Tedious performative under eaters

[SlimPig]

The thread about the PIL's measly portions reminded me of this, and how iritating it is. I remember once at work they bought us all fish and chips on one friday afternoon. When it arrived the two other women started their bs as soon as they were handed their box - oohh the weight of that! I'll never eat all that! Hadn't even opened it and looked at it yet.

Then, once opened, both of them, oh my god, I'll never eat all that (measly takeaway cardboard box portion, not a massive, in paper, large portion) ooh dear, we won't need dinner, or breakfast tomorrow now will we! Don't think I can eat my peas too, I'm so stuffed. I'm going to need to go for two runs tomorrow now! On and on, through the whole meal.

I was starving and had to make a conscious effort to eat it slowly because they were fucking about and pushing it round the box and I didn't want to look a pig, I'm a fast eater anyway, but that meal was just so god awful! In the end I just ate it at my normal speed.

Why? Why do people do this? Why can't they just eat their food normally? Why does everything have to be justified and offset? Just strikes me as so sad that they couldn't just eat their food without a whole performance (infront of all the men in the office, only 3 women there, me and them) of how birdlike they normally eat 😥

Fun fact.
Birds actually eat between quarter and half their body weight a day.
So bird like appetite translated to humans would be... Scary😂

Does anyone else get annoyed with this in books as well - especially women's fiction. The protagonist has been so absorbed in something that she suddenly realises she hasn't eaten anything since yesterday morning. Or a meal ordered in a restaurant goes untouched. She suddenly realises there is not a scrap of food in the house, but she is too tired to eat and pours herself a glass of water and goes to bed. I find you don't get these details so much about male characters.

I'm not sure why a few people keep mentioning reading comprehension. My reading comprehension is just fine.

But if you actually read some of the replies to the op, they aren't about any kind of performance but more about people eating smaller amounts, breaking things in half or possibly saying that they are being good. I'm sorry but that doesn't sound like much of a performance to me.

Some of the other posts with long winded commentary that people have posted about, well I've never heard anything like this in my life from anyone. I've never heard the phrase eat like a bird apart from on here 🤢 but I think perhaps it goes over my head.

The irony!

Interesting!
I think you are right. They usually just order something and tuck in.

I perceive a lot of superiority of MN and food is just one of the subjects.

OP: complains they are struggling with a newborn and a pre schoolers and DH works late.
MN: I had 5 children under 8 and DH worked away for 6 months at a time, I can't believe you're struggling with 2 children.

OP: I am slightly apprehensive about a 6 hour car journey on roads I am not used to
MN: pfft I drive at least 6 hours every day for work, you probably shouldn't be driving and are a danger to others on the road.

OP : I ate fish and chips at lunchtime...
MN : I'd be so full from one chip I'd not need anything to eat for weeks....!

Etc etc

@Fizbosshoes agree, is like hunger and enjoyment of food is perceived as a weakness. Capable women are too busy with more important things to have time or inclination to eat fish and chips.

Nope.

For all we know, performative undereaters (I have come across a few) eat massive portions at home.

Once again, this thread isn't about people with small appetites. I couldn't care less how much someone does or doesn't eat, but it's annoying to hear someone drone on and on about how they couldn't possibly eat all this food/they'll need to go for a run tomorrow. It's really off putting!

In my experience the performative under eaters are rarely thin. But then, I also know tiny tiny woman who talk a lot about how much they eat, which again I find difficult to believe. To be honest, I tend to assume that people who do this have food issues or disordered eating of some kind.

This.

I think women are often very self conscious about what we eat and how quickly because we’re always being picked at for it whatever we do.

“Eat like a bird,” and people accuse you of throwing judgement on people eating more.

Eat more and people accuse you of greed. You simply cannot win. This is why so many women in particular make a song and dance about how little they’re eating because they’ve likely been moralised in the past for it.

I am not inventing my FIL or his horrendous performance when we all have a family meal out. Maybe he did learn it from his own mother and thinks it’s normal to claim he has a tiny appetite and comment on everyone else’s. FIL certainly doesn’t actually eat less than others when claiming he doesn’t need his own starter (cos he’ll only have a taste) or that he won’t need to eat again till this time tomorrow etc. I am well-used to tuning him out but I just want him to shut up with the drivel in front of the children!

There are several people on here that need to start their own thread!

I could not agree more! I dont understand why anyone would make talking about food a subject for the workplace in the first place.

One of my CUE relatives once went to America and brought me back a lot of American candy as a present. Reese's cupcakes, peanut brittle, that sort of thing. And she did bring a lot; I remember thinking I would have to give some of it away. But I just said thank you and how kind.

