Page 28 | Tedious performative under eaters

LoekMa · 23/02/2023 06:09

beastlyslumber · 23/02/2023 00:30

Yes but if the poster pretends it is, she can tell us what a tiny appetite she has and how she couldn't possibly manage a normal meal.

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So it is about your large appetites then😂

Why not make a thread celebrating large appetites then? Instead its framed as if people who eat less are tedious performers.

It wouldn't happen to be because you are...ashamed? Shock horror.

LaPassegiata · 23/02/2023 06:12

LoekMa · 23/02/2023 06:09

So it is about your large appetites then😂

Why not make a thread celebrating large appetites then? Instead its framed as if people who eat less are tedious performers.

It wouldn't happen to be because you are...ashamed? Shock horror.

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I am sorry that you don’t understand the phenomenon described in the OP. Try reading again. It is not primarily to do with people’s actual appetites, large or small, so your nasty dig is misplaced. Embarrassing.

LoekMa · 23/02/2023 06:15

LaPassegiata · 23/02/2023 06:12

I am sorry that you don’t understand the phenomenon described in the OP. Try reading again. It is not primarily to do with people’s actual appetites, large or small, so your nasty dig is misplaced. Embarrassing.

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For whom? I'd be so much more embarassed being so obsessed with what/how other women eat😂

But you do you honey.😘

ReneBumsWombats · 23/02/2023 06:21

LoekMa · 23/02/2023 06:09

So it is about your large appetites then😂

Why not make a thread celebrating large appetites then? Instead its framed as if people who eat less are tedious performers.

It wouldn't happen to be because you are...ashamed? Shock horror.

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It's not about appetite sizes at all.

Why is this such a difficult concept for so many posters?

LoekMa · 23/02/2023 06:39

ReneBumsWombats · 23/02/2023 06:21

It's not about appetite sizes at all.

Why is this such a difficult concept for so many posters?

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Why? Why do people do this? Why can't they just eat their food normally? Why does everything have to be justified and offset? Just strikes me as so sad that they couldn't just eat their food without a whole performance (infront of all the men in the office, only 3 women there, me and them) of how birdlike they normally eat 😥

because OP, in the opening post of this thread, literally made it about that.🤔

ReneBumsWombats · 23/02/2023 06:46

LoekMa · 23/02/2023 06:39

Why? Why do people do this? Why can't they just eat their food normally? Why does everything have to be justified and offset? Just strikes me as so sad that they couldn't just eat their food without a whole performance (infront of all the men in the office, only 3 women there, me and them) of how birdlike they normally eat 😥

because OP, in the opening post of this thread, literally made it about that.🤔

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If you're going to try to take stuff out of context to make a point, at least choose a paragraph that doesn't mention that it's about people who don't just eat their food and have to make a performance out of it.

LoekMa · 23/02/2023 07:00

ReneBumsWombats · 23/02/2023 06:46

If you're going to try to take stuff out of context to make a point, at least choose a paragraph that doesn't mention that it's about people who don't just eat their food and have to make a performance out of it.

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That's where we dissgree. OP perceives it as a performance, it doesn't, objectively speaking, mean an actual performace occurred.

If someone, for whatever reasons they're projecting onto the outer world, would call a certain way of eating "performative", my first assumption would be that person is dealing with something else internally, seeing as that's how they decide to misinterpret something as inconsequential as whether a colleague eats very little or not.

ReneBumsWombats · 23/02/2023 07:07

LoekMa · 23/02/2023 07:00

That's where we dissgree. OP perceives it as a performance, it doesn't, objectively speaking, mean an actual performace occurred.

If someone, for whatever reasons they're projecting onto the outer world, would call a certain way of eating "performative", my first assumption would be that person is dealing with something else internally, seeing as that's how they decide to misinterpret something as inconsequential as whether a colleague eats very little or not.

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Well I suppose if you think OP is mistaken or lying about people not just eating their food but making open commentary about how very little they eat compared to others, then there's no convincing you. You'll just think she's mistaken or lying and it's not a thing. What can we do?

With several competitive performative undereaters in my family, I absolutely know this is a thing and if you haven't come across it, lucky you. Want to have dinner together?

BarrelOfOtters · 23/02/2023 07:24

Nope, I’m plump (used to be skinny pre menopause) and fairly frequently go out for dinner with women who are still skinny post menopause or have put on a couple of pounds. It’s absolutely performative…..

the one who isn’t is naturally very slim and always has been and just eats her dinner like a person enjoying it.

the others, oh no, I can’t look at bread, far too oily etc. I appreciate a lot of people are possibly having these dialogues in their head…but keep them in your head please….

LoekMa · 23/02/2023 07:26

ReneBumsWombats · 23/02/2023 07:07

Well I suppose if you think OP is mistaken or lying about people not just eating their food but making open commentary about how very little they eat compared to others, then there's no convincing you. You'll just think she's mistaken or lying and it's not a thing. What can we do?

