Tedious performative under eaters

[SlimPig]

The thread about the PIL's measly portions reminded me of this, and how iritating it is. I remember once at work they bought us all fish and chips on one friday afternoon. When it arrived the two other women started their bs as soon as they were handed their box - oohh the weight of that! I'll never eat all that! Hadn't even opened it and looked at it yet.

Then, once opened, both of them, oh my god, I'll never eat all that (measly takeaway cardboard box portion, not a massive, in paper, large portion) ooh dear, we won't need dinner, or breakfast tomorrow now will we! Don't think I can eat my peas too, I'm so stuffed. I'm going to need to go for two runs tomorrow now! On and on, through the whole meal.

I was starving and had to make a conscious effort to eat it slowly because they were fucking about and pushing it round the box and I didn't want to look a pig, I'm a fast eater anyway, but that meal was just so god awful! In the end I just ate it at my normal speed.

Why? Why do people do this? Why can't they just eat their food normally? Why does everything have to be justified and offset? Just strikes me as so sad that they couldn't just eat their food without a whole performance (infront of all the men in the office, only 3 women there, me and them) of how birdlike they normally eat 😥

You would enjoy my work (except for the fact it’s a shit place to work). Pretty much every member of staff starts their conversation along the lines of “I can’t stop eating today” then we all agree that we will encourage each other to cut down on the crap until someone remembers they have some jammy dodgers somewhere and we then share them.
We had a burger van come in once and everyone was trying to get seconds. We all sat around big tables and there was not a scrap left, if I didn’t want my onion someone else had it on their burger before I even finished picking it off 😂

I think some posters have lost sight of the fact that it’s really not the amount of food that someone is or isn’t eating that’s the issue, but the whole performance some people (yep mostly women) feel obliged to make around food.

As my Jewish grandmother would say “Eat it, or don’t it, I don’t care, it’s all the same to me. What a lot of fuss over nothing”

DM comments a lot on food. In her case though it was her childhood that's caused her food disorders as she lived through rationing and poverty. So she comments a lot on food but I also see where that stems from.

It is irritating when people make a big deal out of portions or a big fuss over what they can and can't eat. I don't care. There are some things I don't eat so I STFU and don't eat them.

God I hate this so much. My mum is one of these - oh I couldn't possibly eat all that! Are you eating that? I'm so full! Etc etc. Just eat or don't but don't go on and on. I love my mum but she took me to a slimming club when I was 10, I wasn't huge by any means!

Aren’t a lot of countries obsessed with food? France, Italy, Japan, South Korea to name a few, all talk and think a lot about food? Granted, their cuisines are worth talking about and being obsessed with though.

My DM is another one. Recently we had afternoon tea in a cafe. She ordered a cheese scone, cut it in half, carefully nibbled one half and then wrapped the other half in a napkin to take home, declaring: “I’ll have this for my supper!”

Oh, god yeah, the people who just have to tell you that ‘I don’t eat a lot’ and ‘I can’t manage all that.’ in my experience it’s usually accompanied by judgy Looks at your portion and/or comments about what a good/big eater you are.

I am not fat, I like my food, I don’t expect anybody to make comments about my weight or how much I eat. Go ahead and eat as much or as little as you choose, just keep your thoughts to yourself and I will do the same.

You don't need to work, log in to mumsnet, plenty of people like this here 😬

I really have to watch myself on this.. I don’t have a particularly big appetite and have always been quite petite, but have crept from a size 6 to a 10 over the last few years. I do have a tendency to comment (never on what anyone else eats, only on my own food) and say things like I won’t need dinner if I’m eating a big lunch (to be fair, I genuinely would only have a snack in the evening if I’d eaten out earlier). But I’m realising that it’s probably unhelpful and potentially makes others feel bad, and trying to stop.

A standard greeting in Singapore is have you eaten. We aren't as a nation that bad They also comment on your weight incessantly, oh wow you have gained weight , wow you have lost weight are you ill. It's perfectly normal to comment on weight and food.

My gym class last night was like this ..... "ohh we're allowed a single plain pancake now".

I used to work in an office where everyone was constantly on a diet but no one ever lost any weight 🙃

In another office all four of the people I worked with only ever ate soup, salad and fruit yet they were all very over weight and again never got any slimmer. I can only assume they didn't eat that way at home.

