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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To dine alone on a London day trip with DH and baby?

556 replies

AngelaMeerkat · 22/02/2023 22:38

I love eating out, particularly fine dining. Haven't done it for years because of DCs. I'm very happy dining alone and used to do it on work trips a lot in nice places.

I'd really like a really fancy lunch out for my 30th (eg 3 Michelin star type thing). I live about an hour from London on the train, but no really decent local restaurants.

DS is 4 and in nursery. DD (breastfed exclusively) will be 8.5 months for my 30th.

Would it be ridiculous and indulgent on my 30th to ask DH to come up to London with me and DD for the day, and take DD somewhere while I go and have a really fancy lunch on my own? I don't know whether it's rude to make him travel and then not let him come to lunch, but the distance means it would be stressful having DD go without breastfeeding for a whole trip if I did the whole thing alone, plus we could do some nice stuff before and after.

Also is it too risky to have both parents an hour away while DS is in nursery incase of emergency? We have no local family.

Is this a stupid idea or the only way I can have a lovely meal for the next few months?

OP posts:
iwanttobreakfreeee · 23/02/2023 12:26

SummaLuvin · 23/02/2023 12:23

Selfish, self-indulgent... Are people forgetting this is a mile stone birthday for OP? Surely that's the the exact time to spoil yourself and enjoy a treat and - just maybe - put yourself first.

Not everyone 'gets' fine dining and I think that is colouring the responses, if OP wanted to go to a concert and asked the father of the baby to care for it for a few hours (basically his parenting duty) while she enjoyed it then I don't think there would be this amount of pushback. This is clearly something that OP has loved for many years so wants to experience again at the highest level. She has said ideally her husband would join, but is struggling to find a solution considering the age of the baby. I don't think she should miss out because she has a young child when there is clearly a workable alternative.

Oh, I love fine dining. And I don't think there's anything wrong with the OP going to a Michelin-starred place on her own for her birthday, if that's what she wants to do. As you say, it's a treat.

But I think that only works if she is prepared to leave her baby at home with her husband, or to hire a babysitter in London. She doesn't want to do either of those things, because she's not comfortable being so far away from her baby, or leaving her baby with a stranger.

SummaLuvin · 23/02/2023 12:27

Candymay · 23/02/2023 12:18

It’s the feminism here that makes it even worse. She deserves it. It’s self care. It’s her special day. Bollocks! She is self centred and it’s rude. We don’t have to treat men badly to be good feminists.

Show quote history

isn't it just terrible. Imagine asking a man to care for his own baby for a couple of hours while his wife does something she is really passionate about as a special birthday treat....

Blossomtoes · 23/02/2023 12:27

Ohhhhladz · 23/02/2023 12:24

No one has mentioned feminism in this thread except for you.

But since we're flinging labels: if you genuinely believe it's a remarkable hardship for "a bloke" to take care of his own baby for a few hours, you might be a bit of a misandrist.

Show quote history

I suggest you RTFT if you think I was the first to mention feminism. It’s not misandry because it would be unreasonable to ask anyone to do it. It’s rude, self centred behaviour.

SummaLuvin · 23/02/2023 12:29

AllOfThemWitches · 23/02/2023 12:26

I mean, I wouldn't wanna fuck about in cold weather for hours with a baby while my partner enjoyed himself in a restaurant but I'm a perfectly competent mother 🤷‍♀️

great point. London doesn't have anywhere indoors that tourists/visitors can go to

AllOfThemWitches · 23/02/2023 12:31

SummaLuvin · 23/02/2023 12:29

great point. London doesn't have anywhere indoors that tourists/visitors can go to

Show quote history

Yea presumably he can't stray too far from said restaurant though. And I can't imagine she'll be eating for more than, what, two hours? Long enough to be a pain in the arse but not long enough to commit to anything really.

kindercup · 23/02/2023 12:32

@SummaLuvin

isn't it just terrible. Imagine asking a man to care for his own baby for a couple of hours while his wife does something she is really passionate about as a special birthday treat....

The problem isn't asking him to care for his baby. The problem is how he is expected to do that.

