Tedious performative under eaters

[SlimPig]

The thread about the PIL's measly portions reminded me of this, and how iritating it is. I remember once at work they bought us all fish and chips on one friday afternoon. When it arrived the two other women started their bs as soon as they were handed their box - oohh the weight of that! I'll never eat all that! Hadn't even opened it and looked at it yet.

Then, once opened, both of them, oh my god, I'll never eat all that (measly takeaway cardboard box portion, not a massive, in paper, large portion) ooh dear, we won't need dinner, or breakfast tomorrow now will we! Don't think I can eat my peas too, I'm so stuffed. I'm going to need to go for two runs tomorrow now! On and on, through the whole meal.

I was starving and had to make a conscious effort to eat it slowly because they were fucking about and pushing it round the box and I didn't want to look a pig, I'm a fast eater anyway, but that meal was just so god awful! In the end I just ate it at my normal speed.

Why? Why do people do this? Why can't they just eat their food normally? Why does everything have to be justified and offset? Just strikes me as so sad that they couldn't just eat their food without a whole performance (infront of all the men in the office, only 3 women there, me and them) of how birdlike they normally eat 😥

@Emotionalsupportviper

would you really? Why?

Reading these posts makes me feel so lucky that my mum was never an avid dieter in the 80’s like the other mums were. She was definitely bigger but she ate what she wanted and didn’t care if she put in weight because of it. She did lose a lot of weight when I was an adult, and has stayed slimmer since. But I think lots of people have passed down bad attitudes about food to their kids

Perhaps they (like I) simply don't believe the women went on and on and on about it as much as the OP says.

With more than one competitive undereater in my family, I absolutely believe it.

I read an article once by a very fat woman who said there was someone at work who actively sought her out at lunchtimes, stared at her while she ate and then said, "I couldn't eat all that." I believe that too.

These people absolutely exist and yes, of course they're disordered. That's a shame but nobody has to put up with their crap.

The sad thing about all of this is that every single one of these stories about people who go on, and on, and on about how little they eat are women. It's OK for a man to eat whatever he likes but God forbid women should eat what they like because then they will get fat and no man will want them. It was like this when I was young and I'd really hoped things might have changed, maybe they have a bit as it seems mainly to be older women doing this.

A pint of principle.

*point, FFS!

Ooh no, I could only ever drink half a point. In fact I just lick the condensation off the glass and I'm full for the rest of the day. How do you drink a whole point???

My mother is like this. I don’t think she means it, but no food can be consumed without comment on how much of it is eaten how often, by whom, it’s nutritious (or otherwise) value, it effect on everyone’s weight (not health. Weight) and her ascribed moral value. She finds no joy in food and seemingly sees no reason why anyone else should, either. I minimise eating with her as much as possible, grey rock any discussion of diet and weight and am lowering contact further and further as the DC get older. IDC what she eats, or believes about food. She’s entitled to it. But for the love of god shut up so the rest of us can enjoy ours and eat in peace.

😂😂😂

I completely understand OP! My mum and aunt are totally like this. Anytime we are out for dinner when the food comes out it's a whole conversation about how 'that's far too much food' 'I'll never eat all that!' 'Half that portion would do me!' 'No one could possibly eat that much food.' Then after a few mouthfuls 'that's me stuffed, I can't possibly eat another bite!' 'Look how much I've left on my plate!'
It actually puts me off going out with them as leaves me feeling like a right greedy bitch! We went on a girls holiday last year and it really spoilt it for me. I really like my food and felt so judged!

@Laiste 🤣
That's a great piece of writing. Poor you & Roger and everyone who is subjected to that bullshit

This is my MIL, I’ve known her 30 years and she has had a disordered relationship with food in all that time. Nothing to do with me what she eats, but as another poster has astutely pointed out, she externalises her anxious relationship with food through loud offensive commentary on how little she eats and how much everyone else does.

It is irritating in private but toe curling in public. Every restaurant visit, to the bored waiting staff who obviously don’t give a shit ‘can I just get a small portion, just a little bit for me, I can’t eat a lot etc etc’. When food arrives, the poor minimum wage staff member is subjected to loud shrieks of ‘is that what you call a small portion? I can’t eat all that dear. That is far too much for me’ repeat ad nauseum.

The posters that don’t believe the OP or think they are exaggerating are lucky as they have obviously never had to endure this.

