Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To dine alone on a London day trip with DH and baby?

556 replies

AngelaMeerkat · 22/02/2023 22:38

I love eating out, particularly fine dining. Haven't done it for years because of DCs. I'm very happy dining alone and used to do it on work trips a lot in nice places.

I'd really like a really fancy lunch out for my 30th (eg 3 Michelin star type thing). I live about an hour from London on the train, but no really decent local restaurants.

DS is 4 and in nursery. DD (breastfed exclusively) will be 8.5 months for my 30th.

Would it be ridiculous and indulgent on my 30th to ask DH to come up to London with me and DD for the day, and take DD somewhere while I go and have a really fancy lunch on my own? I don't know whether it's rude to make him travel and then not let him come to lunch, but the distance means it would be stressful having DD go without breastfeeding for a whole trip if I did the whole thing alone, plus we could do some nice stuff before and after.

Also is it too risky to have both parents an hour away while DS is in nursery incase of emergency? We have no local family.

Is this a stupid idea or the only way I can have a lovely meal for the next few months?

OP posts:
WhamBamEatYourSpam · 23/02/2023 09:11

I think this is one of those things you have to bookmark for a different time when the baby is older/you have a better arrangement. I think you need to put this down as a "temporary sacrifice" for now.

LuckySantangelo35 · 23/02/2023 09:12

WhamBamEatYourSpam · 23/02/2023 09:11

I think this is one of those things you have to bookmark for a different time when the baby is older/you have a better arrangement. I think you need to put this down as a "temporary sacrifice" for now.

@WhamBamEatYourSpam

but why?

sashagabadon · 23/02/2023 09:12

i think you should, why not! It’s no different to going to the cinema alone to see a film you really want to see it the theatre or an art hall or spa treat etc or your dh going to the football or cricket etc.
You clearly love fine dining so treat yourself!
if I was your dh I would not mind at all and would happily push baby round park or whatever whilst you went off and enjoyed yourself. Max 2 hours? No problem

Santa24689claus · 23/02/2023 09:14

I think you should do it. It's your birthday and you should be allowed to chose something that you want to do. My husband wouldn't have a problem with this. He actually booked me a day out, an hour away for my birthday, so I can get some peace. My youngest is about 6 months older than yours and we have no help from family etc so he will have to juggle everything himself. He is happy to do so.
Enjoy your lunch and the rest of your day too x

bigbabycooker · 23/02/2023 09:15

I'd get a meal cooked in for me and husband, personally. You can get chef to home for similar price to very fancy meal. Nice food, no childcare issues. But I'm not judging.

LuckySantangelo35 · 23/02/2023 09:17

bigbabycooker · 23/02/2023 09:15

I'd get a meal cooked in for me and husband, personally. You can get chef to home for similar price to very fancy meal. Nice food, no childcare issues. But I'm not judging.

@bigbabycooker

its just not the same is it though?

the restaurant ambience and atmosphere etc are all part of the experience

Pipsquiggle · 23/02/2023 09:18

LuckySantangelo35 · 23/02/2023 09:07

@Pipsquiggle

thats you though.

op doesn’t mind dining on her own.

and it’s her birthday so 🤷‍♀️

Show quote history

@LuckySantangelo35

Read OP's 2nd post:

"Just to be clear, I don't want to eat alone. I do want to eat a really, really nice fine dining meal and as none would allow a baby I don't see any alternative? I would much prefer to eat with DH but what would we do with the baby? She can't be left at home with someone else because of the distance and breastfeeding."

She would prefer to eat with her DH. Personally, if she's EBF at the moment, she should defer this fine dining experience when her & her DH can both fully enjoy & appreciate it

Bellaboo01 · 23/02/2023 09:21

freyamay74 · 23/02/2023 09:10

@Bellaboo01 this isn't a newborn, she's an 8.5 month old who would be sitting in a high chair, on solids, possibly noisy and messy, as is totally normal for this age. Not all restaurants would welcome this and it would also no doubt be preferable for the OP to enjoy a relaxing meal without worrying about needing to remove her child because they're causing a disturbance.

Honestly, this seems to be one of those threads where a perfect solution is offered and the OP is finding all sorts of reasons not to accept it.

The OP said she would prefer to dine with her DH.

