Page 9 | Childfree people ranting about parents

the7Vabo · 2023-02-22T09:59:58+00:00

Came across a thread on another site full of people ranting about children entitled “parents not everything is about you.” I get it to a point, as a parent I think society has become somewhat a overly child-centred. I assume however that the odd stories you see about parents demanding people give up train seats for ten year olds are just that, the odd story of unreasonable behaviour that people in all groups can be guilty of. The extent of the comments on that thread baffled me. Full of I’m so glad I don’t have children because X, Y. It’s one thing to want to be child free which to me is a perfectly valid life choice, but I’m baffled by the level of bitching about parents & children. If someone wants to be child free why can’t they simply be child free & accept that others didn’t make that choice instead of ranting about how parents are always on at them about how fulfilled they are while at the same time ranting about how terrible it would be to have kids.

Goldenbear · 22/02/2023 13:27

fitzwilliamdarcy, ok so when you become a parent all parents must get term time jobs to plan for that? Even following your argument, it would be about a majority of parents who don't have term time jobs including my DH when I did. As he wanted to see his DC and go on holiday without being fined in term time and as children 'do' actually 'need' to be with their parents in unstructured time (hardly dramatic, stating a fact for their healthy development) are you suggesting that he if you worked with him is being entitled and expecting unfair considerations and to go further, the expectations actually are akin to him asking you to share parental responsibility for our children? As I stated previously, allowing a work colleague to take some half term dates is not akin to parental responsibility!

Dreamstate · 22/02/2023 13:28

Goldenbear · 22/02/2023 13:18

Dreamstate but you are being completely unrealistic if you think you are entitled to not hear tantrums if you have chosen to be childfree. I always fell over myself to stop tantrums and upset to my own detriment as I was like a Zombie from the sleep deprivation. I didn't leave the baby for a second to cry just constantly breastfeeding to ensure my neighbours weren't disturbed but sometimes like when they are teething or ill with a temperature the crying continues whatever you do. I get that you haven't chosen to have children but how could anyone make that better for you, they are not behaving selfishly, it is in some cases unavoidable!

Maybe not, but i would of popped round and apologised especially if its been going on consistently for a long time.

Redebs · 22/02/2023 13:28

Mitfordian · 22/02/2023 13:27

Civilised cultures (see most of the rest of Europe) have the foresight to understand children in the context of society and the future. The dismissal of children 'tantrumming', playing in the garden or a refusal to accept that offering parents more flexibility might be good for society as a whole is just bitterness. Doesn't come across to me as happiness with your choice not to have children.

Definitely.

LolaSmiles · 22/02/2023 13:29

I tend to find myself regularly agreeing with child-free adults in their complaints about some parents.

If a place isn't child friendly/you know your child is likely to act up, don't expect everyone else to accept it because 'kids will be kids'.

KimberleyClark · 22/02/2023 13:31

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To be fair there’s a fair few nasty comments from parents too including yours.

Prinnny · 22/02/2023 13:31

backoftheplane · 22/02/2023 13:23

Don't worry. You haven't made me look silly. Your posts have made it perfectly clear what you value as a "good reason" for someone to take leave – and the fact that the majority of your team is childless/childfree doesn't really have any bearing on this. At my previous workplaces, the majority were also childless/childfree – and those with children were still given far more flexibility while we were expected to work around their needs. The childless/childfree employees would have been perceived as being "difficult" by management if we didn't. In fact, rather like the woman you have labelled as "petty". Expecting to be treated like equals in the workplace does not equate to being "unkind" or "petty".

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For anyone to be treated as an equal requires mutual understanding and respect, something the employee in question was lacking, hence the behaved being viewed as petty and unkind.

Would you refuse someone the last sandwich at a party even though you were full and didn’t need it? Just because you were entitled to it? Selfish behaviour.

JorisBonson · 22/02/2023 13:32

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Funny you're talking about nasty people while writing a nasty, insult filled post.

