Tedious performative under eaters

[SlimPig]

The thread about the PIL's measly portions reminded me of this, and how iritating it is. I remember once at work they bought us all fish and chips on one friday afternoon. When it arrived the two other women started their bs as soon as they were handed their box - oohh the weight of that! I'll never eat all that! Hadn't even opened it and looked at it yet.

Then, once opened, both of them, oh my god, I'll never eat all that (measly takeaway cardboard box portion, not a massive, in paper, large portion) ooh dear, we won't need dinner, or breakfast tomorrow now will we! Don't think I can eat my peas too, I'm so stuffed. I'm going to need to go for two runs tomorrow now! On and on, through the whole meal.

I was starving and had to make a conscious effort to eat it slowly because they were fucking about and pushing it round the box and I didn't want to look a pig, I'm a fast eater anyway, but that meal was just so god awful! In the end I just ate it at my normal speed.

Why? Why do people do this? Why can't they just eat their food normally? Why does everything have to be justified and offset? Just strikes me as so sad that they couldn't just eat their food without a whole performance (infront of all the men in the office, only 3 women there, me and them) of how birdlike they normally eat 😥

Yes.

I ahve had misfortune to meet person like that. Actually not just one. One was obese like me that time. Couple were slim. It goes on and on. Start of meal, during, end. And yes, I totally believe next day's breakfast was mentioned.

People do weirdest shit around food. There was number of posters here claiming they put weight on 1000cal etc. Like serious weight on.

There is so much dosordered eating around online and irl. And some of them are loud (either way under or over)

I would hate this. Fortunately no one in my life is like this, no one. My 2 part time jobs, all the jobs I've ever had, family, friends, BBQ's, Dh's colleagues, all the people we know. No one. Good job too because it would drive me nutty.

What a nasty post.

So you, by your own admission, have disordered eating. Yet you're judging your sil because she ummed and arred about a biscuit.

Hesitating over a biscuit and saying you'll have just one he wise you're being good is hardly competitive under eating is it? Sounds more like she was just using self control or being polite.

Why the need to comment about your sil being flat chested? Bitchy

Internalised misogyny and/or orthorexia

If you don't want to eat much, just don't

I lived in Italy in the 1990s and used to eat out with a big group of friends at the weekend - usually pizza. The first time, I finished everything and I could see the other women staring at my plate sightly aghast. My friend explained that they always left a small crust or slice on their plate to show it was too much for them. The men ate everything. Sod that!

@ReneBumsWombats unfortunately go. She's a mum in a group that I frequent.
I usually just put the plate straight down and tell her to stop but I think it encourages her.

My MIL once asked if I was ‘stuffing my face again’ whilst I was having a glass of water.

I know exactly what you mean op, I have a friend like it that has been on some sort of diet all her life, she hasn’t changed much and weighs pretty much the same now that she did when I met her (size 14) but the performative under-eating talk drives me crazy. It’s always a dig at those that eat bigger (than her sparrow droppings) /normal size portions. Eat it or don’t just shut the heck up

Lol you literally just replied with the bitchiest comment calling me bitchy 🤣 only on mumsnet 🤣🤣🤣

My mum does this. Lots of squawking about ‘what a huge portion’ ‘can’t possibly eat all all of this’, ‘wont need dinner tonight’ etc.

But then does eat the whole portion and does eat dinner later…….the whole thing is a performance.

What interests me is the number of ‘naturally’ small eaters replying who seem to have a running internal commentary on what other women weigh. I’m not a big eater myself but I’ve
got no idea at all what ‘pushing a size 20’ means or looks like. How odd to have such inside information on other women’s clothing sizes.

The person I mention above is known for eating secretly, so it’s only really in public that she’s dieting, in secret she’ll eat what she wants. We only know because there was food missing that we hadn’t eaten and hadn’t seen the other person eat. Even chomps of cheese ffs

@Fluffygreenslippers which bit of my reply is bitchy?

Yup, it's annoying AF.

I have one friend who is genuinely naturally slim with a small appetite (her whole family have the same build annoyingly). She never mentions portion size or appetite. It's just normal for her, so it's not a performance.

I have another friend who makes a huge deal of having a tiny portion. Then you find her in the kitchen an hour later, hoovering up the leftovers 🙄. It's irritating but I try to rise above it by feeling sorry for her, that she clearly has such a hang up about enjoying food.

