Page 21 | Tedious performative under eaters

SlimPig · 2023-02-22T10:30:04+00:00

The thread about the PIL's measly portions reminded me of this, and how iritating it is. I remember once at work they bought us all fish and chips on one friday afternoon. When it arrived the two other women started their bs as soon as they were handed their box - oohh the weight of that! I'll never eat all that! Hadn't even opened it and looked at it yet. Then, once opened, both of them, oh my god, I'll never eat all that (measly takeaway cardboard box portion, not a massive, in paper, large portion) ooh dear, we won't need dinner, or breakfast tomorrow now will we! Don't think I can eat my peas too, I'm so stuffed. I'm going to need to go for two runs tomorrow now! On and on, through the whole meal. I was starving and had to make a conscious effort to eat it slowly because they were fucking about and pushing it round the box and I didn't want to look a pig, I'm a fast eater anyway, but that meal was just so god awful! In the end I just ate it at my normal speed. Why? Why do people do this? Why can't they just eat their food normally? Why does everything have to be justified and offset? Just strikes me as so sad that they couldn't just eat their food without a whole performance (infront of all the men in the office, only 3 women there, me and them) of how birdlike they normally eat 😥

SouperNoodle · 22/02/2023 17:39

I know someone who is exactly like this and always comments on my completely normal huge portion sizes.
At any event, if there's leftover food, she'll tip it all onto my plate and tell me to eat it, then she'll walk off laughing.

She's a cow.

LaPassegiata · 22/02/2023 17:42

This reminds me of a school dad and his performance vegetarianism. He became vegetarian for six months. We went for a Chinese and all ordered food, including meat. He then ordered his meal and made a big show of how he hadn’t ordered meat because you didn’t know where it had been and how it had been stored etc. We rolled our eyes and carried on enjoying our chicken chow mein but it was still annoying. The preachy judgy tones were irritating. He is now back to eating steak.

tennesseewhiskey1 · 22/02/2023 17:42

People always make fun of me when I eat - I don’t make a song and dance about it - but I am one of those who won’t eat a portion of fish and chips to myself - im not a big eater, never have been. People seem to think they are allowed to make fun of me - the nicknames I have - awful. I now eat very early - 15 minutes before the canteen opens so I don’t have to eat with anyone. It’s pretty god damn shitty. I really don’t care how much someone eats - I never feel the need to criticise it tho.

ReneBumsWombats · 22/02/2023 17:50

SouperNoodle · 22/02/2023 17:39

I know someone who is exactly like this and always comments on my completely normal huge portion sizes.
At any event, if there's leftover food, she'll tip it all onto my plate and tell me to eat it, then she'll walk off laughing.

She's a cow.

I guess there's no way of getting away from her and no person to whom to report her?

Tell her to go fuck herself.

WeightoftheWorld · 22/02/2023 17:59

I hate this too! I'm a slim 20-something and I love food. I guess I don't eat massive portions in general because I'm a size 8 and a healthy weight, but I love tucking in to something enjoyable. If I can't finish something - which does happen sometimes, definitely, then I eat what I can manage and that's that. I don't make comments about the portion size! I think it's rude and ungrateful to be honest. Obviously people shouldn't have to eat more than they want to but let everyone enjoy their own bloody food without a running commentary about how many calories or how massive it is and so on. I just want to enjoy mine!

WeightoftheWorld · 22/02/2023 18:00

LaPassegiata · 22/02/2023 17:42

This reminds me of a school dad and his performance vegetarianism. He became vegetarian for six months. We went for a Chinese and all ordered food, including meat. He then ordered his meal and made a big show of how he hadn’t ordered meat because you didn’t know where it had been and how it had been stored etc. We rolled our eyes and carried on enjoying our chicken chow mein but it was still annoying. The preachy judgy tones were irritating. He is now back to eating steak.

I'm vegetarian and I never comment on other people's meat, that would be so rude. I used to eat it once upon a time after all! Also to be honest I liked the taste of a lot of meat dishes so I can appreciate other people's enjoyment in it, if anything I'm likely to be going "oooh that sounds lovely"/ "that looks delicious" even though I won't be eating it myself, hah.

