Tedious performative under eaters

[SlimPig]

The thread about the PIL's measly portions reminded me of this, and how iritating it is. I remember once at work they bought us all fish and chips on one friday afternoon. When it arrived the two other women started their bs as soon as they were handed their box - oohh the weight of that! I'll never eat all that! Hadn't even opened it and looked at it yet.

Then, once opened, both of them, oh my god, I'll never eat all that (measly takeaway cardboard box portion, not a massive, in paper, large portion) ooh dear, we won't need dinner, or breakfast tomorrow now will we! Don't think I can eat my peas too, I'm so stuffed. I'm going to need to go for two runs tomorrow now! On and on, through the whole meal.

I was starving and had to make a conscious effort to eat it slowly because they were fucking about and pushing it round the box and I didn't want to look a pig, I'm a fast eater anyway, but that meal was just so god awful! In the end I just ate it at my normal speed.

Why? Why do people do this? Why can't they just eat their food normally? Why does everything have to be justified and offset? Just strikes me as so sad that they couldn't just eat their food without a whole performance (infront of all the men in the office, only 3 women there, me and them) of how birdlike they normally eat 😥

That's quite unusual behaviour. And not generally the behaviour of the many who eat smaller portions for health and weight reasons.

I was starving and had to make a conscious effort to eat it slowly because they were fucking about and pushing it round the box and I didn't want to look a pig, I'm a fast eater anyway, but that meal was just so god awful! In the end I just ate it at my normal speed

So you were performative eating too, doing something different to fit in with others.

Looks like it. It doesn't sound as though they were questioning the op anyway. Just speaking about the food and how it was too much for them.

That's quite unusual behaviour.

I sure hope so!

But it's true. And while she's the most extreme competitive undereater in my family, she's not the only one. I've honestly got no problem at all believing these stories. Yes, I can absolutely believe that people bang on all mealtime about it.

Well I can say, with absolute honesty, that I have never seen anyone do that before. Not that I don't believe you. But it sounds more like a mental health crises than anything else.

Oh, yes, the advice was self directed too, but thanks so much for your wise and sage tip!

I think everyone should be able to eat as little or as much as they want but 100% agree the performative nature of it really puts me on edge. Ultimately it comes from their own insecurities but it’s so annoying how determined people are to pass on their own insecurities to others!

I believe you haven't. My family is, well, unique, shall we say.

But I have no trouble believing in all these women who spend an entire meal ruining it for everyone else by wanging on about how much less they're having, or arranging to meet for a meal and then not eating anything.

Disordered eating is a mental health issue.

Most of my office is like this! I’m a size 6/8 but known as the one that eats a lot or is always eating. I use to get so embarrassed when people would mention my food about what I was having (healthy or unhealthy) or how much I was eating. Now I just laugh about it and say our loud how hungry I am, or if there’s food in the breakout area I always show everyone I’ve got more than one piece!

@VyeBrator unfortunately I have known women who have talked through a whole restaurant meal , work do about portions , who is eating what, calories, their thoughts
oh well I couldn’t possibly eat that
oh god I feel full just looking at it
if I ate that I’d need to lie down/run a marathon/get my stomach pumped
i mean who could possibly eat that?
you’d think it’d be illegal or summat to send out portions that big
why can’t they just offer a kids portion for adults
some people have no self control
then observing others….having a dessert,really? After that big dinner? You’re not bothered much are you
Actual hours in the restaurant
and then replayed, then revisited with enhanced commentary for days on end at work
iphone produced with photos of the piggery and over eating from the restaurant

My mum used to do this.
”I’ve eaten already today” and other nonsense. She was worse with my Aunt, they used to try and out under eat each other.
Bloody annoying

Because they have issues with selfesteem and food.

'My disordered female relative who couldn't believe I might eat a whole dessert has been known to weep throughout a restaurant meal, from starter to coffee, because she can't possibly eat all that and how can everyone else eat all that. She refused to leave when her husband offered to take her home, preferring to cry at the table all evening.

