Tedious performative under eaters

[SlimPig]

The thread about the PIL's measly portions reminded me of this, and how iritating it is. I remember once at work they bought us all fish and chips on one friday afternoon. When it arrived the two other women started their bs as soon as they were handed their box - oohh the weight of that! I'll never eat all that! Hadn't even opened it and looked at it yet.

Then, once opened, both of them, oh my god, I'll never eat all that (measly takeaway cardboard box portion, not a massive, in paper, large portion) ooh dear, we won't need dinner, or breakfast tomorrow now will we! Don't think I can eat my peas too, I'm so stuffed. I'm going to need to go for two runs tomorrow now! On and on, through the whole meal.

I was starving and had to make a conscious effort to eat it slowly because they were fucking about and pushing it round the box and I didn't want to look a pig, I'm a fast eater anyway, but that meal was just so god awful! In the end I just ate it at my normal speed.

Why? Why do people do this? Why can't they just eat their food normally? Why does everything have to be justified and offset? Just strikes me as so sad that they couldn't just eat their food without a whole performance (infront of all the men in the office, only 3 women there, me and them) of how birdlike they normally eat 😥

If I understand our OP properly, she isn't disturbed at all by the amount that her coworkers ate, but rather the fact that they loudly and continuously made comments on how large (they weren't) the portions were, and how little they could eat of them. That goes way past your issues with health, and into an insidious sort-of virtue signaling that seems designed to make others feel like they are eating an absurd amount of food (they are not), and therefore, pigs. I've heard it, and it is annoying in the extreme. Can't eat all the food? Don't, but it isn't necessary to remark on the fact over and over and over and over and ov....well, you get it. And you do NOT do that!

YANBU, it's called an eating disorder.

Well, OK, I guess you're right, @Magentax I just wanted to give the perspective of me as someone who isn't a "big eater" (whatever that even means!), who can't stand people commenting when I'm not being "performative" about it, I just eat what I want and don't like it when people start micro-analysing whether in their (perceived) expert opinion they think I need to eat more.

It all comes down to the same thing though, people should just bloody MTOB and keep their beaky nose out of things that didn't require their opinion

I remember once being called a "gannet" by someone in the office and told "God, you're always eating"!

Guess what, it was always lunchtime when they walked by.

and guess what, it was a twat bloke who said it

My DM does this!

I've stopped eating meals with her as it ruins the experience.

If I got a takeaway (1 main each, plus 2 small sides to share) she would panic and say "Look at all the food! We'll never eat alllll this, it's so much!"

And she spoons food onto her plate bit by bit instead of giving herself a proper portion.

She always leaves 1/3rd of her meal, too. No matter how small a portion. She actively avoids carbs, and meat.

Throughout the day she grazes, little bits here and there, rather than having good meals, as she's always trying to eat less.

I just eat 'normally' and she's always saying "I don't know HOW you eat that much".

We're the same height and build but I'm a size 10 and she's 14, so it's not like she's staying skinny.

So weird.

Still trying to work my way through this ENORMOUS thread! I'm absolutely stuffed! I won't manage any more threads for a few days, of course- I normally read one post at a time...did you all read the whole thing in one go? 🙃

😂😂😂😂

OP. OMG. Thank you. THANK YOU. I have sat through so many meals surrounded by people like this. One of my dear colleagues is just that person you describe. She also has the irritating habit of rabbitting ooon and ooon about her weight and diet yet bringing in tons of chocolate and biscuits and offering them to me and anyine else in the vicinity. I am a very hearty eater, but have zero taste for sweet stuff. Whenever I decline she acts offended and keeps pushing. Yet never touches the stuff herself! Stop being feeders, dieters, to make yourself feel better!!! Or pass samosas and pasties. I can live with that 😉

I’ve been out to eat on hundreds of occasions over my lifetime and I can honestly say I’ve never noticed how much someone eats or whether they’ve finished everything or not or thinking they’re a ‘piggy’ for polishing it all off. I think people with food issues probably think everyone else is as obsessed with such things as they are.

The only time I comment about food is if someone leaves most of their plate.
I always quietly ask them if the food was bad and thay they should say and ask for remedy. I have few absolute softies around me who just could not complain even when brought wrong food! Which happened and they just did "aw i was looking forward to x, but that's ok😔 I am sure this will be nice too". Not on my watch!
(Note I am polite from hospitality background so get mistakes happen, but that doesn't mean people should eat food they didn't want when paying).

I can truthfully say I have never met anyone who performance “under eats”

I am however frequently subjected to those who are uncomfortable about the size of MY appetite and feel free to comment on (how little) I’ve eaten. I will frequently leave a lot of food at a restaurant because I really can only eat a few spoons of the stodgy mushroom risotto or boring pasta I’ve been obliged to have (veggie).

I have a small appetite. I’m a healthy weight. Deal with it.

