Page 18 | Son won’t visit on Mothers Day

Thegardenmum · 2023-02-22T16:38:03+00:00

Son lives with wife 2 hours away. Son is 30, she is 33. His wifes mum died 3 years ago. I sent a message to them both reminding them it is mothers day soon and could they come for a family meal on mothers day with my other 3 x adult DC. Son messaged me privately and said he doesn’t want to make a big thing of mothers day as his wife may find the day upsetting. He doesn’t want to leave her home alone either. He will ring on the day, but not come down for celebration. AIBU to be annoyed? Obviously sad that his wifes mum has died but why is he now not seeing his own mum?

soso2 · 22/02/2023 22:33

Daisybuttercup12345 · 22/02/2023 22:05

I think this is a reverse.
But if you did message your daughter in law to remind her about Mother's Day then you were being insensitive and unkind. You should be ashamed of yourself expecting her to celebrate the day with you when she is grieving for her own mother.

You should be ashamed of yourself for being so nasty and unpleasant to someone who is hurt.

She invited her children and their partners for a family meal. Just because her DIL lost a parent three years ago doesn't mean that the mother cannot invite them both. Life can't stop.

soso2 · 22/02/2023 22:35

WaddleAway · 22/02/2023 21:20

Normally if people want to see their mothers on Mother’s Day, they’re the ones to arrange something. As he hadn't, it’s probably fair to surmise that he’s not that bothered about seeing you on the day.

How nasty of you. The OP was organising a family meal with all her children. It is like saying someone celebrating a birthday cannot organise something with their friends. They have to wait until someone else does.

soso2 · 22/02/2023 22:36

ComfortablyDazed · 22/02/2023 21:58

Wind ‘em up and watch ‘em go, eh @Thegardenmum?

Happy with yourself?

somethingslastforever · 22/02/2023 22:40

YABU.

Its not your place to organise Mother's Day, I found this strange. Why include their ages? How is that relevant? Why should he leave his wife alone on a day she is likely to feel rubbish as she has lost her own mum?

You need to get over yourself, your son doesn't HAVE to visit you on Mother's Day just because you are his mother and one day when you die he might regret it. You sound incredibly spoilt, immature and entitled.

Piss take of a thread.

ComfortablyDazed · 22/02/2023 22:42

Well, you seem to be very invested in ‘someone else’s’ thread all of a sudden, @soso2!

soso2 · 22/02/2023 22:45

somethingslastforever · 22/02/2023 22:40

YABU.

Its not your place to organise Mother's Day, I found this strange. Why include their ages? How is that relevant? Why should he leave his wife alone on a day she is likely to feel rubbish as she has lost her own mum?

You need to get over yourself, your son doesn't HAVE to visit you on Mother's Day just because you are his mother and one day when you die he might regret it. You sound incredibly spoilt, immature and entitled.

Piss take of a thread.

She can organise her Mother's Day if she wishes. You don't get to control her actions or dictate what should be done. She included the ages because someone would have probably asked soon anyway.

Try getting over yourself first. You sound dictatorial and absolutely ridiculous.

soso2 · 22/02/2023 22:46

ComfortablyDazed · 22/02/2023 22:42

Well, you seem to be very invested in ‘someone else’s’ thread all of a sudden, @soso2!

Just making a few points @ComfortablyDazed 😉

ComfortablyDazed · 22/02/2023 22:49

soso2 · 22/02/2023 22:46

Just making a few points @ComfortablyDazed 😉

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Yes, so it would seem, OP. I mean, um, soso2.

soso2 · 22/02/2023 22:51

ComfortablyDazed · 22/02/2023 22:49

Yes, so it would seem, OP. I mean, um, soso2.

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Completely wrong viper, I mean, um, @ComfortablyDazed 😂

ComfortablyDazed · 22/02/2023 22:54

I believe you.

soso2 · 22/02/2023 22:56

ComfortablyDazed · 22/02/2023 22:54

I believe you.

Wonderful 😉😉😉😉😉😉😉😉😉😉😉

LivingDeadGirlUK · 22/02/2023 23:00

Are you always planning months ahead like this OP? Sometimes it can be exhausting when you have a friend/family member that does this, especially if you yourself are a lot more fluid with event planning.

I agree that inviting your DIL to your big family mothers day meal was a bit insensitive and you should have just messaged him. You need to set some more reasonable expectations because when they have kids they aren't going to be coming to you every mothering Sunday either.

Geppili · 22/02/2023 23:03

Your son is 30 years old! He sounds so sensible and supportive of his wife. You sound self centred and a little bit crazy.

