Tedious performative under eaters

[SlimPig]

The thread about the PIL's measly portions reminded me of this, and how iritating it is. I remember once at work they bought us all fish and chips on one friday afternoon. When it arrived the two other women started their bs as soon as they were handed their box - oohh the weight of that! I'll never eat all that! Hadn't even opened it and looked at it yet.

Then, once opened, both of them, oh my god, I'll never eat all that (measly takeaway cardboard box portion, not a massive, in paper, large portion) ooh dear, we won't need dinner, or breakfast tomorrow now will we! Don't think I can eat my peas too, I'm so stuffed. I'm going to need to go for two runs tomorrow now! On and on, through the whole meal.

I was starving and had to make a conscious effort to eat it slowly because they were fucking about and pushing it round the box and I didn't want to look a pig, I'm a fast eater anyway, but that meal was just so god awful! In the end I just ate it at my normal speed.

Why? Why do people do this? Why can't they just eat their food normally? Why does everything have to be justified and offset? Just strikes me as so sad that they couldn't just eat their food without a whole performance (infront of all the men in the office, only 3 women there, me and them) of how birdlike they normally eat 😥

She never ate more than one of the slices a day either. I found it very strange but then I have consumed way too many whole Mars bars in my time.

FFS there is nothing more tedious than people's constant commentary on what they're eating or how much or how little it is! I'm totally with you OP and it is pretty gendered. Eat what you like but stop with the attempts to draw other people into caring about it!

As much as I also find performative under eaters irritating, I also find greedy, glutinous eaters equally as annoying. There’s a fine balance.

I would have asked. Afternoon tea isn't cheap.

I've come across this throughout adult life. It definitely seems more of a thing with my mum/mil/aunt's age group, so hopefully it will become less prevalent with future generations.

My dh and I have a running joke about the portion sizes my mum dishes up. All the males will be served a regular to large portion. All females are dished up a serving roughly a third of that. If she only wants to eat one roast potato or a 4cm piece of baguette - fine. It's the assertion that all females should restrict that bothers me. She does the whole "well i definitely won't be eating dinner tonight!" routine after having lunch out, even if it's just a toasted sandwich in Costa.

When they last came to us and I served myself and her the same portion as the men, I got a snide comment of "well you can certainly pack it away". Funny how the same is never said of the men.

@SlimPig

plus if you only had a light snack in the evening after the fish and chips then you are in the same boat as them aren’t you? Just they’re articulating it and you’re not

I don't think that looks like a very big portion, it looks like the chips are only on one side. If the chips filled the bottom and the fish was sat on top then it would be too much for me - but I think I could definitely manage that (average height, size 8).
I think it's people who are uncomfortable with their weight that make a big thing about how much/little they eat so I wouldn't say anything, just assume they didn't have great self esteem. They certainly wouldn't put me off eating all of it if I wanted to.

I did in the end. I just though fuck this for a laugh and ate normally (for me. I know I'm a fast eater).

Then, once opened, both of them, oh my god, I'll never eat all that (measly takeaway cardboard box portion, not a massive, in paper, large portion)

Yes you did

Whether it's 'measly' and 'not massive' is entirely down to the person sitting down to eat it and what sort of appetite they have.

@SlimPig

why do you eat so quickly?

some people would get indigestion if they ate quickly

some people want to savour it

why do you eat so quick? Just out of interest?

its sometimes just performative eating, especially when a lot of people grew up with the heroin chic size zero shit day in day out. I am known at work for eating 2 breakfasts and also my pre lunch sweets snack 😂

i am always bloody hungry and if i don't eat my stomach starts making INSANE noises and thats much more embarrassing. I had to tell my mum off for mentioning my bread intake !

I'm here to enjoy life a not be a martyr of suffering

Just they’re articulating it and you’re not

That's literally the thing she's complaining about. Going on and on about it.

