To dine alone on a London day trip with DH and baby?

[AngelaMeerkat]

I love eating out, particularly fine dining. Haven't done it for years because of DCs. I'm very happy dining alone and used to do it on work trips a lot in nice places.

I'd really like a really fancy lunch out for my 30th (eg 3 Michelin star type thing). I live about an hour from London on the train, but no really decent local restaurants.

DS is 4 and in nursery. DD (breastfed exclusively) will be 8.5 months for my 30th.

Would it be ridiculous and indulgent on my 30th to ask DH to come up to London with me and DD for the day, and take DD somewhere while I go and have a really fancy lunch on my own? I don't know whether it's rude to make him travel and then not let him come to lunch, but the distance means it would be stressful having DD go without breastfeeding for a whole trip if I did the whole thing alone, plus we could do some nice stuff before and after.

Also is it too risky to have both parents an hour away while DS is in nursery incase of emergency? We have no local family.

Is this a stupid idea or the only way I can have a lovely meal for the next few months?

I’m confused why you can be an hour away from DD? Most families have long commutes and can often be 1-1.5 hours away from nursery. No biggie at all 🤷🏼‍♀️

@Candymay 😂'waiting outside'

I haven't been to London lately. Did they close all the museums, cinemas, shops and art galleries?! All the historical landmarks are gone? Every cafe shut? Just miles and miles of cold empty streets, full of lonely hungry men walking and waiting alone.

How terrible, someone needs to do something about that.

People travel from all over the world to walk around the streets of London. It's an incredible city full of things to do and see.

DH Will manage.

Sounds dull

Being an hour away from nursery is no issue. Plenty of parents have at least an hour's regular commute. Qnd no reason a bf baby can't be left for several hours by 8.5 months. Even if they won't take s bottle they should manage a cup by then.

I went back to work (just over an hour away) when my DS was 8 months. He was happy with the childminder for 10 hours with food and water and 3oz expressed milk. I bf until he was 2.

Leave the DC and have a lovely day with DH.

I’m sure the DH and baby aren’t just going to literally wait outside peering in through the glass… this is just getting ridiculous now.

As others have said, for most people a 3 star Michelin restaurant would be a sharing experience, it's not a normal dining experience. The whole ambience, not just the food, is usually theatre, so something you would normally comment on as you work your way through the meal. Not quite the same on your own. If you don't want to leave your youngest with a babysitter I would wait until you are happy to leave her, either with a babysitter or nursery, and go with DH. I assume you will be doing KIT days soon if you are on maternity leave, so will have to start leaving her with someone. Or could family come and stay at the weekend, and you and DH he'd off to London for lunch, and then do something nice with family for the rest of the weekend

Is anyone actually reading OP's updates?

SHE WOULD PREFER TO HAVE THE MEAL WITH HER DH

I am guessing she is not super rich so can't afford multiple visits to swanky restaurants, therefore, she should defer her meal to a later date so they can both enjoy the experience.

Yes, ridiculous and indulgent and weird. And not fair on your DP.

You did ask @AngelaMeerkat

Well yes. Oxygen. But I don’t think indulging in restaurants is the same. It’s not needed. It’s greedy.

They are coming to London to wait for mummy to stuff her face. Then come out of the restaurant, burp and say ‘right let’s go home now. I need to sleep all this off. And you two need warming up I’m sure’.

“indulging in restaurants is the same. It’s not needed. It’s greedy.”

wow! The poor lady just really fancies a nice meal. We all do stuff that isn’t needed. Maybe after being around a 3yo and a baby she just wants to do something v grown up on her own. Would it be ok if she went for a massage or a hair cut or would that be an indulgence she doesn’t deserve too?

I haven’t read all the responses but can you find somewhere with excellent food where you can bring the baby and both eat together? A lot of places would be fine about that especially at lunch time. Maybe not an actual Michelin star but somewhere with relaxed fine dining or a gastropub.

The same. The eating is slightly worse but the other things would be selfish too. If they involve husband and baby to travel and wait for her whilst she indulges.

Honestly, I think having chosen to EBF your baby, you've ruled yourself out from this. As a compromise, why not order something from dishpatch.co.uk? They deliver nationally. Michel Roux Jr and Tom Kerridge have some stuff on there, as does Angela Hartnett.

I was going to recommend Gauthier's own box, but it looks like that's still on hold (www.gauthierhome.co.uk). I love Alexis Gauthier's food - even now he's gone vegan.

You won't get the proper experience dining at home, but at least you won't get stressed out about being away from your baby. Save the proper Michelin blowout for when you can get away from your kids and feel OK about it.

Do you have a list of the things that breastfeeding mothers are not allowed to do? Think it would be useful if they were written down so mums can martyr themselves accordingly.

Indeed. Didn’t realise you could only visit Michelin starred restaurants if you formula feed your baby

@Candymay

why would he need to stand outside?

plus I’m sure OP’s priorities have changed a lot but this is her 30th birthday - she can have one day which is about her surely?!

op didn’t cease to exist as a person just because he became a mother

I ate at Hélène Darroze last year and it was phenomenal, I thought I remembered seeing children there so checked and this is what they say - "In the interest of all our customers, we welcome guests aged seven and above in the restaurant. Younger children are welcome in our private dining areas". Not sure exactly what they mean by private areas, but DH and I ended up in a secluded little side room full of vintage port which was really special and might work for you taking your baby. Perhaps call and ask if that would work?

I've just done a quick search of Michelin restaurants that are baby friendly and there are some?

www.thelondonmother.net/family-friendly-restaurants-london/

@Candymay I think you have spectacularly missed the point I.e. in order to look after others you must look after yourself first. You seem to think that a mother should put others needs before herself at all times. This is not a sustainable way to live and will lead to burnout. You only have to read all the threads on here from mums left doing everything and not getting a break from children. Doing something for yourself is not equivalent to being selfish. Yes eating in a fancy restaurant is not essential, but many things in life are not essential, but they enrich it and give pleasure. What I like doing in my free time maybe different to what you like doing. This adds to the diversity of life.

If you find a restaurant with a private room and you don't mind going early week they could probably let you have that so you can take the baby. Scotts is lovely (not M star but good) they have a small private room, call and ask and explain they may be able to let you have it

No I do hear you. I haven’t missed the point. But there are certain things you can’t do- and traveling miles to a fancy restaurant and husband and baby waiting around while you eat is not a good idea. It feels so gluttonous. And the 30th birthday- it’s all nonsense really. I’m a single parent. I get it. But if you can put others first at this stage it will all work out later. There will be years of fine dining ahead.

I dunno about gluttonous but god it would be depressing alone.

I think it's a fabulous idea !