Tedious performative under eaters

[SlimPig]

The thread about the PIL's measly portions reminded me of this, and how iritating it is. I remember once at work they bought us all fish and chips on one friday afternoon. When it arrived the two other women started their bs as soon as they were handed their box - oohh the weight of that! I'll never eat all that! Hadn't even opened it and looked at it yet.

Then, once opened, both of them, oh my god, I'll never eat all that (measly takeaway cardboard box portion, not a massive, in paper, large portion) ooh dear, we won't need dinner, or breakfast tomorrow now will we! Don't think I can eat my peas too, I'm so stuffed. I'm going to need to go for two runs tomorrow now! On and on, through the whole meal.

I was starving and had to make a conscious effort to eat it slowly because they were fucking about and pushing it round the box and I didn't want to look a pig, I'm a fast eater anyway, but that meal was just so god awful! In the end I just ate it at my normal speed.

Why? Why do people do this? Why can't they just eat their food normally? Why does everything have to be justified and offset? Just strikes me as so sad that they couldn't just eat their food without a whole performance (infront of all the men in the office, only 3 women there, me and them) of how birdlike they normally eat 😥

I’ve never actually see anyone shovelling food down them. I hate that expression and it’s only ever really used by virtuous tiny eaters who don’t have a healthy relationship with food.

I think this is true, right up until the bit at the end. Because so often it is directed at other people. People like this use other people to make themselves feel better. "I may have had that extra spoonful of yoghurt, but at least I'm not like her." "I may be squeezing into my size 6 jeans but thank god I'm not a fat cow like her, she must be at least a size 14." "Look at these disgusting people shovelling food into their mouths, I would never do that." "That's a huge portion, I could never eat all that. You'd have to be greedy and fat to want to eat that much. And stupid too - don't they know what a normal portion size is? Thank god I'm not like them."

It's very clear that this is a big part of that inner monologue. If there wasn't a constant comparison between themselves and other women, a lot of their anxiety around eating would fall away.

Thanks for this post, helps me understand x

Nobody commented on OP's food, though. In fact, it's the OP who went on to tell a delightful story about how little an older work colleague of hers ate (in her opinion), and how it was terribly damaging and made her feel inadequate or some such, despite said work colleague not being 'performative', just quietly sitting there having her salad for lunch 🙄

I don't know any women who eat at all anymore. I live in a very affluent area populated by very thin, glossy-looking women, and I'm the only one who eats.

Met a couple of them for coffee yesterday and ordered myself some eggs on toast as I hadn't had breakfast yet. The other two mentioned they weren't eating as they were fasting, and I said I couldn't do that as I get properly hangry and dizzy if I don't eat regularly. One of them told me, quite sternly that I "just need to get used to it,"

FWIW, I'm not overweight, so I'm not sure why I "need to get used to it"!

Please can people stop saying "we've lost size of what normal portions are", I've seen it multiple times on this thread and uncountable times on MN in general and I'm so fucking bored of reading it.

I forgot about æbleskiver!! I’m an embarrassment to denmark!

yeah I can’t do the bike thing either!

If you are relying on "portion sizes" to tell you how much to eat, I'm sorry to inform you that you are not eating normally at all. Portion sizes are arbitrary suggestions. They don't know how big/small you are, how pregnant/not pregnant, how old, how tired, the last time you ate, the last thing you ate, how much exercise you've done that day, etc etc. Only your body has all that information. If you listen to your body, it will guide you as to the correct portion size for you, for that meal. You shouldn't need to restrict your food if you eat according to your hunger. Portion sizes recommended by manufacturers shouldn't have anything to do with it.

Stop judging others for what they eat. It's personal to them and you cannot apply a 'one size fits all' mentality.

No, performative-anything shouldn't be tolerated. Eat what you want, as little or as much as you like - but keep your thoughts on that to yourself and definitely don't use your (general) eating disordered views as a club to bash everybody else with.

If somebody tells me they've had 23 calories today I just say, "Very good" and change the subject. I don't want to hear it and I certainly don't say it myself. My aunt always commented on the size of x, y, z she was eating (if I was eating the same thing) and I got fed up to the point where I asked her why on earth she was eating it then?

