Tedious performative under eaters

[SlimPig]

The thread about the PIL's measly portions reminded me of this, and how iritating it is. I remember once at work they bought us all fish and chips on one friday afternoon. When it arrived the two other women started their bs as soon as they were handed their box - oohh the weight of that! I'll never eat all that! Hadn't even opened it and looked at it yet.

Then, once opened, both of them, oh my god, I'll never eat all that (measly takeaway cardboard box portion, not a massive, in paper, large portion) ooh dear, we won't need dinner, or breakfast tomorrow now will we! Don't think I can eat my peas too, I'm so stuffed. I'm going to need to go for two runs tomorrow now! On and on, through the whole meal.

I was starving and had to make a conscious effort to eat it slowly because they were fucking about and pushing it round the box and I didn't want to look a pig, I'm a fast eater anyway, but that meal was just so god awful! In the end I just ate it at my normal speed.

Why? Why do people do this? Why can't they just eat their food normally? Why does everything have to be justified and offset? Just strikes me as so sad that they couldn't just eat their food without a whole performance (infront of all the men in the office, only 3 women there, me and them) of how birdlike they normally eat 😥

Depends on your own definition of 'normal size portion' though doesn't it?

Portion sizes (IMO) are massive and I'm amazed at how much people can put away - and how fast! (but obviously it's not a comment I'd make to anyone)

Maybe they genuinely did think the portions were big and felt embarrassed that they were hardly going to make a dent it in. That's how I feel as my plate often looks barely touched by the time I'm full.

As for the 'performative eating' - maybe they're sick of people commenting on how little they eat so they're getting in there first with the 'huge portion' sizes so that people will stfu and leave them alone.

No one should be commenting on what other adults are eating, if everyone played by this rule then your so-called 'performative eaters' wouldn't feel the need to say anything.

I agree there is no need for making a huge performance about it. But it doesnt sound to me like all the posters are making a huge thing of it. Eating is emotive and personal choice. So I think the posters complaining about colleagues who have a tiny lunch are being unreasonable.

In this case, I think saying 'wow that's a lot, I wont be able to eat dinner' isnt too bad. Maybe its much bigger than their normal lunch, and they are allowed to make conversation about it and have an opinion.

But banging on and on about it os a bit tedious and making judgemental comments about others for not having the same attitude, or expecting everyone else to have the same appetite (eg serving others tiny portions) is not at all acceptable

People are free to eat as much or as little as they want, nobody has a problem with that, or at least shouldn't.

It's the attention seeking element of people like you describe that is so grating. 'Look at me! Listen to me! I'm not like other (women) people! Special!'

'Just eat your lunch dear, nobody cares'.

I wonder if there is a 70’s/80’s cultural element to this. I remember my mum, aunt and their friends all being obsessed with Weight Watchers. Going to a weigh in was like a night out for them. All the great and good women of the village would trundle off to the Methodist Church Hall every Tuesday evening to be publicly shamed and their weights discussed with each other. It was big news when the vicar’s wife put on two pounds. And then Rosemary Connolly came along and we all had to eat cottage cheese and baked potatoes and celery forever. My mum and aunt are still ‘just a small portion/no sauce/half an oatcake with ham’ people. Mind you, I remember my mother telling me how awful it was that she went up to NINE AND A HALF STONE with she was pregnant with my brother.

My DM makes me laugh with her food choices sometimes. It's not competitive under-eating, she eats loads more than me, she's 83 and diabetic (I know the insulin is actually counter-productive and can make people feel hungrier) and it's completely her choice of course what she eats.

She'll say "Oh, don't give me much, I'm not very hungry..." when I'm dishing out the dinner and the bits she usually doesn't want is the non-filling stuff like the green veg, and she'll have plenty of the potatoes and meat! And then we'll be watching something on TV later and there are chomping noises next to me and she has a huge bowl of crisps or a big bag of Revels. Quite hard though when you are trying not to snack yourself.

It was the cardboard box takeaway portion, like shown here.

I think these are small compared to the portion you'd (used to) get in a London chip shop if they wrapped it in paper. Those were massive. And we don't eat a lot. We would get one large (paper) chips between 4 or 5 (lunch) and there would still probably be some left over.

Agreed! Why then need to draw so much attention to it?

My other gripe is office feeders. I've worked with several - the ones that bring a constant stream of cake and biscuits into the office and never eat a single bite of it themselves. Is it a control thing?

It's a deliberate attempt to shame other women. Never underestimate the extent to which women will go to make other women look bad.

