To dine alone on a London day trip with DH and baby?

[AngelaMeerkat]

I love eating out, particularly fine dining. Haven't done it for years because of DCs. I'm very happy dining alone and used to do it on work trips a lot in nice places.

I'd really like a really fancy lunch out for my 30th (eg 3 Michelin star type thing). I live about an hour from London on the train, but no really decent local restaurants.

DS is 4 and in nursery. DD (breastfed exclusively) will be 8.5 months for my 30th.

Would it be ridiculous and indulgent on my 30th to ask DH to come up to London with me and DD for the day, and take DD somewhere while I go and have a really fancy lunch on my own? I don't know whether it's rude to make him travel and then not let him come to lunch, but the distance means it would be stressful having DD go without breastfeeding for a whole trip if I did the whole thing alone, plus we could do some nice stuff before and after.

Also is it too risky to have both parents an hour away while DS is in nursery incase of emergency? We have no local family.

Is this a stupid idea or the only way I can have a lovely meal for the next few months?

She asked if it seemed ridiculous and self indulgent, which to me it does, but she wasn’t asking for my permission. If she and her DH are both fine with it then they can obviously do whatever they want - as I said in a previous post, they’re not harming anyone else!

It's all a bit silly though isn't it

He's in London Monday to Friday, it's not a big scary city to him! When we take trips down to London, my DH has frequently brought DC to an exhibit or whatever while I get my hair and nails done, I just join them when I'm done.

There's an incredible amount of indoor exhibits, activities and cafes for kids and adults, all within close range in Central London which will be where OP's restaurant will be. If hard pressed, he can even bring DC for a little tour and sit-down in his office.

He's a big grown man capable of taking care of his child for a few hours, in a fun and child-friendly city he's very familiar with... No need to infantilise him!

Btw I've done the same for DH too. We both used to work in London so have our own separate colleague meet ups, favourite places, etc when we go back.

I definitely wouldn't begrudge him some nice peace and quiet on his birthday. There are so many free and fun indoor things for kids to do in London, it would be quite low effort on my part.

Well there are lots of reasons to stop and lots of reasons to continue. I wasn't suggesting she should stop, just that it's a viable option to consider - the logistics for these plans require a lot of cooperation from OH. If that's not an issue go for it

It's your birthday so do as you wish.nobody else's business.
I would wait until dd was eating independently and go for lunch with just your husband and have dd looked after for a few hours but it really is your choice,if dh on board,you could have dd after whilst he ate his lunch in peace too,whilst you both day with him.
Have a lovely birthday!😀

I definitely wouldn't begrudge him some nice peace and quiet on his birthday.

Well you're a better person than me. If my partner wanted to enjoy a 'special birthday treat' alone, while I'm left looking after the kids, I'd wonder why he wasn't trying harder to include me. Especially if he'd acknowledged I'd love it and he'd prefer me to be there.

@kindercup

it doesn’t need to happen no. But life would be shit if we only ever did what we need to do and not what we want to do.

I am the queen of low effort. Usually I just plonk DC at one of the museums' weekly storytimes (they love National Gallery's magic carpet sessions). Or at any one of those museum kids workshops like Egyptian mask making or whatever. I have a sit down meanwhile 😂

Or I let them run wild at all the play areas, sensory activities and adventure trails for kids at museums too, usually there are adult helpers there.

The museums are all a few minutes from each other so if they get bored (which probably won't happen over just 2 or 3 hours), we can quickly move on. Can go to OP's DH's office for a little tour / sit down as a last resort.

I'm a lazy sod but London is child/parent friendly and low effort, especially for a few hours. No one will need to wander random streets and shops pathetically as people keep saying.

@AllOfThemWitches

since when was self-care silly?

I think a meal is different to a massage, one is usually a shared activity and the other is something you usually do alone. I've actually done the massage one - dp bought us an overnight stay with a treatment for me, because he has no interest in going to a spa. We met up afterwards for lunch.

I think the chef at home idea is best if you won't use any childcare other than dp.

