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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To dine alone on a London day trip with DH and baby?

556 replies

AngelaMeerkat · 22/02/2023 22:38

I love eating out, particularly fine dining. Haven't done it for years because of DCs. I'm very happy dining alone and used to do it on work trips a lot in nice places.

I'd really like a really fancy lunch out for my 30th (eg 3 Michelin star type thing). I live about an hour from London on the train, but no really decent local restaurants.

DS is 4 and in nursery. DD (breastfed exclusively) will be 8.5 months for my 30th.

Would it be ridiculous and indulgent on my 30th to ask DH to come up to London with me and DD for the day, and take DD somewhere while I go and have a really fancy lunch on my own? I don't know whether it's rude to make him travel and then not let him come to lunch, but the distance means it would be stressful having DD go without breastfeeding for a whole trip if I did the whole thing alone, plus we could do some nice stuff before and after.

Also is it too risky to have both parents an hour away while DS is in nursery incase of emergency? We have no local family.

Is this a stupid idea or the only way I can have a lovely meal for the next few months?

OP posts:
DMLady · 23/02/2023 20:14

OP, when our DD was very little, DH & I stayed in a fancy hotel to celebrate a big birthday; we didn’t feel we could take DD to the restaurant there but did order room service. Would that work?

MichelleJC · 23/02/2023 20:14

I can’t believe some of the comments on here. OP fancies a couple of hours on her own to have a nice lunch on her birthday. What is the big deal? My husband would be more than happy to do this for me any day of the week, nevermind my birthday, as I would for him. Life as a Mum / Dad is hectic, this is such a small thing to ask for on a birthday, cannot understand how anyone can be making her feel bad about this at all.

milkyaqua · 23/02/2023 20:17

Husband still sleeping, 22 hours later...

Johnisafckface · 23/02/2023 20:21

I would be put a little out if I was your DH. But I would eventually get over it.

StClare101 · 23/02/2023 20:35

Bloody hell. A lot of martyrs on this thread.

Go for it, OP!

Geranium1984 · 23/02/2023 20:39

Sounds like a while lot of faff and stress for a meal out. I get you, I'd love to go out for dinner! But I just take easy street at the moment (2 under 2).
Why not wait till she's one then will be fine on solids all day. Is not too long to wait.

Experimentingwithbeads · 23/02/2023 20:53

Would you be annoyed if your DH asked you to do the same? Accompany you to hang out with for a bit, then bugger off with the kids while they go spend loads of money? And then come meet you to hang out after?
i would probably be annoyed if someone asked me to do that. But if that’s normal for you guys, you should go for it. If you think it would annoy you, then you shouldn’t really ask that if him.

burnoutbabe · 23/02/2023 20:57

MichelleJC · 23/02/2023 20:14

I can’t believe some of the comments on here. OP fancies a couple of hours on her own to have a nice lunch on her birthday. What is the big deal? My husband would be more than happy to do this for me any day of the week, nevermind my birthday, as I would for him. Life as a Mum / Dad is hectic, this is such a small thing to ask for on a birthday, cannot understand how anyone can be making her feel bad about this at all.

I think if it was local and dad just stayed at home with baby, that would be one thing but the plan seems to be husband hanging around the restaurant somewhere nearby with baby whilst op eats.
If he could maybe go into work for that time it would be different-show off baby then lunch with a colleague or two that seems a bit better as a plan for him?

Eenameenadeeka · 23/02/2023 21:05

I don't think treating yourself to the lunch is selfish, but it's probably a bit unreasonable to make him travel with you and wait while you have the lunch. I'd have lunch together with him and baby somewhere less fancy, or you could leave baby at home with him and go for the day trip with a friend.

Dixiechickonhols · 23/02/2023 21:08

Can you find a babysitter and build up a relationship. An older teen girl - pay her fare to London, pay her to push baby around in pram for 90 mins while you eat and then she can enjoy rest of day shopping etc. It’s a win win.

MichelleJC · 23/02/2023 21:15

he’s a grown man, I’m sure he’s capable of managing on his own in London for a few hours with his child, have a wander round a few sights, have a bit of lunch or find a nice coffee shop, it’s really not a drama

bussteward · 23/02/2023 21:19

I don’t understand the negative comments at all! It’s your birthday and you want to enjoy a nice thing that can’t be enjoyed with the baby in tow. You have a DH who can facilitate this wish. What’s everyone’s problem?

cherish123 · 23/02/2023 21:27

YANBU. I actually think it's fine to dine alone.
However, not sure why DH would have to come. If DD will be 8.5months and still breast fed, she will be on solid food so will be able to go a day without breast milk. She can have it on your return.

Butterflywings84 · 23/02/2023 21:29

If that’s what you want then do it - god knows us mums need some time to ourselves sometimes. Just mentioned this to my hubby and he said he’d absolutely be ok with it if it’s what I wanted for my birthday. (For my birthday I asked for vouchers for a massage and I will clearly not be taking anyone with me!!) I get you would love it if you could go together but if that’s not going to work then do what will and don’t you dare feel guilty for it.

Inkyblue123 · 23/02/2023 21:32

At 8.5 months won’t the baby be on solids? Can’t you leave hubby at home with baby , close to the nursery and have the day to yourself? Do what you like.

