Tedious performative under eaters

[SlimPig]

The thread about the PIL's measly portions reminded me of this, and how iritating it is. I remember once at work they bought us all fish and chips on one friday afternoon. When it arrived the two other women started their bs as soon as they were handed their box - oohh the weight of that! I'll never eat all that! Hadn't even opened it and looked at it yet.

Then, once opened, both of them, oh my god, I'll never eat all that (measly takeaway cardboard box portion, not a massive, in paper, large portion) ooh dear, we won't need dinner, or breakfast tomorrow now will we! Don't think I can eat my peas too, I'm so stuffed. I'm going to need to go for two runs tomorrow now! On and on, through the whole meal.

I was starving and had to make a conscious effort to eat it slowly because they were fucking about and pushing it round the box and I didn't want to look a pig, I'm a fast eater anyway, but that meal was just so god awful! In the end I just ate it at my normal speed.

Why? Why do people do this? Why can't they just eat their food normally? Why does everything have to be justified and offset? Just strikes me as so sad that they couldn't just eat their food without a whole performance (infront of all the men in the office, only 3 women there, me and them) of how birdlike they normally eat 😥

But I think these people are not 'making a show of it' or being competitive in under-eating, I think they tend to be people with disordered eating and are simply verbalising their own internal narrative and judgements on how much they think they should be eating. Their own critic being heard out loud.

I think people are interpreting this as 'making a show of it' because they probably have a bit of guilt about how much they are eating?

Exactly this.

It was a team lunch

Maybe they shouldn't subject everyone to their banal wittering?

I'm not having any trouble comprehending anything.

I've read the op and a sample of the replies.

What I am saying is that I wonder whether in some of the situations, it isn't always a case of a performance under eater (not saying it never is), but actually the other way round. Like the situation I described at my relatives house.

The reason I say this is because it happens to me so often that I'm wondering about different perceptions of the situation.

There was just a post where a poster was asked why she bothers to meet a friend who only orders a black coffee.

I don't think I've ever met anyone who gives a running commentary of how little they are eating.

I think it luck - MIL is really one I can't avoid.

I've only met one feeder - which was troublesome to deal with and within a few years no longer anyone I see.

Nothing messing you up more than growing up with feeders who are also judgemental undereaters!

MIl does this - pushes desserts and snack and cakes at kids occasionally us while at same time making comments about amounts of food she and others consume and it is constant background chunter - and a lot of judgment at any females who do consume. It is worse on rare occasions when we eat with others and they engage with it. FIL is now doing it as well - is so it does spread and become normalised behavior.

Nope. I am happy with my weight, which is at the lower end as I am from a family of slim people. I also love food. It’s just irritating when this friend looks shocked at what we are eating and spoils a meal by commenting on how much everyone at the table is eating etc. Makes a big show of refusing a dessert and then orders one just as we all finish. That’s just tiresome and nothing to do with weight issues amongst her audience.

If you can't learn to ignore people you're not interested in, you'll make a lot of trouble for yourself. There are no 'shoulds' about how we're meant to behave, and we're all entitled to be whatever sort of prat we want. Nobody has the authority over us to stop us. This is one of the joys of life. Probably there are people who wish you'd shut up sometimes, too. Do you think you should, because they personally aren't a fan of listening to what you have to say?

yes the performance undereaters who loudly & vociferously decline food with a loud angsty speech how they can’t face it
lots of gasps
lots of excitable exclamations
descriptions of how it’ll cause inflammation,distension, swelling ,pain and rapid weight gain visible from space

they can’t decline politely and understated
its all about them the flapping the histrionics

Shut the fuck up stop imposing your dysfunctional beliefs and disapprovals upon others

I have a friend who says this with every meal. My mum is the same.

I truly respect their views and choices, they don’t have to mention it at every meal though.

Sigh. You posted about relatives trying to force-feed you and not accepting your no for an answer. Which is rude and unacceptable. That is not what the OP is about. Or my example. Or those of many others. I don’t really have much more to add.

This response is almost as tedious as performance undereaters!

If people weren’t allowed to be irritated by others’ comments then there would be no AIBU board. Maybe this isn’t the place for you!

That's not for you to say, @LaPassegiata , but whatever you think, I'll just do what I do, and whatever I think, you'll do what you do. Jog on. Nobody cares!

Do you bang on and on about what everyone else is eating or how you will barely manage what you have in front of you?

If not, then the whataboutery is unnecessary, this isn't about you, it isn't in fact about how much anyone eats. It's about the performative, endless, chuntering on twattery and rudery of incessantly commenting in the run up to a meal, during a meal or after a meal, about how much, what sort of food, weight, etc etc.

I often leave half my plate, I experience gastroparesis without much warning and can go from starving hungry to 'one more forkfull and i will throw up' in seconds. It's fine, no one else needs to know, I can just say I am full and stop eating it.

My mother was one of those

She was also of the generation that were able to obtain speed as diet pills

It's disordered eating with a side of self loathing

I hate it, it's so unhealthy and anti-social.

Just eat your dinner and shut it

@Watchkeys 'Jog on, no-one cares' is the exact point the OP is making about these people who over dramatise the basic need of eating!

My mum does similar (although not as extreme). Is it an age thing? She’s 74

Except she's caring by working herself up about it.

Oh God yes, it’s the histrionics of it. The endless wittering about how many calories,
“ooh I shouldn’t”
“oh go on just a small bit”
”gosh, I bet that’s a whole days worth of calories there”
”I eat like a bird, I barely touch food”
”do you want to have some of mine, I couldn’t possibly”
”I don’t know how you stay so slim”
”you’ve got a great appetite”
“I wish I could eat like you and stay slim”
”I’ll have to stay twice as long at the gym to work this off”

And on, and on, and on.

I actually feel sorry for these people as they are simply externalising their stress and guilt around eating. It’s annoying for the rest of us, but they must have a horrible relationship with food.

Maybe. Why not let the person who's got the answer give the answer?

Nothing messing you up more than growing up with feeders who are also judgemental undereaters

Agree. I grew up with a parent who forced me to eat everything on my plate, no matter when it was (often 11pm+), and then spent years saying I was fat, could do to lose weight, calling me snide names etc. I have never been overweight.

It turned into crappy self esteem and lots of other issues. Now, if anyone decides to comment on what I choose to eat they will get a short reply. I also find the constant going on as described by the OP quite draining.

So as much as people are saying that those who go on are probably hiding disordered eating, they could also have consideration for those with food/eating issues who may have to hear it?

But probably is a reflection of her own disordered eating?

Guilty at eating a normal portion?

So true! This thread is really making me think about how much I would avoid people at lunchtime to eat in peace. I would walk miles to a distant cafe to be confident I would not bump into anyone I knew and sit in the far corner with my back to the door. A good lunch break was an enjoyable interlude to eat something nice, and having it assessed by colleagues was the last thing I wanted.

Shudder.

Yes. But she is still making a show of it and spoiling the meal for others. Regardless of the cause. The OP was about performative undereating. And I gave an example. As have others. The cause doesn’t change the act.

Wow this thread has just made me realise my MIL does this. I've never liked eating with her but have never been able to pinpoint exactly why but this is totally it. I'm a size 8-10 so not big and she always serves me up what she calls a 'woman's portion' (which is tiny) and then when I finish it or heaven forbid go up for a second helping, comments how she should've given me a 'man portion'. She always leaves something on her plate no matter what size the portion was, which I would have no issue with at all but it's the constant commentary on how little she's eating and how she won't need anything else today that's so annoying.
It must be some form of an eating disorder.