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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that Stacey Dooley isn't a realistic new mum role model for women

202 replies

NeverendingStory32 · 22/02/2023 14:33

I picked out Stacey Dooley because I've just been reading about her but I know this applies to many other celebrities. She gave birth to her daughter in January and she's already back to work and attending events. She's also posted photos of her slim post baby body and trendy, flattering outfits on social media. Obviously it depends on your experience of pregnancy and giving birth but does this image of post natal motherhood put pressure on women? To me, I see it as unrealistic for the majority of women, including myself and my own experiences. Why can't celebrities share more honest, typical reflections of early motherhood that the majority can relate to.

What do people think?

OP posts:
Ihaventgottimeforthis · 22/02/2023 16:48

People on instagram aren't our friends, they don't have to post stuff that strangers can 'relate to'.
It would be better to teach people the skills to be able to put social media content into perspective and not be overly pressured by media and advertising, especially at times when they feel vulnerable.
Instagram is a shop window, it's not real life.

VirtualRealitee · 22/02/2023 16:50

Kitcaterpillar · 22/02/2023 16:12

So fun that this thread turned from IG unrealistic portrayal of life (an undenial phenomenon) to an opportunity for people to let everyone know how skinny they were post-birth. Mumsnet gonna Mumsnet.

What's wrong with that exactly? Confused

Some women are slim post-birth which is also an undeniable phenomenon.

You sound as though you think it's not ok for them to say so?

WaddleAway · 22/02/2023 16:52

Why does she need to be a role model? Why can’t she just be a new mum, doing what’s right for her?

BananaBread3 · 22/02/2023 16:52

I dislike her immensely, and refuse to watch anything she’s in, but I don’t think it’s fair to project your insecurities on her. Her reality is also the reality for some people.

TheOrigRights · 22/02/2023 16:53

I binge listened to Stacey Dooley Fresh Starts and Revists recently.
She's good. Try it.

I have always thought of her as a great documentary maker who has become more widely known through her other ventures (Strictly).

TruffleShuffles · 22/02/2023 16:57

What a shitty thread, I was back at work within 2 weeks of having my baby and pre pregnancy weight not long after. That isn’t a brag it’s ‘realistic’ as it’s the real events that followed my birth. Why is it only people who had a shit time of it post birth that get to call their experience realistic?

Jusmakingit · 22/02/2023 16:57

I find Stacey D a more realistic person to follow compared to some celeb mums. She’s not constantly flogging crap for companies and is still private about her life.

after my first child I really struggled for months even years but now I have had my second my body has ‘bounced’ back. I stopped bleeding after three weeks, milk dried up after a few weeks , I feel like I didn’t before pregnancy . I’m not slim by any means but apart from my squishy tummy I’m doing pretty good for giving birth on 31st January .

can’t bash another mum for how her body and confidence has recovered

MelchiorsMistress · 22/02/2023 16:58

NeverendingStory32 · 22/02/2023 16:17

Absolutely this!!

Show quote history

This is really rude and dismissive towards people who have a valid, common experience that just doesn’t happen to match with your own.

People are just making the point that SD’s experience of her body after birth chimes with many other people’s and as a celebrity who presumably puts a lot on social media, she shouldn’t be expected to dress like a frump or hide away so that she doesn’t offend people who have a different experience to her.

Swiftswatch · 22/02/2023 16:59

*I do think she’s naturally stunning and was always v. stylish and really slim- but I was rolling my eyes that about a week ago she was mentioning a Cornwall family mini break (#gifted?) and how ‘chill’ it was.
ROTFLMAO

Either a cook and a nanny were involved, or I just can’t imagine…!

Why would you need a cook or a nanny for a few days staycation though?! Why would it be any more difficult than being at home? If anything it means they both weren’t working so presumably why it was more chill.

Some of you act like there is genuinely nothing positive about motherhood. Women need to be not enjoying themselves and look shit doing it or they are just putting on an ‘unrealistic’ facade.

catfunk · 22/02/2023 17:00

YABU.
She's not trying to be a role model, is she?
She's very thin and has a lot of privilege obviously, and has never claimed otherwise.

Bunnycat101 · 22/02/2023 17:08

I really can’t see anything on her instagram that has inspired all the stuff about being a bad role model. She’s done a few posts, congratulated herself for getting dressed to go to the supermarket, gone shopping and for lunch and gone to Cornwall. I’m sure the drive with a newborn probably wasn’t that fun so I’d take the ‘this was wonderful’ with a pinch of salt but they all lie about how amazing is all the time so that is nothing new.

CantMakeHeadNorTail · 22/02/2023 17:09

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

SybilWrites · 22/02/2023 17:11

I don't think it's either of the Stacey's jobs to show the "real£" side of having a new born baby. They are both just doing their jobs - it isn't for them to be fat or depressed or sleep deprived just so you can say they're being realistic. Lots of people do snap back into their pre-baby body quickly and look amazing. Lots of people do have lots of energy and/or help after birth and lots of very normal people have no choice but to work quite quickly after birth.

There is quite a lot of jealousy on this thread I think (and fwiw I did NOT snap back to my pre baby body very quickly at all and in fact put on weight afterwards because of all the cakes I ate).