PeonyRose80 · 22/02/2023 18:01

Laiste · 22/02/2023 14:38

It's not about how much they are eating. It's about the fuss.

If you don't understand this you've either not experienced it or you do it yourself!

I have a friend who is v slim. Never finishes her meals. Never wants a biscuit or cake with coffee (except b.day cake to be social) She's totally fine. She eats what she wants and then stops. She says NOTHING about it (apart from oh no thanks!) and nothing about whatever anyone else is having.

If i'd have read this thread without knowing MIL i'd have not understood and maybe said to OP live and live.

BUT - MIL.
15 years of EVERY TIME food is around - any food, a cake, a lolly, a 3 course meal out, a cupcake her GD has made - on goes the ''i MUST repeatedly make sure everyone knows how little i eat compared to everyone else'' machine in her head.

It's not just 'oh, that's nice but i'm full so i'll leave the rest thanks'. It's:

Oooh are we having cake? OH GOD!! <loud fake laugh> Really ....... ?
Oh i'm not sure .....
Oh i'm not ....
Oh i won't eat much.
Oh i wouldn't have had that fruit Roger (FIL) if we'd have know would we? WOULD WE??!
Is everyone having some? Oh GOD ...
(Roger is tucking into his slice)

And she's handed the cake:

''OHHHHHH all this cake! Gosh! Ha Ha Ha
Oh blimey i'll have to share this
Oh gawd Roger will you have half ... OH you're eating yours Roger?! Really?
Oh you all must love your cake ...
You at you Laiste you must love cake ....

We're eating the cake:

WE just don't have it at home do we Roger?
Oh look <pushes it round the plate> muttering ''All that cream ....''
We eat very sparingly don't we.
Don't we Roger?
(Roger is ignoring)
We'll have to walk a MILE to get this off H HA HA!
Do you walk it all off Laiste? Will you?
You must have to.
We will won't we Roger?
We'll walk it off later.
Yes.

OH GD you're having some too!
Oh ...... look at that! You must love cake!

I mean - it's been a palaver typing all this out but this is what it's like!
Everyone else is just getting on with their conversations and this is chunnering away in the background the whole time. Every bloody time!

We're out for a meal.
The menu comes out:

OOOOH is there nothing TINY?
Oh i don't know
OH it's quite, most of it is, Ohhh so much fatty ...
ohhhhh i cant
oh look Roger ...
What are you having Laiste? ARE you? All to yourself?!
and on and on and on

Can people not see the difference between that and someone who just does not eat much?

Nailed it!

Gwenhwyfar · 22/02/2023 18:09

SlimPig · 22/02/2023 10:40

I also worked with someone once that only ate one of the tiny M&S side salad bowls for lunch (not the proper salad, the titchy ticthy one) and it was all she had all day. I was really young and thought I was eating too much and greedy - because she was older, glamourous (seeming to me at the time - going out to all the bars in London after work etc). This sort of thing can be so damaging, especially if a lot of people are doing it (90's heroin chic innit 🙄).

If she wants a small lunch, it's up to her. Some people don't even have lunch at all, but eat other meals. It's totally their choice.
You sound really insecure and impressionable. Let others eat what they want and you eat what you want too.

CliantheLang · 22/02/2023 18:14

Watchkeys · 22/02/2023 17:18

That's not for you to say, @LaPassegiata , but whatever you think, I'll just do what I do, and whatever I think, you'll do what you do. Jog on. Nobody cares!

You might want to consider taking your own advice and jog on. Nobody cares!

Benjispruce4 · 22/02/2023 18:15

@Laiste she sounds unbearable. Have you ever said anything to her about it?

VyeBrator · 22/02/2023 18:18

LaPassegiata · 22/02/2023 16:34

Are people being deliberately thick??

Again. This is not about how much or how little anyone eats. Most people don’t care.

It is about people who go on and on and on and on about how little they are eating. And they make a show of it. So that everyone else there knows how little they are eating.

If anyone doesn’t understand this, I can explain the OP in greater detail to them.