I don’t eat much at my mother in laws as the food is rank. I’m sure they sit there saying this about me. It’d be nice to just eat without having anyone comment on what you’ve had, at all. Big or small portions. I don’t notice what they eat.

My family are like this. We went for afternoon tea and left 80% of the little cakes because they were all “stuffed”. They would have a called me a greedy pig if I had asked for a doggy bag.

This^^

My friend invited me for lunch.
She said I know you don’t eat much so I’ve given you a small portion. It was double what I normally eat and I couldn’t finish it. I felt completely overwhelmed by how much she served me.
Her portion was huge and I realised there and then why although she never snacked at work she struggled with her weight.
I freely admit I don’t eat big portions but I do think many people deceive themselves about the size of normal portions.

I think YAB a bit U because some people really do have huge problems around food and especially when it involves eating in front of others although YANBU if they’re constantly talking about what others are eating in a disparaging way.

Unfortunately, my DH is like this. He’s 6ft tall and underweight but won’t accept that his eating is disordered. He eats a very picky vegetarian diet and small portions too. He won’t ever go out for an evening meal but occasionally agrees to lunch so he can choose a small cake or similar. He loves sweet stuff. He also comments negatively about what others eat… ‘no wonder they’re so fat!’, despite me being about 3 stones overweight. It’s as if I’m not there! 🤦🏻‍♀️

However, he piles huge amounts of crap food on our teen DS like adding crisps to a ham and cheese toastie before toasting it then adding extra crisps to the plate and giving him sweets in the evenings. He never tries to get DS to eat fruit after his dinner, just sweets! Luckily, DS is slim so it’s not causing him too many problems but I’m fed up of being the food police and telling DH off.

Honestly, he has serious food issues and I’ve no idea how to deal with it. ☹️

That's all I eat at work. 56, trying to lose a stone. I have a larger healthy dinner. I don't eat biscuits ever and cake extremely rarely and never in the office. I feel very happy and healthy eating like this.

🙄

I'm a small eater. I find it very off-putting to be faced with a huge plate of food that I'm never going to be able to eat. If I ask for a small portion I don't see that it hurts you to just reduce the amount you put in front of me. Like anyone else, sometimes in life something gets me down (an off-putting portion of food yet again ) and a negative comment escapes me. Am I not allowed that because you feel differently?

Someone I'm close to is in a hospice dying of cancer. She really struggles to eat and, like me, is easily put off eating at all if too much food is put in front of her. You'd think they'd understand this in a hospice, but no. She asks for one quarter of a round of sandwiches and they give her a whole round and admonish her for not eating, when she pushes it away.

I don't care how much you eat and don't object to your preferred portion size. Please afford me the same courtesey and don't press more food on me than I can manage. It doesn't hurt you, but it's a problem for me. And no, I'm not competitively under eating. I'm just trying to eat as I like, just as you are. I habitually eat what I need and have remained the same weight in this way for over 40 years.

We're these women overweight? I imagine it's uncomfortable for a larger person to eat a lot in public for fear of being judged.

Also I'd fucking hate a box of fish and chips for lunch.

When I was first married we went to church and were asked out for dinner a lot. All the ladies were 70/80s housewives who barely ate and everytime they would hand me a plate it had the tiniest ladies portion on it and my DH would get handed one double the size. He has a much smaller appetite than me and would end up putting half of his plate on mine.

I also found out that a friend's wife always ate before she went out so she could just have a starter when she was out to seem like she was eating less. I appreciate that everyone has a different appetite but if I'm treating myself to something tasty I want to enjoy it not feel guilty when I hear 'oh my Goodness look at the size of this portion I couldn't possibly eat all that'

Ah yes the competitive under eating. Always by people who clearly don’t under eat.

No, they were slim.

Me too.
I don’t like bread much either so whenever we had work lunches with sandwiches provided I hated it.

No one is talking about pushing food on people they are talking about people making a song and dance over portion sizes.

I knew the MN competitive undereaters would find this thread and use it to show off

That is annoying then! Why not just eat what you can and dispose of the rest without making a fuss.

What happens next? Does another pastry come into season? Is it like sequential bulb planting?

I know this is totally off topic, but I’m intrigued and don’t know how to find out about it…..( might be thinking of adopting it, tbh)

So don't eat it. I don't have fish and chips when my colleagues order in because I'm trying to save money. A simple 'no thanks' tends to do the job. If these women felt they couldn't eat a portion themselves or didn't want it they should just have declined, rather than create a whole performance around it.