OP: organise a local babysitter. Totally fair enough to not want to book an unknown person in London. Either travel an hour into London, enjoy your meal and travel back while child is looked after at home. She will be on solids at this age, can drink (bm or water) from a sippy cup. We're talking a few hours! A child this age can easily be left. If you can't cope with being geographically far apart then take the babysitter to London. They can wander around a park/ gallery while you and your dh enjoy the special lunch you say you want.

Sorted!

Ahhh ok - i didnt actually read that bit, When she said she is EBF - i assumed she was a 'babes in arms'.

kindercup · 23/02/2023 09:24

LuckySantangelo35 · 23/02/2023 08:53

All you mummy martyrs on here !

what exactly do you think op should be doing for her birthday??

Nice trip to Toby carvery with DH and the kids maybe? Maybe followed up with some soft play or trip to toys r us?

afterall you’re a mother now op, your needs and wants don’t matter!!

Actually I took weekends away more then once when my DC were babies. What I didn't do was make DH travel to the destination then hang about while I had fun. I simply left him at home with the kids. No 'mummy martyr' here, you have to adjust to your circumstances when you have children and if OP cannot leave her DH and baby whilst going for a posh meal then the simple answer is to wait until she can.

elenacampana · 23/02/2023 09:30

milkyaqua · 23/02/2023 04:53

As a diner, I am absolutely not "delighted" when someone brings a baby into a restaurant.

I was responding to this idea by the OP, which was about restaurants not offices:

Could meet his colleagues for lunch!

Babies are sometimes in restaurants, it’s something we have to deal with in life.

milkyaqua · 23/02/2023 09:41

elenacampana · 23/02/2023 09:30

Babies are sometimes in restaurants, it’s something we have to deal with in life.

Show quote history

Yes, and babies are sometimes on long haul flights. Doesn't mean we have to be pleased about it.

But good on you for carrying on the tradition of plucking a comment out of its context and making some unrelated point.

Original poster
AngelaMeerkat · 23/02/2023 09:58

Just to clarify, I don't want to leave DD with a baby sitter. Maybe that's the unreasonable bit, I don't know. But I wouldn't be able to relax in the same way as if she was with DH, so although top preference would be going with DH, the next best would be I go alone while her other parent looks after her.

DH can and would look after both kids, my comment on that was more explaining why he'd prefer to just have DD as it is definitely easier and he hasn't had much time alone with both yet so just him and DD would be preferable to leaving him with both!

OP posts:
gannett · 23/02/2023 10:08

It depends how much your husband would want to share the fine dining experience with you, I think. You know him better than any of us so you know how disappointed (or not) he'd be to miss out.

I'd be furious if DP did this to me because we both love eating at restaurants together. We both even got food envy last month at the restaurants the other one went to alone, even though we were on different continents.

But that's just us. If your husband can take or leave fine dining and would be content to potter around museums or catch up with his friends, this is a great plan. If your husband is into fine dining and would be disappointed not to share this restaurant experience with you, it's a bit off to make him shlep up to London just to hold the baby.

What about postponing your birthday, though? If planning fine dining involves this much juggling right now I'd rather take a raincheck. Do it twice around your next birthday, with your husband both times! I find that a great thing about celebrating one's birthday as an adult is that you can do it at your convenience rather than trying to stick to the actual date. I celebrated my last big birthday four months late because at the time there was too much work stuff going on for me to decompress fully.

Candymay · 23/02/2023 10:10

It’s a really terrible idea. Very selfish of you and a horrible plan. Sorry to be blunt but it’s a shocker of an idea.

Pipsquiggle · 23/02/2023 10:10

@AngelaMeerkat

So if you would prefer to have a lovely meal at a smart restaurant with your DH, why can't you defer celebrating this important birthday until you are both able to do so?

McOrange · 23/02/2023 10:13

Candymay · 23/02/2023 10:10

It’s a really terrible idea. Very selfish of you and a horrible plan. Sorry to be blunt but it’s a shocker of an idea.

Why?!

NerrSnerr · 23/02/2023 10:17

As long as your husband is happy and wouldn't be offended I'd go for it. My husband would have been happy to do this and we'd probably do a lunch locally in a country pub or something as a family too.

Candymay · 23/02/2023 10:17

Because it’s selfish to put yourself before others in this way. And can you imagine the responses if it were a man who wanted to enjoy fine dining whilst wife and baby waited for him outside? I think the fact that it’s eating makes it feel even worse but even if it were a massage or Theatre etc it would be very rude to have husband and baby travel to wait outside whilst you enjoy yourself. When you’re a mum you don’t really get to have whatever you want. And birthdays might not be as indulgent as they were pre children.