I'm not sure why some people are getting angry that people appear to be missing the point.

Perhaps they (like I) simply don't believe the women went on and on and on about it as much as the OP says.

I think it's fairly obvious from her other posts that she doesn't have a great relationship with food, so that could be one reason for her exaggerating how long these women went 'on and on'.

Emotionalsupportviper · 22/02/2023 18:18

WinterLobelia · 22/02/2023 16:50

Hah! That reminds me of a colleague of mine. She was very large (and quite self conscious) and had once told me she finds it hard to eat in front of people. She was having therapy to deal with her self esteem and eating disorders. She was trying to eat in front of people and in the office and not hide away etc.

Once time we ordered from the local chinese. She was tucking into her same sized portion as everyone else when our bullying arsehole line manager walked by, sneered at her and said 'Are you really going to eat all that?'. She swallowed her mouthful. Smiled. Looked at him directly and said; 'It takes alot of work to maintain a body like this'. Then serenely carried on.

Fucking awesome.

(And yes HR did get involved. He was asked to leave eventually due to that sort of behaviour. )

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Serves him right. What a git!

LaPassegiata · 22/02/2023 18:19

WeightoftheWorld · 22/02/2023 18:00

I'm vegetarian and I never comment on other people's meat, that would be so rude. I used to eat it once upon a time after all! Also to be honest I liked the taste of a lot of meat dishes so I can appreciate other people's enjoyment in it, if anything I'm likely to be going "oooh that sounds lovely"/ "that looks delicious" even though I won't be eating it myself, hah.

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Exactly. It took us three years of non-vegan gifts to realise my son’s trumpet teacher was vegan. He never mentioned it! And certainly never preached!

itwasntmetho · 22/02/2023 18:21

I have a friend that does this, she eats out a lot but always looks surprised at a normal restaurant portion and remarks how we could have shared etc etc. When she leaves food she offers it around even if we're eating the same thing, when the server collects the plates she always makes a point of saying that she did enjoy it but it was too much food for her. I don't eat in restaurants with her any more because I feel obliged to send food back and I hate watching £12 meals being taken away. I'll have her round for food or go to hers or we'll get a takeaway where the leftovers can be eaten when she's left the next day.

I was alarmed to hear my sons friend doing this too, they are both 10, I gave them jacket potatoes and he commented "I can't eat all of that" I said it doesn't matter and to just leave what you don't want, then he takes the leftovers to the kitchen with my Son and says again "I didn't eat much but I never eat much" I said we don't worry about that here and just eat the bits you want. The next time he's here I made a pizza and cut into eight, I put it on the table and gave the boys side plates to take what they want, I could hear him saying to my Son OMG that's Soooo much food (one pizza between them) I said again just have the bits you want but then I heard him saying to my Son "How can you eat all that much?" "That's so much food". That pissed me off, bask in the glory of undereating like it's a virtue if you must but don't make another 10 year old feel weird about having half a fucking pizza and some tomatoes.

BlueVixen · 22/02/2023 18:21

I used to sit across the office desk from a woman who, whatever snack I had chosen, knew (and had to inform me) of the calorific value of everything! Like some sort of super power! And always with a shocked/horrified look on her mush! I nodded and smiled for a few weeks but in the end I would scoff whatever is was (Snickers, mince pie, Smarties, slice of cake, sausage bap etc.) and keep eye contact with her whilst making yummy noises. She left me alone after that! 😋

Walkaround · 22/02/2023 18:21

I just assume people who behave like that have an eating disorder.

NellyIrrelephant · 22/02/2023 18:21

Oreosareawful · 22/02/2023 10:42

Yep, bloody annoying. My MIL and Step mum are both like this-

Oh only a small portion for me, I couldn't possibly eat all that. I'm happy with just veg on my plate....
Oh I can't do slimming world, I just cant eat all that food they expect you to.

Bore off!