XanaduKira · 22/02/2023 23:04

Mother's Day is only a few weeks away @LivingDeadGirlUK & restaurants book up on that day, so it's really not too early to get organised and get something booked.

ComfortablyDazed · 22/02/2023 23:06

The OP is gone.

But @soso2 has very kindly come in to stick up for her.

So people might want to re-address their points to @soso2 - who’s doing a marvellous job on the OP’s behalf, and even reading her mind!

Moonicorn · 22/02/2023 23:11

YABU. Your message was weird and like a summons rather than an invitation. You’re not supposed to order your kids to come over for a meal on Mother’s Day, you’re supposed to wait and see if one or more of them offers to take you out for a meal or invites you round to theirs. You sound really quite bossy.

Moonicorn · 22/02/2023 23:13

Thegardenmum · 22/02/2023 17:16

Thank you!! This is exactly my point….when I die one day, will my son not wish he had spent more time with me.

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I don’t know, will he? How much does he see of you generally? Please don’t pull the ‘I’ll be dead one day’ card out on him, it’s emotional blackmail and really annoying.

somethingslastforever · 22/02/2023 23:33

@soso2 know the OP well do you? Touchy

Sceptre86 · 22/02/2023 23:40

Just to give you an alternative view. My dh spends mother's day at the moment with me rather than his mum. Our kids are young so he treats me on their behalf as I do for him on fathers day. He did spend the day with mil before we had kids as did I. We would visit her on the day but she would like you want to spend the day with both her boys and I selfishly do not want to compromise and have to spend time with my sil. We visit the day before and give mil her presents. My own mum lives 4 hours away and if I went to spend the day with her I'd have to compromise on how to spend it and I'd rather not.

If they live 2 hours away he would be spending most of the day away from her and since she's grieving that would be hard for her. He could well say he wanted to see you and see how she reacts but depending on how long ago her mum died that would be thoughtless. You extended the invite and he has responded, I'd leave it at that and be gracious. Whether your son sends you a bunch of flowers or a gift shows how thoughtful he is but you could send your dil flowers go say you are thinking of her. That could go some way in bringing you closer together.

I hope you enjoy the day with the kids that are present.

PictureNotPerfect · 23/02/2023 01:18

ComfortablyDazed · 22/02/2023 23:06

The OP is gone.

But @soso2 has very kindly come in to stick up for her.

So people might want to re-address their points to @soso2 - who’s doing a marvellous job on the OP’s behalf, and even reading her mind!

I noticed this too 😂
Easy to notice as it appears OP is generally as subtle as a brick!

DrMarciaFieldstone · 23/02/2023 01:42

Aaaaaand @soso2 is gone….

interesting 🤣

TheTeenageYears · 23/02/2023 02:06

I'm not sure why you reminded them or why you are hosting. If the adult children are going to do anything for you on Mother's Day they should be doing it off their own back and organising between themselves IMO.

WishingMyLifeAway · 23/02/2023 03:41

I'm with you OP. I would never get in the way of my DH spending time with his mother because of any issues I had. It might be difficult for me but that's not fair on him or his mother.

If she really doesn't want to spend the day alone (I assume she's invited but doesn't want to come?) then I am sure she has other options like friends or other family. I really don't think it's fair to say her husband with never again see his mother on Mother's Day!

ComfortablyDazed · 23/02/2023 05:06

WishingMyLifeAway · 23/02/2023 03:41

I'm with you OP. I would never get in the way of my DH spending time with his mother because of any issues I had. It might be difficult for me but that's not fair on him or his mother.

If she really doesn't want to spend the day alone (I assume she's invited but doesn't want to come?) then I am sure she has other options like friends or other family. I really don't think it's fair to say her husband with never again see his mother on Mother's Day!

We don’t know that she did say anything to her husband!

Ladybug14 · 23/02/2023 05:55

WishingMyLifeAway · 23/02/2023 03:41

I'm with you OP. I would never get in the way of my DH spending time with his mother because of any issues I had. It might be difficult for me but that's not fair on him or his mother.

If she really doesn't want to spend the day alone (I assume she's invited but doesn't want to come?) then I am sure she has other options like friends or other family. I really don't think it's fair to say her husband with never again see his mother on Mother's Day!

The OP seems to have a couple of aliases on here who are trying to boost her ridiculous arguments

The OPs DIL doesn't have issues. She is grieving. The OP seems utterly heartless and very selfish

The son is choosing to spend time with his wife on Mothering Sunday. We have NO IDEA what the DIL/Wife's feelings are

The DIL has not said that the OP can never see her son

If you're going to support the OP, at least get the fucking facts right