And the term childfree is used because childless assumed there is some sort of loss with it. For those who have chosen not to have children, that is not the case.

Do you complain when parents say they have a child free weekend or evening?

fitzwilliamdarcy · 22/02/2023 13:32

Even the whole 'childFREE' term is mean and bitter.

No it’s not. It’s designed to distinguish between people who’ve made a choice and are content with it and people who can’t have children and for whom it might be upsetting/triggering. It’s intended as a courtesy to help ensure that women without children are treated with sensitivity if need be, so it’s ironic that a parent thinks it’s just mean bitterness.

ConfusedNT · 22/02/2023 13:33

Prinnny · 22/02/2023 12:59

@ConfusedNT sorry to ruin your narrative but I would say anyone who is inconsiderate towards others is petty and selfish regardless if they children, grown or young.

If you read it as a dig maybe you need to look at your own behaviours and actions as it was simply a factual description of an event.

The attitude demonstrated by yourself and others shows why some childless women have the reputation they have.

Ive not really seen childfree people getting abuse for their choices, what I have experienced is childfree people being inflexible with parents. For example, taking school holidays as annual leave when they have no plans but request the time off because should Susie have it off just because she is a breeder. Petty and ugly behaviour

You are literally calling child free women inflexible petty and they have ugly behaviour because of one person with one incident

You are one of the people giving childless people a 'reputation'

I have no need to look at my attitude or behaviours and actions. I have set out on this thread already all the thing I do to support parents.

But again, call a childless person names, why not? It's easy pickings

BlueHeelers · 22/02/2023 13:33

The one thing I don't get is that a lot of child free people seem to forget that every parent was child free at some point (if with young children then not all that long ago!) So it's not as though they have nothing to compare to when talking about either the positives or negatives of parent hood compared to non parents

No, it's not comparable. You're waiting to be parents. You're not not-parents.

You're not subject to life-long commentary and government /social policies which make it clear that the "normal" way of adult life is couple with children. You're a "hard-working family."

Child-free people are not considered to be a family of any kind.

Untitledsquatboulder · 22/02/2023 13:34

Yeah YABU. I have several child-free friends, both by choice and otherwise, but I don't have a single one that hasn't at some point been inappropriately (and often aggressively) cross-questioned about their childless state. I also remember a friend telling me when I was pregnant that now my life would be worthwhile and purposeful and thinking "wtf wasn't it already?" (Fwiw yes it was, great as having kids has proved to be).

Whichwhatnow · 22/02/2023 13:35

It really does go both ways. My mum and sister are always making comments about how you don't know love, how I should get my eggs frozen as time is running out (I'm 38 and have never had the slightest desire for children which I have told them), how I could never have a fulfilling life without children etc etc.

From my POV, much as I adore my nephew (and am actually responsible for his existence after paying for my sister's IVF) he wakes my sister up at 4am daily, still throws epic tantrums at 7 and is frankly very hard work at the moment. So no thanks. I'll happily babysit him (and no problem with kids generally) but no desire for one of my own! I'm more than happy with my pets and husband and ability to go to gigs and festivals and holidays whenever I want. Of course I'd never say that to her but she seems to find it fine to say the opposite to me.

People can choose either way but it does get tedious being criticised for being childfree.

Rinkydinkydoodle · 22/02/2023 13:36

As a slight aside, when did people prioritising seating for their older kids in public areas become a thing? Toddlers and tinies, makes sense, it’s easier to entertain infants in a seat on, say, a crowded train carriage, but it seems like it’s shifted from making sure pregnant/older people have a seat to parents regularly expecting others to accommodate their kids? ( I was constantly expected to shift/stand for adults as a kid/teen, and at 42 would give up my seat for elderly people/ parents with infants, as would the DC, if prompted). We seem to have missed the sweet spot somewhere 😂

IsThereAnEchoInHere · 22/02/2023 13:37

autienotnaughty · 22/02/2023 11:13

Genuinely no

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That’s very suprising then.

