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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To dine alone on a London day trip with DH and baby?

556 replies

AngelaMeerkat · 22/02/2023 22:38

I love eating out, particularly fine dining. Haven't done it for years because of DCs. I'm very happy dining alone and used to do it on work trips a lot in nice places.

I'd really like a really fancy lunch out for my 30th (eg 3 Michelin star type thing). I live about an hour from London on the train, but no really decent local restaurants.

DS is 4 and in nursery. DD (breastfed exclusively) will be 8.5 months for my 30th.

Would it be ridiculous and indulgent on my 30th to ask DH to come up to London with me and DD for the day, and take DD somewhere while I go and have a really fancy lunch on my own? I don't know whether it's rude to make him travel and then not let him come to lunch, but the distance means it would be stressful having DD go without breastfeeding for a whole trip if I did the whole thing alone, plus we could do some nice stuff before and after.

Also is it too risky to have both parents an hour away while DS is in nursery incase of emergency? We have no local family.

Is this a stupid idea or the only way I can have a lovely meal for the next few months?

OP posts:
LuckySantangelo35 · 23/02/2023 13:39

AllOfThemWitches · 23/02/2023 13:31

Again, you're wasting your time trying to shoehorn feminism into this. Or imply other people don't know how to have fun or whatever.

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@AllOfThemWitches

Thats your opinion!

I think it’s very relevant - people just can’t get over the op wanting to prioritise FOR ONE DAY something that benefits rather than the whole family or her and her husband together.

How DARE she?!

AllOfThemWitches · 23/02/2023 13:40

teddibear · 23/02/2023 13:38

I think it depends on what you're used to. Many on here seem to see fine dining as a once in a lifetime thing. But if you travel abroad a lot for work, or solo travel – both of which DH and I used to do, even when we were together – you're used to exploring and dining by yourself in really nice places. It can sometimes be nicer together, but other times the alone time and experience is actually more therapeutic.

I had a high flying career in the past, once upon a time...! On special days, when DH encourages me to spoil myself alone in London like I used to, at eye watering prices too, it's his way of acknowledging that I used to be a Whole Other Person before I just became a Mother.

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Yeah, that's fair. Thinking about it, if he said he wanted to go to a football game or something, I wouldn't be remotely offended if he didn't ask me to join. Different strokes, I suppose.

smileladiesplease · 23/02/2023 14:09

I think it sounds fab op why the bloody hell not!

macaronicheese123 · 23/02/2023 16:29

@AngelaMeerkat people are being hard on you/unfair. It’s your 30th! This is absolutely fine! Yes it’s unusual but I understand your reasoning. My god, people do much more self indulgent things than this, going on holiday abroad leaving the kids behind with relatives and all sorts, this is nothing! Enjoy your birthday and special meal. DH can have lunch with baby at a kid place. You deserve the break!

Singleorigincoffee · 23/02/2023 16:35

Can dh stay at home and you go with your mum?

Heronatemygoldfish · 23/02/2023 16:36

www.leadingrestaurants.co.uk/data/our-reviews/tag/child-friendly-michelin-star-restaurants/

You can set number of stars and search...

Nocutenamesleft · 23/02/2023 16:38

AngelaMeerkat · 22/02/2023 22:51

Just to be clear, I don't want to eat alone. I do want to eat a really, really nice fine dining meal and as none would allow a baby I don't see any alternative? I would much prefer to eat with DH but what would we do with the baby? She can't be left at home with someone else because of the distance and breastfeeding.

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I went to a beautiful 3 Michelin star restaurant in London that had children. If you go for lunch they don’t mind as much

Mumsanetta · 23/02/2023 16:43

My DH would have absolutely had no problem with this and regularly pushed me to go out and enjoy time to myself for a few hours. For a special birthday he would have jumped at the chance to give me an extra special break!

absolutelyknackeredcow · 23/02/2023 16:43

When I had a similar issue - an event which I really wanted to do and no babies allowed- my husband did exactly as you were proposing. Stuck the baby in the sling, he and baby strolled round the centre of London, saw some sights, had a lovely time. Baby needed feeding once so he brought her back. He didn't mind.
I did four years breastfeeding but didn't mean I had to miss out entirely

Mumsanetta · 23/02/2023 16:44

(I know I will get hung, drawn and quartered, but please spare a thought for some of the other diners who might be enjoying a rare meal at a Michelin starred restaurant and do not take your DC)

Caramia23 · 23/02/2023 16:45

Jesus wept @AngelaMeerkat the bashing you're getting. Honestly threads like this make me want to bang my head off a wall & this ridiculous notion that being a mother means you have to sacrifice EVERYTHING you want to do for the family is why so many women are so desperately unhappy!
YOU like fine dining. You can't go with your dh atm so you should ABSOLUTELY treat yourself for YOUR birthday & if your dh has any sensitivity he'll be fully supportive - it's not like you can't all celebrate as a family as well.
If you said you wanted a 2 hour massage would you also be told you're being selfish???

LuckySantangelo35 · 23/02/2023 16:56

Caramia23 · 23/02/2023 16:45

Jesus wept @AngelaMeerkat the bashing you're getting. Honestly threads like this make me want to bang my head off a wall & this ridiculous notion that being a mother means you have to sacrifice EVERYTHING you want to do for the family is why so many women are so desperately unhappy!
YOU like fine dining. You can't go with your dh atm so you should ABSOLUTELY treat yourself for YOUR birthday & if your dh has any sensitivity he'll be fully supportive - it's not like you can't all celebrate as a family as well.
If you said you wanted a 2 hour massage would you also be told you're being selfish???

Couldn’t agree more!