My mum is the same, whenever there are diet plan pull outs in the newspaper she says “if I ate all that I’d be as big as a house!”

ehb102 · 22/02/2023 18:23

I hear you, OP. I am a large bodied person. I can eat a healthy calorie deficit of 500 cals a day and look to an outsider like I am over eating. It took me a long time to get to the point to realise my body needs fuel, I am allowed to eat to fuel myself and it doesn't have to fit in with anyone else's random idea of what or when I should be eating. I say "There is no morality attached to food". Eat it. Don't eat it. Whatever. Food is not a battleground in my house.

Emotionalsupportviper · 22/02/2023 18:24

WilsonMilson · 22/02/2023 17:31

Oh God yes, it’s the histrionics of it. The endless wittering about how many calories,
“ooh I shouldn’t”
“oh go on just a small bit”
”gosh, I bet that’s a whole days worth of calories there”
”I eat like a bird, I barely touch food”
”do you want to have some of mine, I couldn’t possibly”
”I don’t know how you stay so slim”
”you’ve got a great appetite”
“I wish I could eat like you and stay slim”
”I’ll have to stay twice as long at the gym to work this off”

And on, and on, and on.

I actually feel sorry for these people as they are simply externalising their stress and guilt around eating. It’s annoying for the rest of us, but they must have a horrible relationship with food.

When anyone says ”I eat like a bird” to me, I reply - "So do O. Pity it's a gannet." and just get on with my dinner.

Emotionalsupportviper · 22/02/2023 18:25

*I, not O

EFF YOU FAT FINGERS! 😡

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 22/02/2023 18:27

MN is absolutely horrendous for competitive under eating.

Not long ago we had a poster who asked if she was eating too little after losing a relative and experiencing grief. She was having seeds, toast, 4 vegan nuggets yoghurt, juice and a packet of crisps every day, nothing else. Posters were insisting that was 2,000 calories. Pathetic weirdos projecting their eating disorders onto others.

Benjispruce4 · 22/02/2023 18:27

Are these people saying this in the company of overweight people as some sort of ‘education’ by stealth? I’ve noticed my parent’s generation (wwar2 babies) say things like this and wonder if it’s because of being brought up on rations and it staying with them. The snack/ takeaway culture is seen as greed and obesity causing by them. They feel they have to talk loudly about what they think is acceptable as if they are teaching the younger generation.

itwasntmetho · 22/02/2023 18:27

VyeBrator · 22/02/2023 18:18

I'm not sure why some people are getting angry that people appear to be missing the point.

Perhaps they (like I) simply don't believe the women went on and on and on about it as much as the OP says.

I think it's fairly obvious from her other posts that she doesn't have a great relationship with food, so that could be one reason for her exaggerating how long these women went 'on and on'.

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Women like this really do exist, I believe her.
I don't know their motivation though, IDK if it's like there's virtue in depriving themselves or a display of femininity "I'm so dainty" style or trying to deliberately shame other people.

Emotionalsupportviper · 22/02/2023 18:27

Jellybella · 22/02/2023 17:39

Wow this thread has just made me realise my MIL does this. I've never liked eating with her but have never been able to pinpoint exactly why but this is totally it. I'm a size 8-10 so not big and she always serves me up what she calls a 'woman's portion' (which is tiny) and then when I finish it or heaven forbid go up for a second helping, comments how she should've given me a 'man portion'. She always leaves something on her plate no matter what size the portion was, which I would have no issue with at all but it's the constant commentary on how little she's eating and how she won't need anything else today that's so annoying.
It must be some form of an eating disorder.

I'd ask for a :"man portion"next time.

Saves you having to get seconds.

Calphurnia88 · 22/02/2023 18:30

ItsCalledAConversation · 22/02/2023 10:38

YAB totally U. Just because you eat a lot, quickly, doesn’t mean that’s “normal”.

My SIL used to watch me eat (slowly, pushing my food around my plate, not finishing my plate) and accuse me of eating like a bird as well. Funnily enough I’m a size 10 and she’s pushing a size 20. I’ve had anxiety about eating in front of people since I was a child. I still can’t eat “enough” or “fast enough” for people. Being publicly chided about it by people like you makes it worse.

With respect, this isn't about (people like) you.

This is about people who make a song and dance about what most people would consider normal portion sizes, and how they'll need to exercise to work it off.

What you have described isn't the same thing.