Hopefully you’ve read this thread and learned how horrible people can be towards childfree people, and even worse towards chilfree women.
I hope ypu learned something and perhaps grow as a person a bit.

Prinnny · 22/02/2023 13:37

ConfusedNT · 22/02/2023 13:33

Ive not really seen childfree people getting abuse for their choices, what I have experienced is childfree people being inflexible with parents. For example, taking school holidays as annual leave when they have no plans but request the time off because should Susie have it off just because she is a breeder. Petty and ugly behaviour

You are literally calling child free women inflexible petty and they have ugly behaviour because of one person with one incident

You are one of the people giving childless people a 'reputation'

I have no need to look at my attitude or behaviours and actions. I have set out on this thread already all the thing I do to support parents.

But again, call a childless person names, why not? It's easy pickings

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She gave herself that reputation by acting in that manner. Not all childless women always act well and neither do mothers, it’s not an us versus them situation, surely you can acknowledge there’s right and wrong on both sides of the debate?

fitzwilliamdarcy · 22/02/2023 13:37

Goldenbear · 22/02/2023 13:27

fitzwilliamdarcy, ok so when you become a parent all parents must get term time jobs to plan for that? Even following your argument, it would be about a majority of parents who don't have term time jobs including my DH when I did. As he wanted to see his DC and go on holiday without being fined in term time and as children 'do' actually 'need' to be with their parents in unstructured time (hardly dramatic, stating a fact for their healthy development) are you suggesting that he if you worked with him is being entitled and expecting unfair considerations and to go further, the expectations actually are akin to him asking you to share parental responsibility for our children? As I stated previously, allowing a work colleague to take some half term dates is not akin to parental responsibility!

If your DH having a child means that I can never take any time off when his child is off, then yes I consider that entitled and an unfair expectation. Why would I not? It means that my entitlement to annual leave is completely dictated by someone else’s child. I am not saying I have parental responsibility as a result but I am saying that parents shouldn’t just assume that they can have whatever leave they need because other people will work so they don’t have to.

Thanks4allthefish · 22/02/2023 13:38

Moonicorn · 22/02/2023 13:12

Nobody loves their pet as much as your average decent parent loves their child. They don’t; no matter what they say. They might think they do because they have nothing to compare it to, but whenever I read somebody asserting they love their dog as much as people love their kids I roll my eyes and laugh.

I don't think anyone ever said that..... what I said for certain was:

I love MY PET more than YOUR CHILD and as such MY PET is more important to me than YOUR CHILD would ever be to me.

Moonicorn · 22/02/2023 13:38

Toddlers and babies shouldn’t have their own seats, they should sit on their parent’s knee if anyone is standing. In fact kids and teens should always stand for adults, they’re flexible and don’t weigh much and shouldn’t find it any kind of issue. Equally I’m always happy to stand for anyone who is pregnant, elderly or for whatever reason looks like they need to sit down.

The entitlement of some parents drives parents like me mad too!

whumpthereitis · 22/02/2023 13:38

Mitfordian · 22/02/2023 13:16

I don't judge childfree people at all. I'm jealous of their lives and freedoms in many ways and it's a totally valid choice. But you absolutely no not understand the love you feel for a child until you've had one - it's totally overwhelming. And your dog is NOTHING LIKE a substitute child ffs.

Well, I don’t want children, and nor do I want substitutes for them. I have my pets because I wanted pets, and yes they do mean more to me than someone else’s kids 🤷🏻‍♀️

As far as love goes - an individual can only compare with themselves. I have no idea what anyone else’s experience of love is, and nor do they have any idea of mine. That said, even if it was a uniform experience, there is no inherent need to experience it, any more than there’s an inherent need to experience a love for a pet, a parent, significant other or hell, even camping. No one needs to experience every possibly facet of human emotion in order to be a fully realised human. If they did, there would be none.

Moonicorn · 22/02/2023 13:39

Thanks4allthefish · 22/02/2023 13:38

I don't think anyone ever said that..... what I said for certain was:

I love MY PET more than YOUR CHILD and as such MY PET is more important to me than YOUR CHILD would ever be to me.