"Oh yes, I don't eat any of this stuff, it's so sweet and sugary and fattening, but I know you like it. That's why I got you so much!"

Like I said, thank you for the lovely gift.

Oh yes! I read an awful book like this... the woman was a gardener growing fancy vegetables and she got together with a chef. For various reasons she was going through a tricky patch and didn't get round to eating (in general she was a sort of charming child-woman - urgh) and the chef-hero rescued her by taking her on holiday, and there was lots of unnecessary detail about her waking up to eat a few crumbs of fruit cake...

I used to have an eating disorder as a child so that would set me off. I went to the gym last year and then I had a light lunch like some healthy wrap with snackajack after and this woman kept talking to me about the all the Calories that must be in my meal. I never went there again to eat. Some people need to keep their thoughts to themselves and allow others to eat in peace!

The worst though are the ones who then try and make decisions for the table. 'Main courses look huge here [looking over at other tables], I don't think we need starters do we?' 'I don't think anyone will have room for a dessert after that will they'.

My mum is exactly like this! We were all at a restaurant with my sister and her children for a birthday meal. All discussing what we were having. I decided on carbonara. My mum looked at me in absolute horror, kept going on and on and on about how heavy carbonara was, how fattening it was and how she could never eat that. I just looked at her I was 7 months pregnant and said “luckily you don’t have to bloody eat then eh??” Thank god my sister was there and had my back! 🤣

OP I hear you. I couldn't care less about what others put in their mouths and cannot abide anyone commenting on what we eat / don't eat.
I've been on both sides of the eating fence, so to speak. I have a mother who publicly competitively undereats as well as giving menfolk 'penis portions'. While commenting negatively on any female who dares to eat anything more than the tiniest of portions.
I know it's all for show, she eats perfectly well - out of sight of others of course.

Until a few years ago, I ate a lot (large portions and cakes were my weakness) but then had bariatric surgery and my portions and intake drastically changed. I found eating at work unbearable as often complete strangers would comment on my portion sizes, to the point I would avoid being seen eating.

I now avoid eating out unless with my family, as I don't feel I have to explain my food intake. But even with family - the female members of my family, they seem bizarrely approving of the tiny portions of food that I am able to eat. It's totally messed up.

Really interesting post, they all sound really familiar except the sex one (which sounds horrid).

One of my friends in particular had an eating disorder and always takes it upon herself to tell me I’ve lost weight. I haven’t, usually I’ve put it on. Makes me feel crap as I wasn’t actually thinking about my body before that I was thinking about how nice it is to see her!

I sympathise.

I was held up in a queue the other morning trying to get an IKEA breakfast before 11.00am while a woman in front was farting around wanting to know the macros (WTF, isn't that something to do with Excel spreadsheets?) of every food item on display... then started asking a million and one questions about Keto combinations and consulting her phone.

This went on for about 15 minutes before some burley builder type flipped his lid and asked her to step aside so the rest of us could get our orders.

WTF?

I think maybe it goes back in history... I seem to remember reading that in the Victorian era posh women would eat very little at the dining table because it wasn't seen as polite to eat a lot (and corsets?!), and then have a tray sent up to their bedroom so they could eat properly. (Generally in novels from then it seems to be attractive to be 'delicate' - it's even quite attractive I think to literally die - lots of delicate heroines in deathbed scenes etc).
Anyway, the eating little in the dining room seems like an example of performative under-eating - you're literally pretending to eat less than you do... and why? In that case, because society expects it of you. I think probably still true today. It's very heartening to read all the people eating what they like without feeling the pressure to appear 'delicate'. Let's blast this ridiculous social expectation away!

I think that expectation is well and truly still alive, judging by the number of posts on MN about people being greedy and hoovering their food up and shovelling it in etc etc etc.

One of the themes on this thread is the idea that many women don’t feel they/other women should be having a portion (of any size) to themselves. Lots of exclaiming at someone else ordering dinner and eating it without sharing it, implying that this is extraordinary and/or piggish. It says something deeper about how these women are seeing femininity maybe? That having something to enjoy without sharing and without guilt is a breach of it.

In "Gone With The Wind" all the Southern Belles ate heartily before dinner parties so that when they got to the table they would just pick daintily at the food showing their delicate, bird-like appetites, rather than tearing the hind leg off a suckling pig and scarfing it down.

Apparently men like to think that a wife won't cost much to feed.

And it's total bollocks...Scarlett loves her food all her life.

Although I do like the bit where she refuses to pre eat and says Ashley said he liked to see a girl with a healthy appetite.

"What gentlemen say and what they think are two different things. And I haven't seen Mr Wilkes asking to marry you!"

😆