To think having children brings status?

[OutofEverything]

I should add this only happens if you are the "right" kind of mother. 17 year old with a baby does not gain status from having a baby, quite the reverse. But for most mothers having children brings an increase in status. Suddenly you are a "proper" adult.

You still get discriminated against as a mother, get judged, and pigeonholed. But that does not take away from the increase in status.

I think for some women it does

I’m not sure it gives me a status as such. But it certainly prevents people from infantilising me. Having children makes me very secure in who I am and where I am in my life.
For example: I’m a single mum. I love it and I won’t accept people telling me what to do.
Whereas if I was single and didn’t have children, I’d feel a bit vulnerable to people talking down at me unless I had a high flying career. Which I was never going to have.

Having children gives me a confidence in myself that I simply wouldn’t have if I didn’t have children. So not a status, but feeling comfortable in myself. The ability to stick up for myself too and basically tell people to F off if I need to.

Yes it certainly gives them status. At work women who talk about nothing but their kids get made fun of.

Also called 'mumsy' if you make a mistake or dress badly.

Emotionalstorm I think that's called, 'discrimination' or 'bullying' in the workplace rather than Motherhood affording you a 'status'.

@Lampan it's more about young children having to then grow up without their mother which is very tragic. Sarah Everard had no children but this didn't make her or her case less but she didn't leave a young child behind which changes the situation.

Yeah I kind of think this

I do think having kids seems to be the new bucket list item type thing

I dont think it give status but people who don't use any thinking thinks it does

I think people are more likely to assume the rich married mother is in that position because of her husband. A rich single woman is seen as far more impressive.

I agree, OP. I was an outsider throughout childhood - by personality and also through having a "weirdo family" - and came out as lesbian in the early 80s, in a very different social climate to today.

Becoming a mother felt like joining the human race - so much community and validation. I felt like I'd proved myself as a 'real' woman, and had an achievement that society could recognise. I definitely felt an uplift in social status.

Maybe that is true if you are a powerful leader. But not many women or men proportionately are powerful leaders. Most people just rub along in fairly ordinary jobs.

@Ketzele That is really interesting.

I'm not sure I agree with you OP, but I agree that childless women are looked on as an oddity, and often suspiciously if they have chosen to be childless.

And single mums have lower status than most other people I think.

Totally disagree with this. It's the opposite actually. A rich single woman has much higher status than a rich married woman with children.

I've met a lot of mothers who certainly seem to think that having children gives them a higher status 🤣

Interesting.. I am a single woman (not by choice) without children (also not by choice, but because I'm single)

Firstly, can someone explain why having a child would bring someone status? What makes someone be viewed 'better' because they had the chance to reproduce?

Should I not be proud of where I am in life? Because I didn't meet someone to settle down with, I've had to learn to be independent. I've had to buy a home on my own, deal with situations within the home by myself, go places on my own, be without support when I need it. But I guess according to this thread a woman being independent is viewed as less than someone who has a family. Someone mentioned how having a child makes someone seem 'grown up'? But I feel i've grown up as i've had to do all I do alone without someone by my side, having a family would have been easier.

I have literally never encountered this attitude. And I’m 50.

If anything, I think Mothers lose status as they are seen through the ‘mother’ lens rather than as an individual.

@flatasapancake1 I don't think this way at all. But I think plenty of people do. In spite of changes in society the ideal is still seen as education and develop career, marriage, children, career again, and then retire and grandchildren.

@HundredMilesAnHour If that was true, why are women politicians who do not have children seen as odd and lack of children seen as something to criticise? And why do politicians and celebrities wheel their children out for the media to take photos?

This was going to be my reply.

I forget how many women pushed out of their jobs every year after having babies - it’s something like 40,000 isn’t it? Hence the new redundancy protection bill?

I find it baffling that the things i've managed to do on my own mean nothing when compared to someone who basically just had sex and got pregnant.

In certain circles, yes, but not at work.

I see what you're saying but like you say, it depends what age you are. I had children at the ''right'' age but ended up leaving him as he was so controlling so I went through the school gate era without the status of youth or the status of a financially comfortable husband. I did feel at the time that amongst the mums at the school gates, even if he was awful in every way you could think of, having a wealthy husband did confer status. Like if you're jumping out of your new SUV to go and communicate something brief to the teacher they will put down their marking and hear you out. If you go in as a single parent having arrived on foot with another child in a buggy, you're directed to the office to make an appointment and know your place
At work now I don't think it's an issue because my DC are teens, and one is nearly 20 so nobody asks and nobody cares because I'm 52, it's obvious looking at me that if I do have children, they're not tiny young ones so nobody asks or cares luckily. I did feel a bit apologetic about my whole situation about 8 years ago when they were old enough to leave but I kept receiving calls about chicken pox or where was the swimming cap.

@xJoy A friend was a single mum and she said as soon as she got married she was treated better by the teachers, taken more seriously and treated as more intelligent.

The things I’ve managed to do on my own mean nothing in many spheres of life because I had sex and got pregnant.

the parenthood status works well for men definitely, for women often no

I don't have children and I'm single, and don't feel my status is any less than anyone else. I can't say that I have noticed any women being more respected or deemed to be more important simply because they have children.

I'm not in the UK, and politicians and celebrities here most certainly do not wheel their children out for the media to take photos. Quite the reverse in fact.