I wasn't aware I was preventing her.

Women like that do exist yes (as do women who feel bad about their own eating habits and so project that onto others).

But I refuse to believe that the women went on and on for the entire duration of the meal, like the OP has claimed repeatedly. She has also claimed they said they couldn't eat dinner later or breakfast the next day.

Do you really, honestly believe that? I just don't and especially not after reading the OP's post about a woman eating a tiny salad when the OP was 'much younger'. The woman didn't go on about it but yet the OP seemed to think the woman's choice of lunch was 'damaging' for younger people.

That's not to say the OP is deliberately lying, but sometimes when you're that down on yourself you can exaggerate without even realizing you're doing it.

I think these stories of performative or competitive undereaters are mostly exaggerated, but I guess that's because I've never met anyone like this.

I have encountered plenty of other women who eat less than I do, which is not difficult, as eating is pretty much my favourite activity. And I've definitely heard women exclaim that they couldn't eat a whole whatever, or agonise about whether to order a starter or a pudding because they couldn't have both, or about whether they should have a cake with their coffee, and then wouldn't have one if no-one else would, etc. Many, maybe even most, women of my acquaintance have got a tricky relationship with food, to put it mildly, and I guess this kind of behaviour is another example of that. I don't take it personally.

I believe it - you have obviously never met my MIL or anyone like her. She can talk for her country and is obsessed with being the smallest eater and thinnest person in the room. The OP does not sound exaggerated to me - far from it.

Count yourself lucky you aren’t regularly subjected to this.

I definitely believe the OP. I've seen it

My MIL was one of these.
Before DH and I got married, I invited her along to lunch at a USA BBQ type place.
She started as soon as they stated to bring out the first plate.

'Oooh look at the size of those portions, I'll never eat that. I'd be poorly. Who could eat all that?'
My (much cooler than me) friend ostentatiously stretched her arms above her head and cracked her neck as if warning up for excercise, looked MIL in the eye and said, 'sit back! You're about to see something special!'
😉

I really hate it when people (almost always women) do this too. I'm a keen cook and I think one of the most attractive things in the world is seeing people enjoy their food.

I also think it's rude to comment on anyone's appetite. I've had IBS for 30 years and can only comfortably eat small portions, especially in the evening. People invariably make a big thing of it - some have only just stopped short of accusing me of having an eating disorder.

Maybe not the same but my mum always comments on food, portions of food, offering her own food to share when nobody asked, commenting that she should eat more/already eaten enough etc.

I know her issues come from compulsive martyrdom - her misguided "I must sacrifice" is never justified, needed or welcome.
She grew up poor so I genuinely think she wants to be nice & helpful (to correct past trauma?), but she has an unhealthy worldview and she is convinced that if I say no to kids' eating extra scoops of icecream (when they've already had their dessert) they are being gravely deprived and she must throw herself on a landmine to save them. 🙄
I hate it when she tries to force parts of her portion she served to herself onto others.

I'm Joey & Joey doesn't share food. She is outraged at that. In her mind we've always lived in war-times and apparently I'm selfish for eating my own pizza.
I don't know why. The kids have their own🤔

I had to give it to my MIL in very straight, plain language. Around my DCs, when offered or served food, the only comments I want to hear from her are yes please, no thank you, maybe later. I was so concerned about the impact of her constant chatter of how 'greedy' or 'naughty' she was, how 'fat' she was getting non stop, every time we ate with her. She was very affronted. Apparently I'm controlling.... 🤣I don't care. I will do whatever I can to try and shield my DC from the hell of bulimia and then BED that I suffered with for years. All my female relatives were constantly talking about food and weight when I was growing up.....they didn't mean any harm but I absorbed it all....so so damaging.
At home now we have no 'good' or 'bad' foods. Nobody has to finish anything if they're full, fruit bowl and carrot sticks always on hand for snacks, always jammie dodgers in the cupboard too! We talk about health, strength and nourishment when we talk about food. We never ever comment on anyone else's food choices, weight or appearance.

that should've been "shouldn't eat more" in first paragraph.

It's certainly unusual

@CoconutJamSpongeAndPinkCustard
🤣🤣
I love your friend!!

its not about the eating, it’s about going on about it in front of everyone. Did you do that? If not then don’t take it so personally