It's right there in your OP

Generally speaking most of us do eat way, way more than we are supposed to. As a nation we tend to 'live to eat' rather than 'eat to live'. A portion of fish and chips with peas is probably not too far off calories wise from what they need in a day for 'maintenance weight', so I can see why they might find it a big portion at lunchtime.

There's a massive obesity crisis in the UK and it is based in part on our portion sizes. Have you ever actually measured out and eaten an actual recommended serving size on a packet? It's tiny.

YANBU OP, these people do my head in.

It's not just the ridiculous performance you describe so well but the way in which a lot of them try to make it some sort of fucked-up female bonding thing. Talking coyly about how they were so naughty last night and had a whole biscuit and now they have to starve yourself for three days, then looking expectantly at you to share your stories of under-eating.

I love my food and large portions but am still slim due to genetics and exercise, and am all too familiar with the dirty looks I get off the performative under-eaters when they realise I have no interest in bonding with them over this. The looks get even filthier when they see me inhaling pastries.

See I couldn’t force myself to eat a not-very-nice-anyway, too-large portion of fish and chips. There’s no way I could “just decide to eat it anyway” - I’d either start retching or have a panic attack. I’d have to slink off and leave it/hide it in the bin. I know I have good issues, I’m trying to fix them, people like all of you who think this is a tedious performance are part of the problem and your lack of empathy is quite alarming.

I have a history of ED so am sensitive to this stuff but I really notice it when people assign moral weight to food and eating behaviours, “being good”, “good foods” & “naughty/bad foods”. I find it really triggering as I’ve worked really hard to reset my thinking over that side of things, so when people who don’t have ED are tee-heeing about “being good today/this week/month”, I want to scream at them.

This sort of disordered thinking around food is so common. It’s so ingrained into Western culture where calorie dense, nutritionally poor convenience foods and the surgical and lifestyle ‘fixes’ for the associated problems are so profitable, it’s hard to ignore.

*food. Food issues.

I had a sleeve and same for me. I just discreetly chuck and deliberately get the smallest bowl/plate I can without it looking weird. I'm a size 8 6 in some places now so people assume I must starve myself or be uber controlling over food. Nah my eyes still want it stomach says no!!

The food was fine, it was them that made the meal awful with thier constant harping on

It’s no wonder there are so many eating disorders when everyone seems to be judging how others eat and what they say and do when they eat.
who cares?? Eat what you like and what works for you. How others eat or comment on their own personal eating habits is up to them. As long as they aren’t saying they are overfull and calling you something offensive for eating more, it’s really nothing to do with you.
All of this ‘performative’ this and ‘performative that’ accusations are from insecurity. People who are secure in what they are doing don’t notice what others are doing (or eating).

A woman I know regularly says she needs to lose weight - she's size 12 and weighs about 10st, and tells me how "naughty" she's been because she had 2 chocolate biscuits (Oh do fuck off, luv - tell me when you've had 2 packets). I think it's a bitchy way of trying to make everyone else seem fat and greedy

Ugh this really annoys me! You then feel like you have to pick at your food as well lest you look like a glutton. I've noticed this more from overweight people than from slim people. I had a colleague that was fairly heavy and she was the daintiest eater I've ever seen. I had a male friend back in the day who was obese, but would eat the smallest portions when around friends. I can only assume it's out of embarrassment or fear of judgement in those cases? That being said, an ex-boyfriend's mother was extremely thin, gaunt really, and she would eat half a bagel and moan about how she really shouldn't be having the carbs. It's tiresome for sure.

I'm not a big eater, so I would avoid this scenario like the plague of everyone eating in a collective at work - because what I put in my mouth is my adult choice and I'm certainly not in the least bit interested in judging or being judged or comparing portion sizes with others.

I also detest people on a diet giving everyone the low-down on how many calories they've eaten for breakfast, lunch and dinner yesterday. How dull.

Unbelievable what people obsess about!

Ive heard this before and listen and look, say nothing and tuck in. Im not overweight and enjoy my food - if others want to make a performance about how much or little they eat, thats fine, count me out though.