With several competitive performative undereaters in my family, I absolutely know this is a thing and if you haven't come across it, lucky you. Want to have dinner together?

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Why not 🤗. I do OMAD though, so we'd have to schedule it around that I'm afraid. 💞

Want to have dinner together?

Bubblebubblebah · 23/02/2023 07:29

LoekMa · 23/02/2023 06:09

So it is about your large appetites then😂

Why not make a thread celebrating large appetites then? Instead its framed as if people who eat less are tedious performers.

It wouldn't happen to be because you are...ashamed? Shock horror.

Show quote history

I don't mean to be rude, but I am not native English speaker and even I understood it's about the drama and performance around eating little. Not about eating little.
🤷🏻

NotAnotherBathBomb · 23/02/2023 07:30

BoredZelda · 22/02/2023 23:35

Never underestimate the extent to which women will go to make other women look bad.

Like, perhaps, starting a thread inviting people to bitch about women with small appetites?

It's this sort of stuff that makes like difficult for smaller eaters. I was in a position where my company sent round menus for a day conference we're having. Lunch menu consisted of a two course meal, things like steak pie, lasagne, macaroni cheese, full size portions. Evening menu was a three course meal of steaks and trimmings, chicken and trimmings, pasta dishes, that sort of stuff. I wondered how I was going to explain to them that I couldn't manage that amount of food in a day and could, there be a light lunch option without getting blowback from the person who organises this stuff. Others must have done though because later they changed lunch to a buffet. I'm sure there will be people on here would would accuse me of being a teeny tiny who is trying to shame others who would happily eat that much in one day. I'm not. I won't eat 3 courses either, but will duly take each course and quietly push the starter and dessert around my plate so others don't start to have a go at me for not eating 3 courses. I never have been able to. I'm far from tiny, I was just raised on only ever having one course, we had bugger all money when I was young, and as a result I can't eat a lot of food in one sitting.

''Like, perhaps, starting a thread inviting people to bitch about women with small appetites?''

Are you wilfully ignoring the point of the OP? It's bitching about people who make a song and a dance about letting everyone know how teeny tiny their appetites are. No one cares.

Bubblebubblebah · 23/02/2023 07:31

Qhere I am from we have a saying that shot duck gags the loudest.

Does it make aense to people?😂 I think it fots on this thread.

Bubblebubblebah · 23/02/2023 07:34

MrsHughesPinny · 22/02/2023 23:55

@Bubblebubblebah We always have dessert after dinner, but not after lunch. Starters are more a thing for special occasions or when you go out, but I’d call two courses pretty standard.

We always had dessert as kids, just cheap things like jelly or angel delight because we were poor, but to this day I don’t feel like I’ve finished eating till I’ve had dessert!

Ah we had only on soecial occasions.
Cakes and such were usually 3pm snack😁

APodofWildOrca · 23/02/2023 07:36

I know exactly what you mean Op and it kills the vibe of shared meals. I really don't care if people eat tiny amounts, just don't continually comment on it. You are looking at an amazing menu and then someone pipes up 'I will never be able to eat a main course here', I will just have a starter as a main'. Fine but no need to announce it to the table. When the waiter takes your order just order a starter as your main (they see it all the time)

It's the 'how can you eat all that', 'You can't still be hungry after eating all that', 'I wish I could eat as much as you, I don't know how you do it', 'If I ate all that I would be ill for a week', 'I might order a child's portion', 'I think someone's eyes are bigger than their belly', 'It always amazes me how much you all can eat'...

It sucks the joy out of a meal. I agree that it is related to disordered eating. I have had times when not hungry or trying to cut back but I wouldn't announce it - just order something light or leave some but don't incessantly talk about it.

LoekMa · 23/02/2023 07:37

Bubblebubblebah · 23/02/2023 07:29

I don't mean to be rude, but I am not native English speaker and even I understood it's about the drama and performance around eating little. Not about eating little.
🤷🏻

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That's where we dissgree. OP perceives it as a performance, it doesn't, objectively speaking, mean an actual performace occurred.

no apologies needed😊 I clarified my point in the preceding quote. Just because OP says something feels performative to her, doesn't mean it actually was a performance. I also think its worth looking deeper into why anyone would be this focused on what other people eat, especially one woman to another.

Hope that clarifies where I stand.

tulips27 · 23/02/2023 07:37

Lots of interesting points being made but my overwhelming feeling is this comes down to a certain "dance" which is one of many "dances" which we are expected to perform as women; not joining in risks being viewed in a negative light.

Apart from the "I couldn't possibly eat this" dance, there's also the:

I look so much older/oh no you look much younger than your age dance
I've put on so much weight/oh no you haven't dance
I need to lose so much weight/oh no you look fine/slim dance
I'll never meet anyone/of course you will dance
I look dreadful in this outfit/oh no you look lovely dance
Isn't sex awful, what a chore dance

And I'm sure there's many, many others. Sometimes the "dances" provide encouragement, reassurance and support, but the "I couldn't possibly eat this" dance affects others who are eating who feel pressurised to undereat, too.