Just shut up about it. You know very well what your motives are - and you're fooling nobody. You're potentially dragging other people into a spiral though and no, that is not acceptable, not at all.

but it's quite clear you're resentful of how little/slowly others eat compared to yourself, and how they should monitor not just what they say but what they eat in order to make you feel better about your own insecurities.

perfectly said. I only eat One Meal a Day (OMAD) and have done so for a while, luckily at my place of work we don't do group lunches as everyone's in their respective offices, but I have this one colleague that will make the journey all the way over to my office to ask if/whether I have eaten yet and if I say no, she'll make a big fuss about how "she could never" and then she throws in some snarky comment about how "lucky" I am, that I don't have kids to feed and how she always grazes food when cooking for her family etc and is constantly snacking.

I just look at her with this blank smile until she leaves 😂like Lady, nobody is forcing you to eat or not eat. Stop being so invested in what I put in my mouth. Eat your food and be happy

The thing is, having a good appetite is far more attractive in my opinion than someone who picks and eats like a bird. I enjoy food and if I’m going out to eat I want to be with company who also likes food. I like eating out with my sister as we are both foodies and like trying out different cuisines with no judgement over how much either is eating. I also like that it’s normal now to take left overs home so there’s never waste if I over indulge on the ordering. I’d be less likely to want to ‘do’ lunch with someone who didn’t really enjoy food.

Were they stick thin? Sometimes people make a performance over eating and then a performance over the weight they might put on. Often it's stick thin ones looking for 'oh but you are tiny...blah, blah, sick bucket blah...

I don't really eat at work. I find that other people make a big deal of it by asking what I've had for lunch etc, I never mention food and I don't pay any attention at all to what other people eat. I can see why it would be annoying to have the performance under-eating. The main reason is that I put on two stone in the pandemic when I was wfh and trying to lose it now, and I never really feel like eating much at work so I make the most of that time. And it saves me money!

Totally agree, I’ve ended friendships over people who don’t eat enough. Once I went to dinner with a friend and she only ordered an entree and then put half of hers on my plate when she thought I wasn’t looking! I can only be friends with people with generally healthy and enthusiastic appetites (unless for actual health reasons/grief of course!)

I shared a staffroom with a woman who ate lettuce with a knife and fork.
Whenever someone brought in a birthday cake to share, she made a big thing about telling us all that sugar was 'pure poison' and she only had it in her house for her gardener's tea.
Wrinkled, overtanned woman with a nasty attitude, she was.

You don’t have to be a size 6 to buy lovely clothes that fit properly. 🙄

Performance anything irritates the shit out of me. I think it's to fulfil an unmet need in lack of recognition and validation. My pal is a bit like this. I just want to scream at her EAT OR DON'T EAT, DRINK OR DON'T DRINK, SMOKE OR DON'T SMOKE BUT JUST STOP FUCKING GOING ON ABOUT IT ALL THE TIME COZ I'M PAST CARING!!!!!!! Sorry needed to let that out - she dominates every conversation with her latest diet/fitness regime. Yawn!

Some people don't know how to shop 🤣

I used to have an ED and eat hardly anything....but the last thing I wanted to do was draw attention to it. I'd want others to think I was happily eating a normal meal. And I didn't care what others ate as I was too consumed mentally analysing my own calories.

I'm sure there's a huge amount of ED within Mn. I can't go on the "what have you eaten today" threads, partly because I imagine it's quite boring ...but also because try as I might, I will inevitably compare, and feel shit about myself when everyone has had a huge salad and it's filled them up for the day!

MIL does this. I call it the Wallace Simpson effect - she thinks a woman can never be too rich or too thin.
She will put out two puddings on the table with a jug of pouring cream and woe betide anyone who actually eats one.

My in laws are like this, constantly talking about their tiny weeny appetites and fretting about portion sizes. I take pleasure in serving them the very smallest portions so they are forced to ask for a bit more.

🤣🤣🤣

My IL were the opposite. They'd make 2 meals (I've got no idea why, it usually took nearly a day to make 1 meal🤣) and ask you which you would like....but whatever your answer was, you'd get a bit of each!

I am sorry but this is totally different. People like op’s colleagues are doing this because they feel that’s how women should behave, particularly in front of men. They are putting on a performance and likely stuff their faces when nobody else is watching.

Your issue is with someone commenting when you are quietly trying to eat, you actually have more in common with the OP.

I was once told on here that I was greedy because I had 2 salad sandwiches as my only meal once. I eat when I am hungry and stop when I am full, so bog off and cut your lettuce leaf into tiny bits and just eat one bit if you don't like it.