To think having children brings status?

[OutofEverything]

I should add this only happens if you are the "right" kind of mother. 17 year old with a baby does not gain status from having a baby, quite the reverse. But for most mothers having children brings an increase in status. Suddenly you are a "proper" adult.

You still get discriminated against as a mother, get judged, and pigeonholed. But that does not take away from the increase in status.

Not at work it doesn’t.

Not status per se, but is affords some kind of weird kudos to the conventioanlly-minded. Children, like marriage & a mortgage, confers respectability to the Hyacinth brigade, because these denote orthodoxy to people who can't cope with any outlook or lifestyle that is less than traditional & predictable.

Hence "why don't you have children" - "when are you going to have children" - "was s/he a planned baby" etc. All outrageously rude in my book - but the marker points of "normalcy" ie unchallenging mindsets to the Hyacinths.

TaunterOfWomenInGeneralSaysSayonarastu

So having children is conventionally minded?

Getting married is way cheaper and easier than having a child! And also reversible...

And single mothers are vilified and penalised.

My god when one thinks of the s.....that procreate this is a disgusting post.Many mothers do have a club and think they are better than single and childfree people.However then there are the hierarchies within motherhood ...single mums., mothers of SEN children, mothers who choose to have one and are done, adoptive or foster mums who are way down the pecking line.Status because you had unrematkable sex one night and then an unremarkable child?Status because you choose to only have mummy friends?
Yet society rewards those who follow the norms no doubt and punishes those who cant or dont
We need to stop being so stupid and cruel in the light of the world's issues
Oh and btw to I doubt Jen Aniston is crying about being rich and childfree.geez you people or bots
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I don’t really know how ‘status’ applied to me or anyone else, but I am keenly aware of prejudice, pigeonholing, etc, and I would say being a parent does women no favours at all.

I never talked about my being a parent in any work situation until I had respect and recognition for my work. Mothers always seem to be treated as if they never want to talk about anything but kids, treated with with suspicion that work suffers due to sick days / work not a priority / mothers won’t go the extra mile, work late, volunteer to travel etc.

Some of it is bad workplace practice, presenteeism etc, but we still live in a sexist world, and giving birth cements the femaleness of women.

I have no idea how marriage raises anyone’s status. That just leads to lots of ‘what does your husband think’ and wondering if you will go on maternity leave any time soon.

I always that high achieving career oriented women without kids had more status.

But I do think being a single mum/young mum/mum of SEN kids probably reduces status. So I’m not sure being a mum can increase your status but can definitely decrease it. I’m one and done in a bog standard (but happy marriage). I really don’t feel like I have more status than my singe childfree friends.

No not at all. Why would it?

So weird. I don't think this is true at all. Maybe it depends where you are

Status is a nebulous thing so is hard to define. But it is about who is more respected and seen as more important. For example at work some status is built in on the basis of rank in the organisation, but someone lower down the official rank can have higher status than an outsider would perceive.

I don't know. I had my first child at 29 and felt like I actually had to grow up and get my shot together in certain aspects. I was career driven and worked in the city long hours but that never made me feel like I have to be an adult whereas having children changed things. If I say my status has changed, I don't know. I never saw it as that.

Is it not only true for some mothers of some children?

I had serious health problems from childhood and I'm pretty sure some grown women and men looked at me as worth far less than a healthy child.

So surely no status attached to being the mum of somebody like me?

I think that is a horrible attitude btw - I'm not saying it's ok!

Just to add, please do not say nasty things about mothers or childfree women on this post. I hate the denigration of women. And this is not about this.
It is about status that is all. Women should do what suits their lives.

Plenty of people have kids because “it’s what you do”.

I don’t think being a rich woman (single) has much value.

Women aren’t valued by money/work.

Women are valued, or judged for not having, by their looks and their proximity to a male.
So boyfriend, then husband, followed by kids, see how women with son’s behave.
It’s because of patriarchy.
That’s why there is still so much stigma about being single woman / ugly woman / woman without a child.
They can’t control these women and are angry they didn’t fall in line.

@journeyofinsanity I think in your twenties you are right. But I think it hits a certain point in your thirties/forties where a rich married woman with kids has more status than a rich woman without kids.

I totally agree, you have to be the "right" kind of mum with the "right" kind of child.
Not a view I agree with either.

KimberleyClark and plenty don't!

Mothers have quite a poor status on most workplaces and the flexibility that is advertised does not exist so I definitely don't think that is an aspect of life where your status as a mother is elevated.

Yes I think some women think being married, or being mothers gives them status.

And I read an article in the Times some years ago that said that successful men make sure they have at least three kids to show their virility and the fact that they can afford them!

Yes this. As a childfree and unmarried (both by choice) 33 year old I can’t say I’ve ever been made to feel lesser than married women with kids. I’m sure it happens but my family don’t care and have never commented, they’re actually just happy I’m happy! I do think this thinking is more prevalent in certain demographics and among people for whom following traditional life trajectories and keeping up with expectations is important, I.e religious communities, small towns etc

I think being married does, possibly helps a bit with the Mother status as affords you legitimacy to closed minded people, a majority of the world elevates the married status so it is a universal language in that sense.

It legitimises you in some people’s eyes. Gives some people a sense of normalcy. Some people treat women without children as slightly alien or less mature, or selfish, or having less in common, or even incomprehensible in some subtle way.

It’s like it gives some people a reassuring point of reference if you can answer yes to the ‘do you have children’ question when they ask. A no to that question can sometimes just shut down the conversation.

I think a large section of society sees being married with kids as ‘success’ in life.