Tedious performative under eaters

[SlimPig]

The thread about the PIL's measly portions reminded me of this, and how iritating it is. I remember once at work they bought us all fish and chips on one friday afternoon. When it arrived the two other women started their bs as soon as they were handed their box - oohh the weight of that! I'll never eat all that! Hadn't even opened it and looked at it yet.

Then, once opened, both of them, oh my god, I'll never eat all that (measly takeaway cardboard box portion, not a massive, in paper, large portion) ooh dear, we won't need dinner, or breakfast tomorrow now will we! Don't think I can eat my peas too, I'm so stuffed. I'm going to need to go for two runs tomorrow now! On and on, through the whole meal.

I was starving and had to make a conscious effort to eat it slowly because they were fucking about and pushing it round the box and I didn't want to look a pig, I'm a fast eater anyway, but that meal was just so god awful! In the end I just ate it at my normal speed.

Why? Why do people do this? Why can't they just eat their food normally? Why does everything have to be justified and offset? Just strikes me as so sad that they couldn't just eat their food without a whole performance (infront of all the men in the office, only 3 women there, me and them) of how birdlike they normally eat 😥

Yes, I absolutely know the sort of thing the OP describes (and utterly love the way Laiste has put it). A friend of my Mum’s used to do that and it drove her mad. She would also suggest going to a cafe but then kick off when she got there because people were talking / it had some children in it / Mars was in Jupiter and they would have to leave to go somewhere else. It was a control thing disguised as a toddler tantrum.

I used to work in an office where pretty much all the women were doing some sort of competitive dieting. It got to the point where, if we had a lunchtime meeting, none of them would eat the sandwiches and would give you side-eye if you did. Horrible.

You refuse to believe it, then it mustn't be true 😂

I've heard plenty of women say this exact thing with slight variations. "Oh, I won't need any dinner this evening after this - it'll do me til dinnertime tomorrow."

I'm sure they def do eat again later in the day no matter how big the portion, but it's really not unusual to hear proclamations like that.

My mother is like this. Just like so many mothers quoted here. I remember her magazines from my childhood (Bella, Take a Break) and the obsession with thinness and dieting. It's not surprising she has internalised the messaging and focuses so much attention on the on food other people eat. And with good and bad eating habits.

I've actually found this thread eye opening and it's made me realise I need to be more careful about what I say about portion sizes. While a portion might seem big or small to me, everyone's appetite and relationship with food is different and there's just no need to draw attention to it.

YABU, you don't know anyone story. I eat like a bird at meal times, not because I want to brag about how little I eat but I have severe digestive issues making any amount of food a task followed by the next hour wondering if its going down or coming up. If asked if I want a portion chips for instance, I'll always say 'not the whole portion, just a few', as being confronted by a fairly normal portion of food scares me and that leads to embarrassment if I cant eat it. Does that make me a bad person?

Omg yes. I 100% agree with you.

I used to work somewhere where they’re constantly talking about slimming world or weight watchers or whatever stupid diet they were on. Like you said, it was so performative. And they’d sit there eating their sad looking tiny meals, torturing themselves and telling you how many points it is. Ugh.

Just attention seeking. I'd say back..''yes I'm lucky I cam eat whatever I like and burn it off, just lucky I guess'

My mother is a competitive under eater. At my pre wedding ladies dinner she ate a starter which was four pieces of ravioli.

That was it. She said it was “perfectly sufficient.”

I've noticed this too with people, most often women, but also a couple of men I have worked with. It's often women who are much larger than me too, I don't know if they feel uncomfortable or worried about eating a lot when out and about. Or they may genuinely eat small portions and be large for other reasons. Who knows. I do know I wouldn't have thought anything about what they were eating until they drew attention to it. It seems a shame if it spoils their enjoyment of eating out.

I was on a trip with a workmate once. At 2pm I said "We must find somewhere to eat, I'm starving", and she said "I couldn't possibly eat, I had half a slice of toast at 7am"
The same woman and her husband came on a weekend away with a group of us, and spent their time laughing at two women dancing, and making nasty comments about their weight, and when one of our team produced a tin of sweets for us all to share, the husband, whom we didn't really know, said "No wonder you're the size you are" to her.
They had two children. I felt very sorry for their daughter, who grew up witnessing this rubbish. She was about 15 stone by the time she was 14.

I can believe that.

You just have to look at the under eaters on MN and their insinuation that normal eating is greedy, gluttonous, they shovel it down, gobble it up, trough it up.

I’m skimming through this thread but @Laiste your mil post absolutely cracked me up. Could be a play.

But enjoying food and eating large quantities aren’t the same thing. I love food and consider myself a foodie these days but I prefer dining experiences where you’re not over faced - I love small plate places like sushi or tapas.

Every year all the bakeries go all out on flavours, this year there was slightly too many chocolate/fruit combos for my liking but the marscapone and blackcurrant one I had was excellent but the banana, caramel one from Juno bakery (look them up on insta) was fucking drool worthy!

I also ate 4 others for research but these were the highlights 😁

Fucking annoying, yep.

It all boils down to the simple fact that some people still hold the dated view that it is unfeminine to have a normal appetite. It's really just saying "Look at me - I'm such a dainty, delicate, feminine flower. I am so feminine that if I try to swallow a normal amount of food, my fragile, feminine body will not be able to find space..."

Tedious and damaging.

That's just made me want to move to Denmark. I fuckin love pastry and I'd be shovelling it in like I was about to hibernate.

@Emotionalsupportviper

even if it made you feel sick after? and what would the principle be exactly??

Well, you don't know the answer and she does, so one has to wonder why you felt the need to wade in...but maybe step aside now?

I desperately start with a ‘normal’ amount around other people and then slow down. And then start forcing myself to keep going eating, and having my throat close up and it’s awful. It comes from being a very skinny child and having people my entire life commenting or looking over to see how much I eat and always trying to match what was ‘normal’. I do not like the word normal with eating portions in any context, surely we have learnt enough now not perpetuate this kind of thing. Half the bloody shows on telly are about eating and health.

I hate being over-faced with a large plate of food. I know I have a small appetite and I don’t like food waste, so I’d probably annoy OP too.

I wouldn’t eat half a biscuit though. Ever.

That was my experience of working with undereaters.

Why so nasty?

@ihavespoken

quiche and chips is hardly a light lunch! It’s carbs on carbs and stodgy. What constitutes a normal non-light lunch in your book?

Me too I love those but that’s not what this thread is about. It’s about people who make an almighty negative fuss over normal portioned food.

My disordered female relative who couldn't believe I might eat a whole dessert has been known to weep throughout a restaurant meal, from starter to coffee, because she can't possibly eat all that and how can everyone else eat all that. She refused to leave when her husband offered to take her home, preferring to cry at the table all evening.

If this sounds deranged to you, that's because it is. But it's true.

You'd be annoying only if you had to make a show of how little you can eat and spoil everyone else's meal. Just eat what you want, ask to take the rest home, no issue.