McOrange · 23/02/2023 10:20

Candymay · 23/02/2023 10:17

Because it’s selfish to put yourself before others in this way. And can you imagine the responses if it were a man who wanted to enjoy fine dining whilst wife and baby waited for him outside? I think the fact that it’s eating makes it feel even worse but even if it were a massage or Theatre etc it would be very rude to have husband and baby travel to wait outside whilst you enjoy yourself. When you’re a mum you don’t really get to have whatever you want. And birthdays might not be as indulgent as they were pre children.

Why would a man need his wife and child to wait outside a restaurant for him?

This mummy martyr crap is so annoying. When you become a parent you shouldn’t automatically lose any enjoyment of anything from your former life.

Bunnycat101 · 23/02/2023 10:23

Some of the posts are getting close to hysterical. @AngelaMeerkat just have a chat with your husband and see what he thinks. For a one-off there is nothing wrong with what you’re suggesting.

I think it would be very sensible for DH to just take one in. I tend to divide and conquer with my own children for a day out into London and it is a much easier experience.

As for the posters saying you have to pick up asap from nursery and you can’t possibly rely on a train, what on earth do you think the thousands of commuters do every day? Nurseries know and understand that the parents who use them tend to work and have to commute. If there was a serious accident, they’ll have policies for taking a child to a hospital without parents, if a child vomits or has a fever, they’ll have policies re how to care for them until a parent arrives.

Candymay · 23/02/2023 10:23

McOrange · 23/02/2023 10:20

Why would a man need his wife and child to wait outside a restaurant for him?

This mummy martyr crap is so annoying. When you become a parent you shouldn’t automatically lose any enjoyment of anything from your former life.

Show quote history

I don’t feel that it’s being a martyr. I feel it’s about new priorities and becoming a carer of others. For me I think this is a terrible idea. There’s something greedy about it. It’s even the term ‘fine dining’. The image of one person eating whilst the others wait outside. Couldn’t do it. No no no

NerrSnerr · 23/02/2023 10:24

Candymay · 23/02/2023 10:17

Because it’s selfish to put yourself before others in this way. And can you imagine the responses if it were a man who wanted to enjoy fine dining whilst wife and baby waited for him outside? I think the fact that it’s eating makes it feel even worse but even if it were a massage or Theatre etc it would be very rude to have husband and baby travel to wait outside whilst you enjoy yourself. When you’re a mum you don’t really get to have whatever you want. And birthdays might not be as indulgent as they were pre children.

I'm sure he doesn't need to wait outside. Im sure a grown man can use his imagine to think of things to do with a baby for a couple of hours in London.

NerrSnerr · 23/02/2023 10:28

I now have visions of the OP in a restaurant with a huge banquet in front of her with her poor, hungry husband holding a screaming baby peering through the window.

Hobbitfeet32 · 23/02/2023 10:29

Wow @Candymay what a miserable way to exist. There’s a reason that they tell you to put your own oxygen mask on first on planes….

StarsSand · 23/02/2023 10:31

Candymay · 23/02/2023 10:17

Because it’s selfish to put yourself before others in this way. And can you imagine the responses if it were a man who wanted to enjoy fine dining whilst wife and baby waited for him outside? I think the fact that it’s eating makes it feel even worse but even if it were a massage or Theatre etc it would be very rude to have husband and baby travel to wait outside whilst you enjoy yourself. When you’re a mum you don’t really get to have whatever you want. And birthdays might not be as indulgent as they were pre children.

It's impossible to flip the genders in this situation because men don't need to be near their breastfeeding baby.

Not every moment of your existence needs to be in service to others. That's not healthy.

When I was breastfeeding my children (hours of my time a day, waking up multiple times a night) my husband was only to happy to support me by walking the baby around in a pram while I got things done. He walked the baby around a university for three hours while I sat a masters exam, he walked around the village while I had a haircut, he walked around the city while I attended a board meeting.

He had a great time sipping coffee, getting some exercise and spending time with his son. He was glad to support me and contribute to the success of our breastfeeding journey.

I don't think I was selfish. I think I was a human member of my family that had needs and wants like everyone else.

Swipe left for the next trending thread