I got told I was annoying because I could eat what I wanted but in reality I just ate a normal diet and am an average size 12.

I'd rather stay at a size 6 than be constantly shovelling down food. Besides it's more to spend on lovely clothes that fit properly and don't look like they're bursting at the seams.

It can be really tedious but I also think there is quite a big difference depending on what is going on. In my experience people I’ve known with bulimia or anorexia try to hide it to their own detriment. They would be less likely to do the performative food thing. But… I’m convinced my mil is borderline for having orthorexia and is really hard work around food. Carbs and fats are the devil, woe betide anyone should eat a biscuit. Very obsessed about other people’s weight and health. One of the first questions she asked me was how much I weighed.

It has taken me 20 years of disordered eating (binge-starve cycle) to finally break away from dieting.

However, I now notice how often people talk about diets and weight, and it's so fucking boring. A woman I worked with loudly asked if I was really going to eat ALL of that... fruit. A pot of watermelon from Sainsbury's, which contained less than 100kcal. She also leaned across me in the staff kitchen, picked up my lunch and checked how many calories were in it

My mum constantly moans about how fat she is, or tells me that she's on "prison rations" for the next month because she's going to an event, or justifies eating something because she walked 1276 miles that day.

It's just food - eat it or don't. I don't care.

Totally agree with this. I dont know anyone who i would describe as a performance eater. Ive said i cannot eat anymore as the portion is massive, because it was. And by massive I meant much more than the recommended amount. If someone thought that was a performance, that shows their issue with food not mine. Ive never been on a diet in my life.

what always surprises me is how often people will eat until they feel ill with it.

They do it because to eat loads is seen to be greedy, unladylike and unattractive. Obviously no one probably really cares.
I've been on both ends of the spectrum - once thought, "how can just a sandwich possibly fill you up?!" - and now struggle with normal/big portions. I don't do the commentary and friends know I can't eat a lot. I've also, when I was a trougher, consciously slowed down my eating speed and consciously left food on my plate (like the other women) so as not to stand out.
I think it's because of how society views larger women and thin women. Sadly, dainty women who eat bird-like portions to maintain their bird-like frame are revered. For women to have needs and wants isn't considered attractive so we are expected to suppress our hunger.

You know that some of us don't "shovel food down" but will never be a size 6? The two are not mutually exclusive. You can also have lovely clothes that fit at any size.
You should really be ashamed at that comment.

I think another sign of an unhealthy relationship with food is when you have small meals and then vast snacks as another poster has said. My mum is a classic of this genre too, will opine that "I don't really eat much these days" and have say a poached egg for lunch, then spend the rest of the afternoon snaffling every crisp and biscuit in the house. It's none of my business (except that I love her and I want her to have a long life) but I do always find myself thinking, why not have two bloody poached eggs and some vegetables and then you won't be starving and end up rampaging through the snack foods like a raccoon.

I think there has always been a lot of judgement for women in eating though hasn't there. Many of these people probably could have had a healthy relationship with food but society meant they grew up being expected to perform being a dainty eater. Hardly eating yourself and feeding (or overfeeding) others was definitely a "thing" and remains so for some.

One good thing about working from home ..... eating in peace.

I went into the office last week .... as soon as I got my lunch out colleagues crowded around to see what I've got. So odd.

YANBU. It's like, just don't eat it then!

One of my friends does this yet somehow always manages to polish it all off... 🙄

Japan doesn’t have L or XL on their clothes they have ‘Fat’ 😯 No pulling their punches there! They do have fantastic food though (judging by Japanese restaurants I’ve been to). I’d probably never stop eating if I was there.

The OP does come across as they she doesn't have a great relationship with food to be honest.

What she describes is generally nothing more than an 'eye roll moment' for most, but she even remembers a woman she worked with when she was 'very young', because she chose to eat a very small salad for lunch.

That's not generally the sort of thing that stands out in someone's mind years later, unless they're struggling with their own food relationship.

This is why I love being surrounded by people who also do loads of sport. We all (man and women) need huge amount of food and no one questions it

What happened to just not commenting on what people are eating? It’s okay to complain because someone isn’t eating a “normal” amount but it’s not okay to point out if someone is eating a lot or always banging on about being hungry?