he's not going to be traipsing around in the rain.

Indeed. There are lovely parks and lots of the museums have exhibits or sessions aimed specifically at babies and small children. Also, lots of family-friendly cafes, some with small play areas if your baby is mobile.

Sleepless1096 · 23/02/2023 06:48

kateandme · 23/02/2023 06:43

maybe instead of going to him i want a meal in london so can you take the dc whilst i do it alone as obviously they cant come.word it instead i want a posh meal in london how can we make this happen,any ideas?

But why does she have to dress it up nicely for him?

He admits to finding both of the children hard-going, so it can't require too many brain cells to understand why the OP might like some child-free time, surely.

kateandme · 23/02/2023 06:52

Sleepless1096 · 23/02/2023 06:48

But why does she have to dress it up nicely for him?

He admits to finding both of the children hard-going, so it can't require too many brain cells to understand why the OP might like some child-free time, surely.

Show quote history

i dont no.just because for the hell of it its nice to be nice isnt it. and make people start a conversation on a good point so that the conversation actual goes somewhere constructive.

sashh · 23/02/2023 06:52

I'm now thinking I should pen a creche next door to a Michelin starred restaurant.

Or a joint restaurant / creche.

Simplelobsterhat · 23/02/2023 06:54

JudgeRudy · 23/02/2023 00:13

Personally I think it's an odd idea to ask someone to take the day off to 'babysit' but it's up to you and your husband. I kinda thought the deal with breastfeeding is you're putting your child's needs above yours for the duration as you believe that's what's best for them. I wouldnt do this for my partner. Why can't you wait till say Xmas or whenever you're able to leave your child longer?

Please ignore the guilt trippers OP. I find this kind of response so sad. The idea that you should just expect to never have any time for yourself in 9 months if you are breastfeeding, even as a one off special treat is so damaging to mental health and puts people off breastfeeding!

Also it's his child so the word babysitting is pretty offensive, and most women take 6-12 months off work to 'babysit' so 1 day is hardly too much to ask.

I think after 8 months looking after a baby 24/7 OP deserves a treat and a few hours to herself. I'm not so sure however if this is the right way to go about it. Depends on how much DH likely to enjoy a wander around that particular part of London (allowing for it potentially raining etc) - presumably the whole point of taking the m is he'd need to stay reasonably close to the restaurant? And yes as it's a big birthday I'd also expect you to do some celebrating involving DH and kids too, bit no reason you can't do both.

One thing I would say I'd are you a SAHM or planning on going back to work? Because if you are going back in a few months anyway, this might be a good time to start pushing the bottle a bit. I know from experience it's very hard to do but you being out for a few hours might help.

Justalittlebitduckling · 23/02/2023 06:55

If you are craving this much independence, maybe consider stopping breastfeeding? I stopped at seven months and I don’t regret it at all.

Maternityleavelady · 23/02/2023 06:57

As a fellow foodie who lived in central London before children and now lives in the sticks, I say absolutely go for it! My DP would not mind me asking him this (he is not a foodie like me but gets that I am). Have had a lot of rubbish birthdays since having kids so if you can save this one and get some me time and an amazing lunch you should do it and don’t feel guilty at all!

Rosti1981 · 23/02/2023 06:57

Some of these responses are bonkers. Just because many posters don't like fine dining that doesn't mean OP has to be the same as you! And going alone and having some time on her own is no more selfish than going out for a run, having a massage, meeting a friend for coffee, getting a haircut.

I think my only two questions to OP would be would she enjoy dining alone, and would that feel like a proper celebration? And does the partner/baby actually need to come to London at all? (though if they did there is so much to do, they'd have a blast whether in museums or finding a park?)

But the arrangement itself is fine- and just because others don't think this is how they'd want to celebrate their own birthdays, that really isn't relevant!!!

LetMeSleepPleasex2 · 23/02/2023 06:59

Does it have to be 3 stars? Plenty of places welcome babies, eg Locanda Locatelli (1 star). Might be a reasonable compromise given you’d rather have them with you.

FWIW I wouldn’t do your plan as I know I’d enjoy a meal like that more if if were also a social occasion (despite being someone happy to eat alone in restaurants).

Keepingthingsinteresting · 23/02/2023 06:59

As long as your DH is fine with it @AngelaMeerkat then why not. I think most of the people here don’t get your hobby and/or are martyrs. It seems you’ve been very busy growing and raising 2 babies over the last few years and you are only 30 once. I also wouldn’t want my special treat, very expensive 3* meal to be disturbed by a baby, so if this is what you want then it seems fine to me. Enjoy your birthday.

Tangfastic71 · 23/02/2023 07:02

How handy is you DH in the kitchen? What about ordering a fine dining meal kit he can finish at home for you?
Fine Dining Meal Kit

Madamecastafiore · 23/02/2023 07:03

Why do you care what a group of random strangers on the internet say, surely you should just do it if you and your DH are happy to go ahead.

Pipsquiggle · 23/02/2023 07:09

One of the best days pre lockdown was when my DH turned 40. We both took the day off and went to London.

DC1 was at school then childminder. DC2 was at nursery then childminder.

We had lunch at Pollen Street (highly recommend) and then went to the matinée of Book of Mormon - back at home by 7pm. It was bloody brilliant.

I guess my point is if you wait until you can spend time away from your DC, your day could be so much better than eating in a posh restaurant by yourself.

gogohmm · 23/02/2023 07:09

Why not compromise a bit and go to one of the many thousands of very good restaurants that won't mind you going with your young children for lunch service. Look at up and coming chefs tipped to get a star or 1 star restaurants will be excellent no doubt.

milkyaqua · 23/02/2023 07:10

AngelaMeerkat · 23/02/2023 06:14

Come on, if he meets colleagues in the nearest Costa/Wagamama etc no one will be offended to see a baby!

Show quote history

Your baby never cries? (Or shits its nappy?)

Moon12345 · 23/02/2023 07:10

Haven’t bothered to read any of the responses, most of which likely say you’re being unreasonable 🙄. I say 100% go for it! Can’t even believe there are this many women who feel the need to tell a mum who clearly needs and deserves a break that she can’t/it’s not appropriate. As a fellow breastfeeding mum who is juggling the very acceptable balance of wanting to give the very best to her baby but also craving some solitude, I can’t think of a nicer idea than lunch alone! I asked for the same for my birthday! Book it and enjoy OP!

BendingSpoons · 23/02/2023 07:12

I went back to work when DD was 8.5m. She was breastfed and refused a bottle but did eat well. I fed her before/after work and in the night. I'm not saying you should for this though.

I like PPs idea - ask DH to be in charge and he decides if he comes or not. Or could he come with you in the morning, you feed just before your lunch and then he heads back.

BringItOn2023 · 23/02/2023 07:13

Can you go another weekend with a friend? Your baby will be on solids by 8.5 months.

Sundance5 · 23/02/2023 07:14

At 8.5 months an an EBF baby will be able to be away from you for long enough for you to go to lunch, a lot changes in a short time at that age.

Wnikat · 23/02/2023 07:15

You can take babies to restaurants though?

mildlydispeptic · 23/02/2023 07:15

Go for it, OP. I had an amazing tasting menu at Comptoir Robuchon for a special occasion a couple of months back. I sat at the counter, which I enjoy for solo dining.

Kranke · 23/02/2023 07:16

These responses are mind blowing. If this was a dad who wanted a couple of hours off to go and see a football match on his own, I don’t think there would be the same responses. The OP has said she likes dining alone, why shouldn’t she have a treat. Plenty to do in London with an 8m old, us Londoners have been managing it for hundreds of years.