I would be royal fucked off if DH suggested I travel an hour by train to walk about a fucking busy city with our baby while he popped into a posh restaurant for some fine dining.

This isn't an issue of feminism. This isn't an issue of useless Dads. This is OP being bloody rude.

Hobbitfeet32 · 23/02/2023 12:33

I suspect there would be much for support for OP if she had said ‘AIBU to go to London to do an activity that I enjoy and ask DH to look after the baby for a couple of hours whilst I am there’. It’s the eating alone that’s freaking people out.
I wonder if it was for a spa day (couple of hours) if people would judge that as selfish and rude

AllOfThemWitches · 23/02/2023 12:33

isn't it just terrible. Imagine asking a man to care for his own baby for a couple of hours

Yeahhh you've really missed the point here...

AllOfThemWitches · 23/02/2023 12:35

Hobbitfeet32 · 23/02/2023 12:33

I suspect there would be much for support for OP if she had said ‘AIBU to go to London to do an activity that I enjoy and ask DH to look after the baby for a couple of hours whilst I am there’. It’s the eating alone that’s freaking people out.
I wonder if it was for a spa day (couple of hours) if people would judge that as selfish and rude

I don't think so, I think it sounds incredibly boring to experience alone but I'm not very sophisticated. I think it's because husband and baby need to be dragged along to facilitate the fine dining.

ShirleyPhallus · 23/02/2023 12:36

AllOfThemWitches · 23/02/2023 12:31

Yea presumably he can't stray too far from said restaurant though. And I can't imagine she'll be eating for more than, what, two hours? Long enough to be a pain in the arse but not long enough to commit to anything really.

Show quote history

He doesn’t have to be away for just two hours. Perhaps he could do the OP a favour with this incredible babysitting favour for her (aka parenting) and be away for a few MORE hours allowing her another treat!

NerrSnerr · 23/02/2023 12:37

@AllOfThemWitches it doesn't matter if you find it boring, I imagine the OP would find the things you like to do would be boring for her and that is fine.

AllOfThemWitches · 23/02/2023 12:37

ShirleyPhallus · 23/02/2023 12:36

He doesn’t have to be away for just two hours. Perhaps he could do the OP a favour with this incredible babysitting favour for her (aka parenting) and be away for a few MORE hours allowing her another treat!

Show quote history

Yeah almost like he should just stay home really

ShirleyPhallus · 23/02/2023 12:38

kindercup · 23/02/2023 12:32

@SummaLuvin

isn't it just terrible. Imagine asking a man to care for his own baby for a couple of hours while his wife does something she is really passionate about as a special birthday treat....

The problem isn't asking him to care for his baby. The problem is how he is expected to do that.

I would be royal fucked off if DH suggested I travel an hour by train to walk about a fucking busy city with our baby while he popped into a posh restaurant for some fine dining.

This isn't an issue of feminism. This isn't an issue of useless Dads. This is OP being bloody rude.

What, if your husband had done every single day and night feed for the past 8.5 months while you had the baby, then wanted to do this for his milestone birthday and asked you to come so you could facilitate one feed - you’d be fucked off about that? Really? That is selfish IMO

LuckySantangelo35 · 23/02/2023 12:38

SummaLuvin · 23/02/2023 12:23

Selfish, self-indulgent... Are people forgetting this is a mile stone birthday for OP? Surely that's the the exact time to spoil yourself and enjoy a treat and - just maybe - put yourself first.

Not everyone 'gets' fine dining and I think that is colouring the responses, if OP wanted to go to a concert and asked the father of the baby to care for it for a few hours (basically his parenting duty) while she enjoyed it then I don't think there would be this amount of pushback. This is clearly something that OP has loved for many years so wants to experience again at the highest level. She has said ideally her husband would join, but is struggling to find a solution considering the age of the baby. I don't think she should miss out because she has a young child when there is clearly a workable alternative.

@Candymay

this! 👆

kindercup · 23/02/2023 12:38

@ShirleyPhallus

Perhaps he could do the OP a favour with this incredible babysitting favour for her (aka parenting) and be away for a few MORE hours allowing her another treat!