I didn't realise eating at Michelin star restaurants was widely considered 'self care' tbh.

Isn't that quite a low bar for behaviour? It's his birthday, not mine? Seems quite spoilt, needy and selfish to demand he spend every hour of his own birthday pleasing and accompanying me.

Parenting is exhausting and he definitely pulls his weight. Everyone is entitled to a little individual treat and alone time. Especially introverts.

He always does the same for me too. We've all come down to London together, I go off for my hair and nail and spa appointments, shopping and sometimes a nice cafe or even high tea by myself (blessed peace and quiet).

In the meantime he makes a fun day out of it with DC because he loves his child and wants to have fun bonding experiences with them too! So everyone enjoys themselves. Then we regroup to do nice family things and to have a nice family dinner.

Lots of opposing views here. I don't personally think it's wrong to eat a fancy meal on your own. I don't think it's wrong to get your husband to be responsible for baby for a few hours either. I do think it's a massive ask expecting him and baby to tag along to London with you. It's not the meal, (would feel the same for a beauty treatment, concert, gig, museum etc), its that it's miles away from you. I wouldn't consider it a day out if mid way you were off solo for 2 hrs. I'd feel like I'd been employed as a childminder....yes I do understand its his child too, so go off and do your own thing by all means. Would it really be impossible to get there and back in time for feeding. Could baby have a bottle or food? for 1 'meal'?

@AllOfThemWitches

it is her 30TH BIRTHDAY!!

I know on mumsnet people hate adults especially women and especially mothers wanting to celebrate their birthday - it’s seen as silly and selfish and self-indulgent.

You all need to let your hair down a bit!! 🎉🥂

I'm with others - maybe the 3* Michelin place is not for you this year given your situation. However you could just find somewhere that will take a baby, I have friends who don't think twice about taking their toddler to fancy afternoon tea (would personally be my idea of hell). Also there are some pretty nice places in London where you can eat with a baby (maybe just not Michelin star ones). Or try afternoon tea where it may be easier with a baby?

If your DH is happy then go for it.’only you’ll know how he will react. Personally I’d go out for a lunch / day with DH and baby, even if means a more casual lunch. Or wait until baby is needing less BF and leave them at home

Yeah, I think a 'fine dining' experience isn't something most people do often and yes, if it was something we were both into, I'd expect to be included on my boyfriend's birthday. And I'm willing to bet if I actually came on here and said 'my boyfriend wants to eat at a Michelin star restaurant on his birthday but wants me to look after the baby because there is no one else' the responses would be quite different.

Again, you're wasting your time trying to shoehorn feminism into this. Or imply other people don't know how to have fun or whatever.

Absolutely fine. I love dining out alone - and actually I take a solo holiday every year without dh and dc just so I can go eat nice places and visit food markets, etc. Most people would gladly ask their dh to take dc out for a bit so they could go have their hair done or go for a spa treatment or go participate in a run or other sports activity, so why not eating? It sounds like it's something you would enjoy and find relaxing and it's exactly the sort of thing that would really refresh and recharge you after 8+ months of full on parenting a new baby.

@LuckySantangelo35

it doesn’t need to happen no. But life would be shit if we only ever did what we need to do and not what we want to do.

Yeah, but that isn't what I or anyone else has said.

@Lcb123

but she can do that any old day though.

it’s hardly very special is it?

this is her 30th birthday after all!

@kindercup

it is

I still cant quite work out why an 8.5 month old baby cant be away from the boob for a few hours tbh

I think it depends on what you're used to. Many on here seem to see fine dining as a once in a lifetime thing. But if you travel abroad a lot for work, or solo travel – both of which DH and I used to do, even when we were together – you're used to exploring and dining by yourself in really nice places. It can sometimes be nicer together, but other times the alone time and experience is actually more therapeutic.

I had a high flying career in the past, once upon a time...! On special days, when DH encourages me to spoil myself alone in London like I used to, at eye watering prices too, it's his way of acknowledging that I used to be a Whole Other Person before I just became a Mother.