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OKAY but I wasn’t TALKING SPECIFICALLY ABOUT YOU

whumpthereitis · 22/02/2023 13:40

Goldenbear · 22/02/2023 13:27

fitzwilliamdarcy, ok so when you become a parent all parents must get term time jobs to plan for that? Even following your argument, it would be about a majority of parents who don't have term time jobs including my DH when I did. As he wanted to see his DC and go on holiday without being fined in term time and as children 'do' actually 'need' to be with their parents in unstructured time (hardly dramatic, stating a fact for their healthy development) are you suggesting that he if you worked with him is being entitled and expecting unfair considerations and to go further, the expectations actually are akin to him asking you to share parental responsibility for our children? As I stated previously, allowing a work colleague to take some half term dates is not akin to parental responsibility!

I don’t think anyone is saying that finding childcare can’t be a problem for parents. What’s being said is that it’s not a problem for childfree people to solve, or plan their lives around.

MsCactus · 22/02/2023 13:41

I agree with this. Everyone who doesn't have children seems to rant about parents - makes no sense to me. If you're truly happier without kids why are you so defensive?

No one really cares if you have kids or not (except, perhaps your mum if she wants grandkids). Just do you and leave the parents alone

HamBone · 22/02/2023 13:41

BlueHeelers · 22/02/2023 13:33

The one thing I don't get is that a lot of child free people seem to forget that every parent was child free at some point (if with young children then not all that long ago!) So it's not as though they have nothing to compare to when talking about either the positives or negatives of parent hood compared to non parents

No, it's not comparable. You're waiting to be parents. You're not not-parents.

You're not subject to life-long commentary and government /social policies which make it clear that the "normal" way of adult life is couple with children. You're a "hard-working family."

Child-free people are not considered to be a family of any kind.

@BlueHeelers Do you genuinely believe that people who become parents have spent their adult lives “waiting to be parents?” That we’re all obsessed with becoming parents?

I'm sure there’s a few people like that in the world, but most I know didn’t consider parenthood until their 30’s, and even then, many weren’t sure.

Parents aren’t a different type of person to child free people-you’re giving the impression that you think we are!😂

ConfusedNT · 22/02/2023 13:42

Mitfordian · 22/02/2023 13:16

I don't judge childfree people at all. I'm jealous of their lives and freedoms in many ways and it's a totally valid choice. But you absolutely no not understand the love you feel for a child until you've had one - it's totally overwhelming. And your dog is NOTHING LIKE a substitute child ffs.

Someone who hasn't been cured from cancer doesn't know the sheer relief of someone who has been cured from cancer but those who have been cured dont feel the need to point that out to everyone who still has cancer on a regular basis

Someone who lives in a foster home doesn't know the unconditional love that a child who lives in a happy home knows. But if that child took every opportunity to point that out to the foster child that would be called bullying

backoftheplane · 22/02/2023 13:44

Prinnny · 22/02/2023 13:31

For anyone to be treated as an equal requires mutual understanding and respect, something the employee in question was lacking, hence the behaved being viewed as petty and unkind.

Would you refuse someone the last sandwich at a party even though you were full and didn’t need it? Just because you were entitled to it? Selfish behaviour.

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My issue is that in your original post you said "Ive not really seen childfree people getting abuse for their choices, what I have experienced is childfree people being inflexible with parents. For example, taking school holidays as annual leave when they have no plans but request the time off because should Susie have it off just because she is a breeder. Petty and ugly behaviour."

You have used the behaviour of one individual to describe an entire group of people. You claim that you have experienced "childfree people being inflexible with parents".

I'm guessing that if this one person at your work is being unreasonably inflexible, that the likelihood is that they have experienced much of what is being shared on this thread by other childless / childfree people. Of course, there is also the possibility that they are just being petty – but that's no excuse for you to then attribute that behaviour to an entire group.