I don’t think she would be getting quite the same responses if it was a massage she wanted.

I think because it’s about food there’s this weird undercurrent of ‘greed’ and ‘gluttony’ and “self-indulgence”

its fucked up and totally misogynistic

LaPassegiata · 23/02/2023 17:04

There are some really shit relationships on here. If my partner or I wanted to do something for a milestone birthday, however unusual, solitary or inconvenient it was, we would try and facilitate it for them. Life can be hard and we would pull out all the stops to help each other enjoy a milestone birthday. Eg I would would be fine if he wanted to check in alone at a hotel for the night and relax, why not?

My husband would do what the OP is asking in a heartbeat. As would I. We wouldn’t find it rude or selfish or being ‘used’ as a babysitter fgs. It’s two hours out of a lifetime. She can do a cake with him or a birthday takeaway too.

Some people on here are weirdly clingy, needy, demanding and possessive in relationships. So so unhealthy.

NerrSnerr · 23/02/2023 17:04

When you take kids to restaurants your focus is on them. You can never fully enjoy it (until they are MUCH older than 8 months). So bloody what if the OP wants a child free, enjoyable meal.

We are in a similar situation- no family to help so it's just us. It means we do stuff alone at times that we'd like to do together to get a bit of child free time. In 10 years time we'll be free to do what we want but in the meantime we need to make compromises.

Ohhhhladz · 23/02/2023 17:21

Blossomtoes · 23/02/2023 12:27

I suggest you RTFT if you think I was the first to mention feminism. It’s not misandry because it would be unreasonable to ask anyone to do it. It’s rude, self centred behaviour.

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You were the first to mention it. Do a search; the other instances are after your post.

(Whether the request is "rude" or "self-centred" is another, apparently subjective, matter.)

LiarLiarKnickersAblaze · 23/02/2023 17:26

I would take DD and roll the dice. There was a couple of times when DD was a baby that she was asleep in the buggy (or on one occasion she conked out on a thick furry coat on the floor) and we were able to have a nice lunch/dinner date-ish. Then again they weren't fancy places.

Your 30th is special but you don't have to have the nice meal on your birthday. It's a bit childish to put so much into one day and insisting on doing it on your birthday. Celebrate your birthday with a nice meal when you can do it without going off by yourself like this.

Bunnybeeee · 23/02/2023 18:00

NGL, I'd be hurt if my hubby asked to spend time alone on his birthday. While I'm aware he has freedom of choice and his own wants, I would feel like if he didn't want to spend a special time together, why does he want to spend non special time together? Which would have me second guessing the reason he's with me. Personally, if both of couldn't go, neither of us would. We'd just celebrate later on when baby has weaned (which we did. My youngest was still exclusively bf on my 30th).

Zippyyyyyy · 23/02/2023 18:07

Go and have a really fancy lunch on your own, you are absolutely not being unreasonable. Its your birthday & it sounds like with DD close by with DH you will be able to relax and enjoy the treat.

I have done very similar, DD was around 7/8 months. We live in the south west and I really wanted to attend a hen dinner for a close friend in London. I didn’t want to leave DD & although she had started solids she has only ever had milk from the boob. We stayed very close to the venue and DP brought her out to me to be fed halfway through the eve. He didn’t bat an eyelid at the request or think it was rude to all travel together, he was delighted I was taking time for myself and we all had a great time.

Like you plan to do, we also did nice things all together before / after and made a weekend of it.

No one told me the above was odd / rude, I’m surprised by some of the replies here.

I appreciate there are some levels of sacrifice when EBF (the wedding was abroad and child free so sadly we didn’t attend) I don’t personally think this means you stop doing everything, especially at your DDs age and think a couple of hours to do something you love is totally acceptable and much needed.

I do hope you have a fab birthday & enjoy your meal OP.

Blossomtoes · 23/02/2023 18:14

AllOfThemWitches · 23/02/2023 12:04

Ugh not everything is a feminist issue. I'm gonna be that person and say that if a man suggested eating at a Michelin star restaurant alone while his wife and child wandered around London waiting for him to finish (in this hypothetical scenario, there is an equally valid reason) he'd be told to stfu.

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Here you go @Ohhhhladz - 27 minutes before my post.

toomuchlaundry · 23/02/2023 18:20

But that’s slightly different @Zippyyyyyy as DH wouldn’t be going to the hen do, whether a baby was involved or not.

A very special lunch seems different as something you could enjoy with DH, especially as OP has said she would like DH to be there

LuckySantangelo35 · 23/02/2023 18:36

toomuchlaundry · 23/02/2023 18:20

But that’s slightly different @Zippyyyyyy as DH wouldn’t be going to the hen do, whether a baby was involved or not.

A very special lunch seems different as something you could enjoy with DH, especially as OP has said she would like DH to be there

@toomuchlaundry

can women only do things that men like as well now?!

kindercup · 23/02/2023 18:49

Singleorigincoffee · 23/02/2023 16:35

Can dh stay at home and you go with your mum?

You really missed the point completely here.

AllOfThemWitches · 23/02/2023 18:58

can women only do things that men like as well now?!

Christ you are DESPERATE to make this man vs woman aren't you 🤣

LittleRedYarny · 23/02/2023 19:05

@AngelaMeerkat I accommodated family and friends (albeit not my children) for my 30th and it was bloody awful and I felt really fed up and sad how it turned out - it’s your 30th make yourself happy, if it’s having a solo fancy pants lunch JFDI! (That said I’m pretty sure you can hire a nanny for the day so you can both enjoy it.)

toomuchlaundry · 23/02/2023 19:25

@LuckySantangelo35 the OP has said she wants to eat with her DH