My yoga teacher is coming back to work 6 weeks after having her baby. She looks amazing - lucky her!

Poppins2016 · 22/02/2023 17:12

Bigpinktrain · 22/02/2023 14:40

Some ladies do this though don’t they? Yes they are in the minority, but some moms are super slim after birth, and some do return to work early.
As long as they aren’t pushing what they are doing as the correct way to do motherhood, then I don’t really care.
It does help that I don’t have social media so I couldn’t be more ignorant of what celebs are up too.

Yep. I'm one of those women. I don't put much weight on during pregnancy, spring back quickly and don't get stretch marks (my bump always measured weeks behind, but both my babies were fine)! "Lucky bitch" was the supposedly lighthearted comment I often received.

For some people, it is realistic. People come in all shapes and sizes, and so do post-natal bodies.

WaddleAway · 22/02/2023 17:17

It’s irrelevant whether other women identify with her experiences or not. She’s an individual, and she’s documenting her experience. She has no obligation to be relatable or a ‘role model’.
Oh and we went on holiday to South Wales with a newborn. It was lovely, DH did all the cooking and we chilled out for a week.

Lavender14 · 22/02/2023 17:19

Honestly i think judging women who do this is as bad as judging SAHM or women who take the full year or who do/don't 'bounce back ' from pregnancy and birth. It doesn't further anyone.

I have friends who have HATED being on mat leave and who went back to work within weeks because that's what worked for them. I know people who had a baby and had no tummy at all within a week or two and they weren't dieting or exercising that's just naturally how it fell for them. In have friends who financially had no choice but to go back to work within 2 months as they were self employed and had a business to run.

How about we just support women's choices instead of criticising each other. I don't see Stacey Dooley asking to be a 'role model' simply because she's in the public eye and happened to become a mum and I don't think that's how she's presented herself. So you are putting that on her just because of her job. That is unfair. And what about the women on here who are considering going back to work sooner rather than later who see your thread- how do you think it will make them feel? Let's just support womens choices and trust they're doing the right thing for them shall we.

Supergirl1958 · 22/02/2023 17:22

NeverendingStory32 · 22/02/2023 14:33

I picked out Stacey Dooley because I've just been reading about her but I know this applies to many other celebrities. She gave birth to her daughter in January and she's already back to work and attending events. She's also posted photos of her slim post baby body and trendy, flattering outfits on social media. Obviously it depends on your experience of pregnancy and giving birth but does this image of post natal motherhood put pressure on women? To me, I see it as unrealistic for the majority of women, including myself and my own experiences. Why can't celebrities share more honest, typical reflections of early motherhood that the majority can relate to.

What do people think?

I think each to their own. I personally had a baby and struggled massively post partum, struggled and am still struggling 3 years later. But four weeks after having my son, I went to a football match. I wasn’t glammed up like Stacey, but I think there has to be some returning to the life you had pre baby. A baby, whilst a blessing, doesn’t stop a person from living their life, nothing wrong with a bit of me time!!

AbcXyz123456 · 22/02/2023 17:27

If she has lost weight quickly and looks good after pregnancy then that is real for her. Everyone's different. I lost my baby weight within a few days of having both babies. Does that make my experience not real? Can't we just accept everyone is different.

LostidentityM · 22/02/2023 17:32

I do think z list celebs are paid to be out and about early and looking good even if they werent feeling it.

Notjustabrunette · 22/02/2023 17:33

After my first, I was a mess. Even a random shop keeper commented that I looked like I had just left hospital when I had a two month old 😬. With my second, I looked amazing 10 days later! I know this as was my birthday, I really was blooming and out and about.

winterpastasalad · 22/02/2023 17:34

I look like total crap but still would never aspire to be like either of the two Stacey's.

HotDogsJumpingFrogsILoveTurkey · 22/02/2023 17:40

Katie Perry shared pictures post baby. They were not flattering. 🤣 She got so much hate for them. It was horrible and I felt so bad for her when she was trying to fo a good thing.

Women can't win.

FWIW I was back to pre-pregnancy weight as soon as the post birth tummy settled. It was just one of those things. In the years since though, I've ballooned with no baby excuse.

Runningonjammiedodgers · 22/02/2023 17:41

I was back in my size 10 jeans four days after giving birth. I was young and had an easy pregnancy and didn't gain a lot of weight. I got a fuck ton of back handed complements and a fuck ton of negative comments. Some people do snap back. I don't think anyone should judge or comment on a new mum's (or any woman's) figure.

HotDogsJumpingFrogsILoveTurkey · 22/02/2023 17:41

Also, this is their job. Sadly, they'd be very quickly forgotten about if they didn't glam up and get back out there ASAP.

AbcXyz123456 · 22/02/2023 17:44

Runningonjammiedodgers · 22/02/2023 17:41

I was back in my size 10 jeans four days after giving birth. I was young and had an easy pregnancy and didn't gain a lot of weight. I got a fuck ton of back handed complements and a fuck ton of negative comments. Some people do snap back. I don't think anyone should judge or comment on a new mum's (or any woman's) figure.

Exactly this