Fizbosshoes · 23/02/2023 07:38

BoredZelda · 22/02/2023 23:35

Never underestimate the extent to which women will go to make other women look bad.

Like, perhaps, starting a thread inviting people to bitch about women with small appetites?

It's this sort of stuff that makes like difficult for smaller eaters. I was in a position where my company sent round menus for a day conference we're having. Lunch menu consisted of a two course meal, things like steak pie, lasagne, macaroni cheese, full size portions. Evening menu was a three course meal of steaks and trimmings, chicken and trimmings, pasta dishes, that sort of stuff. I wondered how I was going to explain to them that I couldn't manage that amount of food in a day and could, there be a light lunch option without getting blowback from the person who organises this stuff. Others must have done though because later they changed lunch to a buffet. I'm sure there will be people on here would would accuse me of being a teeny tiny who is trying to shame others who would happily eat that much in one day. I'm not. I won't eat 3 courses either, but will duly take each course and quietly push the starter and dessert around my plate so others don't start to have a go at me for not eating 3 courses. I never have been able to. I'm far from tiny, I was just raised on only ever having one course, we had bugger all money when I was young, and as a result I can't eat a lot of food in one sitting.

I don't consider myself a tiny teeny eater but I probably wouldn't eat a 2 course meal followed by a 3 course meal in the same day, but I'd find it hard to believe it was obligatory. Wouldn't you just say/fill in a form for the course(s) you did want and simply ignore those that you didn't?

I recently went to a family wedding. We had to give menu choices in advance. The person taking orders checked that neither me or DC wanted starter's (we didnt)
Most other people had a starter, we made no comments about a) not having one or b) other people having them and other than checking that the waiters hadn't forgotten to bring anything noone else commented.

StrawHatOnTheParcelShelf · 23/02/2023 07:43

Wouldn't you just say/fill in a form for the course(s) you did want and simply ignore those that you didn't?

Simple isn't it?

CUE - 'oh I couldn't possibly eat soooo much food, can we have a light option for people like me please?'

Normal person - 'I'll have the soup for lunch, chicken salad for dinner. Thanks.'

NotAnotherBathBomb · 23/02/2023 07:44

LoekMa · 23/02/2023 06:39

Why? Why do people do this? Why can't they just eat their food normally? Why does everything have to be justified and offset? Just strikes me as so sad that they couldn't just eat their food without a whole performance (infront of all the men in the office, only 3 women there, me and them) of how birdlike they normally eat 😥

because OP, in the opening post of this thread, literally made it about that.🤔

Show quote history

Embarrassing. Your post literally proves the point of the OP. And ‘bird like’ isn’t a description of the actual appetite, it’s the appearance that the performers like to give.

tulips27 · 23/02/2023 07:45

Some are so immersed in the dance that they don't even know they are performing it.

Bubblebubblebah · 23/02/2023 07:47

LoekMa · 23/02/2023 07:37

That's where we dissgree. OP perceives it as a performance, it doesn't, objectively speaking, mean an actual performace occurred.

no apologies needed😊 I clarified my point in the preceding quote. Just because OP says something feels performative to her, doesn't mean it actually was a performance. I also think its worth looking deeper into why anyone would be this focused on what other people eat, especially one woman to another.

Hope that clarifies where I stand.

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That's really no clarificatoom tbh. What is it if not performative to ensure everyone knows

Giggle "oh my, can't eat that"
"Ooooh I am being bad, but maybe 1"

And similar comments, giggles, head tilts a performance. Doesn't matter if the talk about salad or pack of biscuits. Most people would genuinely not care if their attention wouldn't be permanently brought yo how much/little the person eats.

I don't think this is an issue of actually not understanding the topic. It is an intentional misunderstanding.

Chooksnroses · 23/02/2023 07:48

LuckySantangelo35 · 22/02/2023 19:46

@ihavespoken

quiche and chips is hardly a light lunch! It’s carbs on carbs and stodgy. What constitutes a normal non-light lunch in your book?

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You're doing what a lot of people are complaining about! She probably wasn't thinking a huge slice of quiche and a big pile of chips! And the carb on carb nonsense! Quiche is mainly protein with a bit of carb to hold it together!

LoekMa · 23/02/2023 07:53

NotAnotherBathBomb · 23/02/2023 07:44

Embarrassing. Your post literally proves the point of the OP. And ‘bird like’ isn’t a description of the actual appetite, it’s the appearance that the performers like to give.

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Embarassing😂💃

LittleBearPad · 23/02/2023 07:56

The reading comprehension on this thread isn’t great.

YANBU OP, they sound deeply tedious.