Starsnspikes · 23/02/2023 21:44

As the parent of a 10 month old, I absolutely get that for your birthday you'd like the luxury of enjoying a nice, child free meal that you can eat with both hands and fully digest without simultaneously entertaining a fractious baby. That's your birthday present. Which may at other times in life not seem like much of a present at all, but with a baby it suddenly becomes a huge luxury. I don't think that's a lot to ask at all, especially not as a one off big birthday treat!

I'm baffled by people who think it's rude to your DH. Surely if that's the one thing you really want for your birthday he'd be more than happy to make it happen? He can have a little adventure of his own with your DD. You'll all travel together so you can make a day of it. I've known several families where the husband has brought baby to the venue of a hen do for the day to allow the breastfeeding mother to attend part of it. In those cases, the husband is inconvenienced entirely to allow his wife to enjoy a one off special occasion. I don't see how this is different?

One of the best things about marriage, especially with young children, is the mutual give and take that allows you each to still be individuals and enjoy your own passions and interests, and taking pleasure in your spouse's enjoyment of something. If you were asking to do this every weekend I could see the issue, but I think as a special event it's not a problem in the slightest!

Napmum · 23/02/2023 21:46

If you want to go for a fine dinning lunch, then day so to hubby. But I would let him vito it if he wouldn't like it. An hour away from a child in nursery is fine. As long as you can get back responsibly quickly I.e. are the trains regular and would you be far from the station at either end?

It's taken me over an hour to pick my son up before when I've been on public transport. But I was technically 30mins away, but by the time you've waited for the bus and walked to pick up the child, it was more like 90mins!

One suggestion I have is could you go somewhere closer on your own? You say there's no decent restaurants where you are, but there's bound to be at least one mitchelin star restaurant in your county? Could you take a taxi or drive?

Doone21 · 23/02/2023 21:49

Whats wrong with you? Just leave the babies in nursery it's not difficult

JL642 · 23/02/2023 21:49

OP I think it completely depends on YOU and YOUR relationship with your partner and your relationship with BF.

I EBF my baby and I haven’t gone off and done even one thing for myself since the baby has been born due to timings of feeds (hubby just naturally has had more flexibility to go off and do at least an few things for himself since baby has been born).

In my situation my hubby is itching for me to do something for myself for me and my mental health. If this is similar to you and you’ve been focusing on the baby and BF for the last however months then no I don’t think it’s unreasonable at all for you to want to spend a couple of hours doing something for yourself that you love with your husband supporting you by looking after the baby until the baby needs feeding again.

My baby is a lot younger than yours so I don’t know how long 8.5 month babies can be left alone, but above rationale surely stands.

Have fun and do what makes you all happy and gives you a break!! 😊

MysteryBelle · 23/02/2023 21:54

You don’t want to leave baby with anyone for any length of time which is understandable. Because of that, you will just have to go out on a future occasion as it would be so unkind to use your dh in the way you suggest. Stay home and cook a fancy dinner at home with dh, it can be fun. A fancy dinner out is not the end all be all, in my opinion. This season of life with a little baby, then toddler, then primary age etc will be over in the blink of an eye. You don’t really realize that now, how can you, but you will. You’ll have decades and decades of going out to fancy restaurants then. Enjoy this time and have fun cooking at home with your spouse for now, choose a posh recipe.

raguragu · 23/02/2023 21:54

Why can't the baby and husband go with you for the lunch?

Babies of that age are easier than older kids
Or toddlers

Being an hour away is fine. We work in London with an hour's commute so our child is in nursery daily with is up in town

MysteryBelle · 23/02/2023 21:58

raguragu · 23/02/2023 21:54

Why can't the baby and husband go with you for the lunch?

Babies of that age are easier than older kids
Or toddlers

Being an hour away is fine. We work in London with an hour's commute so our child is in nursery daily with is up in town

I think she wants to go to one of the really fancy restaurants where it simply would be inappropriate to bring children. She doesn’t want to go to a mid-posh place where children can somewhat be accommodated. If you’ve ever been to an actual fancy restaurant you’ll know what I mean.

MysteryBelle · 23/02/2023 22:00

Didn’t mean for that last sentence to sound weird!! I agree with you that a lunch at a nice but family friendly place would be a solution for this time in her life.

JL642 · 23/02/2023 22:07

StarsSand · 23/02/2023 01:30

@OP

When I was on maternity leave with DC1 I continued to serve on two boards. I remember DH spending the whole day in the city with the pram so I could attend a 9-5 strategic planning day - he brought my baby to me every two hours to breastfeed.

He didn't complain once. He enjoyed his day in the city and was glad to support me as a breastfeeding mother.

I can't believe the martyrs on this thread.

If your DH is supportive, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. Enjoy your lunch. You've earned it.

Agree with this comment!!

“He was glad to support me as a BF mother” - this is great from your partner!

Curtainsorblinds · 23/02/2023 23:09

I have fed both my children until they were two, in that time DH has stepped up to look after our children while I do some things for myself! Haircuts/ nights out with friends/ hen dos/ massages etc etc this is no different.

people on this thread are batshit. Enjoy your meal/ birthday and I’m sure your DH & baby will love a few hours together.

breastfeeding mothers shouldn’t be shamed for having a couple of hours to themselves and all this ‘well you chose to breastfeed until 9 months so it’s your own fault’ as if it would be somehow less selfish to wean baby onto formula so you can dump him at nursery to go out for a fancy meal?! Absolutely insane when the baby’s father can be there and enable the breastfeeding relationship to continue for longer.