I get that it could strike you as annoying. Our society is very judgemental and moralistic about our food choices and our health habits. The research into eating behaviours shows that a huge proportion of people suffer from disordered eating. Many eating behaviours that we consider 'normal' are actually not normal at all, and fall into the category of disordered eating.

Some people have a need to publicly demonstrate 'restraint' because they think they will be applauded for it. Really you can see their as a bid for acceptance and approval, or even for wanting to be 'better' than the rest.
Deep down it comes from a very shaky sense of self-worth. If you feel comfortable in your own skin and that you're a worthy human no matter your size, you won't feel the need to engage in that sort of talk.

I wonder if a bit of compassion might be helpful? Who knows what is going on for your co-workers. They might suffer from disordered eating, obsess over their bodies, feel really anxious about eating 'too much.' They might lack a sense of purpose or fulfilment and dieting or watching their weight gives them that. If you can extend some compassion for them, it might annoy you less.

I work as a food and body image coach, and I have seen so many women struggle with food issues. What you saw is just one side of the picture. They might be going home and secretly binge eat later on. Or they might be really strict with food and constantly feel anxious about maintaining their weight. It's a stressful way to live.

So, besides compassion, maybe you could learn to ignore them? I am curious as to why it irritates you that much... Ultimately, everyone has the right to eat what and how they want...

They may be "making a fuss" about their eating because they are used to people trying to push food on them and are explaining upfront (albeit not very successfully) why they feel they can't eat a huge portion of food - they may be counting calories for all you know; after all they don't tell you everything about their eating habits. When you count calories it is shocking how much you should be eating each day. That little box of fish and chips the OP showed us could account for half your daily calorie allowance.

When I was trying to lose weight one of hardest challenges was eating in public. Many people seem offended when you don't eat unhealthy food, or cut down portion sizes or don't eat dessert. They go on and on and on about it - and then accuse you of "showing off. I would try to come up with reasons to defend why I wasn't eating so much before I went out, but none of them ever sounds "normal" to someone who wants to tuck in to fish and chips etc. And you have to wonder why, if they are so okay around food, they are so easily put off.

Well I think 25 pages on other people's eating habits suggests that everyone is pretty obsessed with food!

This.

Regardless of whether you’re at someone else’s house or a restaurant, just eat what you want to and leave the rest. No explanation necessary, and definitely don’t constantly comment about how it’s way too much food for you to possibly eat. 🙄 It’s boring and unnecessary. Bear in mind that restaurant portions have to cover all possibilities from someone only having a main course to someone having three or more. Also a serving could be for someone who is 100 lbs, or someone who is 300 lbs.

I have a relative who does this every time we eat with them and it’s really annoying and unnecessary.

Good grief. What did you say to her and did she apologise?

Oh lord, the ones who ceremoniously cut everything in half 😠

I like some others on here, think that I haven't experienced this. On reflection I think it is probably because I just don't " hear" it. I don't really think or care what other people do or don't eat, apart from politeness eg: I wouldn't order a pudding or starter if others weren't. I think ultimately I'm just not tuned in to this type of comment and it would go straight over my head. In your example if I had fish and chips for lunch I genuinely wouldn't want much dinner.

My mother has always been like this. A lot of the time she wouldn’t eat with us at all, but every time she did without fail there would be a performance about what she wasn’t eating, and how virtuous she was to resist eating her roast potatoes etc.

Or we would get home from school and she’d be sure to tell us that she’d only eaten a single biscuit all day.

Both of her children have grown up with disordered eating. I will probably go to an early grave because of it.

What an asinine comment. You get how AIBU works, op posts. We respond
All 25 pages just because we can

Yes I think this is pretty much the same for me tbh.

I honestly don’t know.. I think a couple of things in my childhood really affected my relationship with food, so although my actual eating isn’t disordered, some of my thought processes around it can be. Also, I’m quite socially awkward at times, so I think to an extent I’ve picked up things that are ‘normal’ to say. It’s taken me longer than it should do to realise that what I’m saying about myself (won’t want dinner, I’ll have this cake but only because I’ve skipped breakfast, etc) could be implied value judgments on people who’ll eat more.
In my defence though, I’d say it once and move on, not ruin a whole meal!

I ignored her. Which was the only way with her being batshit.
I think she would have only been happy if I ate no food, drank no liquids and talked about ‘slimming’ incessantly.