That's the whole problem though, he can't, otherwise surely he would just stay at home. OP wants the baby nearby bc of breastfeeding. Dad can't take baby away for more hours.

ODFOx · 23/02/2023 12:38

If baby is in nursery anyway why not just go with your DH? People who commute to London do this every day.

kindercup · 23/02/2023 12:39

ODFOx · 23/02/2023 12:38

If baby is in nursery anyway why not just go with your DH? People who commute to London do this every day.

The baby is not in nursery?

Ilkleymoor · 23/02/2023 12:41

I don't see why not - my partner got me a spa day , I went by myself, he likes these things more than me but the gift was time to myself as well as a nice thing. Depends on your relationship I suppose but I would be fine with it.

Sleepless1096 · 23/02/2023 12:42

kindercup · 23/02/2023 12:32

@SummaLuvin

isn't it just terrible. Imagine asking a man to care for his own baby for a couple of hours while his wife does something she is really passionate about as a special birthday treat....

The problem isn't asking him to care for his baby. The problem is how he is expected to do that.

I would be royal fucked off if DH suggested I travel an hour by train to walk about a fucking busy city with our baby while he popped into a posh restaurant for some fine dining.

This isn't an issue of feminism. This isn't an issue of useless Dads. This is OP being bloody rude.

Isn't the whole point that this is what needs to happen because the baby is breastfeeding and OP is not comfortable leaving them for longer. She's not suggesting this for the sake of it.

Bellaboo01 · 23/02/2023 12:44

kindercup · 23/02/2023 12:32

@SummaLuvin

isn't it just terrible. Imagine asking a man to care for his own baby for a couple of hours while his wife does something she is really passionate about as a special birthday treat....

The problem isn't asking him to care for his baby. The problem is how he is expected to do that.

I would be royal fucked off if DH suggested I travel an hour by train to walk about a fucking busy city with our baby while he popped into a posh restaurant for some fine dining.

This isn't an issue of feminism. This isn't an issue of useless Dads. This is OP being bloody rude.

This :)

Pinkypurplecloud · 23/02/2023 12:49

Hobbitfeet32 · 23/02/2023 12:33

I suspect there would be much for support for OP if she had said ‘AIBU to go to London to do an activity that I enjoy and ask DH to look after the baby for a couple of hours whilst I am there’. It’s the eating alone that’s freaking people out.
I wonder if it was for a spa day (couple of hours) if people would judge that as selfish and rude

It’s not the eating alone, if she’d said she wanted to eat lunch alone at her local Italian while her DH looks after the baby I’d say that was a great idea, albeit I’d probably suggest a birthday meal together as well. I eat alone, albeit not at Michelin star restaurants, all the time.

If she’d said she wanted a spa day or haircut but couldn’t go to any spa or salon near her home, so she had to go to an ultra high end one an hour’s train ride away and required her DH to bring the baby and hang around the way she’s talking about, yeah I’d judge that too. It’s not the wanting a nice meal or massage or haircut or time off, it’s wanting such a high end version of it that involves inconveniencing and frankly being rude to her DH to that extent.

But yeah, I don’t understand “fine dining” and I’ve never been or wanted to go to a Michelin star restaurant, so perhaps I’m missing something.

Hobbitfeet32 · 23/02/2023 12:51

And if her husband is ok with it @Pinkypurplecloud ? Would it be ok then?

kindercup · 23/02/2023 12:53

@Sleepless1096

Isn't the whole point that this is what needs to happen because the baby is breastfeeding and OP is not comfortable leaving them for longer. She's not suggesting this for the sake of it.

Well, no, it doesn't need to happen at all

Sleepless1096 · 23/02/2023 12:54

It's really not asking the earth for someone to walk a baby around the park for an hour or so saying "squirrel" and "flower" and then find a nice cafe for a hot drink and snack 🙄.

kindercup · 23/02/2023 12:55

Ilkleymoor · 23/02/2023 12:41

I don't see why not - my partner got me a spa day , I went by myself, he likes these things more than me but the gift was time to myself as well as a nice thing. Depends on your relationship I suppose but I would be fine with it.

Did you take him to the city an hour by train and expect him to hang about while you did it?

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