I am however frequently subjected to those who are uncomfortable about the size of MY appetite and feel free to comment on (how little) I’ve eaten. I will frequently leave a lot of food at a restaurant because I really can only eat a few spoons of the stodgy mushroom risotto or boring pasta I’ve been obliged to have (veggie).I have a small appetite. I’m a healthy weight. Deal with it.

Who is failing to "deal with it"? The OP is, like you, irritated by people commenting on what they and others are eating, you're on the same team!

You are going to shite restaurants if that's the only options!

Polite notice to people with small appetites - this thread isn't about you and we don't care. It's about people commentating on the eating habits of others. You're probably complaining about the same sort of people as the OP.

There is no need to talk about how small your appetite is. It isn't relevant unless you like to similarly bang on to your friends and relations about this in person while they're eating differently.

"I eat very little!"

That post was so bang on.

The thread actually isn't about people commenting on the eating habits of others though, is it? It's about people commenting on their own eating habits. The OP has chosen to make the behaviour of these women about herself. In her mind, women who demonstrate they don't eat much are doing so to make her look bad, when there are multiple reasons women may feel the need to do this, none of which are likely to be centred around the OP.
The OP and others have also commented on eating behaviour. Despite repeating its about the commentary rather than amount of food consumed, the OP refers to 'measly portions', is critical of her colleagues 'tiny salad' and dislikes people eating half instead of a full donut. People with small appetites are merely pointing out that those behaviours aren't about her.

When I eat out with my mum I have to order something I know she doesn't like otherwise she'll insist she doesn't eat a lot and that we share and she eat half of mine.

It's about people commenting on their own eating habits.

Honestly, no. Although it does inevitably form comment on other people's portions when you keep going on about how much of it you're not eating when everyone else has the same amount as you. It's an implied comparison.

But the performative undereaters in my family comment openly on what other people are having. They are really explicit about it. I could share a lot of stories.

It's honestly a thing. I believe some people haven't come across it, but it really does exist.

I don't care if people only eat half a doughnut.

What I do object to is them touching it up and leaving half of it for others. Eat it, take it for later, share it with a friend or throw it in the bin. Don't leave it on the plate after you've touched it.

And especially, don't leave it there and cut a bit off every time you walk past. Take it and do that at your desk if you want to eat it slowly.

It's also just so joy-sucking when a delicious meal is presented to the table and the first words out of someone's mouth are a negative, "Oh, I can't eat all that!"

How different to, "That looks amazing!"

It just immediately frames the whole thing in a negative light. It's rude to everyone at the table, including the cook. It's as rude and mood-lowering as "Is that all?"

Eat it all or don't eat it all, just shut up from commenting on it apart from saying how delicious it is. It's not hard.

My DM does this - pantomime expressions of horror when you give her a slice of cake or whatever - "oh, that's far too much, I'll never manage all that!"

Then she goes home and eats an entire packet of biscuits. She thinks no one realises but I know exactly what's going on. It drives me up the wall.

A while ago we were ordering pizzas for delivery. One of the CUEs asked me if I wanted to share one with her.

I don't mind splitting a pizza with a normal person. But have you constantly exclaiming in horror and amazement because I eat half of what's there?

Fuck off.

This! Very well said.

People here really can’t accept that small eaters face a lot of criticism and judgement from others (the point of the thread) for the amount they eat. Can you not see it can be embarrassing to be seen as rude, wasteful, performative, disordered, judgemental, trying to make others feel bad, whatever bloody else, for not wanting or finishing a portion that is just simply a lot more food than that individual is able to or wants to eat?

“Wow, that’s a big portion for me” = I’m probably not going to be able to finish that because it’s outside of my usual eating habits, don’t read anything else into the fact I leave half of it. You can’t win, can you? Hundreds of posts here as well calling people out for “leaving half their plate” as well. So they shouldn’t mention it, but they also shouldn’t just leave anything, both are performative? You don’t get to choose your portion in a restaurant, everyone gets the same size dish.

You’re asked to brunch with a friend, go and don’t order food? Performative bitch.
You order food to be polite and don’t finish it? Performative bitch.
You say no thanks I don’t eat brunch, how about coffee? Performative bitch.

What is actually being asked of the small appetite people here? Is it to force themselves to eat exactly the same amount as their friends whether they’re full or not? Is it simply that big eaters can’t comprehend that someone could genuinely have a small appetite/get full quickly and therefore the only explanation is that they’re lying to make others feel bad?

It’s extraordinary how little you have understood.

‘You’re asked to brunch with a friend, go and don’t order food? Performative bitch.‘

No. No you don’t understand. I have posted how a friend invited me for a pub lunch. I had fish and chips and she just had a coffee. But she didn’t go on and on about it so it was all fine. We have a lovely catch-up. If she had squealed about my huge portion size, said how she could never manage that, then expressed shock that I was going to eat dinner that night, then that is performative under-eating.

Do let me know if you need more clarity.