To dine alone on a London day trip with DH and baby?

[AngelaMeerkat]

I love eating out, particularly fine dining. Haven't done it for years because of DCs. I'm very happy dining alone and used to do it on work trips a lot in nice places.

I'd really like a really fancy lunch out for my 30th (eg 3 Michelin star type thing). I live about an hour from London on the train, but no really decent local restaurants.

DS is 4 and in nursery. DD (breastfed exclusively) will be 8.5 months for my 30th.

Would it be ridiculous and indulgent on my 30th to ask DH to come up to London with me and DD for the day, and take DD somewhere while I go and have a really fancy lunch on my own? I don't know whether it's rude to make him travel and then not let him come to lunch, but the distance means it would be stressful having DD go without breastfeeding for a whole trip if I did the whole thing alone, plus we could do some nice stuff before and after.

Also is it too risky to have both parents an hour away while DS is in nursery incase of emergency? We have no local family.

Is this a stupid idea or the only way I can have a lovely meal for the next few months?

I can see why you want to do it, but I'd never ask my partner to do it as I think it would be really hurtful. It's essentially saying "the best time I can have for my birthday is without you and our children".

This is different. Your husband supported you and the examples you use are A beautiful example of a partnership.
What the op is suggesting is very different to this. She wants husband and baby to travel with her so that she alone can eat at a fancy restaurant. Because it’s her birthday. All of it self indulgent and selfish. And rude.

@Candymay

i didn’t read anything about the OP wanting to order 6 main courses or three desserts in her posts.

where have you got gluttonous from exactly?!

@StickofVeg

maybe it is 🤷‍♀️

and that’s no bad thing

she is with her husband and baby all the time, why shouldn’t she have a break to enjoy an activity that she loves but doesn’t really work with them all together?

@Candymay

whats so bad about being selfish and self indulgent every so often?! especially for a mother (who I would argue needs it more than most) but you just can’t seem to get your head around it…
the patriarchy has really done a number on you hasn’t it?!

I used gluttony because that’s what it feels like to me. Embarrassingly so. Bring husband and breastfeeding baby to London so that you can go and eat alone. And the birthday self indulgence. I wouldn’t treat anyone in that way.

Ugh not everything is a feminist issue. I'm gonna be that person and say that if a man suggested eating at a Michelin star restaurant alone while his wife and child wandered around London waiting for him to finish (in this hypothetical scenario, there is an equally valid reason) he'd be told to stfu.

But AllOfThemWitches there wouldn’t be a need for a man to do that because he wouldn’t be breastfeeding. Said man could pop out to lunch any time he wanted to during working hours. The Op can’t as she’s looking after a baby.

But what valid reason would a man have for asking his wife to do that?

Given that women who breastfeed do a lot more of the legwork than their partners then why wouldn’t their partner want to support them in some way?

I think if you want a London break day and DH is OK with that, then fire away.
But London is not the only place for fine dining.
Have you looked at something like Le Manoir Aux-Quat'Saisons?
That way you could all go. Baby and 4-year-old looked after by babysitter during dinner (whilst they are in bed) or lunch...with you near at hand and there's a spa and places to visit nearby.
I'm sure that's not the only fine dining/hotel-style place possibly they are of varied budgets.

It sounds as though her partner is willing to support her but it also sounds as though it's something he would enjoy too.

Exactly this.

and If you think it’s acceptable to treat others badly because you deserve something special that’s not being a feminist. It’s being self-centred and obnoxious.

And whilst sitting in the restaurant alone you’d have all that time to think about the situation. I think it could put you off your dinner.

@AllOfThemWitches

tough! It’s not his birthday

Yea that's now how successful partnerships work really

@Candymay

wandering around London?! Omg how would the poor lamb cope!

There are loads of nice things to do in London. The bloke works there so knows his way around. It’s not like him and baby are being flung in a prison for a couple of hours whilst op goes for a birthday treat is it?!

it’s not selfish and certainly not gluttonous! Self care is essential especially as a mother

Not*

I never thought I’d see feminism used as an excuse for selfishness. I did things with my baby that make MN’s collective hair curl - left him with my mum at five months to go to a festival - but this is in a whole new league. How could anyone ask their bloke to walk the streets with a baby so they could eat by themselves in a Michelin star restaurant?

If I was into this sort of thing, DP would likely suggest/arrange it for me, without being asked, because he's lovely. I suppose it depends on what your husband is like as to whether he'd go for it.

Alternatively, how long would this meal take? And how friendly is he with work colleagues/what sort of work is it? I can imagine my DP arranging some sort of mad relay team where he ropes his colleagues and probably any passers-by who look vaguely responsible in to walk the buggy around on their lunch breaks!

It’s the feminism here that makes it even worse. She deserves it. It’s self care. It’s her special day. Bollocks! She is self centred and it’s rude. We don’t have to treat men badly to be good feminists.

I never thought I’d see feminism used as an excuse for selfishness.

For some on here, ANY criticism of any woman is anti feminist. If you challenge that criticism, you're smashing the patriarchy or whatever.

If I asked DH to book a day off and wander around London with our toddler whilst I ate at a 3* restaurant I think he'd tell me to get a grip and rightly so, it's very self absorbed.

The OP has made quite clear that she wants to enjoy herself in a super fancy restaurant far away from home, ideally with her DH (but him dining with her is not a deal breaker) but not with her baby, because she'll feel judged by the other diners. She doesn't want to be far away from her EBF baby, but she also doesn't want her baby to be babysat by a stranger, and she feels asking a friend to travel all the way to London and hover nearby with her baby would be a big ask (because it would be).

It's not the fact she's chosen to breastfeed her baby. It's that she's chosen to impose all kinds of associated rules, as is her right. But it does limit her options somewhat. She has to either eat in a restaurant where she would feel comfortable taking her baby, or she has to accept a babysitter is capable of babysitting.

Actually, no, I guess she could just get her husband to travel all the way to the fancy restaurant and hover outside with her baby after all, but this doesn't really strike me as a workable solution? Regardless of genders, it feels like quite a hurtful thing to suggest to your partner - 'I want to do this nice thing, and you can come press your face against the window, but you can't come in, because I don't care if you're there or not.'

I think getting a high quality restaurant box delivered at home (and getting DH to set the table and make it look fancy) is a reasonable compromise at this point in life. And when the baby has weaned, maybe next year DH can stay home and babysit, and the OP can then travel to London and go to a Michelin star restaurant. Leaving him at home feels like a reasonable ask. Getting him to come along and stay outside does not.

Selfish, self-indulgent... Are people forgetting this is a mile stone birthday for OP? Surely that's the the exact time to spoil yourself and enjoy a treat and - just maybe - put yourself first.

Not everyone 'gets' fine dining and I think that is colouring the responses, if OP wanted to go to a concert and asked the father of the baby to care for it for a few hours (basically his parenting duty) while she enjoyed it then I don't think there would be this amount of pushback. This is clearly something that OP has loved for many years so wants to experience again at the highest level. She has said ideally her husband would join, but is struggling to find a solution considering the age of the baby. I don't think she should miss out because she has a young child when there is clearly a workable alternative.

No one has mentioned feminism in this thread except for you.

But since we're flinging labels: if you genuinely believe it's a remarkable hardship for "a bloke" to take care of his own baby for a few hours, you might be a bit of a misandrist.

I mean, I wouldn't wanna fuck about in cold weather for hours with a baby while my partner enjoyed himself in a restaurant but I'm a perfectly competent mother 🤷‍♀️