To think having children brings status?

[OutofEverything]

I should add this only happens if you are the "right" kind of mother. 17 year old with a baby does not gain status from having a baby, quite the reverse. But for most mothers having children brings an increase in status. Suddenly you are a "proper" adult.

You still get discriminated against as a mother, get judged, and pigeonholed. But that does not take away from the increase in status.

Some people think this

Psychopaths who want children want them because of this perceived status change.

I'd say YABU in that generally no, having kids doesn't bring you "status" or "respect" or whatever you'd want to call it.

It may be, in certain friendship groups, that people think a child brings "status" and therefore you might be thinking of that. But generally, no, having a child is more of a sign you're getting old than anything. You've reproduced, you've hit your peak "usefulness" and it's downhill from here.

I was the pregnant 17 year old so it was the polar opposite for me.

I think it probably depends on your individual circumstances.

Hmm no, I'd say YABU. It may bring status among a certain peer group but in general I think having money and success in a career brings more status. Both those things are likely to suffer if a woman has a child.

I agree money brings status. But a rich single woman has less status than a rich married woman with children.

I agree.
And look at the comments made because Theresa May was not a mother.

I think it helps a bit in the workplace although it shouldn't. I found I was treated as more in the gang among the senior team once I had a child.

In your opinion. That isn't fact

I voted YABU as in my view, being married carries more status than having children. So a married couple in their early twenties have more status than an unmarried well off couples in their thirties with kids, if that makes sense.

Basically, anyone can have a kid, it aint difficult - but it requires maturity and some amount of assets to get married.

Do people think that? Anyone can get married with the registry fee? They don't have to be mature either?

I'm married with two kids, I'm still talked down to by a lot of other mums, as though I don't really know what I'm doing.

No, not at all, I think marriage does over partnership if you are the right age and circumstances. That is my personal experience, I can't even say way but I noticed a difference in treatment.

It definitely does bring status! Nicola sturgeon has received some rude comments for not having any children too.

It only brings the status of having sired children. Whether that is a plus or minus very much depends on the individual's perceptions and prejudices. There may be some hangover from centuries of societies genuinely attaching status to procreation because it was needed to work the land or pass on titles etc. but in the UK today I don't think there's automatic respect given to a person for popping one out and it's all very much to do with specific context. So for the sweeping statement YABU.

Yes, I know what you mean. Perhaps what it is is a sense of belonging to a certain ‘club’ or rite of passage. There was an advert years ago which had as its catchphrase something like ‘if you’ve got kids, you’ll understand’. It’s that sort of nod to almost a secret society.

And the attitude about successful women not having kids is more part of media misogyny than about kids conferring status. If they had kids, they'd get shit for not being more focused on them. Women in those positions get flak either way.

I see that someone else has posted that. Yes, anyone can get married when old enough but even if it is a registry office it is still expensive to some and the organisation of it is too much effort etc. The legal commitment is too much for some.

Celebrities, politicians and the Royal Family still pose with their children for the media because it boosts their credibility.

I don't know that I've noticed, but I'm the one who had my child at 17 so I doubt anyone thought me winning at life then.

However now in my early 30's with a lovely well adjusted teenager, I do get talked down to A LOT by my peers who are just starting to have children. Not sure why, but they do definitely seem to think of themselves as above me. It is very much a self opinion though, the "status" doesn't actually exist outside their own bubbles.

Oh, absolutely it does!
No question about it.

Same as being in a (hetero) relationship and being married.

They’re all big status symbols.
Why do you think people are so eager to have them, and shame those who don’t?

YADNBU

It's a timely post because I just started reading about status - you know when there's a perceived hierarchy, I'm the idiot that can't work out what it is, which frankly, makes networking a lot harder!

so Brev yes I think those weird things exist in their heads but sadly a lot of stuff at work comes down to knowing who has status. It's almost easier when people make it obvious.

It’s definitely a thing in my family. I’m childless by circumstance and am seen as the failure in my family whilst my cousins with kids are very much seen as earth mothers. It’s not from my parents - they died when I was in my 20’s, but my remaining family (small though it is) have very little interest in me or my life or achievements. I only see them several times a year but the unthinking comments do sting.

Oh, and read the current thread about childfree people on aibu, mothers over there don’t even hide it.
They flat out claim they are the only one’s whi bring value to the society.
It got crazy on that thread!

What does status mean in this context? That's a genuine question btw as I'm not sure what it's referring to - more respect? More recognition? From whom?

I don't feel I gained more status when I had kids, but I think it made me more relatable in a way - it gave me something in common with other women, something we could commiserate and laugh over.

I think in a lot of workplaces the opposite may be true.
A woman with kids, who choses to drop down to part time hours, may be dismissed as being 'done' with her career and lack any desire for progression.
That's not my view, but I've picked up on a little of this attitude in various work places that I've been in.