If this sounds deranged to you, that's because it is. But it's true.'

She sounds very unwell, anorexia is a horrendous illness and similar to psychosis in how it affects the brain. I hope she's getting some help.

Separately, I very much like the sound of that pastry festival in Denmark. Sounds very civilised.

I think the issue is the banging on about it, not the eating itself. Sorry you’ve been made to feel self conscious though!

She got help when she had anorexia as a young woman and has management techniques that she uses with varying degrees of success. She's not been too bad in more recent years. I know it's not something that ever leaves you completely.

I also know it's not her fault. But I'm not going to get sucked into stupid games about it with her.

You keep going on and on and on about it being a ‘normal’ portion. Objectively, that is a big lunch.

It sounds like all 3 of you have issues with food.

I don’t eat anything during the day for various reasons but don’t say anything about it at all, that sounds very annoying.

I think the annoying element of this is all is the performance of it all. No need for anyone to make any point about how much they're going to eat, just eat what you want and leave the rest, nobody else cares. Plus for what it's worth, I'd love to show them fish and chips portions in Scotland - you habitually get 2 portions of fish each, honestly, I have a good appetite but I can never eat that much - not that I care if other people can!

Urgh SIL is like that. And the whole bad food good food ‘aren’t I naughty’ shit.The worst thing is she’s passing it on to her daughter. Offered them a biscuit when they were visiting, just ordinary biscuits. SIL umm’d and aa’d and finally took one & said ‘ooo I’ll just have one i’m being good’. Teen niece then parrots ‘oh i’m being good. I’ll just have one too.’

my years of eating disorders started because of my mothers and grandfathers nasty remarks about what i was eating and what i looked like. I wasn’t even overweight, but i ended up obese and a binge eater and stuck in a binge purge binge cycle thats lasted me my whole life. I ate quite normally as a child, before the comments. I’d hate to see my nieces life ruined by dieting the way mine was. It starts so insidiously. And apparently SIL mentioned to DH that she thinks niece is getting fat! Shes not fat at all, not even remotely, just has a chest, unlike SIL.

People shouldn’t care what other people eat, but there’s no need to make a song and dance about it either. Generally, people eat too much nowadays with portion sizes being completely out of proportion to what the average person needs. An average size fish and chips portion is probably around 1500 calories which is a huge amount for one meal.

Ok so I’m thinking MN meet up in Denmark for next fastelavn session!?

Some people really do have small appetites though and struggle to eat big portions. I don't think they did anything wrong by mentioning it.
I have a very healthy appetite and can eat any man under the table! I was talking to 2 female colleagues recently and we were talking about fish and chips. They both said you get far too many chips and they buy one portion of chips for 4 people!! This blew my mind. Not only do I eat every single one of my chips but I eat a lot of my children's chips too (they're not keen on chips). Appetites really do vary.

Many years ago I worked in an office with lots of young women my age. None of them had normal eating patterns. The guilt around food was off the scale and they only felt good if they were depriving themselves (think calorie-counted sandwich from Boots that they left half of and then complained about stuffing themselves). They almost never ate dinner. Occasionally one of them would buy something like a Kit-Kat and eat just one finger. The rest would sit on her desk for weeks!

Then I got a job with an international company. Surrounded by young women my age but this time all European - from France, Germany, Switzerland, Spain. The difference was eye-opening. They loved food and talked about eating their way to health not starving their way to health. The only time they criticised their eating habits was if they thought they weren't eating enough - e.g. one said that she'd been eating sandwiches twice a day and she needed to start cooking herself a proper dinner in the evening again. They were the same size/weight as the women in my previous office and I thought how sad it was that the diet-obsessed lot had deprived themselves of any joy in food.

Someone in my family made a big performance of eating at a get-together.

Plenty of fake gasping at the sight of a normal size portion and comments about how they shan't be able to eat later/tomorrow. It really took the pleasure out of the meal.

Then I walked in on her eating leftover cake by herself. 🤣